Give the gift of Correia this week with a paperback copy of Hard Magic. They fit in your pocket of your enormous cargo pants! Mass market paperbacks are the perfect present for your loved ones this Administrative Professionals Day (April 25th, or so my calender says…)
Cheaper than exotic cheese, capable of propping up even the wobbliest of table legs, use Hard Magic to change your oil, mow your lawn, mine for Bering Sea gold, or wrestle endangered pandas. Buy ten dozen copies today. Tell your friends! Tell your mom! Tell your parole officer!
And if you order now, we’ll throw in good feelings and world peace. Operators are standing by to take your order.
“The mass market paperback of Hard Magic changed my life.”
“Honey, why is there a porcupine in the dishwasher?”
“I had to put it somewhere, okay. Quit judging me.”
“Oh crap. It’s still alive?”
Hard Magic is warmer than a Snuggly, funner than Floam, stickier than Mighty Putty, tastier than a puppy, and made it around the Top Gear track in one minute thirty seven seconds! The mass market paperback edition of Hard Magic chops, slices, waxes, buffes, stitches, cleans, steams, and picks up all of your pet hair and dander.
But wait, there’s more!
Hard Magic is perfect for building forts! Hard Magic makes a great safety flotation device (briefly). The mass market edition of Hard Magic doesn’t leave a sticky residue. And for only $7.99 is cheap enough to be used as a surgical implement! (do not use the mass market paperback of Hard Magic as a surgical implement).
“As a Navy SEAL Astronaut Lawyer, I use the mass market edition of Hard Magic every day.” *
* paid actor is not actually a Navy SEAL Astronaut Lawyer.**
** by “paid” we mean with beer, and “actor” is actually a code word for street hobo***
***No street hobos were harmed in the making of this commercial. ****
**** okay, maybe one hobo. But we got the fire put out fairly quickly. Quit your crying. Walk it off.
Bored? Looking for something to do? Stuck in a third world country? You’re a Secret Service Agent? Well… If you had thought to purchase a copy of Hard Magic to read, you wouldn’t be going through a sex scandal over stiffing a Colombian hooker for $47, now would you?
“Yo soy una prostituta Colombiana, y apruebo este mensaje! Donde esta mi 47 dolares?”
Act now and we will throw in one free week of free Stranger & Stranger Interdimensional Insurance (void in most realities).
Party like the GSA! It’s Hard Magic mass market paperback release week!