California can go to hell. Go to hell and die!

Ladies and Gentlemen! Allow me to show you one of the finest pieces of straight-up propaganda I have ever had the pleasure of reading! I give you the article from TIME: California’s Fiscal Crisis: The Legacy of Proposition 13.


Today I stand in awe. I stand in awe of the sheer amount of crap that has been shoved into one article. I applaud the blatant disregard for fact. I feel like a circus ringmaster. Behold the lies! Marvel at the incongruities! Up is down! Right is wrong! It is Topsy-Turvey World! 


The financial crisis in California grew worse this week as State Controller John Chiang warned he would begin paying California‘s bills with IOUs on July 2. The last time the state did this was during the Great Depression. What has brought California to such a perilous state? How did its government become so wildly dysfunctional?


That is a great question. Why is California the most fiscally screwed up state in America? I’m excited to see what the wizards of TIME have to say on the subject.


One obvious cause is the deep recession that has caused tax revenues to plunge for all states. But California‘s woes have a set of deeper reasons: direct democracy run amok, timid governors, partisan gridlock and a flawed constitution all contribute to budget chaos and people in pain. And at the root of California‘s misery lies Proposition 13, the antitax measure that ignited the Reagan Revolution and the conservative era.


HA HA HA HA HA!  Oh… wait… you’re serious. For real? California is a financial cesspool because of conservatives? I didn’t know that there were any of my kind left there. I thought that after most of us moved to away, then you took the few that were left and put them in camps.


In Washington, the Reagan-Bush era is over. But in California, the conservative legacy lives on.


They’re for real.


Read the article. Put your thinking cap on, and go read it. I thought my head was going to explode. The basic gist is that California was an FDR inspired utopia of magic unicorns and rainbows, and then nasty conservatives came along, and said “well, we’d kind of like to keep some of the money we earn, and not give it all to the government” so then everything fell apart. The unicorns were personally hunted to extinction by Ronald Regan, who wore a mask made from human skin and an antlered helm while riding a fire-breathing dire wolf and he ground the rainbow under his spiked jack boots.


And only in the news media can Arnold Schwarzenegger be a conservative. I swear to almighty God I will personally scissor kick the first person that says that to my face in the throat.


California is almost as close to being a completely liberal state as there is. You’ve got a republican governor who would be a democrat anywhere else, like what, four state legislators that are republicans, then the fiscal conservatives are actual democrats from counties that aren’t insane, and even then, they’re outnumbered by five to one by socialists who call themselves democrats, and the rest is from La Raza.


Social Security is the lasting legacy of the New Deal era because F.D.R. understood that workers who contribute payroll-tax deductions from their paychecks would not want politicians tinkering with their retirement dollars. Conservatives have mounted assaults on Social Security through the years but to no avail.


I love that bit. Those nasty Conservatives keep picking on Social Security. We’re so mean. We should just leave it alone. It is just fine the way it is. Except for that whole thing where it is going to completely run out of money in a couple of years, and there are a lot more people getting benefits than there are working, and it will take the bedraggled remains of our economy and beat it over the head with a aluminum bat until it finally quits twitching and then we can descend into blood, madness, and chaos. That’ll be just peachy.


Listen, you friggin’ idiots. It is a Ponzi scheme. It is failing. We keep assaulting it, because it sucks, and will inevitably fail. Do the math. You morons keep propping it up as the problem gets bigger and bigger and bigger until it will eventually explode. But we’re the big meanies for wanting to deal with your asinine FDR crap now, before the web of lies collapses.


Oh, wait… Because of recent record government spending, too late. Sorry Grandma.  


Now Republican Arnold Schwarzenegger says there is no choice but to complete the demolition by slashing essential services.


Yep. The article then goes on to talk about how the programs being cut will be things like teachers and police and prisons… This is the same state that spends billions on bike lanes, billions on beach cleanup, billions on trail beatification, billions on wild animal protection, billions on parades for every race and sexual orientations that I couldn’t even come up with in my strangest imaginings, billions to prop up every picked-on ninnyhammer, billions to replace the homes of idiots who rebuild them on hills that fall down or catch on fire every single year, billions for studying the mating habits of harp seals, billions on every bit of nonsense you can possibly think of, for every pet project a legislator dreams up while huffing paint or snorting coke off a $1,000 an hour hooker’s cleavage.


And then multiply those billions to do the same thing, but for illegal aliens this time. Oh, wait, forgot that. Hmmm… I’m sure millions of people who don’t pay taxes, but use the schools, hospitals, services, make up a disproportionate amount of law enforcement’s business, and fill the prisons have absolutely nothing to do with the fiscal crisis.


California throws millions of dollars on big bonfires of crap, but don’t worry, they’re gonna fire the cops first, because that’s how they roll…


and the state aqueduct that carries water from the well-watered north to the parched south.


Let me tell you about the state aqueduct. I was born and raised in that well-watered north. Basically we were told to shut up. We could grow crops with dust for all they cared, because damn it, there were swimming pools to be filled in Los Angeles. Sure, San Joaquin Valley, you might be the breadbasket of the world and grow 1/8th of America’s food, but we want to have green lawns in the suburbs!


I’m guessing that it hasn’t gotten anymore sensible since I fled with the other refugees either.


Oh, nope, it hasn’t. They’ve shut down huge pieces of the San Joaquin Valley to protect some stupid fish. Apparently growing food is bad for these fish. Hmm… I wonder why my home county has like the highest unemployment in the country right now… Must be from all that Conservative Legacy. I don’t even know what a smelt is.


South of Los Angeles at California State University, Fullerton, Nicole Muth, 22, has just finished her junior year with straight A’s. Muth grew up in Modesto with “lots of love but no money.” Raised by her aunt and uncle, she receives a Cal Grant of $4,500 a year. “It definitely helps,” says Muth, who credits the grant with allowing her to focus on her studies


That’s $4,500 dollars that came out of somebody’s pocket so that she could “focus on her studies”… And keep in mind, with how efficient California state government is, there were twenty state employees who processed her application and sent her a check.


It definitely helps. I bet it does. But why is that everybody else’s problem?


Hell, I grew up with no money and a little bit of love, and still I put my ass through college working thirty-five hours a week making $7.15 an hour. Don’t give me your friggin’ sob story. Modesto is forty minutes from my home town. I don’t care how poor you are. I don’t care if you had to live off of cockroaches and moss and wore clothing made out of newspapers and mice pelts. Your state is BROKE. So you don’t get any more money. Deal with it.


Modesto is also right down the road from where a few young children were pitchforked to death by a mad man, because California also requires you to keep your guns locked up. One more reason California gets the finger.


But Anthony Wright, executive director of Health Access California, a nonprofit advocacy group, says, “These are no longer cuts. These are amputations, and the question is, Which limb are we cutting off today?”  


I got an idea. How about the head?


Productive people have fled California en mass. We got tired of being bossed around, taxed to death, placed under the command of legions of petty bureaucrats, milked of our blood, sweat, and tears, and then left defenseless because you don’t even think we’re worthy to protect ourselves.


TIME, you disgust me. You are a pathetic shadow of a news organization. Your propaganda isn’t even clever anymore. How stupid do you think America is?


Smart enough to move out of California apparently.

A cartoon from 1948
Transformers 2 script

7 thoughts on “California can go to hell. Go to hell and die!”

  1. Whiskey Tango Foxtrot?
    I, too, am a California-Utah refugee. I left in the wake of Gray Davis’s recall. If I remember correctly, Gray Davis was a Democrat who got tossed because he couldn’t keep the lights on and because he nearly bankrupted the state.
    I grew up first in Barstow and then in Bakersfield. Much as Utah has become the whipping boy for Democrats when they’re in power (they know hurting Utah won’t cost them any votes they haven’t already lost), the San Joaquin Valley was abused the same way.
    What I’d like to know is how an article on fiscal mismanagement manages to dodge mentioning Davis’s shenanigans. That’s not just sloppy reporting, that’s deliberately obfuscating fact.

  2. Larry – Larry – Larry. It’s so much worse than all that. Unemployment “insurance” is now good for 18 months. 18 months. Whoever cannot find a job in 18 months sure as hell doesn’t deserve to eat. I live in Stockton. The City Council voted to lat off 55 sworn officers to help balance the budget. 55 cops. Just do not ask about the Arts Commission, the Historical Society, the after school programs, the – oh nevermind my head hurts.

    I’m still here because of family and a family business I cannot move, but one of these days – and it won’t be long – they (the .gov) will look for my tax dollars and I’ll be gone. . . at least that’s what keeps me going.

  3. wow. you are acting like a jerk. being that angry, you can’t possibly be rational in your perception.

    you got out of California, and that’s obviously what you wanted, so good for you! now leave us alone.

    you’re wasting your energy ranting like a maniac about a place where you don’t even live anymore, and therefore must not even have a major impact on your life.

  4. Wrongo, Ab.

    I fled California, but guess what? The whole purpose behind all of the recent sob fests is because California wants FEDERAL bailout money.

    Guess who pays for all their idiotic social programs then?

    Yep. The rest of us who choose not to live under their idiocy.

    Because bureacratic tyranny angers me, I must be an irrational maniac. I bet you would have just got along swell with the founding fathers. They got a smidgen angry about this kind of thing too.

  5. AB – he got out of California for the same reason a lot of people have gotten out of California. Because those in power keep taking and taking and taking from the people who actually work legally, and keep giving and giving and giving to those who don’t work and to those who aren’t even supposed to be in this country.

    The first priority of ANY government is to provide those essential services that the people cannot. That is a very short list: security and infrastructure. Military and police, roads, utilities, possibly hospitals. Perhaps public education, but that comes in after the above, and even after public libraries. Non-essentials such as the arts, museums, commissions to study the mating habits of bats or whatever – those are the first things to be cut in an economic crisis, not the last.

    I’m not against the arts and museums etc. But when there is only so much money to go around, they get cut first, as they are not essential. I’m not saying tear them down. That would be a waste in so many ways. Until such time as the economy rebounds, however, lock the doors and move the employees to more essential positions, or let them go.

  6. “The unicorns were personally hunted to extinction by Ronald Regan, who wore a mask made from human skin and an antlered helm while riding a fire-breathing dire wolf and he ground the rainbow under his spiked jack boots.”

    Ok, I know that I’m commenting very late here, and for that I am sorry- but that image is so awesome that I just had to mention it.

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