Flea Party vs. Tea Party

Occupy Wall Street? Try occupying reality first.

I know that I’ve pointed out how biased the media narrative is in this country, but I want you to think about something for a minute.

The Tea Party has held hundreds of events all over the country. They are usually over in a single day, because the vast majority of the participants have jobs and have to go back to work. They clean up after themselves. Despite the media ready to blame every violent loon that crops up on the Tea Party, they’ve not hurt anyone or damaged any property. I’m not aware of anyone being arrested at a Tea Party event. (I’m pretty sure the media would be excited to let us know). Their platform is pretty simple, the government has strayed from its Constitutional roots, is too big, wasteful, and takes too much of our money.

They have been very effective in getting candidates with similar beliefs elected in the last cycle, and those are the folks that are currently blocking more big government bailout/stimulus nonsense. (keep this in mind, because we’ll be back to this point later).  They’ve been against growing the already bloated government, whether is Republican bloat or Democrat bloat (usually Democrats though, because they tend to bloat faster).

Bloat is a fun word. Say it with me. Bloat.

The Tea Party has been relatively successful in shaking up the establishment politics. As a result, the narrative about the Tea Party is that they are religious fanatics, racist zealots, tea-baggers, ready to snap and start burning crosses and lynching people at a moment’s notice. The narrative has been repeated time and time again, so effectively that whenever you talk to someone who gets all their news from the regular sources, you can hear all about just how crazy all of these racist tea-baggers are. Hell, go read Facebook for ten minutes to learn all about just what a horrible bunch of crazy anarchist racists all those crazy tea-baggers are.

I’ll wait…

Okay, so now that you’ve read a bunch of stuff about how evil/crazy/stupid/brainwashed the Tea Party is, but without anything specific cited, (because obviously, if you are against ridiculous government spending, you’re racist), we can continue.  You probably also noticed that whenever anyone tried to argue any points, someone would bring up “But Bush did it toooooo!” Uh huh… And how popular do you think Bush is with most of the Tea Party folks? (more popular than Obama, but that isn’t saying a whole lot).

In the last month we’ve all seen Occupy Wall Street on the news. Lots of people got together to protest something. All we could really tell was that they were angry about “stuff.” They’ve occupied our cities for weeks now. Last I heard about fourteen hundred people have been arrested for various crimes ranging from destruction of property, drug related offenses, all the way up to assault.

In some of the cities, they’ve made a huge, nasty, stinky mess. And this isn’t a right wing smear, talk to anybody you know that lives in New York about what the sanitation is like there right now. Thousands of people that haven’t showered for days, peeing in the gutters can get a little gross.  (hence, flea party) Locally, ours have been pretty clean. For us we basically have a slightly higher number of homeless people hanging out in Pioneer Park than usual.  

Sure, we are all enjoying the pictures of protestors having sex in the streets and pooping on police cars, but less entertaining are the protestor’s quotes about killing the rich and taking their stuff, through violent revolution, and that sort of unpleasantness. They’ve got the Communists on their side too, and we all know what a peaceful bunch they are, and things that they are involved with never turns out bad. Sure, there was that whole industrial murder society thing they had going on for most of the last century, but whatever…

The Occupy folks are mostly white too, though I’ve not heard that bandied around as proof of de facto racism like it is for the Tea Party.

So Tea Party, doesn’t advocate violence, doesn’t make a mess, is polite, has a simple platform, and then goes back to work the next day = RACIST EXTREMIST VIOLENT NAZI WHACKJOBS!!!

Occupy Wall Street has thousands arrested, makes a mess, wants to guillotine rich folks, has a platform that reads like a less literate version of the Communist Manifesto, and camps out for weeks because they’ve not got anything better to do = REFRESHING VOICE FOR CHANGE.

Sure, nasty disease ridden hippie orgies are fun and all, but let’s take a look at what they’re protesting… For the first few weeks I thought it was that they were against “Greed”.  Wow.  That’s a bold statement. Take that Pro-Greed forces. Okay, specifically, they were against the bailouts. Cool. So was I. Funny, so was the Tea Party. You know what’s ironic though? You know who WASN’T against the bailouts? The guy I’m willing to bet most of the Occupiers voted for last time and will probably vote for again.

So the Tea Party and the Occupiers agree that government bailing out big corporations is bad. The difference between these two protestor groups (besides personal hygiene, coherence, the amount of taxes they’ve paid, and the ability to pass a drug screening) is their answer. The Tea Party wants to make the government smaller so they can’t do stuff like this. The Occupiers want to reward the guilty party and make it bigger and more powerful, because… Hell… I can’t figure it out.

The Tea Party answer goes back to Washington, Jefferson, and Franklin. The Occupier’s answer reads like a bunch of Communist dogma, after its been eaten, digested, and then shat out by a unicorn tripping on hallucinogenic mushrooms.

Don’t take my word for it though. Let’s go through their platform that their National Press Director and Fetcher of Sandwiches, released via CNN.

“Demand one: Restoration of the living wage. This demand can only be met by ending “Freetrade” by re-imposing trade tariffs on all imported goods entering the American market to level the playing field for domestic family farming and domestic manufacturing as most nations that are dumping cheap products onto the American market have radical wage and environmental regulation advantages. Another policy that must be instituted is raise the minimum wage to twenty dollars an hr.

Blah, blah, blah, oh yeah, and minimum wage should be $20.  I’m surprised he didn’t just say that the minimum wage should be a billion dollars an hour. Why not? It is going to have to come from the same magic unicorn. Duh, you friggin’ idiot. Every time they raise minimum wage employers have to lay people off. Let’s say I’m a small business owner. I have ten minimum wage employees. Since most employers aren’t the fat cats you imbeciles want to guillotine, and I can’t afford to pay $20 an hour to the kid that sweeps the floor, I have to fire half of my employees.

But don’t worry. These braniacs answer this conundrum with Demand 3 and 9.

Demand two: Institute a universal single payer healthcare system. To do this all private insurers must be banned from the healthcare market as their only effect on the health of patients is to take money away from doctors, nurses and hospitals preventing them from doing their jobs and hand that money to wall st. investors.

Stupid. To condense down thousands of words worth of arguments from when we went through this nonsense last year, the private sector, though flawed, has brought us the most prosperous/healthy time in human history, while everything the government touches turns to crap, and many of the problems with the current system can be traced back to government regulation. So let’s give them full control of our health. What could possibly go wrong?

Demand three: Guaranteed living wage income regardless of employment.

Oh good. I was wondering how all of my now unemployed former-employees caused by Demand 1 were going to be able to live…

Hey, wait a second… So your plan is that people can just get $20 an hour even if they don’t feel like working? BRILLIANT! Why hasn’t anyone ever thought of this before? Oh, they have thought of it, but they were smart enough not to mention it in polite company, because it is retarded.

They’ve tried this. It is called Greece. You should move there. Wait, Germany called. They’re tired of footing the bill.  Strange… Germany is a lot like your parents in that respect.

Demand four: Free college education.

There Ain’t No Such Thing As A Free Lunch. Somebody has to pay for all of those useless liberal academics with tenure.

Besides, why do I need a college education when I can just stay home and collect $20 an hour to play xBox?

I’m going to go out on a limb and guess that a higher percentage of liberals went to college to “broaden their minds” or have “life experiences” (i.e. smoke pot and hook up with loose freshmen) whereas us right wingers went to college to get a piece of paper that enabled us to get a higher paying job. Maybe that’s why we’re not so bitter about college now that we have jobs.

Demand five: Begin a fast track process to bring the fossil fuel economy to an end while at the same bringing the alternative energy economy up to energy demand.

“We’re against corporate greed and bailouts! Boo! Corporate greed! Quick, give another $560,000,000.00 to Solyndra!”

Demand six: One trillion dollars in infrastructure (Water, Sewer, Rail, Roads and Bridges and Electrical Grid) spending now.

Do you even understand how many zeroes that number has on it?

Demand seven: One trillion dollars in ecological restoration planting forests, reestablishing wetlands and the natural flow of river systems and decommissioning of all of America’s nuclear power plants.

Apparently not…

On Demand 6 & 7, what the freak? Seriously? Do you have any idea where money comes from or how the government gets it? Apparently your bachelors in Gender Studies didn’t require Econ 101. You can’t just pull numbers out of your ass and have the money fairy give it to you. These rich guys you’re protesting don’t have that kind of money, and even once you feed them to Rosanne Barr or the guillotine or however you want to execute them and take their stuff, they don’t have that money either.

Demand eight: Racial and gender equal rights amendment.

Because why the hell not? I’m surprised they didn’t throw reparations on there while they were at it.

And what would this amendment say or do that isn’t already a law? Seriously? Especially in light of the rest of your platform, how can we possibly discriminate between the couch potatoes collecting $20 an hour doing nothing? Are the female/ethnic couch potatoes forced to do nothing harder?

Demand nine: Open borders migration. anyone can travel anywhere to work and live.

Because when our government gives everybody that lives here free money to do nothing, all of those retired thirty year olds from Greece will need somewhere to live.

But I can’t comment, because I’m in favor of controlled borders and a legal guest worker program, I’m obviously a racist… Only liberals can be in favor of a gigantic pseudo-slave class of poor people with no rights or protections that can be victimized by criminals and unscrupulous employers, and then pat themselves on the back about how enlightened they are.

Demand ten: Bring American elections up to international standards of a paper ballot precinct counted and recounted in front of an independent and party observers system.

Okay? I was waiting for them to tack on “and free pony rides for everybody!!!11” at the end, but this one sounds sane.

Demand eleven: Immediate across the board debt forgiveness for all. Debt forgiveness of sovereign debt, commercial loans, home mortgages, home equity loans, credit card debt, student loans and personal loans now! All debt must be stricken from the “Books.” World Bank Loans to all Nations, Bank to Bank Debt and all Bonds and Margin Call Debt in the stock market including all Derivatives or Credit Default Swaps, all 65 trillion dollars of them must also be stricken from the “Books.” And I don’t mean debt that is in default, I mean all debt on the entire planet period.

Oh good, Demand 11 had gotten me thinking that these guys weren’t complete nutters.

Basically Demand 11 could be restated as We Want To Destroy the World Financial System WHEEEE! and it would accomplish the same thing. I also like how they use terms like margin call debt, derivatives, and credit default swaps to sound all smart-o-pated, and then put “books” in parenthesis, like “accounting” is “voodoo”.

Debt… It means that someone owes something to someone else. Dumb people are in debt. Smart people have people in debt to them. I have tried to make good financial decisions during my life. Some of these decisions have been difficult or painful. As a result, the only debt I have is the mortgage on my mini-mansion in the mountains under a ski resort. And I’ve paid off 1/3 of that in the last year. All I had to do was work really hard and not be stupid. That’s what happens when you aren’t a complete dumbass with your money.

On student loans, most of us that are paying taxes now got our degrees in things like business, engineering, science, etc. Whereas the Occupiers got their degrees in Gender Studies and Liberal Arts. Man, if I’d gone 100k into debt for a useless degree like that I’d be upset too.  Though, how about instead of being mad at us people that worked hard, made good decisions, and now make enough money to be “rich”, you get mad at the lousy liberal academic establishment that lied to you and wasted your time and money instead?  

No mortgages, no credit card debt, no personal loans… Yeah, because I’d hate for you to be stressed out as you’re loafing around, pooping on police cars at $20 an hour. Here’s your free house, mother****er.  

Demand twelve: Outlaw all credit reporting agencies.

Yes. Because that 489 of yours is very damaging to your self esteem. Credit reporting is biased! It can’t possibly have anything to do with the fact you were too stoned to pay your bills on time and spent all your rent money on pizza.

Demand thirteen: Allow all workers to sign a ballot at any time during a union organizing campaign or at any time that represents their yeah or nay to having a union represent them in collective bargaining or to form a union”

Oh good, finally some obligatory union nonsense. Because why not throw a bone to the thing that has helped make it so that our country isn’t competitive anymore?

That was certainly an enlightening list of demands.  Let me see if I can sum this up: Despite being apathetic, lazy, or making bad choices, we want free shit.

I was annoyed and amused by these people before, but after reading their childish, unrealistic, petulant demands, now I really can’t stand them.  

What do we have here? A political movement based on nebulous anger, wishful thinking, utopian goals, fueled by societal malcontents, in bed with Communists and the unions… Yeah, we haven’t seen that before ever in the history of the world. One year you’re getting promised all sorts of awesome free stuff as soon as you kill these awful (fat cats/bankers/Tsars/royalists/Jews) and take their stuff, and once the government redistributes it fairly, then everybody can be equal and worry free. And the next year, you are either in a mass grave, digging one, or helping put undesirables in it.

Save your sanctimony. Communism is communism. Regardless of what pretty ribbons you tie on it, Communism is the greatest evil ever achieved by man. I don’t care what your issues are or how noble your goals may be, the second your solution is Communism, then you are a fool and your argument is garbage.   

Useful idiots, the lot of them.

Now Nancy Pelosi is backing the protests, Barack Obama is happy there’s a distraction from his Mexican-killing, green-jobs-money-laundering, scandal-ridden administration, and the Occupiers are seeking to reward the people that screwed them over to begin with. Now we can go back to our regularly scheduled narrative about how my side are the crazy ones with their crazy ideas like limited government, checks and balances, and following the Constitution.


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