So I just saw this bit of nonsense headline posted on Facebook:
REPUBLICANS GO SILENT AFTER PRESIDENT OBAMA GIVES BACK 5% OF HIS SALARY.
And the sad thing was, the people posting it actually belived this crap.
Why yes, dumbass, we should be glad Republicans are going silent, because I’m sick and tired of their stupid fillibusters and whining about drone strikes on American citizens! Because shut up!
Go read the article. It will make your sanity hurt.
Some doofuses are actually buying this hype. President Obama gave up 5 whole percent of his salary to show solidarity with the government workers who have taken a pay cut because of sequestration, and this is all sorts of symbolic and significant and so important that the opposition party should just curl up in a ball and die.
When asked to comment on this newfound shame imposed silence, the average republican said “What the fuck? Are you shitting me? Five fucking percent? You mean a smaller percent than all of our taxes went up this year? Go to hell, hippie.” Yes. Because the average republican swears a lot when Obama’s magnificent generosity is brought up.
5%. So Obama’s salary is $400,000. That means he gave back a whopping $20,000. How ever will he get by, since he lives in a giant mansion… Hey, wait a second… Don’t most Americans spend more than 5% of their salary on their rent or mortgage? And we don’t live in big white houses with bowling alleys and movie theaters either.
And hey, doesn’t he have servants and security and literally hundreds and hundreds of staffers to cater to his every need and want? What’s $20k of spending money when you’ve got a staff of professional chefs and a dog walker that makes $100k? And three professional calligraphers taking home $80k? You can’t invite Sir Paul McCartney over for a party with something that isnt’ professionally calligraphed, all swoopy and what not!
But that $20k is super super significant and symbolic and shut up now!
Man, a 5% cut would sure cut into my vacation and entertainment budget. Oh, but wait… Hasn’t this president taken more vacations than any other president ever? And haven’t those vacations cost an absurd sum of money, and this $20k donation makes like less than a fraction of 1% of a dent in the cost of these vacations?
Okay, sure, now let’s wait for the inevitable screams about how Bush took vacations too! Blah blah blah. Done? Groovy. Even though most of those were to his house… In Texas… Where he watched football on the couch and drank beer.
That’s totally equivelent to the Obama family shutting down all of NYC for four hours so the President can catch a Broadway play, or jetsetting to Paris, or hanging out with Beyonce and Jay-Z, or spring break in Mexico, or skiing in Aspen, or touring Botswanna, or Hawaii, or Panama City to hang out on the beach, or Hawaii again, or the Chicago birthday bash, or Hawaii again, or Martha’s Vineyard, or taking the kids shopping in Spain, or Yellowstone, or the Grand Canyon, or Hawaii again, or Martha’s Vineyard again, or Hawaii. Again.
But Hawaii shouldn’t count as a vacation! Because you totally didn’t count Crawford Friggin’ Texas! Obama’s like totally from Hawaii. Okay, sure. And though the estimates are that it costs $4,000,000 for the president to spend a few days at his place in Hawaii, that $20,000 cut should pay for the airfare and hotel stay for Bo’s professional dog walker, but we’ll just ignore those, because times are tough all over.
Because seriously. You republicans should shut up now. Sure, that $20,000 cut wouldn’t actually pay for the green fees for Obama’s hundreds of rounds of golf, but times are hard! I mean, somebody has to go hang out and get driving tips from Tiger Woods.
I know when I take a 5% cut in my take home pay because my taxes shot up under Obama, I’ve had to cut down on the amount of times I’ve had rock stars, pop icons, and famous rappers come and perform at my wife’s birthday party! Heck, I was going to have Paul McCartney over for a concert at my place, but my insurance costs have gone up 38% because of Obamacare, so I’ll just shut my stupid republican mouth now.
He feels your pain, people. He feels it SO VERY HARD.
Sure, many Americans are out of work, and may of you are looking for better paying jobs, but Obama will be out of work in three years too. He’ll be in the same boat as the rest of us. He’ll be limited to making, at best, three hundred thousand to half a million dollars a pop to speak at fund raisers and speaking engagements. Some of these speeches could even be as long as forty five whole minutes.
Shit just got real.
So even though Obama sucks at the economy, sucks at business, sucks at regulation, sucks at foreign policy, sucks at civil liberties, and his crowning legislative achievement is a shitty healthcare law that costs way more than it was supposed to, and accomplishes a fraction of what it was advertised to do, we should totally not speak, because he gave up twenty thousand dollars.
Twenty. Thousand. Dollars. And half of America has to shut up now.
Bitch please. If it would ensure Obama’s silence for any significant period of time, I’d write a check for twenty grand today.
SHAMELESS SELF PROMOTION EDIT! I just found out a new novella by me was released on Amazon today! http://rcm.amazon.com/e/cm?lt1=_blank&bc1=000000&IS2=1&bg1=FFFFFF&fc1=000000&lc1=0000FF&t=monshuntnati-20&o=1&p=8&l=as4&m=amazon&f=ifr&ref=ss_til&asins=B00C77NL0A