I can't make this stuff up…


Let me give you the very first line.

WASHINGTON – President Barack Obama gave America the audacity to hope again.

I really can’t make stuff like that up. I mean, seriously, who writes this crap? Oh yeah, the AP. Those are the words of an actual professional journalist type person. The AP then continues to perform unnatural sex acts on Obama:

After describing the U.S. economy in nearly apocalyptic terms for weeks, pushing his $787 billion stimulus plan through Congress, the president used his address to Congress on Tuesday night to tap the deep well of American optimism — the never-say-die spirit that every president tries to capture in words. And great presidents embody.

Just… wow… So, by dragging the economy down, screwing the DOW an extra 2,000 points since he got elected, and then tripling our national debt (all in a month) he FINALLY taps into our optimism. I’m optimistic that Harry Reid’s gonna be riding a bullet train to Disneyland before I feel optomistic about my nation hoisting the hammer and sickle. Apparently he has now reached the status of one of the Great Ones.  

“We will rebuild. We will recover, and the United States of America will emerge stronger than before,” Obama said, echoing Franklin Delano Roosevelt and Ronald Reagan.

Do they get tired of comparing this dork to other famous people? At least they didn’t add ‘and Jesus, don’t forget, he’s just like Jesus!’ to the end of it. To be fair to the AP, he does echo Roosevelt, since he managed to take an economic downturn and make it last five times longer than it would have by having the government screw around with stuff. 

“The answers to our problems don’t lie beyond our reach,” Obama said. “What is required now is for this country is to pull together, confront boldly the challenges we face, and take responsibility for our future once more.”

Yeah, we need to take responsibility for our futures, like buying houses we can afford, or letting companies that deserve to fail go down, or not tying a noose of debt around our grandkid’s necks, or not tripling the national debt in the largest spending bill ever for stuff that isn’t stimulus in the loosest sense ever and we don’t actually need…

Read the article, and weep for the future.

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5 thoughts on “I can't make this stuff up…”

  1. Last night’s address was scary. The way they all popped up from their seats every 3 words totally reminded me of the knights templar in Kingdom of Heaven. Just replace “God Wills IT!” with “Obama Wills IT!”

    The jesus bit is coming, someone will say it or write it.

  2. When they talk about rebuilding and recovering, they never mention who created the disaster in the first place.

    Yes … we can rebuild and recover. We can do it even faster if we hang all of these morons from lamp posts first.

  3. The more I see and hear about Obama and his followers, the more it reminds me of Hugo Chavez 10 years ago.
    I think I should learn to do preserves and pemmican.

  4. Apparently he has now reached the status of one of the Great Ones.

    Old. Great Old Ones.

    “Ia Obama Fhthagn!”

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