Obama says I'm not off the hook.

The secret is out. Watch and learn.


Now you know the truth. A secret cabal of bestselling writers has been sabotaging the US economy all this time. Sure, you may have thought that our situation was caused by stuff like out of control government spending, or onerous regulations, or our complete lack of coherent energy policy, or the devaluation of the dollar, or people/companies living beyond their means and then expecting the tax payers to bail them out, or entitlements that are mathematically impossible to pay, or employers being afraid to hire because of fear of ObamaCare and coming taxes, or the quadrupling of our debt over the last couple of years, but NO.  That would be silly!

It has been because of us bestselling authors all along.

If only we paid our fair share, then all your problems would go away.

Yes, I am a New York Times bestselling author, and as such (according to our esteemed President who would never embellish the truth) I am part of the problem. It was a good feeling to get a book on the bestseller list, but then all my dreams came true when I was given my Secret Bestselling Author Tax-Evasion Decoder Ring.  

I recall with great fondness my first meeting with this illustrious secret society of bestselling novelists at the Bohemian Roundtable Pizza. Michael Crichton was presiding (he’s not really dead, he just didn’t want to fill out his 1040ES for that quarter’s royalties). I was taught the Secret Handshake, the Mysterious Loophole, the Truth about Global Warming, and then we had milkshakes. Afterward, Robert Heinlein and I stole a flying saucer from Area 51, went joyriding, and laser-mutilated some cows just to mess with people. It was totally awesome. You guys really should write bestselling novels too. I can’t recommend it enough.

So yeah, being a bestseller is pretty sweet, but when I found out this morning that it also upsets Barack Obama, it became soooooooo much sweeter.

You might be saying, “But Correia, don’t you still have a day job?” And I’d say, why yes I do. In fact, I have a full time job as a finance manager and I spend the equivalent number of hours of a second full time job writing novels. And then you would say “But Correia, didn’t you complain back on tax day about what an unreasonably high percentage of your royalties you have to send to the government in quarterly self-employment withholdings?” And I might reply with, SHUT UP! I AM TOO PART OF A SUPER AWESOME SECRET SOCIETY!  The president said so!

“Now now, Correia… Even though you’ve gotten onto the NYT bestseller list, you’re just a working stiff like the rest of us, aren’t you?”

*Sniff* Nu uh… Milkshakes and space aliens with the guy that wrote Andromeda Strain!

Okay, you got me. I work two full-time jobs. My wife has been a stay-at-home mom for the last 11 years. That was our choice and we were glad to make the sacrifice, because I have intelligent, awesome, confident, well-behaved kids. We live in a really nice house in the mountains that I bought because some rich people overextended themselves and I was ready to swoop in with a down payment because we’d scrimped, saved, and spent the last 7 years in a cheap house that we had bought out of foreclosure. I have never bought a new car nor made a car payment. We are very frugal. I’ve never paid interest on a credit card in my life, and pay off the full balance every month. I did the debt snowball and paid off my student loans 6 years early. I have an emergency fund, but no extra fun money because I’ve been making double house payments in the hopes of not having any debt whatsoever. Then, when the mortgage is gone in a couple years, I plan to just be a writer, and only work something easy, like 50 or 60 hours a week.  

Despite the fact that I grew up poor, put myself through college and was poor, got married and started having kids in college and was poor, then scraped and fought and worked until I broke into the middle-class, then started my own business and became poor again, then sold the business and was unemployed and poor, then finally found a great job and started climbing out of the hole, then started selling books, and all of a sudden…

According to Obama, I’m rich! Good thing I’m a workaholic!

Now, once a quarter I get to send the government a gigantic chunk of what I make. The harder I work, the higher a percentage they take. When I complain about this, liberals tell me that I should be thankful that I get to live in America, where despite the fact that I’ve tried really hard my whole life to make good choices, I have the privilege of paying for their bad choices! Wow. When you put it that way, it sure does sound like I’m one of those rich guys, soaking the system.

The president just warned me that I’m not off the hook, though. Thank goodness. I would hate for somebody to look at where I am today and think that I’d gotten here through working really hard and making good decisions, even though they were difficult or painful!

Oh, and I just LOVE the end of the video, where the president says that nobody is talking about raising taxes right now. He’s not going to raise taxes until 2013! (which is so very far way. We’ll have flying cars and jetpacks by then!). 2013 is like a whole year and a half in the future…  Right after the next presidential election, when hopefully we can finally toss this narcissistic douche bag out of the office, so then he’ll only be a bestselling author.

But he’s totally not invited to the meetings.

EDIT: And since I just got an Instalanche, why look at this, a list of my books that are available for sale. http://www.amazon.com/gp/search/ref=sr_tc_2_0?rh=i%3Astripbooks%2Ck%3ALarry+Correia&keywords=Larry+Correia&ie=UTF8&qid=1310441916&sr=1-2-ent&field-contributor_id=B002D68HL8 Every one of these sold will help my continued domination of the US economy! 🙂

Utah book signings!

76 thoughts on “Obama says I'm not off the hook.”

  1. Larry, as I saidvwhen I emailed you the article/video above, don’t listen to these clowns. You are simultaneously off the hook, the chain, the grid, the map, the wagon, the charts, and probably your rocker.

    I believe in you.

    1. Yes, I think Larry has got slightly overexcited about this. Obama intended a subtle reference to himself – ie ALL rich people should pay more, and I know that that includes me, so look at me I’m willing to share the burden. (Especially “look at me.” Did I mention “look at me ?”)

      It’s a good illustration of how not to do politics. When you want to say “politicians, including me, should be made to suffer, preferably with hot pokers” or “there will be government cake for the people” you should say it plainly and directly so everyone gets it, because the people will like the message. You should save cryptic asides for when you don’t want everyone to get it. Like “If you are insane enough to re-elect me in 2012, I’m going to increase your taxes so much that your eyes water, and likewise your descendants even unto the third generation.” That should be referred to as “there’s a need for long term fiscal adjustment.”

  2. Larry, I’m disappointed.

    I may have missed it, but I think that you completely forgot to use the term “asshat” in that rant.

    That is all.


  3. Hmmm…oddly enough, I no longer feel the need to indulge in sarcasm for today. My quota has been met.

    Oh, and for the record, I stopped listening to any of the diarrheic (just made up that word, feel free to use it in your secret meetings!) spewings that come from pretty much any politician in general, and the pResident in particular.

  4. Who new that best selling authors were on par with the evil CEO’s of the world at such places as Apple, Google, Microsoft, Shell, BP.

  5. Ever notice how these unpopular decisions are always a couple years out? They never do anything NOW. They never cut NOW. They never raise taxes NOW. It’s always for some poor dumb schmuck on down the road.

    If Obama had any courage, he’d demand that this take effect immediately, because after all, our problem is NOW.

    1. Obama is the Free Beer Tomorrow President. Everything is put off to some vaguely defined point in the future that is either never reached or reached after it is too late to vote against him.

  6. Wait a sec… I thought the El Presidente was a Best Selling Author ™ too. I think with the goodies you seem to have access at the Area 51 Toy Shop, you could easily send him on a trip back to the Aliens where he came from and single handedly Save the Nation. (and probably 20-30% of your next tax bill)

    Think about it please…

      1. Ooo.. good point. Damn. Here I was hoping he could Save The World here. Well maybe LC can get rid of a–hat domestic terrorist ghostwriter instead and send him to the moon or something.

  7. Maybe his ghostwriter wouldn’t let him play with real writers and now he’s upset.

    You should offer to write his next novel for free. I think he’d like the offer and we would like the hidden messages.

    1. You’re either an idiot, or your sarcasm is so fine that I just can’t detect it, so to answer your question… It is our money. Quit wasting it. We have that huge defecit because they spend like mad, and the answer to their mad spending is for us to give them MORE? Screw that. No. They’ll just blow that too and come whining back for more.

  8. In all honesty, Larry. We all pay too little taxes. Can’t wait for 100% so Obama-stash can make us all happy again!

    (Sarcasm inserted for comic relief and hemorrhoidal flare up do to presidential run at the mouth.)

  9. Technically, aren’t His Most Golfing Excellency’s ghost-written books ALSO Best-sellers ??

    So, isn’t HE the problem, too ???? Or does Bill Ayers go under the bus on this one. . .

  10. Work hard and sacrifice for your dreams and someday you too can be blamed for everyone’s problems.

  11. *facepalm*

    You’ve gotta be kidding me! Best-selling authors? Really?

    0bama just did a swan dive off the high dive into the really deep end of the pool.

  12. I always thought as much. There you were, writing your hoplophallic fantasies as you cruised through the ozone layer in your private jet, printing it out with laser toner made from dried whale-blood…

      1. Well, THAT went without saying. Dried on coal-burning hot plates, of course, and trimmed by Third World Children too young to be playing with sharp objects, after testing Western pharmaceutical prototypes that warn against operating heavy machinery!

  13. It’s only those best selling authors that are critical of governmental insanity that are part of the problem so I’m sure you’re safe.

    Oh, wait…

  14. see, the thing about authors, and actors, and athletes, and … well anyone with any sort of money/fame

    ( who isn’t born to it, stealing it, head of an anti-patriotic corporate person, or a politician)

    anyone who is CHEATING the oligarchs of their sole ownership of money/fame is obviously not skilled, dedicated, or … damned good at what they do.

    what they are is lucky, and lazy, and so OF COURSE they should pay lots more taxes. It could happen to anyone!

  15. That’s real smart of President Obama. Pick on people who write novels, especially really cool novels like Mr. Correia’s works, and they would never ever think of getting revenge by writing books against him.

    Good thing too, because that would be raaaaacist!

  16. First, obligatory FBHO. Second and more important, you get to hang out with Heinlein (screw Crichton, he was never that good)? Who do I have to kill to get to fly around with him in the UFO?

  17. I can’t believe the insensitivity in these remarks following President Obama’s heart-felt concerns for the disadvantaged and needy in our nation. That a bunch of ungrateful writers refuse to pay their fair share and live within a living wage is typical, given the abuse of copyright law the writers cartel has facilitated over recent generations. A bunch of greedy piglets is a more appropriate name for these writers, but the President was too diplomatic to use such words.

    If anything, writers should be the first to volunteer to accept an appropriate and fixed living wage. While most of the nation is doing much more difficult work — manual labor on the farm or mine, service labor at the store, affective labor in much of the service industry, teachers attempting to inspire young minds — professional writers are sitting around living easy lives, doing the “heavy lifting” of a verb or a subject into Microsoft Word. Given that it will take major sacrifice for us to recreate this nation without the tyranny of exceptionalism it has been cursed with since its inception, one would expect writers to be the first to understand the privilege of an easy life and voluntarily accept taxation that leads to an appropriate living wage.

    1. Oh, the hilarity of you. I PROMISE that you don’t want to pay the average writer the same hourly wage that the average heavy machinery worker gets paid. The average writer wouldn’t complain, though.

    2. re: “…much more difficult work — manual labor on the farm or mine, service labor at the store, affective labor in much of the service industry, teachers attempting to inspire young minds…”

      you seem to have omitted the hardest work one could aspire to: that of community organizing.

  18. I heard it, too. I love writing for 35 years without pay, then getting paid, then being taxed like I make this much every year. See ya at the clubhouse.

  19. Hah! And so you thought evil, blood-sucking vampires were only a plot device!

    Welcome to MY world!

  20. Hey guys, I think the ungrateful writers can join the ungrateful doctors club.
    You know, us chumps who went to school til we were thirty, then worked for about four dollars an hour for the hundred plus hour weeks we put in during our residencies and fellowships, came out with loan debts in six figures and now are greedy and won’t take on unlimited numbers of Medicaid and Medicare patients because we actually have a net loss to pay our staffs to let them come in our doors…

    We were the greedy ones who’d rather do an operation than give a blue pill or something when he was ramming that disaster of a health care bill through. The one all the unions need exemptions from to deliver the votes for the 2012 election.

    1. Yeah, you Greedy Doctors were out there sawing people’s feet off just so you could charge them more! The president said so!

      Cool. Catch you at the country club later for the Authors v. Doctors polo match.

    2. Oh, and let’s not forget that the problem isn’t that we make doctors do an hour of paperwork for every hour of patient care they do, or that HIPPA cost the actual providers millions without any benefit. The problem is that we don’t force providers to treat everyone, thus insuring that no one can get quality care, the industry goes bankrupt, and we need another multi-billion dollar bailout program. Meanwhile the insurance companies will continue to make profits, since they helped write ObamaCare.

  21. Fantastic…now how do I contact Heinlein? I totally want to do the spaceship thing.

    Also, you should be more than happy that Barry wants to steal from you so you can bail out some dope that bought a house they could never pay off. It’s not their fault they were stupid, but apparently it is your responsibility to pay for their stupidity.

    Don’t let the bastards get you down.

  22. Has anybody proven that politicians are human? Seriously, what’s the PUFF on Politicus Mendacitus Washingtonius?? I am thinking Monster Hunter: Restoration…

    1. Last I heard it broke down this way:

      Aides and staff members are worth the same as zombies

      Czars pay like werewolves

      Reps are equivalent to Chupacabra

      Senators pay out like minor vampires

      VP is major vampire, (non-lord)

      Pres is vamp lord

      1. And community organizers pay en toto (gotta catch ’em all… MCB’s “nukem” program sounds better all the time) the same as The Great Old One

  23. I knew I was a fan when I attended your first reading, but here I discover that you’re a fiscal conservative and a fellow-frugalite, and now I love you even more. Go you!

  24. In my totally uneducated opinion, Obama looks at his income from being an author and perhaps subconsciously feels that it is unearned. (As having a ghost writer do most of the work may do) And by association, feels that all authors are overpaid. And therefor under-taxed.

    1. Yeah, and I bet if I got 24/7 media coverage for a couple of years for free advertising, I’d probably have a slight sales spike as well.

      1. (Totally sucking up here) But since I have your attention, I just want to say how awesome the Stig reference was in MH:Vendetta. I laughed my head off when I read it and chuckled for an hour afterwards.

        Counting the days till MH:Alpha

    2. Obama feeling (even subconsciously) uneasy about getting something he didn’t deserve? US President and Nobel Peace Prize Winner Barry O. feeling bad about receiving something unearned for free? OHHH… sarcasm- I get it! ;D

  25. I know this way off topic and I don’t want to interrupt the excellent commentary but I’m starting to get kinda desperate… I’m unemployed but I don’t want to collect on UI and am having trouble finding a job (along with everyone else). Can anyone help me with either some advice or, preferably, a different site I can take this question to?

    1. Depending on your skill set, try Monster or the LA Times online jobs listings. Also,LA Weekly.

      And I know you want to stand on your own two feet and that’s laudable but if you were working you PAID for that unemployment compensation in your withholdings and you have every right to it.

    2. Collect you unemployment. You’ve already paid for it.

      I use careerbuilder.com, clearancejobs.com, and jsfirm.net. jsfirm is aviation focused so you can disregard. usajobs.gov is for federal jobs but the hiring process is sl-o-o-o-w.

      L-3 Vertex, AECom, Dynocorp, and AC First are all big contractors that are usually hiring for overseas work.

      Jobs are out there but most of what I’ve seen are either paying peanuts or requiring a lot of travel (which may be a good thing)

      Best of luck

  26. Yaknow, it’s nice that you provided an Amazon link to your books, but when I found you don’t have a Kindle version available, I checked the publisher. Baen. Right, I’ve been here before. Could you add a link to your work for ebook sales? Maybe this one?

  27. Steve, webscription.net has his works. Amazon.com carries the audiobooks via audible.com

    But yes, it would be helpful to see a permanent webscription.net link for the purchase of his works in electronic format.

    1. This isn’t the first time I’ve noticed this. (See here.) Clearly Baen and Amazon are failing to play nice with each other.

      I happen to have a web site I’m working on, http://www.find99centbooks.com, that I hope to use to help readers find good books–particularly, those $0.99 ebooks that have made a big splash of late. This site does NOT sell books, but provides links to others who are selling books.

      If anybody thinks this is a good idea, I could add Mr. Correia’s books with webscription and audible links alongside Amazon links.

      1. The problem isn’t Amazon. It’s entirely Baen. Is there another major publisher that actively supports e-books who isn’t present on Amazon and B&N? Not that I know of. An author friend recently tried to get some explanation of this from Toni Weiskopf and Eric Flint, but got nothing that made any sense when they have no problem selling paper through the big venues who also do over 90% of e-book sales.

  28. You should not be paying more taxes but we should fix the tax loopholes to increase revenue while also cutting all spending (Entitlements, Defense, and Discretionary,no sacred cows). Both parties are to blame and only a balanced approach will fix the problem. Our nation was founded on compromise and that is how we should be fixing our issues. And to full disclosure I am an evil fed, though just a lowly clerk level one. Good luck with you future writing I just ordered your first book.

  29. I keep hearing rich liberals claim they don’t pay enough taxes. But i’ve never heard a single one say they cut a check to the IRS for money they didn’t owe. The IRS accepts donations. They have a form for it and everything.

    So cut a check for a few million extra this year and see if anyone follows your example, super wealthy liberal guys.

  30. If our country were founded on compromise it would still be a part of the United Kingdom. After all, it was just a little tax dispute. We didn’t need to throw the baby out with the bathwater.

    Compromise, my ass. The kind of people whose company the president has sought out his entire adult life are those who think compromise is fewer firing squads and more re-education camps when the revolution comes. How about his science adviser? Is compromise for Holdren 10% fewer forced sterilizations?

  31. Clearly he has no notion of the blood, sweat, pain, tears, and years of work it takes to actually hit the NYT Bestseller list. He thinks everyone got there the same way he did — by having someone else write the book for him while he sat back and raked in the royalties because some idiots will pay stupid amounts of money for something with his name on the cover. Which, hey, wouldn’t that be awesome?

    Hell, I wonder if he even READ the thing after he stuck his name on it…

  32. larry, my what a whiny cry baby you seem to be. am going to finish the book but it will be a struggle. why are you not pleased and happy to be in a country where freedomm allows you to accumulate large sums of money from the sale of your product. those of us that read your writings are just trying to escape a reality of humdrum existance, jobs that seemingly do not matter,and work with and for persons that seem to be more interested in personal power accumulation and wealth rather than the betterment of our job’s product. gone is the dream of being part of a team that matters, a team that builds the best lathe in the world or the best toaster or the best automobile. etc etc give us some escape that is all we ask and quite frankly, just pay your taxes and quit bitching. be happy, you could be poor like the rest of us.

  33. Larry, all of your dreams have come true! There are both flying cars and jetpacks!! Check out the following links:

    The Flying Car: http://www.terrafugia.com/

    The Jet Pack: http://martinjetpack.com/

    You can buy and fly either one, as you wish, since you are a NYT Bestselling Author!

    I’ve actually seen the Jetpack fly. It’s way beyond cool.
    I’m lobbying for a test flight in the Terrafugia…

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