I pissed off a whole lot of people on Facebook over the last few days.
I figured I should post this one on my blog for posterity. Backstory. See the last blog post here? Originally I posted that opinion about how I could never vote for Trump on FB. That post blew up and got a few thousand comments over there. I ended up having like twenty simultaneous time consuming debates, and because of the way Facebook does it’s stupid subthreads, I found that I was responding to the same arguments over and over.
So yesterday morning I posted the first few lines of this FB post, making a crack about the prior mega thread. It too immediately began to spiral out of control, so rather than respond to the hundreds of similar comments over and over, I just started putting in edits replying once up top. It got really silly. This may look long, but keep in mind it was written in five minute blocks throughout an entire day as I took breaks from work. I should have thought of this years ago.
What the last two days have been like on the internet:
Me: I will never vote for Trump.
Trumpkins: Quit your whining butt hurt crybaby, you owe us your vote, so get in line!
That, times a thousand.
Me: I will never vote for Trump.
Sad Republican: Lesser of two evils! SCOTUS picks!
Me. Long winded response about how a short term victory to get an amoral statist into office in our name, will tarnish the conservative movement forever, and ensure authoritarian democrat socialism for a generation.
Sad Republican: WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!! (only spelled correctly, and arranged in coherent sentences)
That was the original post.
EDIT TO ADD: And look down, already it begins again. I started responding down there, but you know what? Fuck those guys. They’ve proven over the last few months they’re too stupid to live anyway. Why waste time responding to bullshit individually, when I can just respond to all the tired bullshit up here once? It is like an industrial bullshit thresher!
WHAAAAAAAAA you might as well vote for Hillary.
Funny. You low information dipshits elected a democrat, so now it is the problem of life long conservatives that another different democrat will win because we won’t support your democrat?
WHAAAAAAA staying home is a vote for Hillary!
WHAAAAAAAAA voting third party is a vote for Hillary!
The best thing that ever happened for Hillary was you morons picking the one dude out of 15 she was the most likely to beat.
WHAAAAAAAA conservative SCOTUS!
You should have thought of that before you picked an amoral liberal to be your guy then, huh?
WHAAAAAAAAAAAA Build a Wall!
Ain’t gonna happen. Sucker.
WHAAAAAAAAAAA! People like you should get out of America!
Try and make me. You’d better bring friends.
WHAAAAAAAA! u r teh suck i not can spell words gud America!
Well. Okay then. (check the other thread this one is surprisingly common)
WHAAAAAAAA! McCain! Romney!
Yep. A big government asshole and a mushy moderate. Still voted for them because they were obviously better than Obama. Trump is Clinton in an Oompa Loompa costume. Trump makes Romney look like Reagan. Trump makes McCain look calm and rational.
WHAAAAAAA! RINO! Establishment!
So you ran an amoral statist who funds the establishment? That’ll show them.
EDIT 5: This responding once thing is fantastic! I should have thought of it years ago. 🙂
Sad Wishful Thinking Republican: WHAAAAA? IF he isn’t lying recently, and IF he surrounds himself with good people (who he has been insulting and lying about for months) and IF this malignant narcissist listens to advice and IF his clownish behavior is just an act and IF he doesn’t totally drag down the GOP and IF he doesn’t cost us the senate, then MAYBE he’ll be okay? WHAAAA?
Damn dude. That’s a lot of ifs. I want a pony.
EDIT 6: WHAA? Even though he’s been in favor of gun bans his whole life and helped anti gun politicans get elected in states he doesn’t even do business in as recently as 2014, And he’s either lying and made it to 68 before he realized what the 2nd Amendment was for, or he’s just really really slow. And he still bans concealed carry on his properties… But his son shoots 3gun competition, so maybe he’ll be okay on guns? WHAAA?
Good luck with that.
WHAAAAAAAAAAA! He has to fund the campaigns of liberal statists! Because that’s just good business! Sure, he overwhelmingly gave to liberals, and the only republicans he gave to were the establishment types we supposedly hate, but bribery is normal and good! EXTRA WHAAAAAAA!
You’re a fucking retard.
EDIT 7: (this one doesn’t get a WHAAA, because it is more of a SIGH) I’m not going to yell at you or demand you fall in line. Trump is evil. Hillary is worse. I have to vote for the lesser of two evils.
Can’t fault your reasoning. But for me and a lot of people? Trump is a bridge too far. We’ve had moderates and RINOs and held our nose and voted for them. But this isn’t a moderate or a RINO. This is an amoral statist authoritarian liberal, who got to where he was by being a huckster con appealing to anger and fear. He is a self inflicted gunshot wound to the head. He is an insult to the founders, a disgrace to our people, and in the unlikely event he wins, will probably go down in history as the man who ended any hope of small government or individual liberty in America.
I won’t have that stain on my soul.
EDIT 8: These are from the mega thread.
WHAAAAAAAAA Your bad language and hurtful words offend me! You should be more respectful and clean up your language! But Trump tells it like it is Keeping It Real!
Actually, that one is so stupid it shouldn’t get a whaa. It should get a baaaa. Sheep.
WHAAAAAAAA God has forsaken America, insert smug religious nonsense here! Now support my amoral serial adulturing pro abortion casino owner or God will smite thee!
As a religious man, all these years I thought those dumb stereotypes about idiotic hypocritical evangelicals were made up by smug liberals to mock Christians. It took Trump to show me the light. Praise the flaxen haired casino god!
EDIT 9: WHAAA! What could possibly persuade you to support Trump?
He nominates a fantastic VP and then has a stroke before November.
WHAAAA! I’m poor. You are rich. My roof leaks and it is conservatives fault. I can’t afford health insurance because of Obamacare so I love the guy who supports single payer. Make America Great again! My run on paragraph complains about how unfair life is and you are being mean, then I’m going to complain about your religion and act surprised that in the year 2016 a grown up plays video games.
And the funny thing is, this particular dude opened by accusing me of having a “melt down”. 🙂
WHAAAAA! If you don’t vote for Trump you can’t complain!
Oh? Watch me.
WHA? Insert Tortured Chess Game Analogy-in check because of a horrible mistake, but where a desperate gamble can still pull out an ugly win, but closes with a vow to not make that mistake in the next game…
Artistic, except Trump is more Hungry Hungry Hippos speed than Chess. Also, you assume after this victory there will be another game to be had. Not if Trump drags the GOP down with him there isn’t. Both sides will be the same color after that. It will be all big government statism to the end.
You want to talk chess? Try thinking more than one move ahead. Trump win now. Authoritarian win forever.
WHAAAAAAA! You are my favorite writer but I want to have Trump babies and you called me low information so my feeling are hurt!
Good. That was what I was going for. Low information is being charitable. That suggests you are basically a decent person who fell for a con. The other possibility is that you saw through his populist rhetoric, but you actually do want an authoritarian strongman in control. Now that would be really insulting.
WHA-sniff. Pretentious literary criticism guy shows up and gets all snide and bitchy because I’m professional writer, then acts aloof.
Yep. I’m rich, popular, and successful. It’s awesome. You should try it some time.
WHAAAAA! No you’re the whining WHAAAA! Don’t say I’m upset or I’ll yell at you more! WHAAAA!
She said, totally oblivious that there is another thread on my page with 3000 posts about Trumpkins declaring any criticism of their false idol whining/crying/butthurt/meltdown. Because when you’ve got no coherent policy beyond slogans, you’ve got to meet criticism somehow!
WHA! Larry you were involved in shaking up this other small political thing involving a few thousand people! Why don’t you fix all the political problems in a country with 330 million people? WHA?
Yeah, dude, I’ll get right on that.
Scrolling through… A bunch more from sad republicans voting for the lesser evil. Yep. Feel your pain. Scroll up. No need to respond to those agaiin. Angry Trumpkins. Roger that.
Ooooh, a new one.
WHAAA! NO LABELS! You shouldn’t call people Trumpkins!”
Forgive me No Labels Police. Writing out Coalition of Authoritarians And Low Information Voters Motivated By Anger And Fear Who Are Now Fully Invested In A Cult of Personality That Will Allow No Dissent got a little long to keep typing.
Now back to work. I have to keep up earning lots of money so the GOP fundraisers will keep calling me. This time I can laugh at them.
EDIT 13: Went to lunch, took care of some NFA paperwork, on the drive listened to conservative talk radio show hosts tying themselves into knots trying to explain away Trump’s authoritarian or nonsensical positions.
Now I’m back. Let’s see what’s new in this thread.
WHAAAAA! No you’re the whiner! I’m not going WHAAA! I know you are but what am I! I don’t care what you think! WHAAAA!
That is indeed a very compelling argument from somebody who feels the need to post on a complete stranger’s Facebook page.
WHAAAAAA! The establishment was owned by Goldman Sachs and George Soros! Oh wait… Trump has only been the nominee for 48 hours and he’s already hired a Goldman Sachs partner and George Soros hedge fund manager to be his finance chief to tap into that sweet liberal establishment money… Uh… Never mind! YOU SOUND ANGRY! CRY SOME MORE! WHAAA!
Ooh, a question I missed from earlier. Which VP pick would make me likely to back a Trump ticket?
There’s a bunch, though I’m not sure who would want to hitch his horse to this dumpster fire, but you missed the important part of my statement, which would be the catastrophic stroke before November.
Lots of You Sound Angry. Well, yeah I’m angry. A plurality of half wits picked the most uniquely unsuited candidate in Republican history. Duh. But I’m also perfectly rational writing about it. We might be at the fall of the Roman Empire, but at least I live in Byzantium.
Flipping through comments the rest is pretty much more of the same. Wow, there are some real braniacs in Trump cheerleader camp. Having those guys as the new standard bearers and big thinkers will be awesome for you guys. You traded in Thomas Sowell for Sean Hannity.
Then lots of posts from the despondent republicans rationalizing having to vote for an authoritarian clown, because he might be better than the harpy.Truly, I feel for you guys. I get why you’re doing it. Just can’t in good conscience pull that lever myself. Have fun explaining, defending, or owning all of his terrible decisions until November though. 🙂
LOL! (they put LOL so you know when they are trying to be funny, otherwise it is really hard to tell) This Larry Correia guy obviously has a lot of free time on his hands!
He he he
Ha ha ha ha HAW
BWA HA HA HA HAAAAAAAAA snort
Oh, wait…You’re serious?
Though that isn’t as dumb an assumption as the guy in the last thread who said I must be a welfare check cashing Obama lover. I can’t wait until I finally make it as a *real* writer and I can write one book like every five years, instead the 2 1/2 a year I do now. I’m doing these edits between breaks working on a real book. Each one takes a couple minutes. Comments like this make me think that most people write really, really slow. It must suck to be lame like that. Get faster, scrub.
WHAAA!!! Electing Hillary will start a war!
Posted simultaneously with
WHAAAA! We need to burn it all down!
Sheesh, make up your mind Trumpkins.
WHAAAAAAA! Trump lives rent free in your head! Shut up or you will be accused of having Trump Derangement Syndrome! EXTRA HARD WHAAAAA!
Yeah… Because how crazy is it that a writer is writing about the biggest news story in the country right now, 48 hours after it happened? I’ll just toss that one in the Better Fall In Line pile.
The only derangement I’m seeing is people trying really hard to believe that Trump isn’t a liberal progressive. That’s like psychotic break level reasoning, but many here do seem to be pulling it off.
And the Naked Trump photo. YOU MONSTER. WHAT HAS BEEN SEEN CANNOT BE UNSEEN!
WHAAAA but liberal celebrities say they’ll leave the country if Trump wins!
Nobody is actually leaving. Liberals, like Trump, lie a lot.
WHAAAAAA! 25% of federal employees will quit if Trump leaves.
Nobody is actually quitting. Federal employees, like Trump, lie a lot.
WHAAAAAAA! This is TOO LONG!
But written in five minute blocks spread out over a long work day made it hilarious. 🙂
This part was hanging at the bottom the whole time
I do believe that covers it. I’ll come back periodically to see what fresh forms of bullshit these mealy mouthed motherfuckers have brought up to try and persuade us to vote for their amoral statist over the other amoral statist.
FINAL EDIT – Oh man, that was fun. For anybody reading this whole thing, it started early this morning. About every hour or so I’d tune back in, read the new stuff, and comment once. I wish I would have thought of this years ago!
I had a mega thread the other day, but with FB’s ridiculous subthread comment system, I realized I was having 20 simultaneous arguments, and repeating myself because it was all the same thing over and over. This was way cooler, and with the added benefit of not having to listen to pedantic twats playing the childish Get The Last Word In game