http://pjmedia.com/tatler/2012/03/19/biden-in-500-years-there-was-never-so-audacious-a-military-op-as-osama-nab/ 

Speaking about Obama’s decision to send the SEALs to get Osama: “You can go back 500 years. You cannot find a more audacious plan,”

Yes… That was certainly the most audacious military move in five hundred years, if not EVAR!

Like many history buffs, I am a little confused by this statement. So I sat down with Vice President Joe “Joe” Biden to ask his opinions on matters of military history.

***

LC – You said that Barack Obama made the most audacious military move in five hundred years. What about D Day? You’d think the biggest, craziest, most secret invasion ever would be audacious.

JB –Nope. Bunch of chumps sunning themselves on a beach.

LC – Manhattan Project war ending super weapon?

JB –Nerds and their slide rules.

LC – What about the turning point of Midway, or the Japanese surprise attack that destroyed our Pacific fleet?

JB –Barack Obama plays with cooler boats in the bath tub!

LC – Ok, Joe. What about during the Korean War when a handful of frostbitten Marines fought off a million Chinese?

JB –Barack Obama’s played golf games that were tougher.

LC – Lost Brigade?

JB –Barack Obama never gets lost! The Secret Service has GPS. 

LC – Seriously? What about facing certain death and answering Nuts?

JB – I don’t even know what that means, but Barack Obama loves him some cashews! 

LC – Maybe I’m not thinking big enough. That’s only this century. You said five centuries. What about the Alamo?

JB – I don’t drink imported beer.

LC – George Washington versus the best army in the world?

JB –Who?

LC – You know. Founding Father. War of Independance… The Constitution?

JB – I’m not familiar with this “constitution” thingy, but whoever he was he was a punk ass bitch compared to Barack Obama! 

LC – You know, five hundred years is really a long time, and there were some fairly audacious military folks making some fairly audacious decisions during that. Napoleon, Robert E. Lee, Lord Nelson,  Shaka Zulu, Geronimo… Hell, Hernando Cortez and Oda Nobunaga squeek into that timeframe… These aren’t ringing any bells are they?  

JB- Sorry, I was getting another beer from that convenience store down on the corner. It’s owned by an Indian. Not that kind of Indian. The other kind. Like all the taxi drivers. With the dot on their forehead. Not the kind with feathers.

LC – I swear, you’re like a circus clown trapped in a vice president’s body. You’re like assassination insurance. May God have mercy on us all.

***

Well there you go, folks. Everything, in history, ever, for all time, pales next to finding out that the most wanted man in the world is in a house in Pakistan and sending a group of Navy SEALs to kill his ass, even after you blithered on about it, almost didn’t do it because you were afraid of hurting feelings, and got manipulated into it by Leon Panetta and Hillary Clinton.  

Joe’s latest brings back memories of such classics as this one:  http://larrycorreia.wordpress.com/2011/05/26/joe-biden-and-bud-light-presents-teh-bestest-president-evar/ It almost makes you wish for the good old days, like when the media destroyed a vice president for spelling potato wrong. Oh wait, that was a republican. Never mind.

http://vincentchongart.wordpress.com/2012/02/27/hard-magic-french-edition/

Continued from: http://larrycorreia.wordpress.com/2012/03/09/the-burning-throne-episode-18-child-of-a-thousand-generations/ 

This week’s episode from Writer Nerd Game Night comes from Steve Diamond. We are all absolute suckers for backstory, and after I gave epic backstory to random door guard #2, Steve decided to up it a notch. Akimi was the gunso (sergeant equivelent) of the Mountain Spirits. After Makoto and Magatsu killed her boss and revealed that he’d been tainted by the forces of evil, she joined the Paper Lanterns.

#

Honor and Tears

How do I show strength when my life has been broken?

The ronin Akimi knelt in the middle of her tent, silent tears flowing down her cheeks.  Is this what her life was reduced to?  Weeping where only the kami and the fortunes could witness?

This was her pattern every night.  She would enter her tent after erecting it, and then lower herself to her knees.  The tears would start within moments.  The ground absorbed the salty drops hungrily.  Each tear she wept was a piece of herself that she shed. 

Will I run dry?  If I cry long enough will I disappear?

Nobu.  Her last image of the man haunted her dreams when she could coax her body into sleeping.  She could still see the Kuni’s spell of jade dancing along her leader’s body, revealing his taint and corruption.  It was like she had stared into the sun for too long, and could still see it even when she looked away.  It was a betrayal to all the Mountain Spirits, but to her it was yet more personal. 

How long had she followed Nobu?  Months?  Years?  The actual time no longer mattered.  She could no longer remember fondly the quiet times they had shared together.  Their warm embraces when they managed to meet deep in the mountains or woods.  The warmth of those feelings and memories were gone, replaced by an aching hurt that refused to be taken from her no matter how hard she tried to cry it away.

In truth she had no one to blame but herself.  Like a young and stupid lady of the court, she had let herself be fooled into thinking that change recently come upon Nobu was a normal occurrence.  Surely he was blessed?

No, the only sure thing was my foolishness.

What had possessed him to take that wakizashi?  To the other warriors he had become the embodiment of their exaggerated love for their leader.  To Akimi he had suddenly stopped being the man she loved.  Their conversations died, as did their love, but she told herself it was because of the stress he felt trying to care for the scattered groups of refugees.  But then came the robbing of traveling groups.  The all consuming hatred for all the Dragon Clan.  Nobu’s hate-filled words were like a seductive plague, and soon everyone—even herself, Akimi knew—were under their influence.

Then came those blessed and accursed Paper Lanterns.

She rummaged through her traveling pack, careful not to damage the vials of liquid imbued with spells and pulled out a mirror.  She looked into it and tried to keep from weeping harder.  How old she now looked.  All her affection and time with Nobu wasted.  Her Tamori ancestors—if they even still looked down on her at all—would likely spit on her for going against their ways for the affection of a now traitorous ronin.

Akimi’s face was weathered, her eyes dull and red from night upon night of tears.  Her long black hair was mangled from lack of care.

There was a scratch at the entrance to her tent and the clearing of a throat.  “Akimi.  May we speak?”

Ide Todo.  She wanted to thank him and kill him all at once.  As the leader of the Paper Lanterns he was ultimately responsible for the death of Nobu, but he was also responsible for revealing the truth.  He was proof that the Empire had not turned its back on the refugees here in Dragon lands.

She dried her eyes as best she could, rose from her kneeling position, then exited the tent.  It would not have been proper to invite him in.

“How may I be of service?” she asked bowing.

“Ah, now that really is the question isn’t it.” He had a sad smile on his face.  He was a physically weak looking man, unimpressive in stature.  But in that battle he had controlled all his men with just his voice.  He had commanded not with force, but through the respect he had gained.  In another life he may have been a warrior of a different kind, but in this one he made due with his strengths.

“What do you mean?”

“I know why you hide yourself away at night.  I can see still the redness of your eyes.  The wetness on your cheeks.”

“I cannot stop the tears,” she said quietly.  “Why can’t I stop the tears?”

He shook his head slowly.  “Because you don’t want them to stop.”

“That is absurd!”

“Is it?  Look me in the eyes and tell me you feel no guilt for having succumbed to the lies Nobu fed to you and the others.  If you can, I will walk away.”

She couldn’t.  Ide Todo knew she couldn’t.  It was like he could read her feelings like they were written on parchment.

“I will not tell you to cease grieving over what you lost,” Todo said.  “I will not tell you to stop doubting yourself—everyone has doubts.  Do not cease.  Accept.  Accept that, like myself and everyone you have ever met or will meet, you have difficulties to overcome within yourself.  When you accept yourself—your weaknesses and your strengths—you will realize that you have lost nothing.”

He turned and started walking away, then paused.  “You are to serve under Hida Makoto.  As we recruit more individuals they will be under your direction as you are under the direction of Makoto, and he under the direction of Fosuta Zuko.  Earn back your honor.”

And then he was gone.

She stood and stared after him, shocked into silence.  Her mind was clear, and her eyes dry.  She looked back at her tent then purposely walked away from it to one of the camp fires.

#

Next week’s episode will be another from Steve Diamond, Aerie of the Sky Riders.  Because it isn’t enough to make epic backstory for all of the good NPCs, but we need to do it for our antagonists too. http://larrycorreia.wordpress.com/2012/03/23/the-burning-throne-episode-20-aerie-of-the-sky-riders/ 

2,000,119 views all-time

That’s a milestone. I sure got the second million a whole lot faster than I did the first.

And because it is the most awesome thing ever written, I would like to quote myself from the last time I rolled this thing over:

How does this make me feel?  Well, if I could paint you a picture, it would look something like this:

How about Conan punching a tyranosaurs in the face while Linnea Quigley (like she looked in the 80s) fights a hot zombie chick with a chainsaw, and Linnea is in a tank top that is all ripped and about to fall off, and they’re on top of a speeding monster truck painted in tiger stripes playing a sound track by Dokken, and the monster truck is jumping over a tank that is exploding and there are ninjas flying everywhere on bullet bikes while pterodactyls shooting laser beams out of their eyes cause a big explosion with a massive fireball and then there’s like tigers with wings shooting out of the ground and theres like this skeleton, but the skeleton is wearing a chainmail bikini so you know that it was like totally a hot chick once too, but then like there’s this dude who looks like a samurai, but he’s fighting a cowboy, and blocking the cowboy’s bullets with his katana, because it is a LASER KATANA!  But then the samurai is totally Chow Yun Fat and the cowboy is Chuck Norris, and Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks the bullets in mid air to make them go faster, and there should be lightning bolts coming out of the sky, and then have like a big laughing skull behind it all, and the skull should totally be Hitler! because then you know he’s the badguy, and he should have that little mustache, and Conan and Chuck Norris are all going to totally kick his ass. And make the pterodactyls red, and put like a hammer and sickle on them, so you know they’re totally evil communist dinosaur clones, and make the monster truck be shooting blue flames out the back from all the nitro and the big tires should have spikes, and like nazi zombies are totally trapped in the spikes! And then have more hot chicks on the side, only make one like a devil with a tail and a pitchfork, and then the other side the hot chick should be an angel, but make her look a little naughty, if you know what I mean. Then make it in 3D! So that everything jumps out at you, and add more explosions, so you’re all like WOOSH KaBLAAAM PoW! POW! POW!

Yeah, pretty much something like that.

This is what I’m doing on the 24th. http://www.facebook.com/SLCNerd  or http://www.nowsaltlake.com/articles/view/9499 

If you are around Salt Lake, you should check it out. They are going for all of the fun stuff of a con without all of the pretentious stuff. I’m a guest, which means that I’m basically playing Writer Nerd Game Night during the day. 🙂