Larry shoots stuff for charity, THE VIDEO!

The video is posted:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aGdYziux4Vc&feature=youtu.be

It is pretty darn funny. It is a long video, but if you ever wondered what it was like to hang out with the International Lord of Hate on the slopes of beautiful Yard Moose Mountain, this gives you an idea.

Jeremy is a friend of mine who was nice enough to let us use his family’s farm… which we almost burned down. Many of you already know Bob, because that is Pirate Bob Southunder, scourge of the seven seas. The character in Grimnoir? Didn’t actually change him much.

We had fun and raised some money for a good cause. And Corn truly is my nemesis. Watch Larry miss. Hear Larry swear!

If you want to jump in on the campaign and get an awesome anthology from a bunch of writers, go here: https://www.indiegogo.com/projects/altered-perceptions#home

Here is that Kickstarter I was talking about, World of Aetaltis

I am a stretch goal! 🙂 https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/1486366537/world-of-aetaltis-the-temple-of-modren

Gamers, check this out. Marc has put together a really impressive roster of talent.

I know Marc Tassin because he is the man behind GenCon’s writer’s symposium. He gave me a basic outline for this world and what he was trying to accomplish with it, and I was glad to volunteer to write a story. It sounds awesome.

Charity: Altered Perceptions Update and Larry shoots stuff

So the charity anthology for Rob Wells continues. It has done well so far. We’ve raised enough to get him half way out of the hole. If you missed this last week, please go check out the link. You get an anthology for a good cause.

https://www.indiegogo.com/projects/altered-perceptions#home

I did my part this weekend by shooting the hell out of a bunch of different things. We did ten spots at $250 which were basically “Larry Shoots Stuff!” We sold all ten of those in the first couple of days.

Originally I was planning on going down to the county gun range. (Sadly, I have neighbors on Yard Moose Mountain who frown on me shooting high powered rifles off the porch, which is why I’m fairly certain this will not be our last house) then I got this call from Rob:

Rob: “Hey, you ready for Saturday?”

Larry: “Yep. I reserved the county range.”

Rob: “Good. We’re shooting a bunch of books, and a man made out of meat and filled with salsa, and beer, and an old computer, and the New York Safe Act.”

Larry: “Uh… Not at the county range. I think they may have a rule against Meat Men. Hang on.”

So I called a friend who has a farm across the river. He was happy to let us make a mess of things. Then I called Pirate Bob Southunder (who is a real person) and he brought some more stuff.

So we shot lots of things on behalf of charity. Rob recorded it all. I don’t know if he edited out the few embarrassing misses, but fingers crossed. Holy moly, I’m rusty.

For the record, I used to be pretty darn good. Shooting was part of my job. When I was teaching I had to be able to demonstrate on command, any technique, and I had to do it fast and accurate, mostly because when you’re teaching classes full stubborn adults (and shooting classes attract a lot of Alpha types) you need to show them with no BS that you know what you’re talking about, they don’t, you’re better than them, and now they need to shut up and pay attention. 🙂

But shooting is a perishable skill, and I went from shooting three or four times a month (six or eight in the summer) to once every couple of months if I’m lucky over the last few years. But that is the nature of being a workaholic. I am happy to say that I’m still pretty darn good though, and only had a few notable misses and mistakes.

For example, if you last used a rifle on 500 yard targets, and you adjusted your scope accordingly, don’t be a rookie moron and forgot that you did so when trying to shoot pill bottles at 30 yards. Duh. It is sad when you’re using a scoped 20 inch suppressed AR from the bipod, prone, and missing, so you stand up, pull your pistol and go 3 for 4. 🙂 So luckily I haven’t forgot to shoot a pistol. (also, first round of the day with the MHI long slide 10mm on a hundred yard plate. Ding. Love that gun. It makes me look like I know what I’m doing)

We got several requests to shoot various books. For the record, I want to be clear that I was doing this for charity, and I personally have nothing against any of the books that were shot. (nobody suggested the Scarlet Letter, because I would have burned that thing). So when people see the video and whine about me destroying books, A. These aren’t Guttenburg Bibles, they are still in print. B. It was for charity. C. The authors/estates still collected royalties. D. It was for charity. E. Lighten up, it was for charity, and if you are that offended, feel free next time to donate thousands of dollars to outbid the people who wanted me to shoot books. 🙂

There was only one modern book that was asked for, and since it was a modern book by a living author (and a recent Hugo nom) I let Rob shoot that one. I saw it and I was all like, nope, I catch enough flack as it is. I’m not touching that one. Here, Rob, this is 3 inch magnum 12 pellet double aught buckshot. You’re going to want to hold on tight.

On books as clay pigeons, they fly a little wobbly, but a good impact makes for an impressive page shower. I thought I missed Moby Dick because it showed no reaction on impact. Nope. It was filled with bird shot. Only the book was so heavy that it didn’t phase it. A couple of slugs took care of it though.

Having shot lots of paper things, the New York Safe Act was put onto a crappy, virus ridden, dying computer that was sent to us, and then we lit it up with 3 guns that are banned by the New York Safe Act. The battery got hit and it caught on fire. That was cool.

And for whoever asked me to shoot cans of corn with my carry gun (and who wanted the camera close enough to get splattered) thanks a lot. I got ten feet away to make sure we’d get a dramatic splash, and 230 grain Speer Gold Dots made it so I got hit with corn shrapnel. (though on that one I actually missed a shot. At fifteen FEET. D’oh)

Now the DSM on the other hand, that book we punished. It was the one we wanted to use to metaphorically punch mental illness in the face. Rob explains it on the video. So we tried to see if it would hang from my dueling tree with duct tape (nope) and when that didn’t work we stuck it on a log and shot it about a hundred times with 9mm and .45. Then we duct taped it back together into a ball, and took out the shotguns.

dsm

Take that mental illness!

EDIT: Rob just sent me this. Meat Man’s head didn’t fare too well against a Saiga. That was our opening shot.

Our Idiot (2)

Another Kickstarter I'm helping out in

Details to follow, because it should be releasing soon, but I’m contributing some short fiction to a Kickstarter for another RPG. This is for the world of Aetaltis. 

The reason I’m excited? Look at the other contributors.

  • Larry Elmore (Anthology Cover)
  • David Farland (Author)
  • Matt Forbeck (Author)
  • Ed Greenwood (Author)
  • Dave Gross (Author)
  • Amanda Hamon (Pathfinder Rules Editor)
  • John Helfers (Author/Anthology Editor)
  • Steven S. Long (Author/ Adventure Editor)
  • Mitchell Malloy (Lead Artist)
  • Mel Odom (Author)
  • Jean Rabe (Author)
  • Mike Schley (Cartography)
  • Lucy A. Snyder (Author)
  • Michaerl A. Stackpole (Author)
  • Elizabeth Vaughan (Author)
  • Universe M (Interior illustrations/logos/sketchcards)

If you are a gamer, you recognize a bunch of those names. 🙂

The Drowning Empire, Episode 52: Stranger in a Crab Land

The Drowning Empire is a weekly serial based on the events which occured during the Writer Nerd Game Night monthly Legend of the Five Rings game. It is a tale of samurai adventure set in the magical world of Rokugan.

If you would like to read all of these in one convenient place, along with a bunch of additional game related stuff, behind the scenes info, and detailed session recaps, I’ve been posting everything to one thread on the L5R forum, http://www.alderac.com/forum/viewtopic.php?f=295&t=101206

This week’s episode is a journal recap by Paul Genesse. If you want to get the GM behind the scenes info that Toranaka couldn’t see, check out the link above. He finally caught up with the guy who caused the seppuku of a respected man back at the Topaz Championship years before.

Continued from: https://monsterhunternation.com/2014/04/11/the-drowning-empire-episode-51-tentos-tale/

 

Journal of Akodo Toranaka, Twenty-first Entry

First Year of the Reign of Empress Hantei Yumi

Twenty-fifth Day of the Month of the Boar

Three days away from Shiro Makoto, Crab Fortress in the Ivory Kingdoms

Ten days travel from Second City

My knuckles are still swollen and bruised from knocking the teeth from a lying, gutless, and honorless pig-dog named Okuda. I broke his nose with a spinning heel kick, but I could not resist feeling my fist crushing his face, and now must live with this temporary pain in my hand, which has kept me from writing these past three days.

I have not missed a single day of sword practice, as one must learn to endure pain and still fight on.

Now I know what it is like to wield my katana with a weakened hand. If I had two hands to grip my sword, it would not be so difficult, but I have a heavy burden to bear, and a lot to prove. The next time I must fight without my sword, I shall use my elbow instead of my fist to knock out a man’s teeth.

Regardless, my pain is nothing compared to what the family of Daidoji Kenru has gone through, or the great man himself, who made the two cuts, opening his gut and plunging a blade deep into his body, before he was ritually beheaded. A man as noble as Kenru-sama should be alive today, and Okuda, the dung eating, bottom feeding, back-stabbing excuse for a samurai should be dead and buried where pigs can defecate on his grave.

I still feel the anger now, though it was three days ago when we had been ushered into Shiro Makoto. We had been given a place to rest and refresh ourselves, and I had been able to write down my thoughts about bidding farewell to Yanai and about visiting Guru Gopti. We had learned the true nature of our enemy, Doji Chonitsu, and it was him I was thinking when the vile Okuda showed his face.

We were speaking to the fort’s commander, Rikushogun Hida Kenzan, when Okuda delivered a message to him. At first I did not recognize the filthy lout, as he wore a Crab soldier’s uniform and had grown facial hair.

General Kenzan saw me react, as I lost my composure. Kenzan asked what was the matter, as Okuda seemed utterly shocked as well.

“I see an honorless dog I wish to kill,” I said, and put my hand on my sword, ready to draw. Ready to duel to the death.

Kenzan asked and I explained how Okuda had disgraced himself and stabbed the young Spider Samurai, Daigotsu Bofana, on the field of the first mass battle ever held at the Topaz Championship. A battle I had been in command of, and which I won against the honorable Daidoji Kenru, who commanded Okuda and some Crane bushi.

Okuda’s hatred of the Spider, a hatred I share, had been taken too far, and Bofana would have died had not noble Isao summoned the healing kami, and kind Shintaro helped staunch the bleeding and saved Bofana’s life.

I asked General Kenzan if I could meet Okuda in a duel. Kenzan was not keen on losing a soldier to assuage my honor, or risk me dying and having to deal with “That bastard Tetsuru in Second City,” who for some strange reason has been placed in charge of the Lion forces here.

Kenzan asked Okuda to explain himself, and the man with the tongue of a snake lied in front of his Crab Commander and all the soldiers. Okuda claimed that he had asked to commit seppuku when the Shogun spoke to him, instead of his commander, but I was there. Okuda denied doing anything wrong by attacking and attempting to murder the young Bofana to the Shogun. He was unrepentant then, and watched as his commander, his sensei, Daidoji Kenru stepped forward and offered his own life to preserve the honor of the Crane Clan. Okuda made an impassioned plea and said he loved his commander, Kenru-sama, but his words were false.

I vowed then to kill Okuda if I ever met him again. His lies to save face in front of his new clan will not be forgotten either.

Hida Kenzan refused my request for a duel to the death. He instead said we would settle this “Crab Style” and proposed a brawl. The Crab are not known for their strict adherence to Bushido, but at least I would face Okuda in combat.

I agreed to the brawl, and Kenzan asked my companions if they would stand with me in the fight. All of them volunteered, except for Ikoma Uso. I was saddened by this, but he had just fought one battle for my life, acting as my champion in a duel against Xiong, and I cannot completely fault him for sitting this one out. Perhaps he was afraid he would lose control and kill Okuda? Uso is a vicious warrior, and I have little doubt he could rip out Okuda’s throat if the passion of battle was upon him.

Kenzan asked who would stand with Okuda, and the whole garrison wanted to fight. I am certain most did so out of boredom and their natural love of combat, but a few did respect Okuda, as they had fought Spider Clan and Okuda had slain several of the enemy.

Kenzan waved all of them away and chose one man to stand with Okuda. He was a giant. Taller than all of the Crab present. He came forward and announced himself. “I am Hida Shimona. Pragmatist, student of Sensei Toritaka Iaibuchi, graduate of the Clear Water Dojo, and Fourth Dan in the art of Kobo Ichi Kai.”

My heart quailed then, for this dojo was known to me. Hida Shimona would have been able to defeat the five of us in unarmed combat by himself. None of my friends are particularly skilled in jujitsu, and those who have mastered Kobo Ichi Kai are infamously good brawlers. My only hope was to have time to teach Okuda a painful lesson.

“Thank you for standing with me,” I said and bowed to Shintaro-san, Oki-san, Subotai-san, and Isao-san. “If you can keep Shimona away from me, I shall destroy this lying dog, Okuda.”

They nodded, and Oki-san stripped off his kimono and sprang onto ground cleared for us inside Shiro Makoto. Oki raised his arms and excited the crowd with his bravado.

I had stone eyes only for Okuda, but I did see Oki charge at Shimona and attempt a double-footed kick. The Giant lifted Oki and launched him into the crowd as if he were throwing a piece of wood into a pile. The others used the distraction and attacked Shimona, trying to give me the chance to meet Okuda.

Once again, Subotai stood as my shield, and protected my flank. He turned aside the blows of Shimona, while the others tried to hurt the Giant and attacked him from the rear or the flank. Shintaro is our biggest warrior, but Shimona tossed him aside, as if his punches did nothing. Isao, who is as solid as a mountain, could not withstand Shimona’s onslaught either and fell unconscious after acquitting himself well.

I saw glimpses of what was happening beside me, but I could not lose focus on my enemy. I had the opening I needed and approached Okuda while my four friends kept the Giant busy.

I let Okuda enter my circle of pain. I spun to avoid his punch and delivered a kick to the underside of his chin. He came at me undeterred, tasting his own blood, and landed a glancing blow that took some of my wind. I pretended to be hurt, but I had set him up. He came for me overconfidently, a bigger, older and stronger samurai against a one-armed young Lion.

I struck like lightning, delivering a spinning heel keep that broke his nose and sent him reeling.

His legs had gone weak and I attacked, leaping in the air. He raised his guard and I feinted with my stump, poking it toward his eyes. What a fool. Okuda did not see the punch coming to his cheek that knocked teeth down his throat. I didn’t feel the pain in my hand until I considered how to finish him.

I let him swing at me once more, then I set my feet and felt the chi building inside me. I let out my breath, channeling the shout and all of my power. I erupted and struck my heel against the side of his head, just in front of his ear.

He hit the ground, eyes glazing over, and I kicked mud into his face. I should not have done so, for when I turned, the Giant, Shimona grabbed me by the front of my kimono. As he lifted me in the air I could see all of my friends knocked senseless around the Giant’s feet. Subotai lay in the mud and I wondered for the briefest of moments if he were dead.

Shimona smashed his forehead against my skull. I woke up a few moments later and remember Oki being carried by Shimona, who was taking a victory march to the cheers of the Crab samurai.

I needed help to stand, and Uso helped me regain my balance. My friends were not gravely hurt, and the Crab Clan hailed us as great warriors for providing such a challenge for Shimona-san. Oki had won us the crowd, and they will look upon us with favor in the times ahead.

Okuda was carried away and I did not see him again before we departed Shiro Makoto the next day. I believe it will be the only time any of us will find glory from losing a fight.

I cannot find it in myself to give mercy to Okuda. He still lives while honorable Kenru-sama is dead. It may be wrong of me, but I hope that Okuda will be sent to the hottest jungle outpost on the border with the Spider Clan, and that he will be captured by them, and they will give him the painful end that a gutless pig dogs deserves.

##

To be continued next week: https://monsterhunternation.com/2014/05/16/the-drowning-empire-episode-53-tamori-isao-in-second-city/