So you may have noticed I haven’t blogged at all this week. That is because my stupid Century Link piece of crap internet died for the last time. I’ve put up with their garbage service and lousy speed for years because it was the only internet available on Yard Moose Mountain.

Luckily when Century Link died AGAIN this weekend I’d already learned that Digis had built a tower on our mountain. I got them to come out to install, but sadly that meant no house internet for a few days, which meant no blogging, even though there was lots of hilarious stuff going on in the world begging to be made fun of.

But last night we got our new internet, and holy moly it is so much faster it is ridiculous. I tested it out on Call of Duty. For the last year I’ve been playing using slow, laggy, jerky internet, plus I normally play while riding an exercise bike for an hour. Last night, actual good internet and a normal heart rate and I went from loser suckwad of losing to an avenging angel dispensing murder death. Yay fast internet!

So long Century Link. May your unspeakable foulness rot in hell.

But what did I not get to blog about? Lots. So let’s do a quick WEEK IN REVIEW!

First off, the greatest video ever made came out. https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=youtu.be&v=Z7Z4rGQi2cQ

Yes. Holy shit. That is the actual President of the United States of America running like a girl around the White House with an inebriated Joe Biden (I’m just amazed he can corner that well drunk, and since this is Joe we’re talking about, you know that isn’t water in his cup at the end). Even the Portuguese water dogs weep for America as they go by.

Side note after watching this video several times… How many freaking hand sanitizers do they have in the White House anyway?

If you ever wonder why every tyranical wannabe dictator violent scumbag in the world looks at America as being weak right now, well, there you go. Who the hell on the POTUS’s staff thought that video was a good idea? Probably the same dude who thought this was where the President should stand while making a statement concerning the Russian invasion of the Crimea.

Yep… Can’t really make this stuff up.

Up next, in SAD PUPPIES NEWS, the Typical WorldCon Voter once again showed their ass to the world and demonstrated that they are too PC to live.

So the Hugo awards (you should have your PINs by now so don’t forget to nominate Warbound before the end of the month to combat PRS!) will be held in London this year. Neil Gaiman, who is about as close to a rock superstar as you get in this industry, is friends with Johnathan Ross, who is the British equivelent of Jay Leno or David Letterman. Gaiman asked Ross to host the Hugo ceremony. Ross (who normally gets like a hundred grand to host an event) VOLUNTEERED to do it for FREE. He’s hosted ComicCon and the Eisner awards (events bigger than like five or six WorldCons put together) and is also a sci-fi geek, has written sci-fi comics, and his wife is a Hugo winning sci-fi author so he actually likes this stuff, plus he’s got 3 MILLION Twitter followers, so that’s kind of a no brainer for publicity for our struggling, shrinking genre, right?

Oh hell no.

http://www.newstatesman.com/culture/2014/03/jonathan-ross-and-hugo-awards-why-was-he-forced-out-science-fictions-self-appointed

Those of you who want to end Puppy Related Sadness won’t be surprised to know that instead of saying “Yay! Publicity! Increased Book Sales for the nominees!” one of the authors got upset that Ross, being a comedian, might make fat jokes. And that made her feel unsafe. What’s the matter LonCon? You promised to make me feel safe. No. I shit you not.

Putting aside the whole thing where words make you unsafe bullshit, and how a con doesn’t just need to protect you from sexual harrassement but also the potential that somebody somewhere may actually utter words that hurt your self esteem, surely the Typical WorldCon Voter would be grown up enough to say put your big girl panties on and move on with life.

Of coure not. So then SMOF, being SMOF, immediately got their outrage on, lit up their torches and pulled out their pitchforks and began mercilessly attacking Ross. Not for anything he’d actually done mind you, but because of what he MIGHT do, never mind all of the evidence to the contrary of him being a professional in hosting award shows that dwarf the Hugos.

And Ross isn’t exactly a right winger. He’s British. 🙂

So the brigade of yippy attack dogs began nipping at him, flinging poo, and all of the usual character assassination stuff outspoken authors like me have been putting up with for years. “Why do you want all the fat people to die you hafeful 1%er?” When Ross defended himself and (being a comedian) tried to mock those mocking him, then it turning into “You sound angry.” “Yes, so angry.” “More examples of why you shouldn’t host, you hateful rage monster.” so on and so forth.

Of course, those of us who spend our lives yanking these people’s chains already have a checklist and bingo card ready for these sorts of predictable things, http://larrycorreia.wordpress.com/2013/09/20/the-internet-arguing-checklist/ we are used to their tantrums and immunized by being actual grown ups with lives, but since this was mostly lefties eating lefties, all of the hate and character assassination came as a surprise to them.

So Ross dropped out. His daughter tried to defend her father by pointing out that she was overweight and so Ross was sensitive to that sort of thing, but NOOOOOOOOOoooo, this is our designated outrage of the week and facts will not stand in our way! His sci-fi author wife and daughter had to quit Twitter because they got so hounded by caring liberals.

(on a side note, before the No Labels crowd throws their predictable fit, when I say Caring Liberals, that is the special subclass that cares so hard they like to threaten to kill people like me. One of us conservative bloggers’ favorite things to do on Twitter is see how many posts it takes to have a caring liberal go from accusing us of misogyny before they threaten to murder or rape our wives or daughters. My record is 5, though I’ve seen it done in 3) 🙂

Neil Gaiman was shocked by this outpouring of stupidity, and I for one love the comment about how he was stunned they attacked Ross for imaginary offenses and hateful things he’d never done or would do. No shit? Really? Welcome to the party, Mr. Gaiman. This is how the other half lives. Neil was apparently unaware of the Make Shit Up section of the checklist. If one half of what they said about somebody like me was true I’d be the vilest scum the world has ever seen, but I’m usually just a guy who disagrees with them and who will never back down, which obviously means I’m a white man who grew up with white privilege who hates gays, minorities, women, old people, young people, sunshine, and kittens.

LonCon issued a statement which reads sort of like the thing Maoist prisoners had to read right before going in front of the firing squad. They’re super sorry that their hateful hatemongery knows no boundry of hate, and how dare they put actual skill, celebrity, and promotional value above the off chance that one of you might pull some imagined offense out of your ass. We’re super sorry, commisar.

Anybody want to bet that if they’d gotten John Stewart or Stephen Colbert to host SMOF would have been giddy with excitement? And if somebody like me had said I feel unsafe because he may make jokes about the Tea Party, I’d have been the one to get laughed at? Not that that would have happened, because my side isn’t the one made up of easily offended glittery hoohaws.

So there you go, the latest SFWA/SMOF/Typical WorldCon Voter outrage of the week. Personally I think London should get Jeremy Clarkson to host. Then I’d actually bother to go, but mostly in the hopes that I’d get to hang out with him, drive around in a badass super car, and go to Piers Morgan’s house to punch him in the face again.

Oh, and by the way, we named our new fast internet router Privilege Whale. 🙂

Okay guys, Hugo nominations are now open. So this is the part where we argue about who to vote for! So I want you guys to make suggestions to the Monster Hunter Nation and those souls brave enough to sign up to combat Puppy Related Sadness.

There are the obvious nominations to end PRS, like Warbound for best novel (puppies love Faye, and Faye loves puppies). And I’ll post my final slate before I turn it in, but I want to hear what you have to say. What other deserving works are out there? Or another way to look at it, what deserving things are out there that the literati twaddle peddlers hate?

I’m nominating Toni Weisskopf for Best Editor, Elitist Book Reviews for Best Fanzine, and I’m nominating Dan Wells’ Butcher of Khardov for Best Novella, first because it was awesome, and second because I bet a random stranger on a game forum, five whole dollars, that I could get a work of game tie in fiction nominated for a Hugo. 🙂

So let’s hear some other ideas. What is out there for novels, novellas, short stories, etc? Please post. If I was a typical literati libprog blogger I would then “manage” or “massage” the comments so that only the stuff I liked appeared so it could be “progressive” or a “happy ending”, but since I’m a flaming capitalist right wing extermist I want my comments to be a blood sport of nerd arguing! WELCOME TO MY THUNDERDOME!

So let’s hear it. What do you think will best alleviate Puppy Related Sadness?

EDIT! forgot to add, you can go here to get your PIN to nominate: http://loncon3.org/hugo_nomination_form.php

This has the info about how to get your PIN to nominate. http://loncon3.org/hugo_nomination_form.php 

Up next, some posts where we argue about who and what to nominate! WARBOUND! Oh. I’m sorry. Was that crass? (warbound).

Okay everybody, today is the deadline for you to join up to combat the scourge of Puppy Related Sadness. Take a stand against Big Hugo.

And just think everybody, if they hated me before, and literati heads would explode anyway if one of my books got a Hugo nomination, just imagine what it’ll be like now after the last week of hatey-hate and all those righteous blog posts about my frothing/raging/ranting bigotry of anger malice.  It will be like the movie Scanners! 🙂

This is where you go to buy your voting membershp: http://www.loncon3.org/memberships/

If you aren’t familiar with my Sad Puppies campaign, go here: http://larrycorreia.wordpress.com/2014/01/27/time-is-almost-up-for-sad-puppies-2-rainbow-puppy-lighthouse-the-huggening/

I’m working on editing MHN today, and have a Sad Puppies Wrap Up tomorrow for the last day of the month, so I don’t really have time to respond to the hundreds of angry Yorkies yipping at the Saint Bernard, but if you check google you can see I’ve got the SFWA blogosphere all aflame at my hatey-hate. I am tempoarily more despised than Orson Scott Card. Achievement Unlocked! (insert guitar riff here)

The interesting thing is however, that I check the blog stats, and I’ve got a small uptick like I normally do whenever I get political, but from all the places bitching about me the actual number of visitors who bothered to read what I actually wrote is miniscule. So then I check out the libprog literati blogs (and before anybody from the No Labels crowd gets the vapors, what percentage of the people in question do you think voted for Barack Obama? 98%? 99%? I’m sure somebody voted for Nader) it is interesting to discover that the people talking about me either 1. Read what I wrote, kinda agree with the nuts and bolts of what I said, but I was mean about it, and therefore am a horrible person. Or 2. Didn’t read what I wrote at all, made up something suitably sexist or racist to rail against, and then hung my picture on it. Meanwhile, over on my FB feed me and my fans (including a bunch of transsexuals and gay folks) are laughing at the pretentious crusading douchebags.

So rather than waste time again trying to explain my opinion (since they’re just going checklist and Skim Until Offended and then Make Shit Up) here are some other interesting articles on the topic.

This is my favorite. Read it. Seriously. http://www.scifiwright.com/2014/01/restless-heart-of-darkness-part-two/

If I’m a tetsubo, this guy is a rapier. I’ve never read his fiction before, but if it is as good as his opinion piece, it should be impressive. This is one of the better articles on the topic of debating with the left that I’ve ever read.

Here is another science fiction writer who thought the original premise is bunk, only he says so in a far kinder way than I’m capable of: http://bradrtorgersen.wordpress.com/2014/01/30/sci-male-utterings-on-gender-binarism/

And another science fiction writer debunks the silliness: http://madgeniusclub.com/2014/01/30/just-when-you-thought-it-was-safe/

And another successful sci-fi writer chimes in, not about the whole gender thing, but the underlying problems of pushing message fic on our genre’s dwindling audience: http://www.michaelzwilliamson.com/blog/item/liberal-literary-sf-and-its-irrelevance  And this is coming from the successful science fiction author who probably has one of the most ethnically and culturally diverse, gender bending group of characters in sci-fi, who Hines also selectively quoted to try and make look like a hate monger.

Note… None of us have called for any of the “racist, transphobic, and cissexist” things we’re being accused of  (and I’m pretty sure they just made that last word up). None of us have warned writers not to write some type of character. We aren’t the ones demanding an end to anybody’s norms. We are the ones telling writers to write what they want. We are the ones who don’t expect our speculative fiction to have to conform to any group’s arbitrary standards. Our stories are diverse, but they’re not diverse for the right reasons, and to the Social Justice Warriors results aren’t nearly as important as feelings.