A. Gun owners are never trained enough so are dangerous and shouldn’t be armed at all.

B. Gun owners who do train are crazy psychos living out their wannabe fantasies itching to shoot someone.

C. Even though it takes orders of magnitude more effort to become marginally effective with martial arts than a gun, you are better off using martial arts and not having a gun.

D. *Real Men* use their hands. This is why your mom and grandma shouldn’t have guns either.

E. Twitter randos who have never been punched in the face are experts on real life violence, and whatever you have personally experienced doesn’t count.

F. No matter how trained you are, it is never enough for the hypothetical attacker they make up. Sure, your concealed handgun might be enough to stop a regular robber or rapist, but what about if you get attacked by 20 Chechen terrorists with AKs, huh? Huh? (we call this the Dracula Riding Godzilla rule)

G. If the anti-gun vulture was ever in the military, this makes them a Military Trained Expert. Even though most of the time this means they got to put 20 rounds through an M-16 once in 1992.

H. No matter how many certified MMA bad asses or combat vets go “lol wut, dork? I’d rather have a gun.” the anti-gun Twitter vulture will remain undeterred.

I. Goldilocks Rules apply. No matter how much you know about guns, you’re either too ignorant and dangerous, or you know too much and that makes you dangerous. Whatever amount the anti-gun zealot knows is Just Right.

K. Whatever stats they pull out of their ass are sacrosanct. If you cite any numbers they reflexively scream “SOURCE?!” and then have some reason they won’t accept that source when provided. “The actual FBI Crime Statistics? LAME!”

L. At some point they’ll need to talk about how big our penises are, because guns are for compensation. Obviously the female gun owners are compensating for their tiny uteruses.  

M. “I believe in the Second Amendment BUUUUUUUUT-” (insert statist bullshit here)

N. If you insist on using terms correctly and words having actual definitions, clearly this demonstrates you are a fanatic. Words mean whatever they need to mean in that moment, especially legal ones.

O. “Castle Doctrine” is a secret right wing code word that means that you can just shoot whoever you want.

P.  Get ready for a history lesson about “what the founders really intended” from some dumb motherfucker who was stoned through every history class in high school.  

Q. Everybody knows big blue cities are way safer than the scary red state flyover country.

R. Gun control isn’t racist! Sure, historical gun control was all about keeping guns out of the hands of the “undesirables” like freed slaves, Indians, and the Irish, but that’s totally different now!

S. AR-15s are the most dangerous gun that’s ever existed. It can fire ten thousand ultra deadly murder bullets a second and each one can explode a moose from a thousand yards away. There is nothing this miracle death machine can’t do.

T. lol your AR-15s are utterly useless against a tyrannical government.

U. The NRA is an all-powerful, super evil entity which has tricked innocent Americans into wanting ultra deadly assault rifles, to satisfy their incessant blood lust. They do this through their ultra powerful marketing, like giving out free hats.

V. Anti-gun organizations are all totally innocent grass roots movements made up of moms, orphans, and kittens, funded entirely by bake sales, who just want the best for all Americans.  

W. “I grew up around guns” makes you an unassailable subject matter expert on the topic.

X. The gun industry is made up of giant soulless mega corporations who make trillions of dollars off of selling Glocks to preschoolers. This message was brought to you by benevolent small businesses like the six companies that own most of the world’s media.

Y. Even though everything the anti-gunner proposes is ass backwards and would just make the problems they are crying about worse, and everywhere they get their way good people are disarmed while evil doers are empowered…they CARE HARDER than we do. So we’re the real bad guys.  

Z. “You sound angry.”

-Jack here, once again archiving one of Larry’s rants from the Book of Faces. It seems they are not fans of the J Word these days…

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If I use The J Word on Facebook right now Facebook throttles the shit out of it. (See my last post). FB really doesn’t want to talk about how bastions of liberalism talk a big game about diversity and inclusion, but then everything they control inevitably turns to shit and chaos with angry mobs threatening to murder and burn stuff .

Democrats simply can’t run things for very long without fucking it up. Their fundamental basic philosophy is based on tearing down society and replacing it with magic unicorn farts. The transition period between reality and imaginary utopia is the part where people die and everything sucks.

For my friends of the religion which this giant evil mega corporation doesn’t like us talking about what’s being done to you right now, I think it behooves you to-

A. Move away from the big blue cities.

B. Buy guns.

C. Learn how to use those guns.

D. Stop voting for the evil shits who love gun control, violent criminals, and angry mobs, so that those nice areas you can flee to which still have cute traditional stuff like “equal protection under the law” so Ilhan Omar’s brother-husband can’t just have you decapitated in the school library with impunity, stay nice and traditional.

As a block 80% of you guys keep voting for the dumbfucks who enable the assholes who want to MURDER YOU. Stop voting for that shit! Yes. The other party sucks in other ways but at least they are big on letting you shoot back at the people WHO WANT TO MURDER YOU.

If you don’t do anything else, at least do B and C, because if you live in a big blue city with a big blue mayor and a big blue police chief, they do not give a fuck if you get murdered or hate crimed, but by golly they will do their best to make sure none of the angry mob gets offended by any hurtful words during the press conference. Sure. The big blue prosecutor will still send you to big blue prison for daring to defend yourself (you voted to make that illegal remember?) but at least you aren’t dead. Yet.

Quit voting for this bullshit! We had the same discussion with another demographic voting block that votes 80% D a few years back when their democrat police chiefs and democrat mayors let their democrat mobs burn down democrat business and democrat neighborhoods because they felt democrat prosecutors and democrat run police departments were extra mean to certain color democrats… and the obvious solution to this was republicans are racist, explained the democrat professors who are currently part of the angry mob protesting the religion who FB says shall not be named on democrat college campuses. What a mystery that all this wacky social division keeps happening!

Fucking duh.

This rant brought to you by my disgusted reading of the news this morning, and multiple conversations with my friend M.A. Rothman in Las Vegas this week about the goofy state of our world and what guns we are gonna stockpile next.

Since Larry’s currently in Vegas, allow me to share one of his recent entries from the Book of Faces- Jack

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Some reviews just baffle me. The ones where the reviewer thinks they are clever are the worst.

I just saw one that was complaining how Fever is different than the previous memoirs novels. Well no shit. It’s an entirely different narrator, set in a different time and place, with a different co-author. He knocked it for being more like a regular MHI novel and not the “slice of life” of the previous memoirs. Dude. It’s an entirely different book.

He knocked it for being short and made a snide comment about how my novels are getting shorter and that “must be the economy” like I’m greedy and ripping you guys off.

A. All the memoirs novels are the same size just over 100k. Fever is almost the exact same length as the previous 3.

B. The rest of my books tend to be very similar in length based on the series. MHI was the one anomaly because it was my first book and I didn’t know what I was doing. Most regular MHI novels are 120-140k.  All the Saga novels are around 140k. I’m actually remarkably consistent.

He said he didn’t like it because it was a “cliff hanger”. It is not a cliff hanger. The actual plot is resolved. The thing he’s bitching about is that there are allusions to further threats and adventures in the future. Which I leave in all my books, which ironically he praised about the series earlier in the same review. (roll eyes) This would be like bitching about a book about WW2 because it doesn’t tell you how it shakes out with the Soviet Union.

Then he repeatedly complains about how SLOW I AM. Because it is LIKE TWO WHOLE YEARS BETWEEN MHI NOVELS.  And then he dings Fever because he guesses the sequel won’t be out until 2026 or 2027…

A. how the fuck do you ding a product because you’re guessing when the next book will be out?

B. I write like five series simultaneously, and have averaged 2 books a year for 15 years, so get off my fucking back, man. 😀  

C. Over the last 15 years I’ve written 8 regular MHIs, 4 spin offs, and a collection of shorts. Holy fuck. In between that I wrote like 20 other books in my other worlds. What do you people want from me? I’m only human. 😀

D. If I did just want to be lazy and cash in, I would only write MHI novels nonstop, because those make the most money. Except I don’t because if I did that I’d get bored and the books would get stale. The reason they stay good is that I step back, do other things, and then come back fresh. That’s one reason why each book is different than the ones that came before, and THAT IS A GOOD THING. DUH.

“I’m not sure anyone was really longing for 1970’s LA monster hunting but I guess when you only get a book every 2 years you can’t be overly picky.”

If you want to feed prompts into an AI and have it barf out some soulless garbage that checks all the boxes you want, go do it. Ain’t nothing stopping you. Us human authors are gonna create what we feel like. You know, that whole “art” thing that makes it so the entertainment products you are consuming are actually something we’re enjoying making, so they stay good.

If I took this bullshit advice I’d be the same as the MCU churning out 4 mandatory Marvel movies of declining quality every year.

“Also how is there not a Hotel California monster or location in this book?”

What kinda nitpicky fucking bullshit is this? Why didn’t I have every reference to every single pop culture thing that happened that decade? This motherfucker doesn’t want an author. He needs ChatGPT. 😀  Plug that shit in and leave me be!  

He has a giant confusing paragraph talking about stuff I WROTE in the other MHI novels and how he liked that better (and some grammatically confusing stuff about Sluggy Freelance?) then whines “You never want to come across as “A better writer did something funny, I need to copy that.”… Dude… I WROTE ALL OF THOSE THINGS YOU ARE COMPARING IT TO.  😀

And it’s also extra fucking stupid as he’s citing that and I know exactly what I was shooting for in each of those scenes, and they’re all accomplishing wildly different goals… but I’ve got to get knocked because this dude doesn’t understand how storytelling works.

So basically, three stars for keeping my long running series fresh and interesting rather than formulaic and repetitive, while only having an work ethic better than like 99% of my career field. 😀

These fucking people, I swear.
I’m glad most of you aren’t like this. 😀

Most of you know Steve as my cohost from WriterDojo and coauthor on Servants of War. Residue was his first published novel that went through quite the saga with a bunch of different publishing houses. So now Steve’s got the rights back, is publishing it himself, and best of all has gone through and improved it to make the definitive author’s edition.

Plus the blurbs are me and Terry Brooks, so that’s pretty cool. 😀

Residue

This is a really cool read and I hope you guys check it out.