Oh look, it must be time for our semiannual reminder that Mike Glyer needs to keep my name out of his whore mouth.
Some of you might not know who Mike Glyer is, and if that’s the case you are the real winners.
To be fair though, it is pretty easy to go through life having never heard of this wretched slug of a man, since he’s never actually created anything of worth in his entire miserable existence, but he does run a shitty gossip column website called File 770 which is supposedly about sci-fi/fantasy publishing, where he tears down people who actually create things. His target audience is basement dwelling losers, social justice warriors, and bitter failed/wannabe fiction writers. That’s the nominal humans at least. In reality 97% of his much bragged upon internet traffic came from Chinese bot farms, and this motherfucker was actually dumb enough to post the screenshots proving his own traffic was fake while attempting to brag about it.
So yeah, we’re talking epic stupid here.
Several years ago this gigantic anal polyp fixated on me, because I refused to bend the knee to traditional left-wing establishment publishing (as all “proper” authors were supposed to do) and I had the audacity to demonstrate that their awards were politically biased bullshit. Hilarity ensued.
Anyways, that was a long time ago and everybody else involved has since moved on with their life. But sadly, Mike Glyer has no life. He has a soggy waifu pillow covered in bacterial cultures and a terribly shitty website. Whenever he gets desperate for attention, he’ll cut and paste something out of context from my blog, make up some passive aggressive reality-challenged bullshit, and then whine like a little bitch when I inevitably respond.
Remember when you were a kid, and there was that one dumb ass bully who would pick on people, until somebody socked him in the mouth, and then he’d run to the teachers whining about how he’s the real victim? Yeah… Sadly, Glyer never grew out of it. Mentally, I mean. Physically the dude looks like a rotting sperm whale carcass washed up on a beach.
As a public service, I’m the guy who sticks dynamite in the whale (That’s such a classic video).
Don’t be fooled by his tears of gravy. Glyer is no victim. The real victims are the hard-working writers he lies about for rage clicks (I’m basically immune to internet lynch mobs, but less established authors are not). The thing is, if he doesn’t want me to beat him like the world’s fattest pinata, all he has to do is keep my name out of his whore mouth. It’s simple really.
So I’ll make fun of him. My fans have a good time. And then after a few days of weeping gravy from his blubberous eye creases, China Mike will realize thousands of people are laughing at him, and then he’ll skulk away… Usually for about six months, because that’s about how long Glyer’s early onset dementia takes for him to forget about his last public ass kicking.
Which brings us to today, when I saw this screen cap posted to the Monster Hunter International: Hunters Unite fan page on facebook.
I posted: what a skeezy, two-faced, snide little bitch of a man Glyer is though. He takes something that was obviously a funny compliment and cancerously twists it into me insulting Brad (and he conveniently cuts out the line right before it where I praise Brad’s talent and say why I think he was a great choice)
And if I respond to this whore slug colostomy bag of a shit heel scum leech in public, he’ll feign innocence, claim he said nothing insulting, and whine about being the victim.
It’s basically typical Glyer sophistry, selectively quoting my last blog post. Note how he cuts off the first part of the paragraph, where I said: This year my friend Brad Torgersen was the writer guest of honor, which was pretty fun to watch. He’s earned it. He’s extremely talented, has supported LTUE for a decade, and he just won a Dragon Award.
So I very clearly articulated why I though Brad was a fitting Guest of Honor for this convention.
And then see how this bipedal form of herpes sticks in his little passive aggressive bit at the end, so that what was clearly meant as a compliment to Brad actually means that I was trying to belittle my friend.
Only this dumbfuck can’t even get his snide jabs right. We weren’t dogs. We were the people campaigning to end Puppy Related Sadness. The name just stuck. But Glyer’s just fractally inept. Like you drill down on one of his fuck ups, and you find that it is made up of millions of tiny fuck ups. I wasn’t zinging Brad. I was genuinely happy for him.
Seriously though, anybody who can get a bunch of fifty year old high school mean girls to disinvite themselves from an event, so the rest of the attendees don’t have to listen to them screech and reeeee and suck all the light, joy, and happiness out of the universe, IS DOING THE LORD’S WORK.
So in case I wasn’t clear enough for the dimwitted dregs of File 666, I’ll slow it way down so they can keep up. BRAD DO GOOD. YAY. Now shut up and eat your paste, losers.
But anyways, as you can see, typical Glyer. He’s too much of a spineless chickenshit to ever actually come out and insult anyone (until you get him good and riled up, like you can see in some of the links below where I agitated him until he totally lost his shit). Instead he’ll do that fake civility nonsense, where it’s okay for the lefty to open with all sorts of insults and accusations as long as it’s worded in a sufficiently nebulous manner, and the instant anybody responds with honesty like a rational human being should, he’ll whine about “tone” and “civility”. You know, the usual.
He always calls me “vulgar” after these exchanges, but I take that as a compliment, because I’d rather be blunt and clear, rather than a mealy-mouthed, disingenuous, gossip mongering, back-stabbing, tax collecting, worm tongued, fucking parasite.
Oh, and he is the very definition of a parasite. He makes nothing. He’s just latched his slobbery bung hole onto the publishing business and coasted along… That worked so well for him for so long that writers even started making the mistake that his dumb ass opinion mattered, and that his sabotage could actually harm them. Turns out not really. Because like most parasites, all he does is suck.
I’m not exaggerating how badly this guy fails at everything. If Glyer decided to go all Bernie Bro and drive through a Republican voter registration tent, he’d get his mobility scooter high centered.
So when I saw this screen shot posted to my fan page, I faced a dilemma. I am bound by honor and the Code of The Manatee to respond… However, Glyer’s lame and I’ve got books to write. So I asked my daughter if she thought I should write this blog post. She said “No, dad, beating up Mike Glyer is animal abuse.” Which is a valid point, only I don’t know if technically a sea cucumber counts as an “animal”. So then I asked The Lovely Mrs. Correia, and she said, “You already wasted all your productive time today arguing with communists, you might as well have fun.”
Truly, she is a wise woman.
Then I tagged Brad, and wrote this:
“Hey Brad Torgersen is it worth me reminding him in public that he is supposed to keep my name out of his whore mouth? Or will that just cause annoyance for you?”
Fire for effect, Lar. Fire for effect. Personally? I find it absolutely hilarious that Glyer needs to keep poking at Sad Puppies ALL THESE YEARS LATER for the sake of relevance.
Like, damn, he needs a new hobby!
Meanwhile, I have my Niven Dragon, which is worth more than all of Glyer’s shiny marital devices combined
Well there have it, and now this blog post exists.
I’ve had the occasional nice, merciful person think I’m too hard on Glyer… until they read up on his past history, and then they too want to put up a Glyer proof fence around their house. If you would like more examples of Glyer’s shifty, malicious fucking over of various authors, check out the following links. (plus, I put some pretty good insults in some of these!):
And the thing is, that’s not even a fraction of his transgressions. This piece of flaming dogshit lives to fuck over careers. If dueling were still legal someone would have spilled his gravy a long time ago.
From my multitude of encounters with this semi-mobile Lilypad, I know that tomorrow he will either post another sanctimonious whinefest about how mean and vulgar I am, or he’ll slink back to this fungus cave to shove hamsters up his ass or whatever it is he does for the next six months until he gets up the gumption to post more dumb shit about me. Here’s hoping for the six month break.
Man, this business really needs like a groundhog or something, so if the groundhog sees his shadow, we won’t appear on Glyer’s bumblefuck website for a season. But if the groundhog doesn’t see its shadow, China Mike will be making up weird shit about us again tomorrow. That would be super handy, because then I could schedule my blog posts in advance. Because unlike Mike Glyer, I have a job.
EDIT: as an added bonus, here is an example of just how incredibly ignorant, yet bafflingly smug Glyer’s target audience is:
This particular brainiac is all like DERP DERP I hAvEn’T HeArD Of iT! DEEEEEEEERP.
Yeah… Well dumb ass, that says a whole lot more about how ignorant you are, than the quality of the event, because some of the most successful writers in the country, both left and right, have been attending for decades, and praising it as one of the best writing conventions in the country.
I saw Brandon Sanderson, who sells Stephen King levels of books, on Saturday. Great guy. Too bad he didn’t know he was wasting his time at something that wasn’t a *real* writing conference. Also got to hang out with L.E. Modesitt, who is an amazing man.
Ironically enough, SFWA president, and icon of tolerance, Mary Robinette Kowal was LTUE toast master, attended for many years, and praised the event, up until she recently all of a sudden discovered that it was a bastion of hateful hatemongery and started to trash it. And several other regular attendees decided to boycott too.
Literally nobody missed them. 😀
But then again, there were a ton of other people there. Which isn’t too shabby for an event Random Anonymous Internet Asshole #9876428 has never heard of before!
And you might be wondering why I have this screen cap? Well that’s because my fans learned the hard way a while back to always screen cap the dumb, mockable File 770 comments, because when somebody says something really embarrassing or awful, Glyer will hurry and delete those, and then gas light the people who saw them by claiming those posts never existed. He’s classy like that.