Monster Hunter Nation

Aw, The Guardian’s Village Idiot Remembered My Birthday!

Aw, the Guardian’s Village Idiot Remembered My Birthday!

At least I assume that’s why I showed up in the pages of the pathetic Brit newspaper/bird cage liner The Guardian again on Saturday. Either because it was my birthday–and Damien knows I love piñatas–or it might have been that poor stupid Damien Walter needed the uptick in traffic again. The only time his goofy little opinion pieces get any traffic are when I make fun of them.

Or it could be that last week I wrote an article about the sorry state of the US media, and the Guardian took that as a challenge.

For those of you not familiar with Ace Reporter Damien Walter, you are in luck. Just go up to this blog’s search engine and type in “Village Idiot”, and a whole bunch of fiskings of his goofy/snooty ramblings will pop up. Every time I say something about how modern sci-fi fandom has gone so PC that it has shoved its head up its own ass, and some person thinks I’m exaggerating the state of things, along comes another Damien column, and that person is like “Damn, son. It’s worse than you said.” Truly, Damien is the gift that keeps on giving.

Since the Guardian is falling apart financially and laying people off, I can only hope that Damien is able to cling to employment. Ha! Who am I kidding? I doubt the Guardian actually pays him! He should be safe.

I might not bother fisking the whole thing, because poor dimwitted Damien’s latest jackassery is even more pedantic and boring than usual.  It’s another article where he pretends to have read books before reviewing them. I’ll just hit the highlights.

Here is an archived link to the original. http://archive.is/Ip4pw

Basically, Damien read some Wiki synopsis or the first few pages of various books, and then put on his Wannabe Literature Professor hat. Because those who can do, do. Those who can’t, teach. And those who can’t even do that take grant money from the British government to write a novel and then run off to Thailand to chase Lady-Boys.

Original is italics, my comments are in bold.

Hugo awards: reading the Sad Puppies’ pets

The rightwing lobby are gunning for books to win the sci-fi awards that match their ideological project. They really don’t care about writing well

By Damien “Never Had a Proper Male Role Model and Is Still Very Upset Someone Made Fun Of His Hair Cut In Middle School” Walter.

 

For the last few years, the Hugo awards for science fiction have been campaigned against by a group of writers and fans calling themselves the Sad Puppies – mostly male, very white, and overwhelmingly conservative.

In true Olympic spirit, Damien is off to a great start by cramming several lies into the opening line. It isn’t mostly male. In fact, it was run by three women this year. The Sad Puppies don’t care what color anybody is (ironically in the USA, I’m supposed to check the Latino box, which is annoying because I think checking any box is stupid). And last but not least, I’d say most of us are probably more libertarian than conservative. 

Unhappy with sci-fi’s growing diversity, the Puppies have deliberately block-voted for certain titles to get them nominated for Hugos at the expense of a wider field.

Another lie. If by “diversity” Damien means the year I really got going on this topic the winners were 14 white liberals and 1 Asian liberal, and people like him hailed it as a “triumph of diversity”, sure. Run with that. 

They say it is their goal to “poke the establishment in the eye” by nominating “unabashed pulp action that isn’t heavy-handed message fic”.

Yeah. I just couldn’t handle any more dying polar bears or robot rape.

I say it is to sponsor awful writers.

And Damien is an expert on awful writing.

The Puppies have two criteria for what they deem excellence: does it turn a buck? And has the author dared to say anything, ever, that they disagree with?

Nope and nope. Two more lies.

Never disagree with? SP1 and 2 was mostly me throwing some stuff together that I liked, and I nominated works by several people who I disagreed with politically. Damien conveniently forgets that part where one of my novella nominees was a liberal democrat, who was immediately set upon and attacked as a “racist neo-con” because I liked his story (Remember, back then the WorldCon crowd wouldn’t actually come out and admit the whole thing was political, which was the point I was trying to prove).

If you look at the SP3 nominees, they are clearly all over the board politically, philosophically, racially, sexually, or by any other metric you come up with. SP4’s suggested nominee list was put together out in the open, democratically, with input from anyone who wanted to participate. And to put a cherry on top of how obviously idiotic this accusation is, a few of those nominees “disagreed” with us by dropping out due to political pressure from Damien’s friends.

Scratch that. Damien’s side. Damien doesn’t actually have “friends”.  

Making a buck? Well duh. It’s a FAN POPULARITY AWARD, moron. When books nobody ever actually buys are winning your fan award, that should be a warning you’ve got a problem.

This, paired with their conspiracy theories about some big sci-fi publishers, means that they tend to champion mostly self-published authors.

One more line, two more lies.

In an award system where a category came into existence simply so Patrick Nielsen-Hayden could finally get a trophy, somebody with clout and reach got a dozen media outlets—who never covered the Hugos before—to run matching stories about sexist/racist invaders in the same 24 hour period, but conspiracies are absurd! – Says the reporter who somehow knew I was a finalist before the announcements were made.

And the vast majority of SP nominees have been traditionally published. I do believe however that we were the cause of the first ever nominations for self-published or shockingly, media tie-in works.

Which tells you a lot more about the snobbish nature of the Hugos than it does about us.

Nothing about quality

Lie. In fact, going back to the very beginning I was saying that the quality of any given work had become irrelevant compared to the author’s politics or ass kissing ability.

 – though you don’t need an in-depth knowledge of sci-fi to understand that a short story called Space Raptor Butt Invasion (yes, really) has not arrived on the Hugo lists because of its calibre.

Another lie. Space Raptor Butt Invasion was not a Sad Puppy nominee. It was nominated by an offshoot group which started during SP3, called Rabid Puppies. They have different goals and methods. Damien, and everybody who has paid a lick of attention, knows this. They just like to confuse the two whenever it is convenient.

Oh, and Space Raptor Butt Invasion is still more award worthy than If You Were a Dinosaur My Love… Because Chuck Tingle is hilarious and love is real.

With this year’s Hugo awards coming on Saturday night in the US, I thought I’d read some of the authors championed by the Puppies. (Don’t ever say I don’t do anything for you.)

Judging by how pathetic these reviews are, trust me, he still hasn’t done anything for you.

If you find meaning in straight-to-video Dolph Lundgren films, then Larry Correia’s novels will be your kind of read.

Wait… Is he comparing me to Dolph Lundgren, the ripped 160 IQ chemical engineer, turned Red Mother Fucking Scorpion, Ivan “I Will Break You” Drago, and all around bad ass… as an insult? 

Correia, accountant-turned-author-turned-Sad-Puppies-creator,

He left out the turned Machinegun Dealer part, which is what if I recall correctly, was what caused Damien to begin wetting the bed about me to begin with.

kicked off his Monster Hunter series with Monster Hunter International, about an accountant whose boss turns into a monster.

News flash. Guardian Book Reviewer reviews an author’s debut novel seven years late.

So he shoots him. In fact, much of the Monster Hunter series relies rather heavily on people the hero doesn’t like turning into monsters … so he can shoot them.

Another lie, but it just demonstrates that Damien merely skimmed the first chapter so he could fake a review.

The bit about the series relying heavily on people the hero doesn’t like turning into monsters so he can shoot them? I found out about this article when somebody shared it to the MHI fan page on Facebook. Nobody there could think of any other cases over five books where somebody the hero didn’t like turned into a monster so he could shoot them. The closest anyone could think of was the opposite happening.

You know what they say about assumptions, Damien? They say when you in particular make them you’re probably going to be wrong, because you’re a dope.

Speaking of assumptions, this is the same guy who published that I was a sexist/racist/homophobe, who when confronted for evidence, then crowd sourced a witch hunt of all my copious political writings to find something bad I’d said. And the best thing they could come up with was my teaching free self-defense classes to women (so they could shoot rapists in the face) was “victim blaming”. 

Sadly, Correia’s books are not quite awful enough to be good. They’re just mediocre.

Isn’t it a little weird that Damien chose to talk about my debut novel from 2009, rather than my 12th novel, Son of the Black Sword, which would have been the book eligible for this period? Because that book was picked as one of the best books of the year by the LA Times, Buzzfeed, and the Science Fiction Book Club, has gotten critical and even academic acclaim, and has been a finalist for the Audie, Gemmell Legend, AML, CLFA, H. Beam Piper Memorial, and Dragon awards. 

Go figure.

That’s fine – Dolph Lundgren movies are also often mediocre, but plenty of people like them.

And more than anything else here, that one sentence demonstrates why Damien is a fucking tool.

Damien? Never heard of her.

Damien? Never heard of her.

But did Lundgren’s Masters of the Universe deserve to take the 1987 Oscar over Oliver Stone’s Platoon? I don’t think so – and in that same way, Correia’s novels in no way merit consideration for the Hugos (thankfully, he only made the 2014 longlist).

Actually, dipshit, I made the 2015 longlist also, but immediately asked them to remove me from the list, and then I recused myself from all future Hugo nominations, so that you mopes couldn’t carry on your ridiculous narrative that Sad Puppies was all because I personally wanted a Hugo.

Dave Freer’s Changeling Island, shortlisted for this year’s inaugural Dragon awards, is all about story – which is fortunate, because sentences as thoroughly mangled and amateurish as Freer’s won’t be winning any prizes (at least I hope not).

Compared to Dave’s writing, Damien is finger painting with his own poo.

Open with a strong start, they say; now read Changeling Island’s opening:

It had been the most terrifying, miserable day of Tim Ryan’s whole miserable life. He’d just done it to show Hailey. Because … because she said he was too scared. He was. Every time he tried anything it always went wrong. Horribly wrong. And he wasn’t a thief. Well, he didn’t want to be. It was one of the few thing things his dad ever really got angry with him about. And then he’d only been a little five-year-old kid helping himself to a chocolate bar in a store. But Hailey … she said … and he’d do anything to get her.”

Editor hat on (and unlike Damien, I’ve actually edited stuff people have paid money for). The purpose of an opening line is to serve as a hook to make you want to read more. It makes a promise. This is a YA book, aimed at young adults. We meet a character, and from the voice/tone, we can see it is a kid, he’s nervous, and he lacks confidence. Now the reader wants to know why, and reads the next sentence. And the next. If they made it that far, they just bought the book.  

Mission accomplished. Except for Damien, because apparently Dave didn’t write that to hook the Sanctimonious Fucktard market.

Funny Damien didn’t pick the opening line of MHI for some reason.

On one otherwise normal Tuesday evening I had the chance to live the American dream. I was able to throw my incompetent jackass of a boss from a fourteenth-story window.

Damn right. And that opening line has probably made me a million bucks now. I bet Dolph Lundgren would love that opening. If Damien had put that in the Guardian, with its readership numbers, I might have sold another one, maybe even two, books!

In fairness … to Freer … pick any passage, from. Any Puppy author like Brad Torgersen or Sarah Hoyt and you will find … sentences … as mangled as these.

Oooooh, this working author used too many ellipses in a paragraph to indicate a young character was hesitant and correcting himself! says the knobtosser who has only published a handful of short stories (to such a pathetic reception that I can’t even find them on an Amazon search).

But at least Damien skimmed one whole chapter of my first book before writing a review. Dave only got one paragraph!

By the way, Sarah Hoyt started out writing “LITERATURE”, and got a lot of critical praise, but switched to stuff people actually like to read because the pay was crap. Brad’s background was in short fic, where he kept winning that Analog Reader’s Choice award, and before his badthink politics came to you guys’ attention SFWA thought he was good enough to nominate for a Nebula.

Within the Puppy movement, John C Wright is considered to be its resident intellectual colossus and was nominated three times for the 2015 best novella category (which eventually went to no one).

Objection, your honor. The prosecution is conflating the two puppy movements again, because this article is supposedly about Sad Puppies, but only one of those nominations were from the Sads and he knows it.

Sustained. One more outburst like that, Mr. Walter, and you will have to look upon this photo of Dolph Lundgren in order to dwell upon your own pathetic existence in comparison.

I will break-- Never mind. It appears you are already broken. Please, Damien, stop crying. You are making me uncomfortable.

I will break– Never mind. It appears you are already broken. Please, Damien, stop crying. You are making me uncomfortable.

He is hugely influenced by the Inklings, particularly CS Lewis. But in comparison to Lewis, whose metaphysical investigations were built up from wide-reading during a lengthy education,

Uh, actually Wright got an education, graduated law school, was an attorney, then a reporter, then a newspaper editor, and back before he became known as a staunch Catholic he was so beloved by the literati they nominated him for a Nebula (an award which only SFWA members can vote for).

Funny how Brad and John were both *real* writers before their politics became well known…

Wright reads like a first-year humanities undergrad who refuses to read beyond a small pool of comforting favourites, writing essay after essay (or novel after novel) only to demonstrate how much he knows.

I was wrong earlier. Damien has one friend. Projection.  In this case the “essay after essay trying to sound smart” part, because Damien is way too incompetent to get his novel finished.

Consider this dialogue from Wright’s The Phoenix Exultant:

Rhadamanthus said, ‘There is a tension between the need for unity and the need for individuality created by the limitations of the rational universe. Chaos theory produces sufficient variation in events, that no one stratagem maximises win-loss ratios. Then again, classical causality mechanics forces sufficient uniformity upon events, that uniform solutions to precedented problems is required. The paradox is that the number or the degree of innovation and variation among win-loss ratios is itself subject to win-loss ratio analysis.

Oh, look guys, Damien picked a dialog paragraph with no context from a book. You have no idea who the character is, or what they’re talking about, or what that paragraph is supposed to convey. Is the character actually smart? Trying to impress someone? Is the information meant to confuse someone else? Who is he speaking to? Have these ideas been discussed previously?

Well there you have it, folks, books have beginnings and page numbers for a reason.

That random sampling of one paragraph is a bullshit review method. You could do the same thing to Dune, Hyperion, or Cryptonomicon, and cherry pick some information dense, confusing when out of context paragraph too. It doesn’t mean those books aren’t fucking amazeballs.

That is why we have Book Reviews and not Paragraph Reviews (unless it is the Guardian, because we should just be thankful those lazy socialists show up to work at all).

Though this reminds me of an incident with the Imbecile Stalker Troll Clamps, where he was all hung up on what were author’s best lines, and his was something about globes of light floating like fish semen or some bullshit. I said my best line was The End, because that meant I’d finished another book and now I could get paid for it. Wannabe artistes get hung up on individual lines. Working authors tell stories.    

This goes on, for page after page.

Actually, no it doesn’t.

The characters are no more than ciphers for Wright’s ranting, and what story exists is only glimpsed in momentary fragments between diatribes. After long enough reading Wright, you start to suspect that he, like most of these authors, simply can’t help himself, vomiting on to the page whatever passes through his head.

Maybe you should try “vomiting” stuff onto a page, Damien. Then you might actually finish that book and quit ripping off the British tax payers with your book welfare. Whatever your current method is doesn’t seem to be working.

But the funny thing is, for those of us who have read Wright, we know that his stories vary a lot in style depending on what kind of effect he’s going for. Sometimes he does big brain sci-fi, other times he writes borderline Narnia. Personally, my favorite is his Nightlands stuff. 

At this point, we must be reminded that these are amazing times for science fiction and fantasy storytelling.

Something I agree with, but for entirely different reasons. Back when gatekeepers controlled what made it to market, jock sniffer wannabe pundits like Damien actually had a small measure of power. Now they are increasingly irrelevant.

We have Ted Chiang’s sublime short stories making it to the big screen in Arrivala new book from China Miéville, Alan Moore’smagnum opus Jerusalem coming next month. Claire North is topping bestseller lists, while there’s an exciting debut from Laurie Penny and a TV adaptation of Neil Gaiman’s American Gods following in the footsteps of Game of Thrones …

Good for them.

I could go on.

Not really. That’s what Damien found in ten seconds of Googling. Anything more exhausting would require him to take another mental health holiday.

And the hack writers and sloppy sentences championed by the Sad Puppies deserve no place in that picture; for their politics, yes, but also their sheer shoddiness.

I love when they slip up and admit that it is actually all about politics.

But the Sad Puppies don’t want any of their books to end up on bestseller lists or TV screens.

That is quite possibly the stupidest thing Damien has ever written, and that’s saying something.

First off, all authors want our books on bestseller lists and TV screens.  Duh.

Second, I’ve optioned the rights for an MHI TV show to Entertainment One (the Walking Dead people). They teamed up with Sky Network and brought in a team of screen writers. We just renewed the contract this year. It is in development. Knock on wood.

And third, last week the latest MHI novel was the #1 bestselling fantasy hardcover in America on Nielsen Book Scan (the most accurate of all bestseller lists).

So literally, while Damien typing up this dreck about how we don’t want to be on TV or bestseller lists, I was on a bestseller list and cashing option checks.

You can’t make this stuff up.

And I’m not the only SP nominee to be a bestseller or have optioned stuff for movies. SP3 and SP4 nominee Jim Butcher is a #1 bestseller and already had a TV show. We nominated bestseller Kevin J. Anderson, who has written for like a dozen movie and TV franchises.

Shittiest. Reporter. Ever.

It’s the same frustrating paradigm that British MP Michael Gove hit upon when he said that people were sick of experts, or what Donald Trump plays upon when he rails against “professional politicians”.

I don’t know what the fuck lame ass comparison Damien is trying to draw here. But he thinks comparing me to Dolph Lundgren was an insult… so thanks?  I guess?

We’re seeing the Dunning-Kruger effect played out on a mass scale, and the Sad Puppies are just a speck in that wider problem.

BWA HA HA HA HAAAAAAAAAAA HA HA! Snort.

Oh wait… Dear Lord. He’s serious. Sometimes I can’t tell if Damien is such an ideological shill that he is compelled to say stupid shit, or if he’s actually as mentally defective as he comes off.

Regardless, for those who aren’t familiar with Dunning-Kruger, that’s the phenomena where the less you know about a particular topic, the stronger your opinion tends to be, with the truly ignorant being the most opinionated. The more you learn about the topic, the more uncertain you become, until you achieve actual expertise, and then your confidence in your conclusions increases.

The subject under discussion is WRITING BOOKS PEOPLE WANT TO READ. On one side, Damien cites me, Dave, Sarah, Brad, and John, who between us have published like 40 million words of paying fiction, as being shitty writers. On the other hand, we have a clueless wannabe dilettante hanger-on who has failed to publish anything, who is so certain he knows the market that he can judge entire careers based on a paragraph.

Dunning Damien

Yeah… Draw your own conclusions about who goes where on the Dunning-Kruger graph.  

Projection is truly Damien’s only friend.  

 

EDIT! Because this is too awesome not to share, this was pointed out on FB while I was putting this up, Damien’s first short fiction sale was in 2005. In 2008 he attended one of those fancy expensive writer’s workshops. That means that Damien has been trying to be a professional writer LONGER THAN I HAVE.

 

Last Chance. Voting For The Dragon Award Closes Soon
My Thoughts on the 2016 Hugos
Votermom
Guest
7 months 14 days ago

With a name like Damien one would think he’d be more awesomely evil and devilishly handsome. Life is such a disappointment.
I so much want to see an MHI tv show. Please let it happen one day.

Doug Northcote
Guest
Doug Northcote
7 months 14 days ago

Agreed, this will be so amazing and hopefully sticks to the book instead of idiot re-writes.

Richard McEnroe
Guest
Richard McEnroe
7 months 13 days ago

It’s like all those life losers who play at being vampires. The “awesome” vamp names can’t mask the acne, taped eyeglasses and pencil necks…thus with “Damien”…

Tomyironmane
Guest
Tomyironmane
7 months 13 days ago

… for some reason when I think of someone named Damien, I get that pathetic nasal whiny vampire LARPer image stuck in my head. In this case, C.S. Lewis (A writer whose politics surely means Damien secretly HATES him with the impotent passion of a thousand burning SJWs) wrote the ideal line… “There once was a boy called Eustace Clarence Scrubb, and he almost deserved it”

Member
7 months 13 days ago

I picture a 28 years old fat guy nick-named DEEDEE who keeps ruining his old truck by mis-installing cheap quick-shift transmission kits in it that he buys at Autozone, forcing him to drive the Honda FIT his mom bought him.

CombatMissionary
Guest
CombatMissionary
7 months 12 days ago

I can’t see it. Damien would burst into an impotent pout the instant he touched a wrench, much less got grease on his hands.

Joe in PNG
Guest
Joe in PNG
7 months 12 days ago

I picture a white version of Tom from Parks and Rec- a hipster toff who doesn’t have a single opinion, hobby, or any other activity that isn’t calculated to impress the right sort of people. A man without a single real friend.

Shadowdancer
Guest
7 months 12 days ago

I named one of my sons Damien, after the saint. My brothers worried that he’d be born with 666 somewhere on him. (It’s also a rather common name in Australia.)

Richard McEnroe
Guest
Richard McEnroe
7 months 11 days ago

Don’t let him LARP. And remember there is no Midnight Mass on Easter. Just sayin’.

Shadowdancer
Guest
7 months 11 days ago

Heh, I wish he’d had he chance! Sadly, he was stillborn. He would’ve been 3 years old this 5th of September. I reckon he and his younger brother Brandon are giving their granddad the run for it in heaven.

Shadowdancer
Guest
7 months 11 days ago

And before you fret – no, you didn’t upset me, hon. Losses are as much part of life as joy. I still reckon he’d have been the Mischievous Middle child, gleefully pissing off the youngest (who, honestly, seemed to be a Churchill, judging from the scowl he used to give us.)

Richard McEnroe
Guest
Richard McEnroe
7 months 10 days ago

My condolences regardless. I knew you’d had miscarriages; I should have considered the possibility.

Shadowdancer
Guest
7 months 10 days ago

*hugs* Thank you.
Two angels; Damien having been stillborn in 2013, and Brandon through SUIDS April 2015. That doesn’t stop them from being beloved children.

I refuse to give up hope.

Andy
Guest
7 months 6 days ago

Starring Dolph Lundgren, naturally.

Celia Hayes
Guest
7 months 14 days ago

So, there our little Damien sits, with the appearance of being well-connected in literary circles, on top of a little sinecure at the Guardian, the recipient of a grant for a novel that he has never actually delivered … as we say in Texas, “Bless his heart.”

I swear, he’s like the eunuch, strutting up and down in front of the door to the harem, loudly telling EVERYONE how it ought to be done.

Arwen
Guest
Arwen
7 months 14 days ago

That comparison made me laugh. I’m still snickering.

Dawn Dreams
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Dawn Dreams
7 months 13 days ago

And this is why I don’t take a drink while reading this page and its comments.

Guest
Basara549
7 months 13 days ago

Remember what Henry Cho said about “Bless his heart” actually translates to in Southern……

Member
7 months 14 days ago

You know it’s bad when I’ve had more stuff published since I started writing in 2010 than he has.

Carbonel
Guest
7 months 14 days ago

Hahahahaha. Now that I’m thinking about it, I have more books published then does Damien Walter. And I’m a little apprentice Web cartoonist who isn’t even trying to be a professional offer at all.

Carbonel
Guest
7 months 14 days ago

Offer–> author. Sorry.

Aacid
Guest
Aacid
7 months 12 days ago

The keyboard just intended to buttress your point of not being a professional author. ;P

TheWriterInBlack
Guest
7 months 14 days ago

I’ve got more books published than he does all without a government grant to write them. More paid, professional, short works than he has too.

John Van Stry
Guest
7 months 14 days ago

Ditto

Dan Lane
Guest
Dan Lane
7 months 13 days ago

*blink*

*I* even have more published work than this wank. And I’m not even trying (got a day job, a floating job, and various charity stuff). That… is just damned sad.

Chris Smith
Guest
Chris Smith
7 months 13 days ago

*I* have more stuff published than he has, and I’ve only been at this three years

PeterK
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PeterK
7 months 14 days ago

Cue the sad strangle little man meme.

Matthew Bowman
Guest
7 months 14 days ago

I use the first line of Monster Hunter International in my “Hooking the Audience” talk for both classrooms and conventions. I’ll be doing that one in a few weeks on a college campus. Maybe I’ll have one of the students take a picture.

Matthew
Guest
Matthew
7 months 14 days ago

Honestly, it’s second only to

“It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife”

S1AL
Guest
S1AL
7 months 14 days ago

I beg to differ:

“There once was a boy called Eustace Clarence Scrubb, and he almost deserved it.”

Tomyironmane
Guest
Tomyironmane
7 months 13 days ago

C.S. Lewis has to be one of my favorite writers for his ability to wield simple language to such effect.

Damien would secretly hate him, whatever he said…. unless he didn’t actually know about his catalog of apologetics.

S1AL
Guest
S1AL
7 months 13 days ago

Not only that, but the range… from Mere Christianity and the Screwtape Letters to the Chronicles of Narnia and his Space Trilogy. Off the top of my head I can’t name a single author with that kind of distribution.

snelson134
Guest
snelson134
7 months 13 days ago

Kipling was pretty much the same.

Tomyironmane
Guest
Tomyironmane
7 months 12 days ago

Damien hates Kipling too. Kipling didn’t call soldiers mindless brainwashed murderers, and celebrate when they died.

Stephen St. Onge
Guest
Stephen St. Onge
7 months 8 days ago
And that’s Lewis’s ‘popular’ stuff. He also wrote well-respected academic books on English literature (_The Allegory of Love_, _A Preface to “Paradise Lost”_). I just read Damien’s book _My Lovesick Zombie Boy Band: & weirder tales_. The worst of Lewis’s novels, imao, is _The Magician’s Nephew_. It is far better than the best of what Damien has produced, judging by his book. I can see why he was #1,054,919 Paid in Kindle Store, before it got dropped. Meanwhile, _The Magician’s Nephew_ is #13,684 Paid in Kindle Store. I can also see why he hasn’t ever produced his novel. Novels require… Read more »
John R. Ellis
Guest
John R. Ellis
7 months 8 days ago

My favorite work by Lewis is TILL WE HAVE FACES, a re-telling of the myth of Eros and Psyche from the POV of one of Psyche’s half-sisters. It’s quite possibly one of the finest fantasy novels of the mid 20th century, though it seems quite obscure these days.

Mary
Guest
Mary
7 months 13 days ago

It has some rivals, too. “There once was a boy named Milo who did not know what to do with himself — not just some of the time, but always.”

Guest
7 months 13 days ago

There are many good opening lines. Larry’s may take the cake for action and interest.

One of my favorite opening lines is: After an eternity, it was beginning to end.

Kudos to anyone who recognizes it.

TheWriterInBlack
Guest
7 months 12 days ago

“The building was on fire and it wasn’t my fault.”

😉

Stephen J.
Guest
Stephen J.
7 months 13 days ago

I’m a big fan of “In the night-time heart of Beirut, in one of a row of general-address transfer booths, Louis Wu flicked into reality.”

John R. Ellis
Guest
John R. Ellis
7 months 9 days ago

I still like the opening Shirley Jackson wrote for The Haunting of Hill House:

“No live organism can continue for long to exist under conditions of absolute reality; even larks and katydids are supposed, by some, to dream. Hill House, not sane, stood by itself against the hills, holding darkness within; it had stood so for eighty years and might stand eighty more. Within, walls continued upright, bricks met neatly, floors were firm, and doors were sensibly shut; silence lay steadily against the wood and stone of Hill House, and whatever walked there, walked alone.”

Azathoth
Guest
Azathoth
7 months 14 days ago

“there’s an exciting debut from Laurie Penny ”
You couldn’t make LP exciting with the combined money and tech know-how of the Fortune 10 list.

Civilis
Guest
Civilis
7 months 13 days ago

I looked over the list of names in that paragraph of Damien’s: Ted Chiang, China Miéville, Alan Moore, Claire North, Laurie Penny and Neil Gaiman. Which one doesn’t even remotely belong?

She might not be exciting, but there’s a lot of fun to be had just trying not to laugh. Most recent: http://davidthompson.typepad.com/davidthompson/2016/08/humblebrag.html

Zavier_Desine
Guest
7 months 14 days ago

First, Happy Birthday.

I always tell my daughter to be the best she can, and if the haters, come out to ignore because she must be doing something right.

PavePusher
Guest
7 months 14 days ago

In the comments at the Guardian, I keep asking how much government money he’s received for not finishing a novel.

It keeps getting deleted….

torin3
Guest
torin3
7 months 13 days ago

I was wondering what the violation of community standards was. I guess it is making the blogger look like an idiot. Though it isn’t enforced very well, as they’d have to take down 1/2 the comments if they did enforce it.

snelson134
Guest
snelson134
7 months 13 days ago

Not to mention removing Damien’s column……

Book
Guest
Book
7 months 14 days ago

psst! Jack! Please to embiggen those images? They’re too small to see!

JackWylder
Guest
JackWylder
7 months 14 days ago

Looks fine to me on PC, IPhone, and iPad- what are you using?

Book
Guest
Book
7 months 13 days ago

Looks fixed now! I’m sorry I didn’t check back here earlier. I’m always forgetting to check that little notification box too.

Excellent work on the blog, Jack. Sorry for the OT comment.

gbm
Guest
gbm
7 months 14 days ago

Speaking of the Guardian:
http://the-digital-reader.com/2016/08/22/guardian-please-hire-someone-knows-ip-copyrights-trademarks/
Looks like they have more than one village idiot.

Happy belated Birthday.

Votermom
Guest
7 months 14 days ago

Oh, and Happy Birthday!
(We just celebrated a bday in the family too. Hope you had the best cake)

Member
7 months 14 days ago
Damien: It’s the same frustrating paradigm that British MP Michael Gove hit upon when he said that people were sick of experts, or what Donald Trump plays upon when he rails against “professional politicians”. Larry: I don’t know what the fuck lame ass comparison Damien is trying to draw here. Me: I’m not sure what the Trump one is about but the Michael Gove comparison is deliciously ironic. Let me explain. In the Brexit campaign there were many many “experts” who were happy to predict all sorts of doom and gloom if the Brexit vote should pass. Most of their… Read more »
TheWriterInBlack
Guest
7 months 14 days ago

Personally, my favorite is his Nightlands stuff.

Here I’m going to have to disagree (YMMV, and all that). I don’t like the Nightlands stuff. This whole “x years before the final extinction of humanity” bit just rubs me the wrong way.

That said, the writing within it is phenomenal. Pure artistry. And that, by itself, pulled me through to the end of the collection “Awake in the Night Lands.”

I wish I could write half as well.

Matthew
Guest
Matthew
7 months 14 days ago

“Damien knows I love piñatas”

I guess he figured it out when he spotted your sombrero?

Henry
Guest
Henry
7 months 14 days ago

Gawd what an asshole this Damien thing is. Need to add a fourth law to the three laws of SJW’s (they always lie, they always double down, they always project). The fourth law? “SJW’s are always assholes.” Just a suggestion….

Doug Loss
Guest
Doug Loss
7 months 13 days ago

But that’s part of the definition of “SJW,” Social Justice Wankers…

airboy
Guest
airboy
7 months 14 days ago

Happy Birthday!

The takedown on the Dunning-Kruger effect was too easy. Hilarious, but way too easy for a man of your talents.

Jeff
Guest
Jeff
7 months 14 days ago

This was an enjoyable read, Larry. Thanks! Now … on to “Grunge”! 😀 By the way … would Dolph Lundgren be a reasonable choice as Owen Pitt? Or has he grown a tad too old for something like that? I seem to visualize actors in novels. *shrug* So sue me. 😀

Member
7 months 14 days ago

The Guardian is against poverty, war, injustice, good journalism and copy editing.

There is no greater swamp of proglodyte groupthink out there in the world.

Wendy Delmater Thies
Guest
Wendy Delmater Thies
7 months 14 days ago

Well, there was, but Gawker’s gone now.

Rawle Nyanzi
Guest
7 months 14 days ago

Though this reminds me of an incident with the Imbecile Stalker Troll Clamps, where he was all hung up on what were author’s best lines, and his was something about globes of light floating like fish semen or some bullshit.

There’s also the classic, “What are your names, wayfarers?”

Shadowdancer
Guest
7 months 12 days ago

When I read the part about the village idiot skimming the first chapter and then basing his whole opinion of the book from that, thought, “So, he’s getting writing tips from Clamps now?”

Greg B
Guest
Greg B
7 months 14 days ago

Poo flinging monkeys could make a better poo painting than Damien can.
On his best day.
After eating pea soup.

Rawle Nyanzi
Guest
7 months 14 days ago

Off-topic, but too funny not to post: A robber held up a store with a sword…but the owner had an even bigger sword and chased the robber out. http://www.nbcnewyork.com/multimedia/322066961.html

Guest
wyrdbard
7 months 14 days ago

To paraphrase, “That’s not a sword… THIS is a sword.”

Doug Northcote
Guest
Doug Northcote
7 months 14 days ago

I kept waiting for the benny hill music to start in that article. Wow. just… wow.

JP Kalishek
Guest
JP Kalishek
7 months 14 days ago

“Hassan Chop!”
cue Daffy running away

Professor Headbutt
Guest
Professor Headbutt
7 months 13 days ago

THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE!

Shadowdancer
Guest
7 months 12 days ago

I think that’s the kind of off topic that we’d cheerfully enjoy!

Also: Bwahahahahahahahaha!

Maskman
Guest
7 months 10 days ago

Interjecting some politics: Note that in the UK, there is already an assault on “knife culture,” complete with vaguely-worded bans. Similar efforts have begun their first tentative efforts over here.

Vision of the future… which is bleak.

Bob
Guest
Bob
7 months 14 days ago

I have to think at this point, fisking Damien has got to be more chore than triumph. Like cleaning up after a hyperactive shih-tzu that’s defecated all over the floor and chewed up some newspapers. But it’s gotta be done.

Happy birthday!

Richard McEnroe
Guest
Richard McEnroe
7 months 13 days ago

As they learned over at Ace of Spades, don’t leave Damien alone with the Roomba…

Adampm
Guest
Adampm
7 months 12 days ago

It’s kind of like Pee Wee Herman vs the Hulk. Not sure why he keeps taking shots because everybody knows it’s going to end badly. He’d be all sorts of squished and broken before he got the full Loki.

anonme
Guest
anonme
7 months 14 days ago

These fiskings should be studied by future generations as works of art.

Christopher M. Chupik
Guest
Christopher M. Chupik
7 months 14 days ago

Larry could make a book of them, sell them, and in doing so move more books than Damien ever has in his entire career.

Michael Hill
Guest
Michael Hill
7 months 13 days ago

Boy howdy, true dat! (Are you listening, Larry?!)

Nathan
Guest
Nathan
7 months 14 days ago

Damien’s the Arnold Rimmer of science fiction.

anonme
Guest
anonme
7 months 14 days ago

At least Rimmer had Ace Rimmer in an alternate universe. I don’t know if Damien even has that.

Jeff
Guest
Jeff
7 months 14 days ago

What letter is on his (low) forehead?? 🙂

ravenshrike
Guest
ravenshrike
7 months 14 days ago

Hey now, not only does Arnold Rimmer have a successful alternate universe version of himself but he grows and learns. At least until he is resurrected with nanobots and so loses all the growth that happened as a HL hologram. There is no universe in which Damien would be successful and it’s pretty clear that there has been no growth on his part since he first started stalking Larry.

Patrick Chester
Guest
Patrick Chester
7 months 14 days ago

It’s your birthday and Damien got you a pony?

(With all the horse manure his article has, there’s GOT to be a pony in there somewhere.) 😉

Kevin Findley
Guest
7 months 13 days ago

I strongly suspect that Damien is the pony and his columns are his desperate plea for Larry to ride him hard.

perturbed
Guest
perturbed
7 months 13 days ago

The pony had but one thing to contribute to this discussion and that was the intra-article manure. It went straight back to Equestria and is hiding there. :p

CombatMissionary
Guest
CombatMissionary
7 months 12 days ago

You forget, large piles of horse manure are typically produced by an industrial grade horse’s ass.

CombatMissionary
Guest
CombatMissionary
7 months 12 days ago

At this point,I forward the motion to designate one 18-wheeler load of horse manure as a “Damien.” That way the benchmark for measuring insipid SJW article yield can be conveniently expressed in kiloDamiens, as in, “Anita Sarkeesien’s latest TED talk had a gross yield of five kiloDamiens.” We could use kD for short.

Maskman
Guest
7 months 10 days ago

So, how does one get a new standard unit of measure adopted as ‘Official?’

ripshin
Guest
ripshin
7 months 14 days ago
What surprises me the most is the straightforward admission that he believes the politics have “no place” in ranks of respected/anticipated fiction. Wow! Straight up, no BS, stare-you-in-the-face-and-spit admission. And the brazenness!?! No shame exhibited at all in admitting this. Few things irritate me more that the smug moral preening of left-wing snobs. I’m happy to entertain a multiplicity of conflicting viewpoints, both in my daily life (e.g. among friends and coworkers) and in my entertainment choices. As long as the story is good and captivates me, I’m in. But please! A little reciprocity is deserved. I’m so weary of… Read more »
Carbonel
Guest
7 months 14 days ago

Especially when their politics have resulted, both directly and indirectly, in nearly 100 MILLION dead and counting ( from 2013 http://www.thecommentator.com/article/4230/so_how_many_did_communism_kill)
Which doesn’t include the wrongful imprisonment, rate of millions and millions more though which is still ongoing today.

And yet no one says word one about open pinkos such as China Mieville. Go genocide!

Joe in PNG
Guest
Joe in PNG
7 months 14 days ago

Damien- his historical legacy will be that of a small footnote in Larry’s biography.

Patrick Chester
Guest
Patrick Chester
7 months 14 days ago

Would’ve been funnier if he’d tried to rope David Weber into his random sampling attempt at sneering. Knowing his luck he’d pick:

“Oops.”

🙂

thomashewlett
Guest
thomashewlett
7 months 14 days ago

I’ll look it up later (no I won’t because I’m too lazy) but who was the “liberal democrat” novella author “who was immediately set upon and attacked as a ‘racist neo-con’ “?

Brian Niemeier
Guest
7 months 14 days ago

Awesome! On Larry’s birthday, WE get presents 🙂

That kinda reminds me of someone else…

Doug Northcote
Guest
Doug Northcote
7 months 14 days ago
1. Happy belated birthday! 2. Excellent fisking, as always. 3. I really did try to find Walters work on Amazon. I was unable to do so. I spent more than 10 seconds looking. I tried googling it. Finally found it. How can you say you’re an author like that and not have anything at all on Amazon. I’d say i’m flabbergasted but Damien wouldn’t get what that word means. I’ll just go with “resigned and unsurpassed in my lack of unsurprisededness” (can I make up a word? is that ok?) Though I guess Damien would indeed be the example for:… Read more »
Stephen St. Onge
Guest
Stephen St. Onge
7 months 8 days ago

His book was on Amazon, it was #1,054,919 Paid in Kindle Store, before it was removed.

I’ll send a free copy to anyone who wants it, as he gives permission to do so.

Warning: it’s not very good, and not terrible enough to laugh at.

trackback

[…] Correia, pulp-writer extraordinaire and one of my secret writing mentors, takes on another article by “the Guardian’s village idiot,” Damien Walters, which means it’s time to […]

Elmdorprime
Guest
Elmdorprime
7 months 14 days ago

Dolph Lundgren is easily my favorite actor because his life story is a Hollywood B-movie script.

Genius chemist becomes movie star in America after dating supermodel/rock star while being a professional bodyguard in Australia.

If you were to write about a character like that Damien would whine about the total lack of reality.

Jakub Narębski
Guest
Jakub Narębski
7 months 14 days ago

Also, while he used to star in direct-to-vide moves, it’s in the past since The Expendables; he returned to the big screen.

Richard McEnroe
Guest
Richard McEnroe
7 months 13 days ago

He’d need sidekicks: Long Tom, Monk, Renny, Ham and Johnny… Actually, Lundgren should team up with Travis Taylor for some collaborations. The background material would be awesome and I suspect Dolph’s English is better…

Guest
Basara549
7 months 13 days ago

Sometimes I wonder if “Buckaroo Banzai” was a Dolph biography that was horribly miscast ala Starship Troopers.

Captain Comic
Guest
Captain Comic
7 months 13 days ago

All due respect to Lundgren, my favorite story is:

Austrian champion bodybuilder MBA real-estate millionare who became the biggest star in Hollywood and governor of California…

And I was at the Hugos, Larry (last time, can’t do it again). It was worse than you think. All you described with a framing from Pat Cadigan that made David Gerrold look like Stephen Fry…

Member
7 months 14 days ago

Last time I saw something like that Guardian article, I flushed. Moo.

Tim H
Guest
7 months 14 days ago

A couple of years back I used to quite enjoy Damien’s articles, and we used to exchange posts on Twitter. I didn’t always agree with him, but he was often entertaining and thought provoking.

Then he just completely went off the deep end a couple of years ago and morphed into the Damien we see today. He had a meltdown on the comments section of one of his own Guardian blogs (possibly he was drunk?) and the mods had to delete a lot of his own comments.

He’s got me blocked on Twitter now.

Carbonel
Guest
7 months 14 days ago

Bonus error: DW got John C. Wright’s influences wrong. IIRC the one solid Narnian bit in any of his books is a single chapter in (my favourite) The Last Guardian of Everness. DW undoubtedly googled JCW’s novellas and picked up on the fact that most readers assumed it was a straight-up return-to-Narnia tale.

It’s not. It owes as much if not more to Nicholas Stuat Gray, John Garner and Joy Chant. The magical cat is the clue. JCW is the only guy I’ve ever met who’s as well-read in British children’s fantasy as I am.

Carbonel
Guest
7 months 14 days ago

I should add: Obvious influences are Jack Vance. Olaf tapledon. AE Van Vogt. Gene Wolf. Not sure whether DW realizes these writers aren’t Inklings.

Lawson
Guest
Lawson
7 months 14 days ago

Guys, I figured out why Damien keeps writing articles about Mr. Correia. He is acting like a girl in kindergarten that has a crush on a boy and wants his attention. Clearly the best course of action is for Mr. Correia to have a talk with and tell him it is never going to happen. Problem solved.

Jubal Freeman
Guest
Jubal Freeman
7 months 13 days ago

Sooooo, like this?

Nathan
Guest
Nathan
7 months 12 days ago

Thank you for ruining tsunderes for me…

Patrick Chester
Guest
Patrick Chester
7 months 12 days ago

Damien’s more of a very inept yandere.

Shadowdancer
Guest
7 months 11 days ago

No, the village idiot is a yandere. Tsunderes have nice sides and are more like defrosting ice queens. Yanderes start ‘nice’ then go psycho.

Though I’m not sure the idiot was ever ‘nice’ to Larry so I’m not sure if its counted either.

Lawson
Guest
Lawson
7 months 12 days ago

Yes, exactly.

Bugmaster
Guest
Bugmaster
7 months 14 days ago
I mean, yeah, this guy is obviously an idiot. Still: Michael Bay’s movies are very popular, and they make a lot of money. I personally hate them, but I am not arrogant enough to conclude that, just because I hate them, everyone else must hate them too. Still, I believe that movies other than Michael Bay’s do deserve recognition, despite being objectively inferior in terms of their mass appeal and earning potential. I fully admit that this belief is motivated by my personal desire to see more movies I enjoy. Similarly, I think that there’s merit in the idea of… Read more »
Hugh Mannity
Guest
Hugh Mannity
7 months 14 days ago

Please, use the correct name for that fount of journalistic wankerism.

It’s “Grauniad”

They have one good issue a year: April 1. The Sans Serriffe special Report in 1977 was a classic of the genre. http://hoaxes.org/archive/permalink/san_serriffe

The Phantom
Guest
7 months 14 days ago
“And the hack writers and sloppy sentences championed by the Sad Puppies deserve no place in that picture; for their politics, yes, but also their sheer shoddiness.” This “quality” argument appears to be the new paradigm the CHORFS are going with. I’ve been having this discussion with the “people” at Crapestos Snarkatron, who have decided to go with the whole “quality of writing” thing because “politics” makes them look bad or something. Even though Damien Walter even says POLITICS in the frigging sentence, for F- sakes. So for the next week we’ll probably keep seeing the soon to be unemployed… Read more »
Aggle
Guest
Aggle
7 months 13 days ago

Damien just made a little more money for each of those authors he maligned in his article.

I am going to purchase a work from each one of them. Any suggestions?

Guest
Robin_Munn
7 months 12 days ago
I haven’t yet read anything by John C. Wright or Brad Torgersen, so I can’t give you any recommendations for their books. (Which is an ENTIRELY different sentence from “I can’t recommend their books”. 🙂 I’m sure their books are good, but I can’t speak from personal experience.) For the other authors: Dave Freer – Changeling’s Island. Damien hates it, so you know it’ll be good. And more to the point, I’ve read it, so I can personally assure you that it’s excellent. Sarah Hoyt – Darkship Thieves. The first book of her Darkship series, of which there are currently… Read more »
Shadowdancer
Guest
7 months 12 days ago

Echoing the Changeling’s Island recommend; but my son’s read Dragon’s Ring and Dog and Dragon, and loved it.

perturbed
Guest
perturbed
7 months 13 days ago

Aww, happy birthday, Larry, and I hope your MHI TV show dream comes true. I for one will be queueing up to see how it turns out.

Richard McEnroe
Guest
Richard McEnroe
7 months 13 days ago

Producer’s note: “Lose the redneck shit and cast the team as young millenianals with an edge and it’s bound to be a hint. Oh, and can we make them all women?”

Guest
imnohbody
7 months 13 days ago

You know, if I was someone who could produce movie scripts (I haven’t the money, connections, or skills for that task), I’d be incredibly tempted to do something with a touted all-female team… and then have them all killed off five minutes into their mission because they didn’t have the abilities needed to perform the job, then replaced with a team of fat beered-up redneck males who get the job done.

Oh, the howls that would get! >;)

perturbed
Guest
perturbed
7 months 13 days ago

I would think Julie, Holly, Susan (before she got turned) and all the other MHI chicks might seriously resent some of the implications behind your statement. Heather Kerkonen might also like a word with you.

Nothing wrong with an all-girl team so long as it’s appropriately trained and equipped (and scripted, of course, LOL). I know the point you’re trying to make, but you’re driving that particular nail in way crooked, dude.

Richard McEnroe
Guest
Richard McEnroe
7 months 13 days ago

Eviler: have them RESCUED by the beefy rednecks…

Doug Loss
Guest
Doug Loss
7 months 12 days ago

Tucker and Dale vs. Evil, anyone?

perturbed
Guest
perturbed
7 months 13 days ago

I suspect (or at least hope) Larry’s got clauses written into the contract to prevent his creation being shat on like that.

Richard McEnroe
Guest
Richard McEnroe
7 months 13 days ago

I was going to apologize for the milennia-anals typo, but the more I think about it…

Urusigh
Guest
7 months 13 days ago

Damien finally accomplished something useful with his writing. I didn’t know any of the YA slate for Dragon, but based on that opener I gave my vote to Changling Island. .

Member
7 months 13 days ago

You should read it. it’s a great book. Also give it to any teens you may know

Elfish
Guest
Elfish
7 months 13 days ago
Instead of snidely cherry-picking from books people actually like, I feel like Damien Walter would benefit from a game I call “Why is this popular?” Take a popular book (not necessarily critically-acclaimed) that doesn’t appeal to you and try to figure out why so many people paid actual money for it. Zero points for answers like, “it had short chapters” or “it’s just a bunch of action scenes.” Sorry, if it were that easy, we’d all be millionaires. And you automatically lose if you say “I could’ve written that if I wanted, but I have too much self-respect.” Finding a… Read more »
mycroft
Guest
mycroft
7 months 13 days ago

I’m re-listening to MHI Nemesis and picturing Vincent D’nofrio as Franks. After seeing him in Daredevil, I think he’d be perfect.

Kevin P.
Guest
Kevin P.
7 months 13 days ago

Happy (belated) birthday, Larry.

I never thought anyone could give Brandon Sanderson a run for his money on how fast he finishes books, but I just realized I have 5 of yours on pre-order:
Alliance of Shadows (book and Audible)
Monster Hunter Memoirs: Sinners (and I’ll snag it on Audible as soon as it’s available)
The leatherbound version of MHI
The Tom Stranger CD

And dang, I almost forgot I need to order extra copies for Christmas presents.

Matt Power
Guest
7 months 13 days ago

I’ve found myself geting the eARCs at Baen as soon as they’re out. I’m not all that patient when it comes to new installments in a series, so if I can chop a few months wait off, an extra $7 seems like a good deal.

(Also Alliance is a great wrap up for the series)

Shawn
Guest
Shawn
7 months 13 days ago

A Monster Hunter series has been optioned for t.v.? I may need to consult with my physician for the wood I’m sporting right now.

Xavier Basora
Guest
7 months 13 days ago

Larry

Thanks for 5he post. I laughed out loud.

Congrats on your Monster hunter TV show. I bet it’ll be a blast.
I hope next will be Grimnoir

Member
7 months 13 days ago

Perhaps you are, or are not counted among the complex and sophisticated. A bloggy sci-fi fantasy pop-culture opinion column in the Guardian is not where you would go to find that sort of thing out, in either case.

Member
7 months 13 days ago

All I know is, people can’t shut up about Ernest Hemingway and he wrote at a 4th grade level most of the time about dudes being dudes for better or for worse in weird situations often superficially resembling those sorts of things Walter Mitty daydreamed about in Jame’s Thurbers humorous magazine filler story.

Who knows, there might even be some kind of point about snobs and snootiness in that blob of thought salad I wrote up there with the famous names dropped in it.

Whatever. I’m gonna go order some gundam models off of amazon now.

Joe in PNG
Guest
Joe in PNG
7 months 12 days ago

Well, the man did write a scene with somebody machinegunning a shark.
If Hemingway was alive today, the SJW’s would hate him with a hot hate.

Stephen St. Onge
Guest
Stephen St. Onge
7 months 8 days ago

Hemingway wrote far, far above “a 4th grade level.” He’s so good, he makes it look like it’s fourth grade level–but somehow, when you try to imitate him, it doesn’t work.

TheWriterInBlack
Guest
7 months 8 days ago

“Fourth grade level” doesn’t refer to writing difficulty. It refers to reading difficulty and is generally driven by sentence length, grammatical complexity, and average word length (a proxy for how much obscure vocabulary is used).

Mike
Guest
Mike
7 months 13 days ago

Happy birthday!

Adam
Guest
Adam
7 months 13 days ago

Larry, I have to disagree. Chronicles of Everness was and is my favorite Wright work. It was so far out there, and imaginative, the only thing I can compare it to is a Roger Zelazny plot as written by Jack Vance.
I actually wrote an email to Mr. Wright expressing my unabashed fanhood of his work… he responded within several hours in a personal email thanking me for my letter and support. Quite rare in this day and age. And just like, I buy everything he writes.

DeTroyes
Guest
DeTroyes
7 months 13 days ago
Several years ago I was at a panel where the topic somehow turned to Jim Butcher’s Dresden Files series. One particular author (sorry, don’t remember the name) on the panel went on and on about how he had “problems” with The Dresden Files and couldn’t understand why it was so popular. Then he got onto his own series, which evidently covers similar ground to Dresden but (paraphrasing) “in a more mature, serious way.” And you could just tell from his diatribe, his real issue with Dresden wasn’t its content but the fact that it was popular and his series was… Read more »
John R. Ellis
Guest
John R. Ellis
7 months 10 days ago
The late Diana Wynne Jones had some very scathing things to say about writers who “write about REAL issues and problems that are IMPORTANT”….she mostly wrote for the children/YA audience. She said (paraphrased) that if the best dream she could offer the reader was the vague chance that someday they sort of, kind of, might possibly smirk in bemusement as they half-hop a few inches off the ground, then her story -deserved- to be thrown away for a book that tells them what it’s like to reach for the Moon and gain the Stars. The audience knows fantasy isn’t real.… Read more »
TheWriterInBlack
Guest
7 months 10 days ago

Neil Gaiman: “Fairy Tales are more than true, not because they tell us that dragons exist, but because they tell us that dragons can be beaten”

C. S. Lewis: “Since it is so likely that (children) will meet cruel enemies, let them at least have heard of brave knights and heroic courage. Otherwise you are making their destiny not brighter but darker.”

60guilders
Guest
60guilders
7 months 10 days ago

Gaiman was cribbing off a much earlier source.
“Fairy tales do not give the child his first idea of bogey. What fairy tales give the child is his first clear idea of the possible defeat of bogey. The baby has known the dragon intimately ever since he had an imagination. What the fairy tale provides for him is a St. George to kill the dragon. ”
–G.K. Chesterton

John C Wright
Guest
John C Wright
7 months 8 days ago

That is not a Gaiman quote, GK Chesterton said it.

John R. Ellis
Guest
John R. Ellis
7 months 8 days ago

In “Coraline” Gaiman attributed the quote to Chesterton. This may be a case where the internet plays “Telephone”. (I’ve lost count of the times “Man of Steel, Woman of Kleenex” has been attributed to Kurt V. instead of Larry Niven.)

trackback

[…] Aw, The Guardian’s Village Idiot Remembered My Birthday! August 23, 2016 […]

Guest
Draven
7 months 13 days ago

Dolph Lundgren- Agent Franks?

It could happen.

Christopher M. Chupik
Guest
Christopher M. Chupik
7 months 13 days ago

Well, Franks was German originally . . .

John R. Ellis
Guest
John R. Ellis
7 months 10 days ago

Darn it. Now my brain keeps meta-casting Frank Langella as Agent Myers. 😀

F Harper
Guest
F Harper
7 months 13 days ago

I would feel sorry for the idiot if he weren’t such an asshat. I have no doubt he will have read this article by now, given his habit of googling himself obsessively.

David
Guest
David
7 months 12 days ago

I can’t wait until Monster Hunter: Guardian comes out and it takes Damien a few weeks to realize that it’s not affiliated with his paper in any way.

viktor
Guest
viktor
7 months 12 days ago

Don’t know where to post this, but it is:
http://www.whimsydark.com/blog/2015/5/12/how-not-to-be-a-creeper

Leah
Guest
7 months 12 days ago

just wanted to leave you this comment, becasue it just so happens a friend of mine started reading monster hunter books the other day. and the very first line of the very first book? got her completely hooked. like.. she had to leave her kindle at home, because if she didn’t, she wouldn’t get anything done at work . it really is a fantastic first line.

SirShades
Guest
SirShades
7 months 12 days ago

I used to think that Harry Harrison’s SSR books had good opening hooks, then I picked up Monster Hunter International…

Shadowdancer
Guest
7 months 12 days ago

I gave the book to my husband to read while being the guy on base duty (they could read if they were not doing anything/had no tasks.)

He rang me up at 3 am, saying “I can’t sleep. I have to finish this book. This is your fault. I thought you’d like to know that. <3 "
Me: "I love you too, my darling."

Leah
Guest
7 months 12 days ago

pretty much the same experience upon giving the book to MY husband 😛

that said.. I still adore SSR books to pieces, they were my intro to Harry Harrison (and I learned English reading them and Bradbury, so.. )

Shadowdancer
Guest
7 months 12 days ago

Muahahaha~
Sadly, Rhys has even less time to read these days, so I’m getting him audiobooks. I discovered that The Book Depository has Larry’s stuff on CD-ebook for a decidedly affordable price. Christmas pressies, check!!!

Kristophr
Guest
Kristophr
7 months 9 days ago

I inflicted the same pain on damned near the entire authors slate at an Orycon, a seriously CHORFoid con if ever their was one.

This was back when only gun nerds new about Larry. We scrounge a stupidly expensive copy from Powell’s rare book section, and it got incredibly dog-eared by the end of the con. And damned near ALL of the authors were nearly asleep at the panels for the rest of the con …

Kristophr
Guest
Kristophr
7 months 9 days ago

“knew”, not “new”. Bloody autodefect.

Kristophr
Guest
Kristophr
7 months 9 days ago

And “there”, not “their”. I’ll have to own that gaff.

Shadowdancer
Guest
7 months 12 days ago

Belated Happy Birthday, Larry! Hope you got lots of miniatures!

Finished Grunge a few hours ago. First words out of my mouth were “I want the next book already.”

Absolutely LOVED it.

Chris
Guest
Chris
7 months 12 days ago
I fucking hate when people try to turn writers into a popularity contest or try to bully and trick people into reading someone’s agenda when they have a fucked up view of the world. I’m seeing more of this when it comes to books. Trying to control what people read is no better than the society that burned books in Ray Bradbury’s Fahrenheit 451. I guarantee that novelty is lost on a guy like Damien who let’s face it, would have supported Stalin’s Great Purge. Especially since Larry, Brad, and Sarah would have been some of the first writers round… Read more »
Christopher M. Chupik
Guest
Christopher M. Chupik
7 months 10 days ago
More from Frau Butthurt: “Meanwhile, Larry Correia has finally found Damien Walter’s Guardian article savaging his writing and has the predictable meltdown. Ironically, neither Larry Correia nor Dave Freer realise that by pointing out how many books they have sold, they’re actually confirming Walter’s point that for the puppies, sales figures are the only metric that matters. Never mind that they apparently haven’t heard of the “Never respond to reviews, no matter how wrong-headed they might be” dictum either. Like his fellow puppies, Correia is also still hung up that Damien Walter got a writing grant from the British arts… Read more »
Shadowdancer
Guest
7 months 10 days ago

“Ahnungslos” or ‘keinen ahnung haben.” (latter is more ‘hasn’t got a clue.’)

BobtheRegisterredFool
Guest
BobtheRegisterredFool
7 months 10 days ago

Their issue is not that Walter got the grant, their issue is that he took it, didn’t deliver, and still purports to be an expert on delivering.

Like how a professional pizza delivery man might feel about a poser who brags on their CV, which consists of someone once giving them $200 to go get pizza, then never actually making it to a place that has even heard of a pizza.

Doug Loss
Guest
Doug Loss
7 months 10 days ago

Why would she want to say it in German? And as for clueless, consider her example from which you just posted. Yes, sales figures are the metric that matters. It’s what tells you (and the world) that what you’re writing is pleasing to its intended readership. An arts council grant tells you nothing more than that the recipient probably couldn’t sell his work on the market and talked some bureaucrat into subsidizing it.

Christopher M. Chupik
Guest
Christopher M. Chupik
7 months 10 days ago

That bit asking about clueless was me. 🙂