Monster Hunter Nation

The Official Alphabetical List of Author Success

I’ve often been derisively referred to as a “D List Author” by my critics.  Curious, I had to look up where that list came from: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/A-list

Sadly, as usual my critics suck at everything. This scale is based on how recognizable movie stars are, and since most regular people wouldn’t recognize any but the most famous (or funny looking) authors, it doesn’t really work for us at all. So I have created this super helpful guide so critics know what bucket to arbitrarily stick writers in.

What’s way better than fame? All fame is good for in Hollywood is determining how much they have to pay actors. So screw recognition. Show me the MONEY!

Since the super reliable Guardian newspaper reported that only the top 1% of all authors make more than $100,000 a year from writing and the average mid list author makes around $30,000 a year we’ll just have to extrapolate out from there. Since my critics like to say I’m a D Lister, and I’m doing way better than the Guardian’s 1% cut off, then I can only assume that my critics are really fucking harsh, but a metric is a metric, so here we go!

 

The Official Alphabetical List of Author Success

A List – High upon Mount Olympus They Gaze Down Upon the Pathetic Mortals = All the $

  • Authors who are worth more than the GDP of some countries.
  • Authors who build their houses out of gold bars.
  • Characters from their books get their own theme parks.
  • The lady who wrote Twilight.

B List – The King(s) =$$$$$$$$$$

  • Authors who have TV shows about their books starring Peter Dinklage.
  • Authors who sleep on large piles of money.
  • Politicians who get illegal campaign contributions masquerading as advances.
  • Oprah’s Book Club.

C List – The Perpetual Bestsellers =$$$$$$$$$

  • Authors who play poker with Castle.
  • Authors who have lesser TV shows not starring Peter Dinklage.
  • Authors who always get sold in airport bookstores.
  • Authors who are rich enough to have sex scandals and it actually makes the news.

D List – My Wallet Says Bad Motherfucker = $$$$$$$$

  • Authors whose quarterly tax withholdings are sufficient to purchase a new Mercedes Benz.
  • Authors who’ve written a shit load of books for a whole lot of years.
  • Snooki
  • The International Lord of Hate.

E List – The 1% =$$$$$$$

  • Authors who make enough off their royalties to impress their mother in law.
  • Authors who lucked into a decent movie deal.
  • Authors who actually have long lines at book signings
  • The Real Housewives.

F List –  The Professionals =$$$$$$

  • Authors who have good lines at book signings.
  • Authors whose quarterly taxes could buy a new Hyundai.
  • Authors who have worked extremely hard to hone their craft over many years.
  • Authors who have consistently treated writing like their career.

G List –  I’m Pretty Awesome At This Writing Thing =$$$$$$

  • Authors who are super excited they got to be Guest of Honor at a convention.
  • Authors who have some people come to a book signing.
  • Authors whose quarterly taxes could buy a used Hyundai.
  • Single authors who’ve sold enough copies they can safely use being a writer as a pick up line at bars.

H List – Holy Shit! I Quit My Day Job! =$$$$$

  • Authors who are still really glad their spouse has a real job.
  • Authors who think that paying quarterly taxes on their royalties is total bullshit.
  • Authors who can go to their high school reunion all smug like, “Oh, you work at Autozone? Well I’m an AUTHOR bitches!”
  • Authors who have made enough from royalties to impress their mom.

I List – Doggone It People Like Me =$$$$$

  • Authors with the first glimmers of real professional success.
  • Authors who begin contemplating how they’re going to tell their boss to shove it.
  • Authors who only check their book’s Amazon rank once a day.
  • Authors who pay their mortgage payments from their royalties.

J List – What the Fuck? I’m a Real Writer? =$$$$

  • Authors who are still getting used to the idea people want to read their crap.
  • Authors who have sold a respectable number of books.
  • Authors who check their book’s Amazon rank every hour.
  • Authors who start to pay most of their bills with their royalties.

K List – Welcome To Mid List =$$$$

  • The average professional author with a writing career.
  • Authors making enough money to be really tempted to quit their day job except their spouse won’t let them.
  • Authors who are still really happy when anybody shows up to a signing.
  • Authors who are still terrified that their fans will realize they’re a talentless fraud any minute now.

L List – I Think I Can. I Think I Can. I Think I Can. =$$$

  • Authors who’ve sold some books.
  • Authors who annoy the shit out of all their friends and families to come to their otherwise empty book signings.
  • Authors who haven’t realized Amazon only updates their ranks hourly and are still checking every fifteen minutes.

M List –  I AM THE KING OF THE WORLD!  =$$

  • Authors who’ve published a book or something.
  • Authors who sit in front of their computer, compulsively hitting Refresh over and over to see their Amazon ranking like one of those perpetual motion bird toys. Peck. Peck. Peck.
  • Authors who collect royalties sufficient to eat out once in a while at a restaurant. Okay, maybe Applebees, but they can’t get appetizers.
  • Author on the panel who can’t help but flog their books to the trapped audience with every comment.

N List –  Yeah, I’m Like Totally a Writer, Baby =$.

  • Authors who’ve published a book or maybe some short stories.
  • New Authors who all the other aspiring authors in their writing group secretly hate.
  • Authors who collect enough royalties to eat out occasionally, but only from the Dollar Menu.
  • An average Hugo or Nebula award winner.

O List – OMG! I CAN TOTALLY JOIN SFWA! =$

  • Authors who don’t realize there isn’t actually any reason to join SFWA.
  • Authors who haven’t made enough off their royalties to pay the dues for SFWA.
  • The average voting member of SFWA.

P List – That Guy =$

  • Author who has maybe sold a couple things or won some contest or something.
  • Know it all author who won’t shut up on a panel about his bullshit who all the professional authors just want to throat punch.
  • Doesn’t know what royalties are, but thinks any author who complains about paying taxes is inherently evil.

Q List – The College Guest Lecturer =$

  • Author who sells something like a short once in a great while to a very tiny audience, so they can go be panelists at conventions in order to bore the living shit out of the poor audience while they drone on about the “rules and definitions” of genre fiction.
  • Never actually sold enough books to earn back their tiny advance, but that’s okay, because writers who make money are sell outs producing bourgeoisie garbage for the masses.
  • Writes pretentious blog posts warning S and U List authors that their fiction has to check the mandatory social justice boxes about nonsense like ending binary gender.

R List – The Artiste  = $

  • Authors who’ve written a pretentious dense piece of unsellable crap.
  • Authors who write for prestigious literary journals where they can be read by literally dozens (if you count the editorial staff).
  • Authors who skip right to B List if Oprah mentions them.

S List – The Struggling

  • Authors who’ve written something, but haven’t had any luck selling it yet.
  • Authors with the most incredibly frustrating job in the universe.
  • The Future of Writing.

T List – The Troglodyte

  • Struggling authors who haven’t realized they need to actually learn to write.
  • When nobody likes their work proclaims “They just don’t understand my brilliance!”
  • Likes to post angry reviews on the internet bashing Authors A-S.

U List – The Aspiring

  • Thinking about writing something.
  • Wonders where they’ll find the time?
  • Don’t feel bad. We all started somewhere.

V List – Oh, You’re a Writer? I’m a Writer Too!

  • Hasn’t actually written anything, but likes to tell professional authors that he’s just like them because he wrote a poem back in high school and his teacher really liked it.
  • Maybe when he retires from his career, he’ll become an author.
  • He’s got this amazing idea, and he’ll share it with you if you do all that actually writing the book part and then you can split the crazy huge profits 50/50.

W List – Huge On Twitter

  • Author who hasn’t ever actually sold anything, but they’ve got a whole lot of Twitter followers, and they’re gonna tell you all about it.
  • Author who will not hesitate to inform A-K level writers they’re doing it wrong, because if they were real writers they’d have better Twitter presence.
  • Author who fails to realize that the only type of follower who counts is the one who will give you money for your product.
  • Lives in their mom’s basement.

X List – The X

  • Writes violent pornographic bondage fan fiction involving My Little Ponies, Voltron, and Breaking Bad on the internet, while dressed in a stained bunny costume that looks like a strange gimp version of that thing from Donnie Darko.
  • Don’t make any sudden moves.
  • We’re just going to walk away real slow now.

Y List – The Yama

  • A primordial creature barely capable of vomiting words onto a page in a blasphemous impersonation of the act of writing, so mind shattering and terrible that a single story threatened to end language forever. He is The Thing That Should Not Be. To read his foul creations will summon the Black Goat of the Woods with its Thousand Young, and it will kill your muse and sodomize the corpse.
  • Is confident that he’d be a much more successful writer than A-X, if only he wasn’t too busy stalking Asian women on the internet to actually submit any of his crayon scribbles.
  • The reason sci-fi conventions have security.

Z List –  The Guardian’s Village Idiot = ($)

  • A kind of Anti-Author.
  • Motivated by delusions of relevancy, crowd sources witch hunts against writers higher on the list.
  • Collects the opposite of royalties, and actually has to be paid a strange sort of “Book Welfare” to produce a book.

 

Keep in mind that most of us started way down on this list and you can move up and down as your career progresses.  Who knows? Tomorrow the Guardian might say you’ve irreparably damaged your career, and I’ve personally found that will bump your royalties up at least one level on the list!

So carry on, noble author, and let’s defeat that alphabet by making readers happy and selling piles of books!

Various Updates, Cons, Podcasts, Contests, Books, and Stuff
Live tweet interview tonight
miscellaneoussoup
Guest

What would J.K. Rowling be?

Jen
Guest

I’m pretty sure she’s considered under “A”, given the whole “Characters from their books get their own theme park.”

Mike in Seattle
Guest

Nah. Rowling has transcended the Latin alphabet. People just throw random greek symbols at her and call it good enough.

Matthew Bowman
Guest

She has multiple theme parks, so I’m guessing A list.

Matthew Bowman
Guest

Dang it, I need to remember to hit refresh before posting a comment on Larry’s blog.

NowhereMan
Guest

A and Z, I suppose, since she made a boatload of money with her work (A), and since she got an 8000-pound grant from the Scottish Arts Council to write her first book (Z).

I think that’s called a split.

T.L. Knighton
Guest

I’ve started, scrapped, and restarted and finished a book and put it out to beta readers since April (Just waiting to hear back from them at this point). I just can’t see spending four plus years working on a single book.

Honestly, how long until you are just sick of the story yourself? I mean, I understand honing it as well as you can, but day-um.

roper1911
Guest

I’ve been writing, scrapping, rewriting, scrapping again and then finally totally burning down one universe and starting another with so little in common with the original one that you can’t tell that they were once the same for around 6 years.

brianniemeier
Guest
“Honestly, how long until you are just sick of the story yourself? I mean, I understand honing it as well as you can, but day-um.” The mileage varies per author and writing method. There’s one book I’ve been working on steadily for four years and another I’ve been working on intermittently for ten. I’m aware of “devoting years to polishing a breakout novel only to have the inevitably rushed sequel flop” syndrome. So those four steady years include writing a draft, setting it aside to crank out a short story or novella, redrafting, seeking advice from beta readers/writing a short… Read more »
Wes S.
Guest

“Subsidizing art is foolish, but luckily even my stupid government isn’t quite that stupid… Yet.”

Well, except for the National Endowment for the Arts (they haven’t funded novels, AFAIK, but they have contributed to everything from Harry Reid’s cowboy poetry to Robert Mapplethorpe’s gay S&M photos and that “Piss Christ” guy).

And PBS, of course.

Larry Mitchell
Guest

haha so very good

Cedar Sanderson
Guest

Ooh! I’m J-List! (only I don’t check Amazon every hour. Or even every day. So maybe halfway to I). Thanks, Larry, this is funny 😀 Oh yeah, did someone tell you about DW’s blog? He thinks you’re a rootin’ tootin’ gun-shootin’ something or other based off my list.

T.L. Knighton
Guest

Oh, Damien’s mouthing off again?

TO GOOGLE!

Practical Mike
Guest

I don’t know… I went to his blog and about all I see are articles about writing. Which, according to this list, makes that the most useless blog in the history of useless blogs.

T.L. Knighton
Guest

Yeah, there wasn’t much there.

I think Damien had a massive thing for Helen Thomas, and now that he’s lost his opportunity, it’s made him just flat out grump.

Don’t worry Damien. Even as a corpse, she’ll turn you down every time. 🙂

Dave W.
Guest

Helen Thomas? Gack… sorry, I just threw up a little in my mouth.

If Damien misses her that badly, he should just search on Youtube for “Loco Mama”. That might help him out, though I recommend normal people have some eye bleach handy. *evil grin*

T.L. Knighton
Guest

One can hope. One can hope.

Woelf Dietrich
Guest

You know what, I think he’s got a thing for Larry. It must be. He keeps fixating on him, and let’s be honest, Larry ain’t that controversial. It’s either that or… er, I have nothing. Can’t think of another reason.

T.L. Knighton
Guest

The International Lord of Hate (TM) isn’t that controversial?

Remember, to someone like Damien, we’re all controversial unless we decide to shut up and get to the back of the SF bus like good non-Libprogs.

Woelf Dietrich
Guest

Oh, so my normal is now abnormal? First world problems. *sigh*

T.L. Knighton
Guest

I wouldn’t go that far. I’d still say you’re abnormal, but in all the cool ways. 😀

Woelf Dietrich
Guest

Ah, that’s ok then. Carry on. :-p

Christopher M. Chupik
Guest
Christopher M. Chupik

Insinuating Damien has a thing for Helen Thomas? That’s almost going too far.

*Almost*. 😉

T.L. Knighton
Guest

With Damien?

NEVER!

OK, it might be a bit rough on Helen Thomas, but I doubt she’ll complain.

Christopher M. Chupik
Guest
Christopher M. Chupik

I’m impressed. He actually linked your list. And not in the pissy do-not-link way, either.

Cedar Sanderson
Guest

And it should be telling that I have received about two hits, versus hundreds from Larry mentioning it on Feb… Not even on the blog.

Christopher M. Chupik
Guest
Christopher M. Chupik

😀

Quatermain
Guest

Behold the Suffering Artist Beset By Philistines:

“God gives out money to those he doesn’t bless with talent.” – Damien Walter

Shadowdancer Duskstar / Cutelildrow
Guest

I’m a bad girl and the first thing I thought when I saw ‘J-List’ was… well… J-list.com.

Wayne Blackburn
Guest

I take it that’s something I should probably avoid while I’m at work?

Shadowdancer Duskstar / Cutelildrow
Guest

…yeah. ^^; The safe for work general products stuff is jbox.com

junior
Guest

Probably. J-List.com is also the first thing that popped into my mind, and it’s a company that specializes in selling Japanese stuff that’s only available in Japan to US clients. And a lot of that stuff is (unsurprisingly) porn, or otherwise sex-related…

So yeah, randomly wandering around that site while at work is probably not a good idea.

Expendable Henchman
Guest

OK ‘Shadowdancer Duskstar / Cutelildrow’ you just leveled up on my list.

Not for liking the site, but for being self confident enough to say so.

Shadowdancer Duskstar / Cutelildrow
Guest
I like the site coz there are some things I can get from there that may be out of stock elsewhere. Like this <a href="http://www.1999.co.jp/eng/10247517"lovely figure. My usual place to buy figures (Hobby Search) went out of stock on this practically the moment it came out, and I happily paid the markup fee for it. They’re also a nice place to look at/source artbooks from (Surprised my hubby with a Guilty Crown artbook and was able to snag a couple of Touhou artbooks that came with DVDs that included the WIP-to-final files). And one day, I’ll get myself that single-serve… Read more »
Ad Astra
Guest

I’m just gonna take a wild guess that this “J-list” involves tentacles doesn’t it?

Shadowdancer Duskstar / Cutelildrow
Guest
Well, they sell a drink called Tentacle Grape… But yeah, there’s gonna be some of the other tentacle thing going on too. If the hentai ain’t your thing though, they have a version of the site that omits it, JBox.com I prefer CDJapan and it’s affiliate sites for most stuff though, and Hobby Search for figures, and a few good ebay sellers. JList has the occasional doujin-work up for sale (Kinda sad I missed out on Carnelian’s artbook; her stuff is pretty… but you’re not likely to find it if you go for the Safe For Work site because some… Read more »
junior
Guest
Ad Astra, Think of it as an online department store that specializes in anything and everything that might be of interest to anime fans (which means a certain amount of branching out as well). Talking about tentacles on J-List is kind of like asking if Amazon carries steampunk. 😛 Unlike Shadowdancer, I haven’t used the site myself (or J-Box). But I see their banner ads a lot. I would imagine that most of the stuff on their site is work safe. But it’s always the porn that gets the attention (though given J-Lists banner ads, they probably don’t mind). And… Read more »
Shadowdancer Duskstar / Cutelildrow
Guest
Heh, it’s probably the adverts, on reflection, that relegate emails from them being sent to my spam box. I wish it didn’t do that the first time I ordered something from them because it cost me being able to respond about a pre-order about a set of little Tachikoma figures. (The 1-person sized cute run with AIs spider-mech from Ghost In The Shell: Stand Alone Complex) But yeah, I prefer Hobby Search for figures. I’ve never had a problem with them, and they’re great about responding to customer queries and emails. A birthday pressie for my hubby arrived just yesterday… Read more »
Draven
Guest

Like this one? *holds up Tachikoma*

Shadowdancer Duskstar / Cutelildrow
Guest

Yeah, aren’t they cuteeee?!

The specific set I was getting was the Tachikoma-nia set, which was a set of five or so and you could pile them on top of each other, like those panda figurines that look like they were made of mochi.

When I was trying to get them a set was about 30 dollars plus shipping. Now they’re over a hundred dollars… Q_Q I wanted to pile them around my hubby’s figure of the Major, for the lulz.

junior
Guest

Doh. Missing out on that collection sucks! You could have put one up on a soap box, and reenacted the Call to Marxism scene!

(They did have that scene in the TV series, didn’t they? I’m pretty sure that wasn’t a manga-only thing.)

Shadowdancer Duskstar / Cutelildrow
Guest

I think they did, actually; but one of these days I’ll actually sit down and watch all of GitS-SAC. I like the idea of the re-enactment. I dunno; maybe I’ll save up for the set, even if it’s expensive, but I get distracted by things like books and manga.

Oh, they have a prequel series now, according to TVTropes.

Dave W.
Guest

Prequel series? Is that Arise?

Shadowdancer Duskstar / Cutelildrow
Guest

Yep, Arise.

Dave W.
Guest

Exxxxxxcellent, ty…. /steeplesfingers /Mr Burns

Shadowdancer Duskstar / Cutelildrow
Guest

You’re welcome – Rhys and I have it on our pile of Things to Try Find And Buy. Don’t know if Madman Entertainment’s gotten it yet.

Tom Reynolds
Guest

Back before I dropped Netflix, GITS: Arise was there. It was subbed, not dubbed. I get distracted far too easily and so rarely watch subs, but I watched and enjoyed all four prequel episodes.

junior
Guest

I would imagine so. But I’m inclined to think that it’s another alternate setting for GitS (so we’ve got four now? Manga, Movies, SAC, and now Arise), as I think the very first episode disagreed with SAC about how and when Togusa joined Section 8.

Now if only they could get even *one* decent Appleseed animated story out…

/gripe

Shadowdancer Duskstar / Cutelildrow
Guest

Yeah, I wasn’t very happy with the latest series, but I actually enjoyed the CG-animated movies. (and of course, the classic cel-animated Appleseed…)

junior
Guest

Oh, yeah, the CG movies *looked* gorgeous. But the storylines… well…

Also, did you know that Briareos is black?

😛

There’s supposed to be a new animated OVA/Movie/Thing that just got released, though it’s not supposed to look as good. I only found out about it the other day completely by accident.

Shadowdancer Duskstar / Cutelildrow
Guest
Yep, I did, and that Deunan is, for all intents and purposes an ethnic mutt (and her mother, while never shown as far as I recalled, was hinted at to be black as well). Hubby has the translated manga collected. Some of our early ‘dates’ (such as they were) involved us sitting on his bed and reading his collection and watching Serial Experiments Lain I’d be quite happy with the style of the CG movies and actually following the manga – at least storylinewise; that’d be nice. I’m trying to remember the other TV series that’s supposedly set in the… Read more »
junior
Guest

Here we go…

Appleseed Alpha – advance digital release 7/15/2014. Supposedly a prequel to the first movie, featuring Deunan and Briareos before they went to Olympus.

Larry Mitchell
Guest

I actually figured out most of the people who you are alluding to in the down below part of the list.

Christopher M. Chupik
Guest
Christopher M. Chupik

I knew where the list was headed as I read down towards Z. But it was still fun to get there.

electricscribbles
Guest

Reblogged this on electricscribbles and commented:
HA! HA! Love it…except I’m officially in the “U” List at this point. Still love it.

electricscribbles
Guest

“U” list for me. I will write something…someday. No seriously, I will! When, that is the question. Love the post Larry, you slay me man.

Christopher M. Chupik
Guest
Christopher M. Chupik

I’m P-list, but at least I’m not obnoxious.

Jasini
Guest

Applebees have half-price appetizers after 9. That’s about the only time we go (and we don’t get an entree). 🙂

david mills
Guest

“S” is good right?

thewriterinblack
Guest

Woot! I’m M list. Go me!

Christopher M. Chupik
Guest
Christopher M. Chupik

Well, you *are* the King of the World, after all. 😉

T.L. Knighton
Guest

OK, so I’m an L-list writer. At this point, I’m not really going to complain.

But at least my stuff has “too much insane killing”. Of course, if she thought that, she’s gonna LOVE the next book. 😀

T.L. Knighton
Guest

Or possibly M-list. I’m not really sweating it at this point. 🙂

Christopher M. Chupik
Guest
Christopher M. Chupik

I’m looking forward to the O-list . . . so I can turn down SFWA membership.

T.L. Knighton
Guest

Well, since I’m indie, I don’t “count” for SFWA anyways.

Of course, my feelings on SFWA are pretty well known at this point. 🙂

Practical Mike
Guest

Tom… all you need to do to rock the literature world is make Helen Thomas a sympathetic and believable heroine in your next romance novel. Good luck with that. 🙂 Guaranteed president of the SFWA in for you if you can pull that off.

T.L. Knighton
Guest

I could, but then at some point I would suck start my CZ-75B.

And really, the world would be better for it.

Dr. Mauser
Guest

Is that a Dirt bike or a Makarov?

T.L. Knighton
Guest

I’m more of a gun guy, so…

Practical Mike
Guest

So… that’s a gun your ride in the dirt?

T.L. Knighton
Guest

That’s a personal question, and frankly it’s none of your damn business! 😛

Shadowdancer Duskstar / Cutelildrow
Guest

I’m on L-list; did alright at one point; bought my kids some clothes with the money. That’s not too bad, in my opinion!

Here’s to climbing higher for us! *waves banner of encouragement!* 😀

T.L. Knighton
Guest

WOOHOO!!

T.L. Knighton
Guest

For the record, my royalties pay for my gym membership. So, it’s doing something to save my life. 😀

Shadowdancer Duskstar / Cutelildrow
Guest

Actually, now that I think about it, some of the money also went to computer components. Like video cards and more RAM.

T.L. Knighton
Guest

Mine probably should get saved up for a new laptop. I’ve worn this one slap out.

TXRed
Guest

I’m L-list too. I’m using the funds from the last books to pay for the next ones, but if the trend continues, in a few months I’ll be able to go to St@rbucks and get the big latte (or buy new tires for the pick-up. Those might be cheaper). Whee! The life of a wild and crazy writer!

wyrdbard
Guest

As an S list, I some day aspire to L (and eventually beyond.). You’re further up the chart than I am. Keep climbing (which is the beauty of ladders).

Wayne Blackburn
Guest

Hey, I’m only down to U-List. I’m impressed. 🙂

Shadowdancer Duskstar / Cutelildrow
Guest

@ Wayne: For my own stuff, not the ones I’m co-author on, I’m in the U-list too. Writer aspirants U-nite~!

Expendable Henchman
Guest

Well, with the mortgage definition, I technically hit “I” one month.

Shadowdancer Duskstar / Cutelildrow
Guest

*grin* Congratulations~

Matthew Bowman
Guest

Part 2 of this blog post would be charting your rise from N to D. 🙂

Raptor
Guest

Larry, I hate you right now. Do you have any idea how painful shooting Black Cherry Mountain Dew Kickstart out your nose is?

Raptor
Guest

I’m a cross between S and U by the way. Don’t waste time being a troglodyte.

Thomas Kurz
Guest

Hi, Larry,

what happened to the T-List?

oldnfo
Guest

Nothing in the double letters yet??? Damn… One book, no panels (no invites either), but I CAN order appetizers (occasionally)… 🙂 I’d say I’m about AD… Maybe single letter one of these days…

nissmo91
Guest

You get that next book out you will be single digits!

oldnfo
Guest

LOL, working on it…

Dr. Mauser
Guest

Time to break out the Dr. Seuss On Beyond Zebra edition….

Kenton Kilgore
Guest

When people ask, I tell them that my royalties put gas in my Harley. Folks who ride know just how small a tank that is. 😉 So I guess I’m “N List”?

Where’s my Nebula for “If You Were a 2009 Sportster, My Love?”

Wes S.
Guest

OK, that’s hilarious.

…Just wondering – given the likely outcome of this year’s Hugo voting – where the late Robert Jordan fits in on this list. (I’m guessing he still qualifies as an A-lister, despite that whole being dead thing. Brandon Sanderson, OTOH, is probably right there with Larry…)

Alan Horne
Guest

Loved this post. Needed this post. I’m an aspirer, but I’d love to be where you are.

Expendable Henchman
Guest

It’s easy. Just be born a hard working farm boy, hold down two jobs and have a part time job writing as well.

Part time job like “I show up every morning ready to write at 5:00 am, write till 8:00 am, then go to my other jobs.” 7 days a week.

When you get writer’s block, just remember that plumbers can’t get ‘plumber’s block’. They still have to work, regardless of how they feel that morning.

And yes, that’s all pretty much a direct quote from our host.

RightWingProf
Guest

Gee – W and Z-List sounds familiar. Once again, you win the internets.

Wes S.
Guest

I’m thinking “Y” is pretty familiar, too. OTOH, I’m not sure I want to know who “X” is…

😛

Dr. Mauser
Guest

Then avoid furry conventions.

Dan Poore
Guest

Doc M, that’s actually kinda unfair to fursuiters. Most of the ones I’ve seen are actually pretty good, from a technical viewpoint, and generally well cared for. (At hundreds of $$$ for a good suit, you bet your ass they’re not going to leave it uncared for.)

T.L. Knighton
Guest

Larry, you should probably mention on the Z-list that said “author” has mentioned that his “baby” is in its 17th trimester, which means he’s been “writing” it for over four years.

I’m trying to figure what’s the deal. I mean, is he trying to use telekinesis to hit the keys?

T.L. Knighton
Guest

For clarification, this is not to take away from people who work full time and only have a few minutes per day to write. However, Damien has written volumes bashing real writers, so he gets special ridicule. 🙂

Jared Anders
Guest
For a lot of writers the problem comes down to “PEBKaC” otherwise known as “ass (not) in chair” syndrome. I’m delighted to currently be an S-list author, and I work full time. (It’s still up from where I started after all) There a lot of days I don’t do any writing, sometimes for legit reasons some for stupid ones. But a mere 250 per day still gets you a rough draft in about a year for anything besides door stoppers. Mr. Z-List is a reporter about things a lot of authors do on their free time anyway, so I have… Read more »
T.L. Knighton
Guest

Well, you know, a book a decade is apparently a solid pace for someone like him.

Of course, the fact that no one who reads the first book will even remember his name when the next one comes out is irrelevant.

Kenton Kilgore
Guest

What category is “The SJW whose books are an excuse to have a blog where one bloviates about social injustices?”

wyrdbard
Guest

I’d guess Q, if I’m identifying some of his digs correctly.

Kenton Kilgore
Guest

Ah! Right you are! LOL How did I overlook that?

wyrdbard
Guest

It happens. 🙂 There are a lot of them int there.

Tom Simon
Guest

I seem to be in the process of graduating from S to N, but my Evil Alter Blogger, H. Smiggy McStudge, is auditioning for Q. (It’s a great relief to have an outlet for my inner arsehole; and some people seem to be amused by the snark.)

Anyway, while I do seem to be stuck in the back half of the alphabet, there is some relief in knowing that there are writers worse than myself. Thanks.

B.E. Sanderson
Guest

Hanging out here at the S – mart. ;o) Chainsaws are on aisle 12.

Doug
Guest

P List for the win! Woo woo!

MishaBurnett
Guest

Reblogged this on mishaburnett and commented:
I’m an O gunning for N–except I never check my Amazon stats.

Samrobb
Guest

U-list all the way, bay-be! Unless writing snarky blog posts counts for something. I guess I could edit ’em and put them up on Amazon… heck, if Scalzi can publish his email, that’s *got* to be proof that *someone* would buy my loosely-knit ravings.

Jet Eliot
Guest

Thanks for this list. You made this author laugh and get back to work. 🙂

Dave W.
Guest

Clamps ranked higher than Damien? Endless LOLs! Thanks Larry, this is full of Awesome And Win.

I guess writing about “sparkling fish semen” gets you ranked higher than writing nothing at all! 😀

Dr. Mauser
Guest

Well, in his favor, Yama has actually “written” some stores and put them on DeviantArt, which puts him just ahead of Damien.

On the other hand, this post will spawn a thousand Yama-Alts to slam it.

Dave W.
Guest

“•The reason sci-fi conventions have security.”

I just had an evil, yet thoroughly hilarious mental image: Clamps going to Wiscon.

Dr. Mauser
Guest

I LOLed, and it came out evil….

Of course, Clamps going to WisCon would require either a popular author like Larry going there, or an attractive Asian woman for him to stalk, and since both are an impossibility there, they’re safe for now.

Joel Salomon
Guest

Damien actually has some stories story-shaped mud-pies on his blog. Clamps’s scribbles can be entertaining in the manner of Eye of Argon; Damien’s writings, while more literate, have no such redeeming value.

Dr. Mauser
Guest

I have dozens of stories on my DA Account, and even chapters of my book in (slow) progress. The difference being people have liked them enough for me to decide to take them “Pro” (since writing isn’t really appreciated on DeviantArt). I’ve even submitted to Asimov’s a time or three, and these days I think of those rejections with pride now that they run stories about Aliens eliminating all men or space chickens that make wormholes by running in circles.

Now while asking for a Book Bomb for a Novelette is a but presumptuous, I wouldn’t mind a Book Grenade….

Christopher M. Chupik
Guest
Christopher M. Chupik

Dr. Mauser: I had no idea Asimov’s had gotten *that* bad. 🙁

Dr. Mauser
Guest

That was a few years ago. I finally let my subscription lapse, but I have about a year and a half of unread issues stacked up.

Dr. Mauser
Guest

Once I learned what to look for, I began to see checklist liberalism crammed into stories. A possibly interesting story of a conflict between humans and Monstrous creatures at the terminator line of a tidally locked planet eventually turned the female “Protagonist” (not the best word, viewpoint character?) against her own kind, and she becomes a sort of cultural anthropologist sympathetic to the creatures that got wiped out, and it was full of anti-military screeds, and then, on the last page, for the extra point, she’s revealed to be a lesbian.

Shadowdancer Duskstar / Cutelildrow
Guest

They’ve gotten reviewed too, though he’s not happy about the review either.

Dr. Mauser
Guest

I like my reviews. Just wish I had more. (Two people promised reviews last week.)

Shadowdancer Duskstar / Cutelildrow
Guest

Yeah, well, Clamps doesn’t need a subsidy for his … stuff… so that’s actually a valid point higher than the Guardian Village Idiot.

I laughed, somewhat like Vincent Price I think, because my kids ran in wanting to know what’s so funny.

Mike in Seattle
Guest

*Proudly hoists his U-List banner from atop mount Aspirant!*

However, its the wife who actually fulfilled the primary mission of GET PAID for getting her books on Perl published. Kind of the triple salchow inverted half-pipe of the GeekTechPub universe.

Me? I just keep threatening to stop putting random game setting crap on google sites and actually try my hand at a coherent story line one of these days…

Pete
Guest

Hey! I’m a U-list writer! However, if I should ever find the time to write, I’m more than a little afraid that I’ll end up a Y-List…

T.L. Knighton
Guest

Since you recognize that, it’s far, far less likely to happen since the Y-Listers are convinced their stuff is the very, very best out there.

Pete
Guest

HAH! you have no idea what goes on in my head.

Dave W.
Guest

Don’t worry, the Y List currently only has a population of one (AFAIK). Clamps is on a plane all his own.

Pete
Guest

Oh… Clamps… OK, missed that reference. I’m pretty sure I can write stuff better than that. So, that would advance me to what? T-List?

T.L. Knighton
Guest

Not really sure, but it damn sure keeps you out of the Y-list.

And really, DW being ranked behind a pathetic troll like Clamps? I mean, at that point, you just should give up at life and become a hobo.

Dr. Mauser
Guest

He writes for the Guardian. Close enough.

T.L. Knighton
Guest

Nah. The Guardian “writer” is the Z-list. Y is everyone’s favorite troll, Clamps, Yamamama the Space Fish, Whatever the hell he’s calling himself today.

Dr. Mauser
Guest

I meant: Writing for the Guardian is close enough to being a Hobo.

T.L. Knighton
Guest

Ah, OK. Fair enough. 🙂

sabrinachase
Guest

This list needs its own mini-wiki. I can see detailed entries for each letter, with known habitat, seasonal plumage, allergies, alignment on the lawful-legacy, chaotic-indie spectrum, etc. Four lines per entry are not enough for all the pent-up snark I *know* is out there.

Shadowdancer Duskstar / Cutelildrow
Guest

*grin* yes, it needs to happen. Do you know how to start one?

kunkmiester
Guest

There are places online like wikispaces that host wikis. Just create an account, and start writing.

Dave H
Guest

I guess I’m on the Q list, sort of. I sold a few technical magazine articles years ago. But one of them got footnoted in someone else’s article, so I guess that makes me An Authority!

Eccentric Cowboy
Guest

An absolute hoot as always Mr. Corriea! 😀
I’m all the way up at the S list, whoo!

I have had a question nagging at me for some time now, and although I doubt it will be read it can’t hurt to mention it.
I’ve read before that you promoted your work heavily, but how does someone do that without acting like an annoying parasite? I know it’s the internet, but I do believe in some level of etiquette so that one isn’t lumped in with spammers.

I’d appreciate any reply or input anyone else might have. 🙂

Murgy
Guest

I’m sensing a capitalistic opportunity here.

“Become a Evil League of Evil author, and get your rank Certified by the International Lord of Hate, for the low, low price of only $$$, today!”

Badges, web icons, certificates, monthly dues – I’ve got to get on this!

(Right after I finish a book. Novella. Short story. Drabble. Something!) 😀

John C Wright
Guest
Let me see: Despite the many kind compliments I have received from my fellow Evil Overlords, I hover somewhere around K list, the guy who hopes his fan (Hi, Mom!) won’t realize he steals all his ideas from role playing games, whereas Larry Correia is solidly at D List. I hope he and I can still be members of the United Underworld of Evil together, despite the huge gap. I can be the Toad to Larry’s awesome Magneto. By awesome, I mean I just read the scene in MONSTER HUNTER VENDETTA where the hero has the stuffing kicked out of… Read more »
Arwen Riddle
Guest

U list … someday I might make it up to S list. 😀

Lea
Guest

U List – The Aspiring
•Thinking about writing something.

Or more accurately, wrote about 20 pages and then drifted back to real life for a while. Then started something else. Sigh.

LOL at the Peter Dinklage part of the metric!

Steve Poling
Guest

Mr. Correia, you are a national treasure

AaronD
Guest

Wow, I actually read some of the stuff about Yama and the stalking bit. He’s a real creep. I guess I’m between U and V, since I’m told I’m a good writer, but I’m not pursuing the career.

Fruitbat44
Guest
Interesting list, but commercial success is not an indicator of quality. No I am not a type ‘R.’ (Thank gawd!) More of a ‘U’ with a couple of long ago shots at ‘S’ But as an example John Biggin’s historical adventure novels which kicked off in 1991 with ‘A Sailor of Austria.’ Everyone I know who read them said how great they were and made favourable comparisons with the Flashman novels. Yet they never caught on, and Mr Biggins gave up the series in ’95. Okay, taste is subjective so maybe these stories weren’t actually that great. But I don’t… Read more »
DaveP.
Guest

“Sailor of Austria”: I’ve read ’em, loved ’em, and passed them on to two of my fellow history nerds. Sad that there won’t be any more.

Fruitbat44
Guest

Ditto. And of course, now we’ll never know what Flashman got up to during the American Civil War. -sigh-

Dr. Mauser
Guest

Hmmm, I have one Novelette on Amazon, I think that gets me all the way up to N. I’ve gotten away from checking the stats daily though. It is interesting on an intellectual level to try to guess at the math when it takes a day to drop 100,000 rank points right after a sale, but two weeks to lose 100,000 points as you approach the million mark (and then jump back up 900,000 points with one sale. Wash, Rise, Repeat.)

Mitchell
Guest

Be silent and accept my forceful remuneration this instant!

I love your work.

(Now…the next MHI book?)

richard mcenroe (@richard_mcenroe)
Guest

You need something more precise. Maybe a modification of James White’s Sector General Species code for aliens (eg. DDBO, the sentient caterpillars and it scares me I remembered that). One letter for financial success, one letter for recognizability, one letter for asshole quotient, etc.

For example, Stephen King: A for wealth, B for recognizability (some people just don’t read), A for assholery, R for Vanity (I’m so big I can sell my garbage!), etc.

So Stephen King, Type ABAR out to as many figures as you need…

Fruitbat44
Guest

For Mr King you could legitimately add an ‘H’ to his code. As to quote Mr Correia “He’s also one of the best damned wordsmiths who has ever lived.”

Caveat; when he’s on form. I haven’t read much, if any, of his recent stuff. But what I did came across as being written on auto-pilot. But at his best, well, he earned his A.

JIMHO of course, but I do recall picking it up one of his at 3pm and finishing it a 3am . . .

DaveP.
Guest

King and Rice have the same problem in that they’re too big to edit and as a consequence their books get bigger and thicker till you could use them to prop up heavy machinery. The last King book I read (IT) would’ve been 35% better if it had been 20% shorter, and from what I’ve seen they’ve just gotten worse from there. King’s best work is his short stories, some of which are real art.

Scott
Guest

Dr Sleep was the best King book I’ve read since the late 80’s. Sobriety seems to be good for him.

Pat Berry
Guest

As a My Little Pony fan, I was all set to object to your description of X-List authors writing “violent pornographic bondage fan fiction involving My Little Ponies.” Then I remembered that I’ve actually seen some of that stuff, and if anything, your description doesn’t do justice to its awfulness.

Expendable Henchman
Guest

Wow, I’d forgotten all about Cupcakes and Rainbow Factory. I’m amazed at all the variations on the themes out now.

Robert Hansen
Guest

Please forgive an impertinent question, O Dread Lord of Hate, but where would Jim Theis (author of the SF classic _The Eye of Argon_) rate on this scale? 🙂

Shadowdancer Duskstar / Cutelildrow
Guest

I’d personally rank him somewhere above Y if he never earned anything from it. I’ve read the Eye of Argon. There’s a recognizable story there, a plot, and the guy did use proper sentence structure and voice, even though he used it badly and the prose was bruised purple. He might rank T because of ‘Struggling authors who haven’t realized they need to actually learn to write.’

Pugmak
Guest

Ha!

I made the list!
I’m a dedicated V lister! 🙂

Seriously. It’s a fantastic “world” concept. Uberly flexible in that it covers a large part of the galaxy and has room for a planet or few of every possible ideological mix.

All I need is someone to do the actual writing.

Bruce
Guest

You, too, Pugmak?!?! I wrote a poem in the 8th grade my teacher liked and it won an award!

Oh, and Larry, I had this great opening when I woke up the other morning…:)

fabbersmith
Guest
Hey, another one! I to am a world-builder who hasn’t quite gotten something good AND complete on paper. I probably have half a dozen ideas bouncing around in my head that would do okay if I could get them down, I’m still working on the “practice practice practice” part. Or someone to help with the writing. They probably wouldn’t even need to do all of it either. I’d place myself somewhere around “S” though the descriptions denote some sort of delusion of grandeur, which I don’t have, but I haven’t even tried to sell anything yet, so I’m not higher… Read more »
John Van Stry
Guest

My writing pays the bills for my new sports car, its gas and the insurance. If I’d just buckle down and work harder at it I think I could make ‘J’ within a year or three.
I think the biggest thing people lower on the list don’t understand (but the ones at the top -do-) is that writing is WORK, and sometimes it can be hard work. Also that the key to success is to never stop, but to keep writing.

Mike in Seattle
Guest

Conversely, some of us do get this, which is why we firmly remain in the ‘aspiring’ category. 🙂

Shadowdancer Duskstar / Cutelildrow
Guest

Heya! Fancy seeing you here! And really, a sports car? That’s bloody awesome, congrats!

Dr. Mauser
Guest

He actually bought TWO! I have my eye on that particular model as well, but I have this weird mindset that I want my current Subaru to make it to 300K miles before I retire it. It’s almost there and still going strong.

Shadowdancer Duskstar / Cutelildrow
Guest

Ahahahahaha two?! That’s winning, right there. I like seeing friends get on in the world. ^___^

Me, my first criteria for a car is ‘see over dashboard AND reach pedals at the same time without having to duct-tape spam cans to the pedals and without seat belt trying to cut into my throat.’ First though, I gotta learn to actually drive (although, I have my learners’ license!)

M. Kupari
Guest

L-List! Woo!

T.L. Knighton
Guest

You’re on that lesbian TV show on Showtime?

Sweet!

Beefy Levinson
Guest

I’m S-list about to move on up into N-list baby.

Erwin
Guest

Ever snorted walnuts through your nose?
X
–Erwin

Wayne Blackburn
Guest

Oh, dude. I was eating a cough drop while reading this. Took everything I had not to snort THAT out my nose.

Woelf Dietrich
Guest

Oohhh! I’ve made it on a list. I’ve always wanted to be on a list. I think I’m on the list. Somewhere… damn.

Expendable Henchman
Guest

Since just visiting Linux Journal puts people on a terrorism watch list, MHN.com sure as hell put us all on yet another list.

Shadowdancer Duskstar / Cutelildrow
Guest

It does? What the everliving FSCK? *goes over there* Oh. Bwa hahahahahahaha! I’m sure every visitor to say, Phoronix or any KDE or Debian forum or page is on the NSA watchlist coz zomg people who may know how to code! That needs regulating.

‘Scuse me gonna head over to PJMedia and Gates of Vienna now, earning myself, I’m sure, another tick in the ‘conservative extremist’ tickbox.

DaveP.
Guest

When you’re through there, drop by your favorite gunblog of choice and complete the trifecta.

Wes S.
Guest

“Sipsey Street Irregulars” and/or WRSA should handle all your one-stop, add-me-to-the-watchlist-now needs…

😛

Fail Burton
Guest

I’m guessing The Guardian has made more money for you than for Son of Omen 3.

What’s SFWA-list?

Expendable Henchman
Guest

It’s a list of Short Fat Whining Assholes.

Fail Burton
Guest

Sacerdotal Femtroop Women’s Anschluss

T.L. Knighton
Guest

As a short, fat asshole, I’m not sure how I feel about that.

I mean, I’m not whining, so there’s that at least.

Arlan Andrews, Sr.
Guest

Geez–short story writers like me, being professionally published for 34 years in lots of places, don’t seem to have a place in this list; (guess we might be footnotes?)

But surprisingly, I do know writers and wannabes who fit each of these categories, and was not previously aware I even knew 26 kinds of writers.

Good list!

Karl Sandwell-Weiss
Guest

Thank you. I’ve had a rough day and the list and comments are just what I needed for relaxation.

akornzombie
Guest

Where do webcartoonist’s fit into this list?

warpcordova
Guest

H-I range. I can deal with that.

Steve
Guest
“Tomorrow the Guardian might say you’ve irreparably damaged your career, and I’ve personally found that will bump your royalties up at least one level on the list!” Heh. I hadn’t heard of you, Larry, until the Guardian and other assorted Social Justice elves and sprites started stamping their little feet and shrieking about what a Bad Man you are for making fun of “abolishing gender binary”. Bad Larry! It made me curious enough to buy Monster Hunter International on Kindle. I hadn’t read any fantasy novels since Tolkien, but you had me at Owen beating his werewolf boss to death.… Read more »
Christopher M. Chupik
Guest
Christopher M. Chupik

See? Damien does *some* good, if only by accident. 😉

Adam Lawson
Guest

Crap. I’m L-List.

Tom Bridgeland
Guest

I aspire to ‘L’. Currently about ‘M’. The $12 I got from Amazon last month would buy me a lunch at Applebies, wouldn’t it? Gack, need to write the sequel.

TXRed
Guest

On a faintly serious note, do it. I didn’t see my sales start moving until I got the second book in the series out, and the third book has kicked things even higher.

thatonerandomguys
Guest

Reblogged this on thatonerandomguys's Blog.

Draven
Guest

somewhere between L and M…

samwisegilgee
Guest

I think I fit somewhere with S and U, thankfully while I can be stubborn, I think I generally avoid T through recognition that I really do have improvement to make. Practice, practice, submit, practice, practice, or something like that, now that I am on summer break I should probably get back to writing.

445supermag
Guest

So, at what level does your writing pay for a really big lawn?

Nate the Blynd
Guest

I was reading this list and kept going, “I know someone like that. And someone like that. And that. Does that actually- Yes, now that I think about it, Y does exist.”

Personally I’m a U lister going for S list. Not a darn clue what to do when/if I ever finish what I’m writing, but I haven’t really planned anything so far, why start now?

Shadowdancer Duskstar / Cutelildrow
Guest

Hilarious list, Larry. Made me laugh like a madwoman. Sitting on L-list myself because of Authors who’ve sold some books. On sole authorship though I’m either U or S. (There doesn’t seem to be a category for ‘in process of writing something…)

Possibly related to the list, but where do fanfiction authors with huge followings land on the list? They’re not monetarily successful, (I don’t think…?) but are successful in the sense of having a following. If they make the leap and translate their fanfiction to original work they might end up with the next Twilight, so… thoughts anyone?

Dr. Mauser
Guest

Filing the serial numbers off and publishing the result worked out okay for the 50 Shades series….

Shadowdancer Duskstar / Cutelildrow
Guest

Right, that series; thanks for that! (Yes, I actually didn’t remember the name, just that it was related to Twilight. I’m in bed with flu and migraines.)

Dr. Mauser
Guest

Interestingly though, I totally forget the author’s name. The title has achieved more fame than she has.

Wes S.
Guest

Funny how “Fifty Shades of Crap” is acceptable to the literary gatekeepers while “Paladin of OH JOHN RINGO NO” isn’t, no?

Especially since “Fifty Shades” is just “Ghost” with less gunplay, a lot more literary pretentiousness, worse writing and a hefty side order of Twilight fan-fic. Blecch.

(Full disclosure: I didn’t so much read “Fifty Shades” as just skim through it with a couple of friends at a Barnes and Noble…and we got some really weird looks from other patrons because of all the snarking, sniggering and outright guffawing.)

junior
Guest
A story where lots of bad guys get killed is obviously attempting to appeal to the lowest common denominator. As such, Mr. Ringo’s inclusion of sex is obviously yet another part of his attempt to appeal to the baser natures of his very base readership. Something like Fifty Shades, however, contains no brazen murders by psychopaths masquerading as good guys! As such, obviously the inclusion of sex merely goes to show what great art it is! Philistines like yourself obviously don’t understand how true art works! 😛 Over at Ace of Spades, the term “Mommy Porn” was heard more than… Read more »
hvogel
Guest
When I was writing comic books back in the ’80s, I was an H-list author. Fast forward to 2014, exactly three months after the release of my first ebook on Amazon (print-on-demand edition up Real Soon Now), and I’m an L-list novelist. I’m currently polishing novel two for a September release (fingers crossed) and have the first draft of novel three, which I hope to release by Christmas, finished. I’m hoping to hit G-list by the end of next year (no one ever got to the top by setting low expectations). I’ve also been pleasantly surprised to discover there’s more… Read more »
C.J. Carella
Guest

OMG, I think I’m a J with K aspirations! As of this month, I netted just about enough to pay my rent for the year. Of course, I’d be better off it those Shitlords running things saw fit to give me a grant because racism. Or maybe not, I’d probably end up whining on my blog instead of actually trying to write 2K words a day.

C.J. Carella
Guest
>On a faintly serious note, do it. I didn’t see my sales start moving until I got the second book in the series out, and the third book has kicked things even higher. Good point; things have taken off after my second novel came out. Another thing I’ve found useful for self-pubs using Amazon: putting the first book on sale during the launch of the sequel. That really pushed up my sales and I’m still seeing a positive bounce back weeks later. When the third book of my current series comes out, I’m planning on making the first novel free… Read more »
TXRed
Guest

When #2 came out, I dropped the price on #1. I’ve decided to leave it down, because sales numbers are making up for the lower per-unit income.

C.J. Carella
Guest

>OMG, I think I’m a J with K aspirations!

Doh, should have been J with I aspirations…

C.J. Carella
Guest

>TXRed, on July 25, 2014 at 6:41 pm said:
When #2 came out, I dropped the price on #1. I’ve decided to leave it down, because sales numbers are making up for the lower per-unit income.

Hmm. Something else to consider.

Desert Rat
Guest

Of course, letting a bunch of your old Rifts fans know you’re writing fiction now might boost you into a larger bracket. I had no idea you wrote novels. But you haven’t let me down in like twenty years with your RPG work, so I’ll give your fiction a go as well.

C.J. Carella
Guest

Thank you! I’ve posted a few times on the Palladium Books forums, but I guess I need to figure out a few more ways to spread the word 🙂

DaveP.
Guest

Not so much interested in Rifts, but I’m a big fan of Witchcraft and I’ll admit to a fanboy moment when I recognized your name.

vaderisbored
Guest

Thanks, Larry! Your posts like this always motivate me to keep plugging away on the sad excuse for a novel I work on in my free time. I appreciate the kick in the arse 🙂

TRX
Guest

Writing 2K words per day, blah!

Years ago, back when the internet ran in text mode, I started archiving my outgoing mail, something that wasn’t automatically done by my mailer. I was quite active on a number of mailing lists, and after a few months I noticed I was sending about a megabyte of plain ASCII text (not headers, just message bodies) per month. That’s the length of a nice fat novel or anthology.

Too bad I wasted all that typing on discussion instead of putting the effort toward something that might net a royalty check…

C.J. Carella
Guest

Yep, I know the feeling. I’ve been participating in Internet discussions since the days of the Illuminati BBS (ah, the days when you knew you’d connected to the ‘net when the 1200k modem whined and screeched through the speakers) and the word count spent in nerdraging, flame warring and pedantic arguments would have filled several War and Peace-sized novels…

Dr. Mauser
Guest

It was great typing practice, but it led to bad habits like backspacing entire sentences instead of selecting and deleting. (I bet you still do that). I used to do a bunch of BBSes in Philly back in the ’80’s. Had a lot of great storyboards going too.

C.J. Carella
Guest

Dr. Mauser, on July 25, 2014 at 6:39 pm said:
It was great typing practice, but it led to bad habits like backspacing entire sentences instead of selecting and deleting. (I bet you still do that).

On occasion (been working on breaking that kind of habit for a long time). And now I feel my age. 🙂

TRX
Guest

Yeah, but then I have my keyboard repeat rate set to 75 characters per second with a 200 millisecond delay. I used to have a memory-resident utility to do that back under DOS; KDE does it for me now.

I can zip a cursor about the screen with the arrow keys in less time than it takes to grab the mouse.

Achillea
Guest

With me, my far, far too many hours in IRC still winds up typing stuff like ‘/me’ to do an action in chat even lo these many years later.

Dr. Mauser
Guest

/me, or : if you spent enough time on Muds/Mucks. Those were not just good typing practice, but good for thinking on your feet (Or butt, to be honest).

Tom Simon
Guest

Ah, those were the days. There was a time when I could tell the difference between a 1200 baud modem, a 2400, and (oh, luxury!) a U.S. Robotics 9600 HST, just by the sound.

On the bright side, if all those megabytes of BBS posts were done in a serious effort to entertain or persuade other people, they count for partial credit towards your official Million Words of Crap.

Edward Willett
Guest

I guess I’m a G, although the only reason I was a Guest of Honor at a convention was because the author they wanted (Spider Robinson) couldn’t make it. Story of my life: I’ve twice been hired as an actor by our local professional company because “the guy we wanted had to bow out.” But they still paid, so hey!

thewriterinblack
Guest
the only reason I was a Guest of Honor at a convention was because the author they wanted (Spider Robinson) couldn’t make it. As Neil Gaiman said, “you get work however you get work”. One of my first sales was to the late Marion Zimmer Bradley’s fantasy magazine. It was the third of three sales (one to Analog, one a non-fiction article, and this one) that finally made me a “professional writer”. It was the first to see print, with a remarkably short lead time. The acceptance letter and contract was sent back by “special delivery” and the same issue… Read more »
Edward Willett
Guest

Yep. Having been a full-time freelancer for just over two decades now, believe me, I know all about getting work “however.” Although my best piece of writing advice? Marry an engineer like I did. Helps smooth out the income bumps.

Christopher M. Chupik
Guest
Christopher M. Chupik

This *might* be Damien’s response, but I can’t vouch for it:

“Ah, the chronic insecurity of the right wing conservative ideologue. Predictable as clockwork.”

Personally, I find Damien be very motivating. I want to succeed, not only for myself, but to get up the noses of people like him. 🙂

dyingearth
Guest

From this twitter post: https://twitter.com/damiengwalter/status/492356710292410369

Damien apparently quit. No mention of whether he’s refunding British government’s grant that he’s supposed to use to write that novel.

Christopher M. Chupik
Guest
Christopher M. Chupik

I think he’s quoting William Gibson from a post he linked to, but yes, when he posts like that, sans atribution, it’s confusing. Typical Damien riteing skilz.

And the comments are just priceless.

Akatsukami
Guest

I’m off the meta-list altogether; it’s been years since I’ve even pretended to myself that I could be an author if I just got my shit together.

Synova
Guest

S or U I guess. Have written, have submitted, haven’t sold, but mostly thinks about what I want to write instead of writing it.

So… I guess that was a public confession.

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[…] to Monster Hunter International author Larry Correia’s new handy A-Z Guide, I qualify as an […]

Salt
Guest

I’m S list, but the beer in the fridge is cold. I do have that going for me.

Kristophr
Guest

Should I aspire to the X list, or the Y list?

Dan Poore
Guest
“Writes violent pornographic bondage fan fiction involving My Little Ponies, Voltron, and Breaking Bad on the internet” You know, part of me suspects that there really is such a thing, and not just you throwing together random stuff… but the other part of me REALLY Does. Not. Want. To. Know. Valuing what little sanity I have, I’m not going looking for examples. (I’m nowhere on the list, as I don’t consider myself a writer. I don’t count some Wing Commander fanfic I’ve done, even if it’s not fetish fic [not even a flash of skin in them… though some skin… Read more »
junior
Guest

Rule 34, Dan. Rule 34…

Dr. Mauser
Guest

Not just Rule 34, but there’s another Rule that if you make something up, a website dedicated to that fetish will pop into existence, and by Ugol’s law, there will be at least two people into it.

Shadowdancer Duskstar / Cutelildrow
Guest
Oh great. I was reminded of there being live action MLP…cosplay?… porn that apparently has a fairly solid following and the props used are a fetish product line. I say ‘cosplay’ because the props are wigs with horse-ear headbands, tails which are… attached… to the user, painted on cutie marks and not much else. The ONLY reason why I know about this is coz someone linked me an article boggling over the existence of such a thing, laughing hysterically and WTFing at the same time. Very little surprises me any more, but apparently this has a huge… brony… fanbase, at… Read more »
Dr. Mauser
Guest

Somebody gave me a link once to a promotional video of said products. The phrases “Somebody’s out to make a quick buck” and “What utter cheap crap.” came to mind. It didn’t come from any real fan based source, It was just re-branded novelty crap.

Shadowdancer Duskstar / Cutelildrow
Guest

Yeah, the only difference seemed to be rainbow colors.

I still facepalmed.

junior
Guest

I’m suddenly reminded of one of the missions in the video game “Saints Row 3”. You have to rescue a kidnapped guy from a brothel. Said guy is wearing a pony tail, and you escape in a rickshaw he’s pulling. So yeah, he’s basically cosplaying a pony pulling a cart.

^^;;

The whole thing is treated in a rather silly fashion, as befits the Saints Row series.

Robert What?
Guest

Har! Thanks for the interesting glimpse into the world of authors, not being one myself. Damn, I didn’t even win an award in grade school so I’m not on the list at all.

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[…] case you still want to compare yourself to other authors, this is a fun post for ranking yourself. […]

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[…] of making me giggle, Larry Correia’s hilarious alphabetical ranking of authors came out yesterday. I think I’m somewhere between I and […]

Brian Hurrel
Guest

Yay! I made the N list…. kinda sorta.
This reminds me a bit of my German teacher in High School. He used to use the entire alphabet when grading, so it was not unusual to receive a quiz back with a big red “K-” or “M+”.

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[…] The Official Alphabetical List of Author Success […]

Mike M.
Guest

OK, where do those of us who’ve had articles published in magazines fit in? O? P? Q? 🙂

Viking ZX
Guest

Huh, so I guess I’m midway between K and L list? That’s not so bad.

Raphael
Guest

As someone located around M or N on this list, who has actually taken his wife out to Applebee’s on his sale earnings, I would just like to mention that they have this really great two-for-twenty deal that comes with a tasty appetizer.

Tom Mays
Guest

Reblogged this on The Improbable Author and commented:
I guess I’m somewhere between G through K on this masterful list, but it all depends how you look at things. Still, funny as hell, Larry!

Guess
Guest

So how many A listers total? Maybe 20?

people shouldn’t knock the X List. That is where EL James (50 shades) got her start.

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[…] a higher rating than A-list for Ray but he would not have found it on Larry Correia’s new ”Official Alphabetical List of Author Success” — a taxonomy that exists largely to prove it’s a long way down to the bottom of the barrel […]

Robert Wilson
Guest
Obviously tongue-in-cheek but wouldn’t Martin rank as A List. His most recognizable property is generating millions of dollars per year, tens of millions for HBO, and a potential box office film would dwarf any individual Twilight film, maybe even eclipse multiple film grosses. HBO GO, likely only behind netflix and NFL Sunday ticket, in terms of streaming popularity/potential, is largely being propelled by Game of Thrones. I am not sure about book sales but Game of Thrones may be the most valuable television property on cable, perhaps all of television, due to its measurable popularity and largely immeasurable presence online.… Read more »
James Fulford
Guest

I’d like to see some mention of those sad people who write for poetry magazines that pay “in copies.” I suppose the magazines themselves are on the Z-list, because they’re subsidized by their colleges, but the writer gets nothing but “proof” that someone was willing to publish them–as long as they didn’t have to pay them.

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[…] The official alphabetical list of author success. […]

Mike
Guest

So can you jump a level or two by writing a character specifically designed for Peter Dinklage in your uploading heroic fantasy?

JIm C.
Guest

I think this post deserves a mention on the “Best of MHN” tab.

As a relatively new reader of the site, I’ve found that static page quite entertaining, and that this one belongs there.

Though the fact that I live about 45 minutes away from the Yama does little for my peace of mind, I suppose it is better to know such things than not know them.

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[…] This may be one of the few posts this week that has no lesbian content. In unrelated news, while the pulled pork sandwich at Wendy’s isn’t going to make you forget your local BBQ joint, it doesn’t completely suck either. I had the slaw on the side instead of atop the pulled pork, just in case it was one of those sugary slaws (it wasn’t) and it was okay too. Didn’t quite have the courage to try it piled on their cheeseburger, much less the Baconator which is my default Wendy’s burger, but maybe next time. Wendy’s also joins… Read more »
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[…] The Official Alphabetical List of Author Success […]

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[…] has been a huge hit, and when I say huge, you guys remember my Alphabetical List of Author Success? http://monsterhunternation.com/2014/07/24/the-official-alphabetical-list-of-author-success/ Well, he’s up there on the D List with me, and at the rate he’s going should hit C soon. C is […]

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[…] also disclose that per the esteemed Larry Correia’s Official Alphabetic List of Author Success, I’m approximately an M-list author now, and have have been L-list during the gold […]

Carbonel
Guest

Hmm… Where does wrote one, co-authored another book (sold through the advances) and gets the occasional short gig, and stopped cold because Other Things To Do?

Raptor
Guest

Took me long enough, but I finally moved up on the list! M-List attitude and compulsion (minus the whole flogging-the-captive-audience bit), N-List sales and royalties.

Christopher Woods
Guest

I made the H list! Woooo-Hoooo!

Kes
Guest

I’m not really an aspiring writer at all. But if I were, I’d be happy to have my royalties support my reading habit. Books… crack would be cheaper. (Note: I happily pay the $7.99/paperback to support awesome authors like Jean Johnson, whose tweet brought me here).

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[…] The Official Alphabetical List of Author Success […]

Vlad
Guest

By the way, love the accountant in-joke in the last entry. 🙂

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[…] As I can personally attest to, that is worth moving up at least one rung on the Alphabetical List of Author Success http://monsterhunternation.com/2014/07/24/the-official-alphabetical-list-of-author-success/ […]

Wayne Borean
Guest

ROFLMAO.

Met most of that list, except A. Didn’t want to meet some of it. Really didn’t want to meet some of it…

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[…] the Rabid Puppies list is here, for your amusement. Also, professional Grauniad wanker and P-List author Damien Walters horked up some nonsense about John Wright’s career being over after Sasquan […]

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[…] Overall, I have to say I’m pleased with how my first year in indie publishing has gone. I haven’t had the breakout success I would have loved (hell, wouldn’t we ALL love that?), but I have had steady success and my sales have become fairly predictable, which isn’t necessarily a bad thing. My revenue from last year alone placed me very firmly as a mid-list author, and that’s not a bad thing (if you want a funnier way of looking at author classifications, check out Larry Correia’s The Official Alphabetical List of Author Success) […]

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[…] is a shameless ripoff of Larry’s List of Author Success.  It was funny and seemed spot on, but I kept comparing it to places I’d be in my own life […]

Brian Marshall
Guest

I am a U list, maybe someday. 😀

Russell Newquist
Guest

I noticed that the list doesn’t have an “authors who have made enough to impress their dad” entry. I’m trying to decide if this is an oversight, or if it’s not there because it’s a statistical impossibility.

Dave
Guest

Oh, that’s just the ILoH being sexist.👹 Think H-list but replace mom with dad.

Christopher M. Chupik
Guest
Christopher M. Chupik

Looks like I’m O-list. I can now join SFWA . . . and won’t.

dmjole
Guest

Hot Dog! I’m a P lister! woot! (Writers of the Future volume Nine, baby)

Ray Garton
Guest

From one D-list writer to another, welcome to the D-list. ~(:-D

Oldfan
Guest

This is great for fiction writers, but how about people who write non-fiction, mostly of a technical nature, as an adjunt to their profession, like a veterinarian who writes a book on veterinary medicine? I make only the equivalent of a decent vacation a year off royalties, but it does burnish professional credentials, and of course I would never dream of writing for a living. Is there a place on he scale for this?

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