Hugo Aftermath Post

The Hugo awards were announced last night at LonCon. Congratulations to the winners.

As expected I came in last place for best novel. The surprising part was that I was originally 4th, but then Australian voting rules kicked in, the last place is removed and the votes are recalculated. It is a weird system, and basically what it does is settles on the least disliked candidate as winner. I thought for sure the outraged SJW contingent would make sure I was dead last from the start, but as I’ve seen over the last few weeks from reviewers, many honest reviewers were surprised that it was actually a really good book.  

As for the rest of the Sad Puppies slate, they did about what we expected. The shocking one was Toni Weisskopf was actually 1st for best editor, but after the Australian thing lost. Too bad, because Toni is truly an amazing editor, but I’ve heard that Buchannan is really talented, so good for her. Brad had a pretty solid showing. Most of the others came in last or close. Vox came in 6th out of 5. (we actually had a side bet about which one of us would do worse because he figured he was far more hated than I was, and he won that bet).

Now I’ve got to respond to some of the stuff I’ve seen online. I’m playing catch up because I got in from GenCon late last night (I was informed of the awards results in the Indy airport waiting to board) and I’m still exhausted and brain dead (It was a crazy busy con, but that’s a whole different blog post).

First off, some people are upset and saying there was fraud. I understand your disappointment, but I truly don’t think so. In all of my dealings with LonCon they’ve been totally professional and honest. On things like Toni’s, yes, that is confusing as hell, but that is how the Australian system works. One of the original goals of Sad Puppies was to test the Hugo nomination process just because there had been allegations of “lost” noms in prior, and as a retired auditor, I’m a sucker for statistical analysis. SP1 gathered data, and SP2 gave me comparisons. I saw zero indication of fraud. I’ve only been awake for an hour, so I’ve only skimmed the new numbers, but they appear to have shaken out about where expected. So don’t get mad at LonCon, they did their job (and as I can attest, getting accused of fraud without evidence is annoying as hell).

Next, there is a whole lot of gloating. As an example, here are some excerpts from John Scalzi’s twitter feed.

John Scalzi @scalzi 
I’m not going to lie. I’m going to be THRILLED to snarkread the whiny “I didn’t want it anyway” nonsense that will squirt forth tomorrow.

John Scalzi @scalzi
WE ARE GOING TO MAKE THE HUGO SLATE A REFERENDUM ON THE FUTURE OF SCIENCE FICTION (loses) THE HUGOS DON’T MATTER ANYWAY

John Scalzi @scalzi  
SHUT UP I AM NOT CRYING IT’S THAT LITTLE FLECKS OF GUNPOWDER FELL INTO MY EYEBALLS SOMEONE GET ME A FLAMING SWORD SO I CAN FLICK THEM OUT

John Scalzi @scalzi  
WHO IS CALLING ME PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE I AM ALL AGGRESSIVE DON’T YOU SEE THIS HUGE GUN I HAVE WITH ME AT ALL TIMES (breaks down, sobbing)

John Scalzi @scalzi
AND NOW I WILL IGNORE THE HUGOS AGAIN UNTIL NEXT YEAR WHEN MY FEELINGS OF PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE INADEQUACY ANGRILY WELL UP ONCE MORE

John Scalzi @scalzi
I’VE LEARNED MY LESSON AND MY LESSON IS THAT WE DIDN’T HAVE ENOUGH PATENT RACIST SHITBAGGERY ON OUR SLATE WHAT THAT WAS GOOD WRITING MAN

John Scalzi @scalzi
ITS PROOF THAT ALL THE FEMINISTS NEED TO DO TO WIN AWARDS IS WRITE BETTER STORIES ACCORDING TO THE JUDGEMENT OF THE FANS SHEEESH

John Scalzi @scalzi
I NEVER WANTED THE AWARD THAT’S WHY I’VE WHINED LIKE A KICKED DOG ABOUT IT FOR A COUPLE YEARS RUNNING.

Yeah… I think Scalzi still might be a touch bitter for that time I publically beat him like a rented mule.

I do enjoy the constantly moving goal posts of the perpetually outraged, like how Sad Puppies somehow turned into a crusade for racism/sexism/homophobia in their heads. I never expected to win the Hugo. My stated goals this entire time was to get some political untouchables onto their sainted slate, so that they would demonstrate that there was serious political bias in the awards.

Just like how the Guardian crowd sourced a witch hunt to comb through everything I’ve ever written to find examples of me being racist, sexist, or homophobic (and sadly turned up nothing), I’d invite my doubters to comb through anything I’ve written on this subject to find where I ever had any goals other than exposing bias in the system. Put Sad Puppies into the search engine above to see just how serious I took this.

Seriously guys, when I was a corporate accountant I got paid a lot of money to do statistical analysis of complex financial systems, so I’m fairly good at the cipherin’ and gazintas. I predicted that the SJWs would mobilize to stop the untouchable barbarians, so I got some barbarians through the gates, and the SJWs mobilized like I said they would… And I’m supposed to be sad about that for some reason, why?

I lost last night, but I won back in April the other side had a come apart and started lobbing absurd obviously false allegations about me, when editors from major publishing houses told their followers to vote based on politics rather than quality, and when the USA Today and the Washington Post picked up the story.

https://monsterhunternation.com/2014/04/24/an-explanation-about-the-hugo-awards-controversy/

I got to give a little victory speech every time I had an author thank me for doing this. As much as the rejoicing Twitter crowd isn’t going to want to hear this, I heard from a lot of authors, from all over the spectrum of politics, fame, and success. I put a target on my head so the world outside one narrow clique of fandom could see what awaited them if they strayed too far from the path of approved goodthink. I simply showed what some of them knew and many suspected. Shockingly enough there are plenty of authors who don’t like the idea of having angry mobs sabotaging their careers and slandering them if they exercise their free speech in an unapproved manner.

Here is a fun one from last night. One of my fans caught this one and put it on Twitter which I read when I got off the plane. Orbit Books posted congratulations to the winners, and how they’d published in one way or another 4 of the 5 nominees (you get one guess which one of us wasn’t) and they wrote this:

Our heartfelt congratulations to Ann and to all of the finalists – Mira Grant, Charles Stross, Larry Correia (for the BRILLIANT Warbound series, published by Baen Books) and Robert Jordan and Brandon Sanderson. Here is the cached version:  http://webcache.googleusercontent.com/search?q=cache:1PlJ5Jf0XigJ:www.orbitbooks.net/2014/08/17/hugo-goes/+&cd=10&hl=en&ct=clnk&gl=us

And here is the current version where that bit about Warbound being good was deleted: http://www.orbitbooks.net/2014/08/17/hugo-goes/  I just hope that poor writer didn’t get fired for accidentally admitting I don’t suck!

I didn’t watch the award ceremony, luckily for me I was at the gate reading a John C. Wright novel at the time. The most important thing is that menace Jonathan Ross was prevented from making any fat jokes! I heard it was mostly crying and social justice, but I saw on FB that one of the most telling presenter quotes of the evening was something along the line of “Many of our winners have gone on to be very successful, well… not financially… but…”.  Yeah, that sums up a lot right there.

So if it makes the SJWs fe
el better to imagine that I’m all broken up and sobbing because everything happened like I publically predicted it would months ago, feel free to gloat. After all, these are the same folks who have no problem imagining my sexism, racism, homophobia, bigotry, spousal abuse, vote stuffing, and rape apology, so what are a few tears?

EDIT: Just saw this, Dave Freer gets it. http://madgeniusclub.com/2014/08/18/a-different-modest-proposal/ 

Various people have sounded off about the Hugos – My only real comment is ‘Pyrrhus’. Look, the point being made by Larry Correia about the Hugos was the award was not for the best SF/Fantasy of the year, but for the most popular among a small left to far-left bunch of the WorldCon attendees. What he did was to make make this proposition (now established as fact) known very widely and publicly. As the reading population, logic states, is a reflection of the demographics of the total population, and maybe 10-15% of that group could count as left wing. Stretch to 25% who will put up with it… still leaves 75% who are unrepresented, for whom the Hugo Award was at best meaningless or actively signaled a book they would not want to read. Now, obviously, even if you personally are further left than Pol Pot or Kim il from-too-much-caviar or Stalin, as an author signalling that 75% do not want to read your book is not a win. By Larry making this bias obvious, by having to recruit nominations, despite being a very very popular author… The previous Hugo winners, the current nominees, the normal greying crew of voters, the WorldCon organizers and the Hugo organizers were caught in a trap. The only way to win (to establish that this was NOT true, there was no left wing bias) was to LOSE. To have a right wing, (or several of them) author (or editor) win (no matter how good the various proponents were. It was like an international road-race which somehow only Germans won… once this was publicized, even if the best runner was German – if he won, your race’s credibility was in the toilet, now and always) That would re-establish the credibility of the award as essentially picking ‘best’ rather than left wing flavor of the month lose and 75% of your sales. It was kind of a lose or lose badly equation for the left wing of sf/fantasy, lose and have a Damian in tears surrounded by exploding heads, or ‘win’ and lose badly by destroying your credibility. The best option would have been to divide and rule and get behind say Toni Weisskopf and Brad Torgersen. But that would take brains.

Geeky Hobbies: Still Cheaper than 3gun

So I’ve been rearranging my office. My wife and I took a trip down to Ikea and bought 800 pounds of shelving for $870. (IKEA: Furniture by the Pound). Luckily for me the lovely Mrs. Correia considers Ikea furniture grown up legos and put them all together in a few hours.

I was tired of my mini painting stuff cluttering up my writing desk, plus it was a pain in the ass to have to move stuff whenever I wanted to work. So I put together a painting station.

Office-painting station

Since I was moving everything around I figured I would organize my painted minis. I stuck all of my Warmachine Mercenary army in one spot, and that made me realize… Holy moly… I’ve almost collected them all. And then I got a notice that Miniature’s Market was having a 40% sale… This next part will be gibberish to most of you, but Warmachine people will get it. So as of yesterday I now have every single Mercenary, minion who will work for a mercenary contract, and ally. Achievement unlocked.

Office-total mercs

I figure I’m about 40% painted.

And since I’m taking pictures, here is the rest of my painted Warmachine. I’ve got a bit from every faction and a bunch of things that I use for IKRPG.

Office-all factions

EDIT: added for hosting purposes

Black Friday Loot

The Drowning Empire, Episode 59: Battle of Waterfall Temple

The Drowning Empire is a weekly serial based on the events which occured during the Writer Nerd Game Night monthly Legend of the Five Rings game. It is a tale of samurai adventure set in the magical world of Rokugan.

If you would like to read all of these in one convenient place, along with a bunch of additional game related stuff, behind the scenes info, and detailed session recaps, I’ve been posting everything to one thread on the L5R forum,http://www.alderac.com/forum/viewtopic.php?f=295&t=101206

Paul Genesse wrote this one. This session was the end of the second act of our campaign. The group takes some losses. 

Continued from:

https://monsterhunternation.com/2014/07/18/the-drowning-empire-episode-58-last-wills-testements/

The White Tiger Journal, Part II, The Jungle of the Three Mothers

(Part I covers the journey from Second City to the jungle trek—and can be found in the White Tiger Memorial Shrine in Second City)

 

All Entries by Akodo Toranaka, Commander of the White Tiger Expedition

 

 

Day 1: The Jungle of the Three Mothers is a haunted place of bloodsucking insects and oppressive heat. It was a difficult day of hacking through brush and vines, but the White Tigers will endure. Our long journey of many weeks across the Ivory Kingdoms to this deadly place has brought us together as an army. The group training days and maneuvers have taught us all how to work as one. We are strong and sharp, our feet toughened, and our morale high.

 

All the logistical preparations were successful and we should have enough supplies to find the Waterfall Temple and return. We will hide some supplies along the way for the return trip through the jungle. Superior logistical preparation wins most campaigns and the White Tiger Expedition has arrived at full strength to this final barrier, this terrible jungle.

 

Sadly, we must leave the horses behind now, which has upset Subotai especially. Bringing them into the jungle would be unwise. We go forward now with 150 samurai, 20 ronin, 11 Ivindi, 20 Eta, and 300 peasant porters, all divided equally among 7 squads. My official log contains the names of all the White Tigers, precise number of beasts of burden and supply tallies.

 

This is an official record and I must include the unsettling news from the Crab holding of Kosomura Dokoro, which sits at the edge of the jungle. Hiruma scouts ranging from one of their watchtowers spotted a force of approximately 100 men passing through here a week ahead of us. They were believed to be Rhamalist cultists, but some of the scouts saw Rokugani men, including a man with distinctive Togashi tattoos. We suspect this is Togashi Tozaru, one of the Ten Killers Gang who thinks he will find enlightenment through the destruction of the Empire. If I find him, I will show him enlightenment with the edge of my katana. In the next world he will learn the error of his ways.

 

 

Day 2: We have made slow progress, and I fear that all of the formations and drills we performed as a large group on open ground will be nearly impossible to execute in this thick jungle. The small squad formations we practiced will serve us well, but I dislike spreading my forces out so much. The White Tiger Leadership Council and I, and all of the Gunsos, have begun to plan and train for whatever may come at us here. Communications will be essential as our force will be a stretched out column of porters and samurai. Drums will be used, in addition to the horn calls. We shall fight as one army, but each squad will be independent and their place in the column will rotate so the same squad is not always breaking the trail. Each squad has their own supplies and their own porters to protect as well.

 

Day 3: One of the porters blundered into a nest of vicious stinging insects today. His body immediately swelled up and he died choking on his tongue. The peasants are afraid, but I have asked the monks and priests to bless them tonight and use incense to cleanse any evil spirits from the camp. I do not know if such things will help, but the peasants believe they will, and that is all that matters now.

 

Day 4: Rain, but decent progress.

 

Day 5: More rain. The mud is sucking off our sandals, and we managed only a few short miles.

 

Day 6: The terrible rain and mud today was eclipsed by a demon. An Elephant Destroyer Demon was found trapped in a muddy bog. Our archers and shugenja had minimal effect, but the White Tiger Leaders attacked. The Fortunes smiled upon Shintaro-san and may they bless him always in the future. He slew the demon with his large bisento, Swamp Dragon. Once the demon was slain, we collected its ivory tusks and gave them the Ivindi gurus to purify so they could make them into weapons later. Arrowheads and daggers of ivory will serve us well.

 

Day 7: The day started with one death and ended with hundreds more.

 

Before midday we buried one unlucky samurai. He was the first samurai killed on this expedition. A Toku bushi of the Monkey clan slipped and drowned while crossing the swamp. I did not know him personally, but I recognized his face when his friends dragged his corpse out of the muck Toku Zanaru, the leader of the Minor Clan Alliance was distraught, but those under his command will carry on. They are samurai. I will speak with Zanaru about keeping his face when we are confronted with terrible events. He must maintain his composure or the men under his command may lose heart.

 

The accidental death was a portent of a much more dire circumstance. Soon after the burial of the samurai I was given extremely disturbing news. The advance Spider scouts I had dispatched found signs that the Rhimali Cultists, servants of the Tiger Demon we know as Chonitsu, were preparing to raid our camp. The Spider Clan have been invaluable so far, and this information saved countless samurai. I did not know how many of the enemy there were, but we knew at least 100 had gone ahead of us.

 

I decided we would surprise the cultists, and the leadership council agreed. I had the far edge of our camp appear to be an easy target. I ordered elements of the 3rd Squad: 14 Crab samurai, 7 Badger clan, and 3 ronin to hide inside tents or otherwise pretend to be unaware in their seemingly unprepared camp. Suzume Shintaro-san was also among them and I had the Tsuruchi archers led by Oki-san ready to attack. I also ordered the Spider and Hare clan to hide in the jungle and prepare to wreak havoc when the Ivendi cultists began to flee.

 

The enemy were fooled and many of them fell into our trap, thinking us unaware. We slaughtered the Ivindi savages and I took two heads. Then news came from our all-seeing Spider scouts that a much larger force of Ivendi was attacking from the north. Our preparations saved us, and the other valiant squads, especially the Crane and Monkey of 7th squad held the line until I personally led a counterattack and rallied the brave samurai. The men stuck together, despite the darkness, and the chaos.

 

Shintaro-san stayed to hold the flank with a few Crab and ran into Sesho the Monk, Killer #10. Fo
rtunately, the Crab brawler Hida Shomonai helped Shintaro, and they slew the villain, taking his head.

 

Oki and the Tsuruchi archers shot many Ivindi as Uso-san and a pair of Ikoma scouts cut their way through the cultists to reach the enemy general, an Ivindi man. Uso would have killed him as well, but Tamori Isao crushed the legs of the general with his new spell Jaws of Earth. Uso’s battle lust was denied the general’s blood, but he spilled much last night.

 

The enemy made one final stand with their Rokugani leader, Togashi Torazu. We gave him many wounds, but his mystical tattoos kept him alive. Uso opened a large gash on Torazu’s side, and I found my opening and took his head.

 

I took five heads last night, and wounded many more of the enemy. When the battle was won, Uso-san began chanting at me, leading the men as they honored their commander, “Headsman! Headsman!” The samurai and the peasants alike took up the chant until it echoed in the jungle. I have gained a new name War Name amongst the White Tigers.

 

 

Day 8: The first big test of the White Tigers was a thunderous victory. We routed our enemies. We counted nearly 300 dead Ivindi. Some of our men were slain as well. Our losses were light. Only a handful of the minor clan samurai were killed, and they fought so bravely, bringing much honor to their clans. Dozens of the men are wounded, but all will be healed by our shugenja in two days time. We will stay and rest at least one more day. We will bury the dead, and honor them with the ritual prayers. All of the samurai died as heroes and their names will not be forgotten. When this is over, even if I am dead, a memorial shrine will be built to honor the dead White Tigers.

 

Our victory was won because all of our samurai were ready, armed and armored. Advance warning from the Spider scouts saved us from having a much more difficult battle.

 

Last night, the Spider and Hare pursued the survivors and today Daigotsu Iko brought me two large sacks filled with heads. Iko and her samurai have been the most valuable squad in our army. The scouts also found the cultists supply cache, and we have gained a large amount of food, which will undoubtedly help on our return journey.

 

Day 9: The three Ivindi gurus finished purifying the Destroyer demon’s ivory. They made 5 arrowheads for our best archers and a dozen rough daggers. I passed out the daggers to the samurai who distinguished themselves in battle. I offered one to Daigotsu Iko, but she revealed that her black steel sword is some form of potent magical nemurani, so my gift wasn’t necessary.

 

We will begin our march again tomorrow. We are no longer an untested group. We have shed the blood of our enemies together, and buried some of our friends. Now we fight not only for our noble cause, but for our brothers.

 

Day 10: We traveled far. Morale is high. The men have become very friendly with each other after our latest trials. Even the three Ivindi gurus have begun to speak to Tamori Isao, and even the pair of Phoenix Clan archeologists. Isawa Akihiro and Tanaka have learned much and have brought the leadership council more information about the Red Hunger, the beast we have been afraid to meet, as we are now very close to the territory it is rumored to inhabit.

 

I will record the legend here, though the Isawa archeologists will undoubtedly have more details.

 

There are three legendary witches from Ivindi folklore: The Mother of Tears, The Mother of Blood, The Mother of Nightmares. Over 500 years ago there was a war between the Mothers and the Great Maharaja. It was a terrible, brutal war. This area was once lush and beautiful, the pride of the Kingdoms. But the war unleashed terrible magic and horrible curses which twisted the land. The Great Maharajah defeated the Three Mothers, but the struggle had turned the Maharajah from a righteous leader into a bitter, angry man, who saw plots and conspiracies against him everywhere.  And soon the whole of the kingdom was plunged into a terrible civil war, called the War of the Maharajahs.

 

The legendary Red Hunger, the giant snake capable of swallowing whole elephants, was created as a magical weapon by one of the Mothers during this war. Each of the mothers had one. The Mother of Nightmares created the Dream Eater. The Mother of Blood created the Red Hunger. The Mother of Tears created the Great Sea Beast.

 

Oki-san was very interested in the sea beast created to destroy the Maharaja’s fleets. The leviathan of the sea was slain and its body used in the ritual to create the Great Sea Beast. The leviathan’s horn was taken and hollowed out into an instrument, which through playing specific notes on it, could control the Beast, or put it to sleep when it wasn’t needed. When the guru was asked how it could be killed, he didn’t know, because nobody had ever succeeded in doing so . . . But the gaijin Cabral’s journal said that the Dark Oracle had successfully controlled the sea monster and put it to sleep.

 

What all this truly means, I do not know, but I would like to have the leviathan’s horn, which might allow us to control the sea beast ourselves. The gaijin fleets could be wiped out if we had control of such a monster.

 

Day 11: Another long day, but we traveled far. If our cartographer’s calculations are correct, we have traveled 37 miles into the Jungle of the Three Mothers.

 

Day 12: Some of the peasants saw a ghost in the jungle this morning. They threatened to stop, but Shintaro-san convinced them to stay firm. He told them funny stories about ghosts and made them laugh. Perhaps they were afraid of the ghost and the fear made their feat move faster, but we covered almost 20 miles today. We found a perfect route along an elephant trail. I have had the entire troop re-briefed on the plan if we encounter the Red Hunger. A small force will draw it away from the main column. The main column will disperse if attacked and rally at the last camp where we stopped.

 

Day 13: More scouts have been sent out in all directions. No sign of the Red Hunger, but one of the peasants gathering water was mauled by a tiger. I sent Oki to hunt it down and he killed the man-eater. Subotai also went hunting and shot a little bear in a tree. Two wild boars were killed as well. Oki had his porters bring the dead tiger into camp and the peasants rejoiced and beat the dead animal with sticks to teach it a lesson. Tonight we cooked the animals we killed and the peasants ate all the meat in a grand feast. They seem to have forgotten about the ghost now.

 

Day 14: We traveled far, nearly 15 miles. A good trail along a river was used. We travel fast, but very warily now.

 

 

Day 15: The Spider scouts came across an Ivindi camp. I suspected the Ivindi were in league wit
h the cultists. I asked Daigotsu Iko to secretly capture a few of them and question them.

 

Day 16: Iko has reported that the Ivindi from the camp are actually refugees who escaped from captivity at the Waterfall Temple. They were slave labor used to excavate the ruins. Cultists came and went, but most of the time they were simply being watched by one man, who fits the description of Doji Chonitsu. I was mistaken about the Ivendi settlement, and regret the deaths of the Ivindi who were questioned by the Spider, but they were only peasants, and likely would have died in the jungle regardless, as they are starving and lost.

 

I have asked Jagdish, our best Ivindi guide, to have one of his men stay with the refugees and help guide them back to Crab lands. Also, I have given him permission to access the supplies we left in the jungle and to use the supplies we captured from the cultists. We know how far we must go now, and the extra supplies would have been unneeded.

 

Day 17: We made good progress, ten miles, using the knowledge of the Ivindi refugees to speed our progress, though I am still wary of a trap or ambush.

 

Day 18: Seven hard miles today through difficult hills. Our nerves are on edge. We can all sense the jungle has changed. Something lives here and we are interlopers.

 

Day 19: The Red Hunger was sighted today. The men are shaken. We made camp very quietly and with no fires after doubling back and taking a different route that will hopefully avoid the monster. The column took cover as the gigantic snake passed some distance ahead of us. Luckily, we were downwind. I can hardly fathom how large this creature is. From the trail we saw, the Red Hunger is at least as wide as a pair of elephants, but fast like a striking cobra. We would have no hope of defeating it in battle.

 

Day 20: We have taken a different route to the mountain pass that leads to the Waterfall Temple. So far, we have avoided the Red Hunger and have made excellent progress. We must not let down our guard now.

 

Day 21: Today we camped early, to regain our strength. We have stopped at the base of the mountain pass that leads to the valley that holds the ancient temple beneath the waterfall. It is difficult for me to believe, but in the past three weeks since leaving the Crab lands we have managed to travel 116 miles. We are so close now, but our enemies are trying to stop us.

 

I sent some scouts, mostly Spider and some of Jagdish’s men to explore the pass while we set up camp. A tremendous explosion echoed from above us, and a huge rockslide crashed down into the pass. Many of us ran up the hill to check on the scouts. Jagdish was unhurt, but a few ronin, a couple of Ivindi, some Spider, including Daigotsu Iko were buried alive under large rocks. Tamori Isao lifted the rocks and saved many with his magic. Iko would have been killed, but Isao swam through the rock and found her and many others. I think the fortunes are watching over her, but suspect her black steel numurani sword may have saved her. Still, she should have been killed judging by how much weight was on top of her.

 

Oki and Uso did find a clue about who exploded the gaijin pepper and caused the rockslide. They found small, female-sized footprints, made by Rokugani style sandals leading away. They think this is the work of Kakita Yodo, one of the Ten Killers, who had fooled Oki shortly before we left Second City. She pretended to be his lover, a vapid courtier, but she is clever and very deadly.

 

Day 22: A traitor in our midst revealed himself at last, and two of the leadership council were almost assassinated today. On the eve of what could be the final battle of the White Tigers our army was in danger of being torn apart. The rage I felt at this betrayal burned like a hundred suns in my belly. I was not going to let anything tear us apart after we had endured so much and traveled to far.

 

The day began well enough. We made it across the nearly blocked pass and made early camp near a river in the valley of the Waterfall Temple. The scouts reported we had arrived at our destination. Only a short march was required and we would reach the Temple Beneath the Waterfall.

 

Many final preparations were underway when in the early evening I received an urgent summons. I arrived at the tent of Usagi Akino of the Hare Clan, who was second in command of the Minor Clan Alliance, under Toku Zanaru. I remembered that Akino had spoken against joining the White Tigers, and I had always kept an eye on him.

 

When I arrived, I learned that my good friend, Suzume Shintaro had challenged Akino to a duel. It was well known that Akino was an exceptional duelist and I had seen for myself in our daily training sessions that Shintaro was little better than an ox when it came to iajutsu combat. I had banned dueling among the White Tigers and was very angry when I learned of this challenge. Shintaro knew better, and he would die if he crossed blades with Akino.

 

I quickly learned that Shintaro had demanded to duel Akino because Akino had said that the great clans were using the minor clans, and that the minor clans would be the ones dying in the battle to come, and the great clans would leave the jungle as heroes to claim all the glory. Akino proposed murdering the great clan samurai once the mission was over and other nefarious schemes to make the minor clans the saviors of the Empire.

 

Enraged, Shintaro argued against this treachery. They left the tent to fight and Shintaro told the crowd what had happened in detail. When I arrived I heard what Akino had said, and Toku Zanaru bore witness against him, as did Shintaro.

 

Shintaro had already convinced the crowd that Akino had spoken treacherous words, and I took action as the Commander of the White Tigers, and the final judge of guilt and innocence. I had Akino seized and put on his knees. I had heard enough from him and I trusted the words of Shintaro and Zanaru. Both are honorable samurai and souls above question.

 

Before this weak attempt at treachery could continue, I cut off Akino’s head as he once again tried to deny his guilt. The samurai were shocked, but they understood that I am a decisive leader and will not tolerate treachery such as this. Bloody sword in hand, I asked the men if there was anybody else who wished to tear apart the White Tigers. None stepped forward.

 

We soon found in Akino’s tent proof of his real allegiance. We discovered one of the Dark Oracle of Water’s communication bowls. Akino had been reporting to his true master for our entire journey.

 

I spoke to the leaders of the White Tigers and most of the samurai earlier tonight. I explained what had happened and showed them the proof. It is a grim night, but the stakes are high and we all know to what length our enemy will stoop.

 

Shintaro would have been killed in a duel with Akino. I could not let this happen. Despite my quick action, Shintaro and Zanaru nearly died. Akino had served them poisoned tea, and likely planned to tell any who would listen that both had been murdered by the Great Clans, to weaken the Minor Clans. Subotai told me both Shintaro and Zanaru were given an antidote to the poison, but he kept the identity of their savior a mystery.

 

Akino was a member of the Ten Killer Gang, and he is but another of their number who has fallen to my blade. Akino was likely Killer #2, one of their most deadly. His head sits on a spear outside my tent. I have slain over half of their gang myself, but it is not over yet. If I die tomorrow, I will spend my life to inspire the White Tigers toward victory, but I will not fall until my sword is broken and a pile of bodies surround me.

 

 

Day 23: Several of my closest friends are dead. It has been a day of bloodshed and glory. The Battle of the Waterfall Temple is over, and five members of the White Tiger Leadership Council have given their lives to buy our victory and save the Emerald Empire from destruction.

 

It is almost dawn on the 24th day since we entered this terrible jungle, but I cannot sleep until I record some of the events of yesterday. The bards will tell of this battle for as long as the Emerald Empire stands, and I must preserve some of my own recollections.

 

Before we began our march to the temple a body was discovered. One of the Phoenix samurai had been murdered in the night, his throat slashed in his sleep. His shugenja charge, Isawa Akihiro was missing. I had spoken to Isawa Akihiro several times, and he was one of the archeologists working for Agasha Ryo at the Great Library in Second City. He was also the man my friends and I had observed one night when we were out searching for the Ten Killers with Matsu Hachiro. We decided afterwards that Akihiro was probably innocent, but it is well known to us that Killer #1 was a powerful shugenja, and Isawa Akihiro is likely that man.

 

We all realized that the final two members of the Ten Killers were ahead of our expedition and were waiting for us.

 

We marched soon after sunrise and quick burial of the Shiba yojimbo. We followed the river to our destination. I had instructed all the samurai to prepare for battle, and we were fully armed and armored, wearing our White Tiger bandanas on our arms and across our brows, each squad proudly displaying their banners.

 

We arrived at the waterfall after a short march. We were on the edge of a plateau, on the precipice of a sheer cliff, which extended for miles on either side of us. Far below we saw the vast ruins of the Ivindi temple on the shore of a small lake, held in check by a crumbling dam that kept the water from flooding the ruins and the plain beyond. The river continued into the vast jungle, which was shrouded in thick mist. I was afraid of what might be hiding in the misty jungle, and did not want to take the entire expedition into this potential trap, as our escape route could easily be cut off.

 

The Hiruma scouts had not gone into the jungle below, but had gone down the steep goat trail and returned. I wanted to send out more scouts, but there was no time. Two of our shugenja, the most Honored Tamori Nasuo of the Dragon Clan and his student, my good friend, Tamori Isao, swam through the earth and scouted near the temple. They returned with news that the seal holding the Tiger Destroyer Demons in their otherworldly prison was about to be broken. We had no more time to scout or hesitate any longer. We had to rush down to the temple and stop what was happening or face another Destroyer War and a possible end of our beloved Empire. The Fortunes had delivered our army to this place on the exact day necessary. If we had been arrived only a day later, it would have been too late.

 

I was forced to make my most difficult decision of the entire campaign, and chose to divide our forces, a very risky strategy, and one I second-guess even now. I left the twenty ronin, 275 of the porters, and Seppun Washi in charge of the men who would stay on the plateau, while about 200 of us total, roughly 150 samurai—almost all of them, went down the goat trail to the temple below. Yasuki Dokunsuto, and my exceptional scribe, Tsuruchi Futoshi, stayed with Washi. In truth, I put the honorable ronin, Shukan Hisao in charge, as he was the most competent military commander among all of them. Leaving most of the non-combatants on the top of the plateau would give them a chance to flee if necessary. Some had to survive if the Fates went against us.

 

Many of the peasants wanted to come, but I bid them stay. They were armed with spears, stones, and clubs and were ready to fight. What they lacked in training, they made up for in tenacity. These common men had traveled with us for many weeks now, and despite their low status, they were White Tigers, and had been trained to fight alongside us.

 

When our force arrived at the bottom of the cliff after navigating the treacherous goat trail, the spray of from the waterfall filled air, adding to the mist shrouding the jungle. We entered the foggy ruins and found we had been brought into a killing ground.

 

The voice of Isawa Akihiro, the leader of the Ten Killers filled the air, magic making him sound like a god. He said that we were too late, and since the Ivindi gods were dead, and all their ivory idols had been destroyed, the seal imprisoning the Tiger Demons has weakened. Failure of the seal was inevitable. He told us that the Dark Oracle of Water wanted the Rakhasha demons freed so that they would rampage across the colonies. Akihiro reveled in telling us that spilling human blood in this place would weaken the seal further, so all we samurai would accomplish was fulfilling the Dark Oracle’s plan and freeing the enemies our fathers had defeated and banished. Akihiro said we were fools.

 

It was then when we heard the sound of metal feet crushing the ground. An army of rusting Ironclad Destroyers came plodding toward us from the jungle, each one nine-feet tall, four-armed, and deadly. The metal monstrosities felt no pain, nor did they ever tire. They would crush every last White Tiger unless we found a way to stop them.

 

I wanted to face the Ironclads, but we all heard the chanting coming from the ruined temple. We knew we had to stop whatever was happening there. I gathered a small force and left Matsu Hachiro, my Lion brother, in command and told him to hold the line.

 

I took with me: Ikoma Uso, Suzume Shintaro, Moto Subotai, Tamori Isao, Yoritomo Oki, Daidoji Masafuni, Doji Shunya, Toku Zanaru, Bayushi Sakai, Bayushi Koji, Moto Byung-Chul, and Mirumoto Kawanari.

 

We rushed into the ruined temple and found a handsome Crane man waiting for us. All around him were the torn apart bodies of Ivindi slaves. A strange light seeped up through the floor, and we realized that we were actually standing on the ancient seal that imprisoned the Tiger Demons, the Rakasha.

 

The demon spoke to us in the voice of the man, Chonitsu. “So you are the samurai who have been following me across the empire and the colonies, getting in my way, thwarting my plans, and killing my servants.” He asked us to swear allegiance to him, but he knew we would refuse. Chonitsu gloated and said we were too late. He had struck a deal with the Dark Oracle of Water, Junzo. The seal had been crippled, and would fail. He said it was inevitable. The only question was how long would it take? The Destroyers the Ivendi slaves dug up in the valley would slaughter the expedition, and our blood would be enough to end the seal once and for all.

 

The Crane samurai disappeared then, and his true Tiger Demon form was revealed. He was nothing like the feral Tiger Destroyer we once defeated. He was an ancient beast of nightmares. Waves of terror struck us then. The fear made us question our commitment, but we all found our courage and attacked.

 

The battle was brutal and full of pain. Bayushi Koji was nearly killed by a backhanded blow from the demon. I would have been slain as well, but Subotai and Masafune protected me, and allowed me to attack the demon. Uso gave me the large ivory kukri knife he had been carrying, as my katana proved to be useless. Moto Byung-Chul used his magic and bestowed upon me the Strength of the Kami. We worked together, Oki putting arrow after arrow in the demon, and we wounded our enemy, but Toku Zanaru, the leader of the Minor Clan Alliance was struck and killed, his body nearly ripped in half.

 

Moto Byung-Chul began one of his throaty Death Priest songs and a dark figure appeared, rising up behind Uso-san. I do not know for certain, but I believe one of the Lords of Death, one of the Fortunes themselves, joined the battle on our side! For the first time in a thousand years, the immortal tiger demon became aware of its mortality. It was afraid!

 

With the Strength of the Kami coursing through me, I leaped in the air and struck the demon, landing a nearly fatal blow, lowering his defenses as the ivory Kukri slashed open the demon’s throat.

 

Tamori Isao’s Jaws of Earth latched onto Chonitsu, and the Raksasha died from all the wounds we had inflicted upon it. The body melted and turned to black slime. We were all hurt from the battle, and none more than Bayushi Koji. Oki saved Koji by giving him his last healing draught.

 

We all felt like we had achieved some sort of victory, but we were wrong. I could hear the battle with the Ironclads raging on, but before I left to join the fray Moto Byung-Chul knelt down, and placed a hand on the Raksasha prison seal. “It is failing. Quickly, gather all of the shugenja!”

 

All of the shugenja came to examine the failing seal. It was very bad news. Unless something very drastic was done, all of the Raksasha race would be freed into the world. Tamori Nasuo conferred with Moto Byung-Chul, and they came up with an idea to stop what was thought to be inevitable by the Tiger Demon.

 

Nasuo-sama and Byung-Chul-sama decided they had only one recourse. They would sacrifice their lives to make sure seal would not break. It was our only hope.

 

Isao offered to give his life instead, but Nasuo forbid it, saying that he was an old man, and this was his fate. Byung-Chul said goodbye to his son and our two most powerful shugenja began their final sacrifice.

 

Byung-Chul told me they would need one full hour to complete their spell. The Destroyer Ironclads must be held off for that time, or the spell would fail.

 

I promised we would hold and the two shugenja knelt down and began to pray to the kami.

 

Outside, Matsu Hachiro had been leading a valiant fight against the Destroyers, but the machine men were nearly unstoppable. I assumed command and summoned all our remaining men from the top of the plateau. I could see there was some delay, but I had faith they would arrive, hopefully in time to save us.

 

Our forces in the valley were almost all wounded, and our shugenja had exhausted all of their magic, and we had nearly a full hour to go. I failed our men. We were pushed back toward the temple, but at least our left flank was aided by the ancient dam holding back the river. I set the edge of our line right up against the cracked wall of stone.

 

We paid in blood for every moment we gave Nasuo-sama and Byung-Chul-sama. I failed to hold the Ironclads from advancing. The Mantis, Scorpion, and Spider had taken heavy casualties already. We were about to retreat once again and reform the line.

 

It was then when Ikoma Uso noticed something happening on the wall above the ruins. Kakita Yodo, Killer #2, was setting another bomb. She had to be stopped, or she’d blow it up, causing rocks to rain down on us. Uso and his two Ikoma scouts went after her, dodging between the swinging Ironclads. Yoritomo Oki saw his ex-lover and the bomb, and called upon every single archer to aim at her and loose a volley at the same time. Yodo was struck by five arrows and disappeared behind the rocks. The state of the bomb was unknown.

 

The Ironclad Destroyers in the rear ranks began hurling rocks over the front lines. Uso’s two Ikoma scouts were struck by flying rocks and taken down, so he was now on his own. He reached the dying Kakita Yodo just as she was trying to light her bomb, and he ran her through with his no-dachi.

 

Our line was about to fail. Samurai were exhausted and many wounded were all around me. I had rallied the men for nearly half an hour, but we were spent, completely exhausted and with little hope of victory.

 

When we could hold no longer our salvation arrived. The 20 ronin led by Shukan Hisao, along with a handful of samurai, and nearly 300 peasants charged into the fray. Shintaro and Isao leapt into the middle of the fight and kept our line from breaking. They pushed the Ironclad Destroyers back from the temple and most of our samurai were given a moment of rest.

 

I know Uso-san was above the battle at that time. We saw him carrying the cask filled with explosives. He must have seen the futility of our situation. There was an endless stream of Ironclad Destroyers coming into the valley. Hundreds more were marching toward us. It must have been at this moment when Uso decided to enact his desperate plan.

 

Our men were about to be overrun. I saw Matsu Hachiro knocked down. He was about to be killed, crushed under the foot of an Ironclad, but Subotai saved Hachiro’s life, at least for a moment. Two of my friends were about to die, but I sent in a few wounded reserve samurai, and sacrificed their lives to hold the line and to save my two friends. It was worth the sacrifice, for we rallied, all of us, and pushed back the Destroyers to the original line.

 

We fought for some time, and I watched Tamori Isao bashing his tetsubo against an Ironclad. The Destroyer was about to kill him when Isao’s bodyguard, Mirumoto Kawanari, his reluctant yojimbo, stepped in front and accepted the blow, killing the already wounded swordsman instantly.

 

Kawanari’s sacrifice gave us more will to fight. I stood shoulder to shoulder with Isao and we beat the Destroyers back.

 

Isawa Akihiro had been in command of the Destroyers all this time, whittling us down and bleeding us dry. He thought his victory assured, but he must have finally realized what was happening in the temple, and that we were merely trying to buy time for our shugenja to reseal the prison.

 

A blazing meteor streaked across the sky, and landed with an explosion and shower of water and steam in the shallow part of the lake. Akihiro stepped out with a gigantic flaming whip in each hand. There was no doubt why he had been named Killer #1 of the Ten Killer gang.

 

I knew I had to face Akihiro. I inspired the men to fight on. My friends ran over to the edge of the shallow part of the lake, and took a different tactic. The strength of the kami were still strong in me and I leapt off Koji’s thigh, and over the dam into the lake, surprising Akihiro. He dodged most of my blade, but I left a red slice on his neck.

 

Masafune, Shintaro, and Subotai joined me and we attacked Akihiro, who was striking down everyone else who faced him. Masafune saved my life again, and Subotai drew the ire of the last of the Ten Killers. Once again, Subotai’s defensive style kept him alive and he gave me the opening I needed. I took Akihiro’s head and and watched his body sink into the shallows of the lake.

 

We all prepared to face the Destroyers again. From our elevated vantage point we could see there were hundreds more coming, and we knew that even if the spell worked, and the prison was sealed, the Destroyers would not stop.

 

We saw Uso running along the base of the dam, carrying the cask of explosives. He dodged many of the Ironclads, avoiding their grasping arms, and crushing metal feet. How he got through so many enemies to the center of the ancient dam is a testament to the blessing of the Fortunes upon him.

 

The explosion knocked many of us off our feet. There was a deafening roar as the entirety of the lake rushed free down the mountainside, crashing into the Destroyers and carrying them back into the jungle.

 

I did not see what happened to Uso, but I knew he could not have gotten far from the explosion.

 

Oki told me later that he saw that Uso’s body swept into the river. We did recover Uso’s no-dachi, as it flew in the air and landed at the edge of the new wide river which had saved our lives.

 

The last of the Destroyers were cut off by the water, and my friends and I rallied the White Tigers. We crushed all that remained and found many of them trapped in the rubble and mud unleashed by Uso. His sacrifice stopped nearly 200 of the metal warriors. He saves us all, and paid with his life.

 

We found Tamori Nasuo-sama and Moto Byung-Chul-sama still kneeling across from each other, their heads bowed, in the temple. They gave their lives to repair the seal and save the Empire. Isao-san has told me that as long as the Rokugani Fortunes dwell in the Celestial Heavens, the prison will hold.

 

The cost of our victory was high. Half of the White Tiger Expedition is dead. Almost everyone who survived is wounded. Everyone is exhausted.

 

I spoke to Tsuruchi Futoshi and the scribe explained that when those left above saw the Destroyers attack, they wanted to come help, but there was some “discussion” first and apparently during this, the honorable Seppun Washi drew his sword to lead the attack, but he tripped and fell and impaled himself on his own blad. It was very unfortunate. A horrible accident. Futoshi, Dokunsuto, and Shukan Hisao had to take command then, and lead the White Tigers down the path.

 

So many are dead. Hida Shimonai, whom we first met, and fought at Shiro Makoto, is dead, but he stopped many of the Destroyers himself.

 

There is no sign of Uso’s body. I will carry his sword to Second City, and it will be placed in the memorial shrine for the fallen White Tigers. My Lion brother will never be forgotten. Nor will all of our valiant dead.

##

To be continued next week: 

https://monsterhunternation.com/2014/08/22/the-drowning-empire-episode-60-and-let-the-liars-be-damned/

Fisking NPR about Latinos in the movies

Damn it, people. I post that I’m trying to finish a novel by the end of the month, and what do you go and do? You post Fisk Bait articles like this on my Facebook page.

As a D List novelist, I should be cranking out more cismale gendernormative fiction, but oh no, you guys had to go and tag me with an article about how all of our entertainment needs to be filtered through the lens of righteous Social Justice, and if you don’t find racism in absolutely everything, then racist. Obviously.

This is so dumb, how can I not take the time to make fun of it?

As usual, the original will be in italics and my comments will be in bold.

Here is a link to the original article on NPR. Since this is NPR you need to imagine the article being quietly narrated in the most boring, pretentious, monotone, nasal tone possible. Trust me. It makes it so much better.

http://www.npr.org/blogs/codeswitch/2014/08/06/338324139/why-arent-top-films-diverse-as-the-real-world-they-miss-hispanics?utm_source=facebook.com&utm_medium=social&utm_campaign=npr&utm_term=nprnews&utm_content=20140806

Why Aren’t Top Films Diverse As The Real World? They Miss Hispanics

 

Imagine you were the most loyal customer to the hottest restaurant in town. And when you walked in the door, you were given the worst seat in the house.

That’s kind of how Hollywood is treating Hispanic filmgoers,

 No it isn’t. Your analogy sucks.

 

 if you believe the results of a new study by the University of Southern California. It shows that the 100 highest-grossing films of last year underrepresented nonwhite characters in speaking roles.

 Oh no. I can’t wait to hear about how awful and racist America is. The funny part is that Hollywood is who casts actors, and Hollywood is as liberal as it gets. But it is always entertaining to watch libs freak out at other libs for not being liberal enough. Holy shit, I can’t believe I’m about to defend Hollywood…

 

One big reason, according to the numbers in the study, was a lack of nonwhite Hispanic characters in the 3,932 speaking roles analyzed. Just 4.9 percent of those parts were filled by Hispanic characters, though they are 16 percent of the U.S. population.

I’ve never taken the time to be offended by the fact that Hispanics are underrepresented in my imaginary space battles. Thanks NPR.

But Hispanics also buy 25 percent of all movie tickets, leveraging $1 trillion in spending power. Which means Hollywood isn’t paying much of a price for ignoring a loyal constituency.

And all this time I thought that Hollywood was only ignoring me by optioning my novels and then letting them sit in development limbo.

Wait a second, me and my movie going children all fit into that 25%, because we are legally Latino and would show up that way on this survey, but you wouldn’t know what we are by looking at us… Oh, but don’t worry, I’ll get back to that.

Other numbers are less problematic.

In other words, every other possible ethnic combination came out okay in the numbers, but Social Justice Warriors need something to flip out about.

White characters were slightly overrepresented at 74.1 percent (they are 72 percent of the population, according to the 2010 U.S. Census);

Oh shit. Movies about imaginary things were off of reality by 2.1%?!?

black characters were also overrepresented at 14.1 percent (12.6 percent of the population);

Wait… What? Shoot. I was all ready to get my outrage on.

and Asians were at 4.4 percent (4.8 percent of the population).

Damn your Asian privilege!

Overall, nonwhite characters filled just 25 percent of speaking roles, though nonwhite people are 37 percent of the U.S. population and buy almost half of all movie tickets.

I’m in a unique position, on one hand I’m a really successful writer who understands storytelling, and on the other hand I’m a retired auditor who made a great living being a statistical bullshit detector. Off the top of my head I can think of a whole bunch of reasons these numbers might skew. I don’t have any raw data, but a couple of guesses:

  • The popularity of British/Australian/Canadian actors in American films. When NPR isn’t looking under every rock for racism, they’ve also done interviews about why directors love those types of actors for what they bring to the roles. Basically, these commonwealth types are sneaking over here and stealing our jobs!
  • Many speaking roles belong to the bad guys, and Hollywood is so scared of Social Justice Warrior’s perpetual outrage that they are hesitant to cast anybody who doesn’t look like Dick Cheney as antagonists. That’s why books that have Muslim bad guys have them mysteriously turn into white supremacists or some sort of pseudo-Blackwater when they’re made into a movie.
  • It might have something to do with much of Hollywood being scared of doing original things, and instead doing reboots and remakes. So if something stared a white guy when your parents watched it, the new version probably stared a white guy too. There are some obvious switches, like Will Smith in Wild Wild West or Denzel Washington as the Equalizer (I’m really looking forward to that one, because nobody does Retired Badass like Denzel).
  • Movies based on comic books make up a huge part of the market, and these comic books and their characters have been around for such a long time that they predate any of these demographics. Hispanics didn’t make up 16% of America’s population when Stan Lee was making these characters up back in the sixties, not that Stan Lee probably would have cared, because he strikes me as the kind of guy who’d say Shut Up and Enjoy Your Awesome.

And as much as people might hope successful minority-centered films such as 12 Years a Slave and The Butler may have shown increasing diversity in film roles, the study shows the percentages haven’t changed much in seven years.

 

Did anybody outside of NPR actually watch The Butler?

 

We see similar numbers in television. The Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation looked at diversity in the 2012-13 TV season, discovering that prime-time TV shows on the broadcast networks had 78 percent white characters, 12 percent black characters, 5 percent Asian characters and 4 percent Latino characters.

 

Wait… So what they’re saying is that other than Latino all of the others were within the margin of error of the actual population?

 

But since they are citing GLAAD, anybody want to take a crazy guess by what percentage gay characters are over represented on TV? In real life gays only make up between 1-3% of the population (don’t blame me, take it up with Gallup), but according to GLAAD 42% of FOX’s programming has gay characters, ABC is at 33%, ABC Family is at 50%, and FX is at 40%. I mean, since NPR is acting like entertainment should correspond exactly to real life demographics, do they really want to go there?  http://www.tvguide.com/news/glaad-lgbt-characters-1071960.aspx

 

These are almost exactly the same levels of underrepresentation for Latino/Hispanic characters that the USC study found in movies.

So my earlier guess was correct. The Social Justice Warriors need something to be outraged about, so they’re constantly on the lookout. This time it is Latinos. Tomorrow it will be something else.

The USC study also found Hispanic women most likely to be shown nude or baring lots of skin (37 percent of Hispanic female characters had such roles), while Hispanic men were the second most likely group among males to be shown that way, at 16 percent of their characters.

That’s because us passionate Latins are smoking HOT.

No, seriously. Hollywood, that bastion of moral integrity and arbiter of virtue has good looking people take their clothes off. This is my shocked face.

As an auditor, when I see somebody cite one stat without the comparable stats I become suspicious. So 37% of female Hispanics had such roles, but what percentage were the others? Hell, Game of Thrones has all the white women get naked.

Also, “nude or baring lots of skin” there is a hell of a lot of difference now, isn’t there? If you take just shows shot in Miami like Dexter and Burn Notice, count the hot Latinas in the background shots in bikinis and you’ve got your 37% right there.

Now if I was a suspicious auditor I’d notice an article—so nitpicky that it gets into two decimals earlier—leaving out all sorts of data when it was conveniently trying to portray one group as being hyper-sexualized might possibly be trying to establish some kind of narrative.

The study doesn’t suggest many reasons why these numbers have played out this way, but I have a few theories.

Mine are better.

First, Hollywood doesn’t seem to be paying a price for its mistakes. To continue the analogy from above, if you keep going back to the restaurant after it gives you an awful seat, where’s the incentive to treat you better? If nonwhite consumers keep flocking to movies that underrepresent them, filmmakers have little reason to improve.

Yes, Latinos, NPR just called you stupid. How DARE you enjoy movies and be entertained? You should totally boycott them to salve some white suburban liberal’s white guilt!

Annoying twits put their perpetual outrage ahead of their enjoyment. Everything has to be filtered through their obnoxious white guilt. Meanwhile the rest of planet Earth is throwing piles of money at a movie with a sentient tree and a talking raccoon.

Secondly, Hispanic filmgoers don’t seem to embrace movies with high-profile Hispanic characters en masse in the same way black movie consumers do. Black-centered films like 12 Years a Slave and The Butler were championed by black people across the country as must-see viewing.

 

You ever catch that the Social Justice Warriors don’t like when a group of people turn out to be individuals instead of a homogeneous collective? Damn it. You all check the same box on an EEOC form! You should totally think the same, have the same opinions, and like the same things! Latinos are SUPPOSED to go watch Latino movies. Blacks are SUPPOSED to watch black movies… Noticing a trend yet?

 

But, perhaps because there are so many different cultures and nationalities defined as Hispanic in America, such waves of support don’t seem to happen as often for the few movies featuring Hispanic stars.

No kidding? And now the author accidentally pulls back the curtain just a bit to reveal the soft racism of the left.

Maybe those lumped into the “Latino” bucket are an incredibly diverse group of humanity who are going to watch whatever the fuck they feel like?  Offically “Latino” includes people originating from the bottom half of one continent, top to bottom of another, a bunch of islands across every hemisphere, the Iberian Peninsula, and from that you get a few dozen competing cultures, thousands of years of history of badasses conquering shit, exploring the world, and making babies and bringing back wives from every genetic population on planet Earth, and NPR is upset that they don’t all fit in the same box?

 

But keep in mind, it is my side that gets called racist.

 

 

Also, it’s not always clear to audiences when a Hispanic actor is playing a Hispanic character. Zoe Saldana is Puerto Rican and Dominican, but in last year’s Star Trek movie, she played Lt. Uhura — a character who is of African descent in the TV series.

 

First off, you may have noticed that the movie diverged a bit from the TV show. Second off… is NPR trying to say that Puerto Ricans and Dominicans can’t have African ancestors? Does the staff of NPR ever leave their college campuses?

 

They left off a bit. In Guardians of the Galaxy, Zoe Saldana isn’t EASILY IDENTIFIABLE as Puerto Rican because she is GREEN.

 

Jennifer Lopez played a character called Leslie Rodgers in last year’s Jason Statham movie Parker and her mother was played by Patti LuPone. Though her ethnicity was never stated, Lopez’s character wasn’t easily identifiable as Hispanic.

 

If you rented a Jason Statham movie expecting nuanced discussion about race relations, you done fucked up. You rent Jason Statham movies to watch Jason Statham kick people in the face.

And is NPR implying that somebody who is genetically Latino can’t have an Anglo surname?

Oh, but wait… She isn’t EASILY IDENTIFIABLE as Hispanic. Because the SJWs are really all about keeping everyone in their proper place. Don’t worry, you let leftists run things long enough and eventually they make everybody wear these super helpful armbands for easy identification.   

This kind of colorblind casting can have two effects on diversity. Supporting characters such as spouses, parents and siblings are less likely to also be Hispanic, and audiences that want to support Hispanic characters may be confused about which roles fit that bill.

I want you to read that paragraph and think about it really hard. Colorblind casting is somehow a bad thing.

Audiences might be confused what fucking box they should assign characters to? In other words, to the modern SJW, judging somebody by their character instead of the color of their skin is racist.

Finally, the USC study found that black directors were more likely to cast black people in speaking parts (white directors cast black characters in 10.8 percent of speaking roles, compared with 46 percent of roles for black directors).

The real question is what kind of movie was the director casting? What was the setting? What kind of characters did the story call for? If I was directing an episode of the Wire set in the projects of West Baltimore I’d probably cast more black actors than if I was directing an episode of Downton Abby.

Also, auditor hat on. How many black directors are there? What is the target audience of their films? Could the most prolific of the black directors be Tyler Perry and Spike Lee, who would skew the stats because they’ve cast more black actors for movies targeting a black audience?

Yeah… You know what Mark Twain said about statistics. Unless you’re a Social Justice Warrior, then racism.

But two of the most prominent films of last year led by Hispanic directors — Alfonso Cuaron’s Gravity and Guillermo del Toro’s Pacific Rim — had just one major part for a Hispanic actor between them.

 

Why do Latino directors have to have some sort of Latino solidarity? Why is NPR against ethnic mixing and free association? Why is NPR in favor of keeping everyone in their ghetto? Why does NPR get a dime of tax money to produce this bullshit?

 

Why is NPR interested in ethnic purity, where Latino directors pick Latino actors and direct Latino films, and white directors pick white actors for their white films? Alfonso Cuaron and Guillermo del Toro are both brilliant artists making art. Why don’t you let them make their art, rather than lecture them about your artificial Social Justice bullshit? Nope. Instead SJWs try to paint artists as some sort of race traitors for not complying to their arbitrary rules.

 

Guillermo del Toro gave us Idris Elba rocket punching Godzillas with a giant Voltron. Your argument is invalid.   

 

 

And that character, played by the Mexican-American actor Clifton Collins Jr., was a Chinese-American technician.

 

Wait… Earlier they were complaining about Jennifer Lopez’s character having an Anglo last name, but now they’re upset that another Latino who has a real life Anglo last name was playing a guy named Tendo Choi, in a movie where a black British actor played a man named STACKER PENTECOST?

 

Make up your mind, NPR!

 

Once again the SJWs try to suck all the fun out of everything.

 

Side note, Pacific Rim might help prove one of my earlier points about British actors sneaking over here and stealing all our jobs, since the “American” lead is from Newcastle upon Tyne, which I’m pretty sure isn’t in Nebraska.

 

The study’s numbers suggest that Hollywood continues to have difficulty featuring a world that’s as diverse ethnically and culturally as real life.

SJWs don’t want real diversity, like opinions, thoughts, tastes, or beliefs, but rather they demand simple, easily categorized, skin-deep diversity so they can keep everybody in their proper box.

But the reasons behind the lack of representation may be more complex and interconnected than anyone realizes.

NPR is looking to manufacture some outrage. They’re just pissed that Latinos aren’t conveniently confirming to their proper racist boxes. When NPR says that some of the Latin actors aren’t “easily recognizable” that means that they aren’t conforming to accepted liberal suburban Ivy League stereotypes. NPR wants Latinos to play beaners in sombreros, hotel maids, or gang bangers… Playing a computer technician, Alderan’s congressman, or captain of the Galactica is just crazy.

Latinos will continue getting roles in movies, just like they’ll keep writing books. Those that find an audience and succeed in entertaining them will get more work. Shockingly enough the entertainment industry is all about entertainment. And while us entertainers work, hustle, and make art, Social Justice Warriors will continue to bitch uselessly about “diversity”. In time more Latinos will have success in entertainment and NPR will still be whining about how come there aren’t more left handed, transsexual, robots represented.

The real problem the SJWs have with Latinos is that we actually are diverse, and not just bullshit skin-deep, check box diversity. Most of us here just think of ourselves as Americans and go about our lives. So I’m just going to assume that missing 11.1% of Latinos do exist in these imaginary movie worlds, it is just that they look more like my kids than they look like Machete.

 

Updates, lack of posting, books, GenCon and ComicCon

Hey everybody, sorry for the lack of posting but I’m trying to finish the rough draft of this fantasy novel by the end of August. I just got back from OsFest in Omaha. That was fun.

I’m going to be at GenCon in Indiana from the 13th-17th. If you are going, and want to get into any of my panels or events don’t forget you need to preregister. If some are booked, there are always no shows, but I believe then it is first come, first serve to get in. Since my others were booked they added another one, and I think it still has spots open.

After that I’ve got SLC ComicCon in September. This time I will actually be selling stuff and will be at Kevin J. Anderson’s Wordfire Press booth off and on throughout the show.

This time of year with all the touring and cons really kicks my butt. I did take the kids to see Guardians of the Galaxy on Monday. What a fun movie. My review that I tweeted “It is Star Wars if Star Wars had more Han Solos.” And that is a compliment. Hollywood is all shocked that audiences are enjoying a movie that puts audience enjoyment first. I know that’s a crazy idea and all, but some of us figured that out a while ago.

Now back to work!