Just a heads up reminder if I was able to sway you with my Sad Puppies posts, but the Hugo nominating deadline is this Sunday.

Okay, for the many of you who I talked into registering to nominate/vote for the Hugos with my relentless onslaught of sad puppies, by now you should have received an email with your PINs for voting. (I just got mine last night).

Now, obviously I want everybody to vote for what they think is the best in each category. I’m not going to tell anybody what to do. If you think some particular book/story is absolutely amazing, then put it up.

What I would like to do with this post is have all of you post in the comments about what you think was totally awesome which came out in 2012. Tell us why you think some work should be nominated.

I’ll post my actual list once I get it filled in.

I am voting for Monster Hunter Legion for best novel, because I am selfish and entirely motivated by spite. 🙂

I am voting for Elitist Book Reviews for Best Fanzine, because I’m sick and tired of jerk face snob reviewers.

I’m voting for Schlock Mercenary in graphic works. (I have to check Howard’s blog to see what eligible 2012 book title was). This is a killer hard category, but I’ve been reading this comic every day for 12 YEARS and it has gotten better and better, with an excellent overall story. EDIT: The 2012 eligable book was Random Access Memorabilia.

I need to figure out what category Writing Excuses Podcast fits in, because they keep getting nominated, they’re all my friends, they’re awesome, but they keep running up against some unstoppable Dr. Who juggernaut every year.

EDIT: For artist, I can’t believe I forgot Vincent Chong. It is because he does the covers of my French novels, so mentally I was thinking those don’t count, but they totally do. The Hugo isn’t limited to America. Duh.  The French Hard Magic cover was one of the coolest book covers I’ve ever seen and it came out in 2012.

Short stories/novellas, I’m still thinking about, because there are some really good ones. Here is a link to all of the Baen eligable works:  http://larrycorreia.wordpress.com/2013/02/13/hugo-nominating/ And if you look those up, check out Gray Rinehart. Baen’s slushmaster general who has some eligable works.

So post below and let’s discuss. What do you think were the best works. Best cover artist? Best editor? Toni Weiskopf and Jim Minz, obviously. Best movie? Best TV show?

What do you think?

EDIT: Lots of good suggestions being listed below. Check them out.

This is it, the last day I will bug you guys. Now is your final chance to stick it to the man.

I tried logic and reason: http://larrycorreia.wordpress.com/2013/01/08/how-to-get-correia-nominated-for-a-hugo/

I tried Sad Puppies: http://larrycorreia.wordpress.com/2013/01/16/how-to-get-correia-nominated-for-a-hugo-part-2-a-very-special-message/

I asked Won’t Somebody Please Think of the Childrens! http://larrycorreia.wordpress.com/2013/01/23/how-to-get-correia-nominated-for-a-hugo-part-3-wont-somebody-please-think-of-the-children/

And yesterday I made fun of Stephen King: http://larrycorreia.wordpress.com/2013/01/30/how-to-get-correia-nominated-for-a-hugo-part-4-ten-ways-im-different-than-stephen-king-and-thus-deserve-a-hugo-nomination/

So this is it. The final count down. If you purchase a Supporting Membership for LonestarCon you will be able to nominate works for the Hugo award. I’m flogging this like a mule in the hopes of getting Monster Hunter Legion nominated for best novel? Why? Because “fun” books are considered unworthy. Because it will make all of the literati critics really really angry. Because most of what I’ve accomplished in life has been motivated purely out of spite.

If you register today, Raylan Givens will tip his cowboy hat at you in a manly fashion. (okay, just discovered Justified this month, holy crap that show is awesome).

Even as you read this, a secret cabal of Literati Cultists gather in their Dark Ivory Tower. (so I guess it is kind of a mocha color) They have read these blog posts, and they are afraid, afraid of the Monster Hunter Nation. They tremble in fear that something which isn’t heavy handed message fic may tread their sacred halls. A Manhattan publisher rejects a brilliant manuscript because he saw that the author once wrote on Facebook that maybe, just maybe, Barack Obama might not literally be Jesus. Stephen King goes on a giant rant about Sarah Palin then snorts a line of coke while Michael Vick puts an adorable puppy into a food processor. Yes… It is like totally that evil.

Their only hope is that the mighty Monster Hunter Nation won’t buy a supporting membership because it is $60, and they have more important things to do with their money. In fact, it today’s climate since the Monster Hunter Nation is busy stockpiling more of all of the good things which morons are currently trying to ban, $60 will buy up to half a box of surplus 9mm or maybe some rusty grip screws.

But for $60 you get a membership which lets you nominate, the satisfaction of pissing off jerk face snob book reviewers, eBooks of all the nominated works, and one month’s coverage of Stranger & Stranger Interdimensional Platinum Plan.

YES! You heard me right! If you act fact, you will be covered by Tom Stranger for one whole month of Earth* time. Should you be involved in any interdimensional events, Tom Stranger, Interdimensional Insurance Agent, will take care of your claims.

*which Earth is not specified. Void where prohibited and prohibited where void.

So that’s it. Thank you for everyone that has jumped in on this. I hope we pull it off. Seriously, you guys are awesome. Plus, I need an excuse to go to Texas. Because Texas rocks.

We are in the final two days of being able to get a supporting membership for WorldCon so that you can nominate stuff (Monster Hunger Legion is stuff) for the Hugo award. All month long I’ve been bugging you guys to get memberships so you can nominate up to 5 items in every category, to let your voices be heard. The cost of the membership is offset by the big packet of eBooks you get with works from all of the nominees.

First, I explained why it is so important to make literati snobs spontaneously combust with rage that a mere pulp novelist would tread in their sacred halls: http://larrycorreia.wordpress.com/2013/01/08/how-to-get-correia-nominated-for-a-hugo/ This blog post alone caused several severe injuries at Ivy league English departments across the world and threatened to End Literature Forever.

Second, I showed just how serious this problem is with Sarah McLachlan music and sad puppies: http://larrycorreia.wordpress.com/2013/01/16/how-to-get-correia-nominated-for-a-hugo-part-2-a-very-special-message/  Proving that if you don’t register, it is because you hate puppies and pulp novelists and like it when Michael Vick runs them through the clothes dryer.

And last week, I asked for everyone to please, please think of the children, as I shamelessly surrounded myself with children. http://larrycorreia.wordpress.com/2013/01/23/how-to-get-correia-nominated-for-a-hugo-part-3-wont-somebody-please-think-of-the-children/

This is the final few days that you can hear my heartfelt pleas to stick up for unabashedly awesome action novels. I was out of ideas. I mean, I’d already rocked the sad puppies, so what else was there, but luckily current events came to the rescue.

Earlier this week Stephen King released a giant screed about gun control, and while my giant screed about gun control was based upon my years of practical experience in that field, his was based upon emotion, wishful thinking, and having snorted a lot of coccaine. It was mostly the same tired nonsense about how he like totally understands the 2nd Amendment, but it is time to get rid of our “obsession with dangerous toys” (hint, if you say you understand the 2nd and then immediately invoke “toys” or “deer hunting” you are an idiot).  I’m pretty sure the founding fathers didn’t rise up and do battle with a tyranical government and then immediately after write an amendment enshrining our right to hunt deer.

Then he talked about how culture doesn’t cause mass killings, guns do, which was why he pulled his book Rage off of the market because he felt guilty after it had inspired a couple of mass killers… Go figure. My favorite part however, was where he tried to use his Mad Horror Writer Skillz to invoke emotions about how Wayne LaPierre and the NRA needs to clean up the corpses and pick up the partially digested last meals from their intestines or whatever the hell pretentious hamfisted bullshit that was.  (another hint, I’m pretty sure my readership is of above average familiarity with violence, real horror, corpses, and gun shot wounds, so from that sample I’m fairly certain people with a clue are not exactly lining up to turn in their guns)

Please do keep in mind, that this is the same dude who back when he had a severe case of Bush Derangement Syndrome came out with is comments about how if you can’t read then you’ll end up in the Army… Yeah… Classy.

However, since Stephen King is all sorts of famous and of the correct political persuasion he was once again hailed as a genius in the media. Because look, even though he knows dick about the subject, his opinion matters, because he’s a NOVELIST! What about my opposing gun control article which was read by a million people which was written based upon my actual experience, and knowledge of the law, tactics, wound ballistics, and how actual violence works. NO! We will dismiss that because you are just a NOVELIST!  See how it works? Pretty nifty.

Because King has a political opinion, but he is of the correct political persuasions, I am sure he will be showered with awards. Meanwhile, woe unto the once award winning writers who come out of the closet as being of the incorrect political persuasion, because no more awards for you! Sort of like Orson Scott Card winning everything under the sun until he came out against gay marriage. Or Dan Simmons winning every literary award in existence until he wrote an article pointing out that maybe, just maybe, jihadi fundamentalists might want to kill us. No awards for you! Sometimes they even eat their own, as can be witnessed by Elizibeth Moon (who I believe is pretty darn liberal) having an opinion outside the accepted group think about terrorism and getting the fandom equivelent of a tar and feathering.

You guys hear me joke about this a lot, about authors getting blackballed because of their politics, but it is very real, and it annoys me to no end. I know a lot of conservative authors with other publishing houses, and they all just keep their mouths shut out of the very real fear of damaging their careers. Luckily for me, I used to own a machine gun store. It doesn’t get much more out of the closet than that. 🙂

For the record, I think Stephen King’s an extremely good writer. He’s been published for as long as I’ve been alive. When he’s on, the dude’s a word smith. When he’s off, he sucks. He can paint a brilliant picture with words, and then cram it into a meandering plot populated by mopey ass victim characters you just want to brain with a shovel. The main reason I don’t enjoy King novels is that he writes good victims, good thugs, and wouldn’t know a hero if it bit him in the ass. His books are all about making you feel helpless, useless, and weak. I can’t wrap my brain around that sort of mind set, and apparently that translates over into real life philosophy as well.

When it comes to pure writing skill, he’s on top. He’s been doing this for like 40 years. So when it comes to writing advice, I’ll listen. When it comes to self defense, the 2nd Amendment, or politics in general, oh hell no.

As a side note, my personal favorite bit of nonsensical Stephen King advice comes from a book of his I’ve not read. He’s got a writing advice book called On Writing, and aspiring authors love to quote it. One time I was on a panel at a convention and the topic was about balancing work and family, and some aspiring writer in the audience felt the need to stand up and quote from the book. I can’t remember exactly how it went, but it was a tortured analogy about how when King first got super rich, he built a big house with a big office, and he put his writing desk in the middle of the office, and then neglected his family because there was no room for them in the office. Later, he moved the desk to the side, so his children could play… And the aspiring author quoted this like it was all sorts of profundity.

My response was basically, “Look, dude… I’ve been happily married to the same women for fifteen years. I’ll take writing advice from Stephen King, but I’ll be damned if I take child raising advice from him. The reason he neglected his kids was because he was coked out of his freaking mind for a decade, so sit down and shut up.”

So now I will get ready for the inevitable slew of hate mail from King fans, but while I’m waiting for those, here are the Top Ten Ways I am Different that Stephen King and Thus Deserve a Hugo:

10.  I have never mistaken Barack Obama for Jesus. Not even in poor light.

9.  I have never written a book where the villian was a thinly veiled Dick Cheney.

8. I have never written a book based upon the Simpson’s movie.

7. If I had written Cujo, it would have been three pages. And most of that would have been a discussion over what is the best caliber for Saint Bernards.

6. I have never written myself into a corner at the end of an 800 page book, snorted a bunch of coccaine, and then exclaimed “HA! IT WAS A GIANT SPIDER ALL ALONG!”

5. When I write a book about a gun expert accountant who can take a punch, then critics say it is a horrible Mary Sue. When Stephen King writes fifty six books where the main character is a drug addled, depressed, whiney, victimized, helpless, alchoholic, sexually frustrated, daddy issues having, perverted, philandering, author from Maine, then it is brilliant literature.

4. I know to look both ways before crossing the street.

3. I know soldiers can read.

2. I can write an actual ending.

1. In addition to him being way more famous, selling way more books, and sleeping on a giant pile of money, he’s got a lot of awards and I don’t,

-which is one more reason you should GO AND GET YOUR MEMBERSHIP TO NOMINATE FOR THE HUGO! THE CLOCK IS TICKING!

Tick off a critic today. For the children and the puppies.  Go here to buy your LonestarCon membership. You will need to register before the end of January, but then you have a couple of months to get your nomination in.

http://www.lonestarcon3.org/paypal_test/display_entry_new.php

And thank you. Only you can save the pulp novelists.

 

EDIT: and I have been made aware of the Women typo, but it is actually kind of funny, so it stays. 😀

So there are only nine days left to buy a supporting membership which will allow you to nominate for the Hugo Awards. It really doesn’t take that many votes to get nominated, and if Monster Hunter Legion were to become a Hugo finalist, elitist literary snobs around the world would have a complete come apart that something which was unabashed pulp, had an actual plot, had characters who actually did stuff, and wasn’t heavy handed message fiction dared tread into their sacred halls.

First I appealed to every reasonable person’s desire to make literati heads explode: http://larrycorreia.wordpress.com/2013/01/08/how-to-get-correia-nominated-for-a-hugo/

Last time I went nuclear, with sad puppies:  http://larrycorreia.wordpress.com/2013/01/16/how-to-get-correia-nominated-for-a-hugo-part-2-a-very-special-message/

So what do I do now? It is pretty hard to beat sad puppies.

First, I thought about surrounding myself with children as I announced my controversial new policy. That way I could insinuate that anybody who disagreed with me would only do so if they hated children. But then I said to myself, what kind of horrible demagogue would do something as shallow and manipulative like that? I mean, you’d have to be a huge narcisist. You’d only do that if you had no actual substance, and your only hope was to appeal to emotion…

Yeah… Okay. Never mind…

So if the photo op of me surrounded by a rainbow coalition of children pleading for equal rights for pulp novelists, with their big sad eyes is out, then why not their letters? I mean, seriously, if the President of the United States can base national policy on letters from little kids, then why can’t I appeal for nominations that way?

Dear Correia,

My daddy has a subscription to Locus. How come they never ever review your books? How come the only time any Baen books appear in Locus is when they are dominating the Locus bestseller list?

Timmy, (yes, I walk with a crutch) Age 10. Somnambulant, Iowa

First off, congratulations on using the word dominating. That’s pretty badass for a ten year old.

Well, Timmy, to answer your question, that’s because Locus, which has won the semi-prozine Hugo like 72 times, is totally unbiased and only reviews “good” books. Just because my books are really popular and have entertained a lot of people, doesn’t mean they are “good”.  (nor apparently does great sales, winning other awards, getting getting translated into foreign languages where you then get nominated for foreign awards, being one of the consistent top selling audio books for a couple years in a row and winning the biggest award available in that media, or other forms of success).

You know, on that thought, it would be great if all the folks nominating me were also to nominate  another book review site in that reviewer category, who are at least honest about their biases, like say Elitist Book Reviews. http://elitistbookreviews.blogspot.com/

Dear Correia,

School keeps making me read boring novels. Nobody ever does anything, but they sit around and talk about doing stuff, and then nothing happens, and then everybody dies, and then we have to talk about how it makes us feel for a month, and then write a report. Why are books stupid? 

Mary Sue, Age 14, Sheeple, Ohio

Well, Mary Sue, that’s because the literati who proclaim which books are good don’t care if people actually like reading. They only care if the book is PROFOUND (as in, really really hard to understand, and open to interpretation).  If you actually enjoy the book, then obviously the author is writing pulp crap for the masses, and should be spit on and hit with sticks. They will not be happy until everybody gives up reading entirely, because then they will definately be the smartest people in the room.

Dear Correia,

My Dad says that snobs suck and are lame and he hates them. He says that the awards are just a popularity contest. He says that they even put the Dr. Who TV show and the Game of Thrones TV show into two different categories so that both their favorites could win and nobody would get their feelings hurt. That seems lame. I like ninjas. Can I have more Legos?

Deadpool Hulk Wolverine Samurai Jedi Face Punch, Age 8, Yard Moose Mountain, Utah

Okay, son. Get off the computer.

Those are some sad children. The only way to cheer them up is for you to go and buy a supporting membership to LosCon and nominate an unabashed work of dragon-helicopter chasing, Las Vegas blowing up, orc sacrificing chickens, pulp. Not only can you nominate me, you can nominate your favorite sci-fi/fantasy works from a bunch of different categories (I think five in each category!) and STICK IT TO THE MAN.

Plus, in prior years all of the voters have received big packets of eBooks, and all the shorts, novelletes, novellas, Campbell novels, comic books, and more so they can be informed voters. So you get more than your entry fee back in reading material, some of which is actually good!  You will need to register before the end of the month: http://www.lonestarcon3.org/hugo-awards/index.shtml

There you have it folks. I need to get Monster Hunter Legion nominated, for the children.

EDIT: Because Jack Gamble loves himself some Photoshop. 🙂