Another one I grabbed from the Book of Faces so it wouldn’t vanish into their memory holes…. -Jack
Because Facebook keeps showing me advertisements for shitty holster companies, here is some advice for your concealed carry rig (I’m talking worn at the waist, strongside or appendix, not whatever goofy esoteric method* you are married to for whatever bizarro hipster reason)-
1. If your holster doesn’t protect the trigger and prevent the trigger from being actuated while holstered, your holster is trash. If it is fabric and you can activate the trigger through the holster, that’s a disaster waiting to happen.
2. If the holster is floppy and closes on itself, so you need to use your other hand to get the gun back in, your holster sucks, and one of these days you will shoot yourself in the hand.
3. If your holster flops around while you do anything even sorta strenuous, your holster is garbage. It needs to stay fixed to your body in about the same position it started the day in, or it’s junk.
4. If you holster doesn’t retain your pistol if you are forced to move fast, and the gun flops out, you are a danger to yourself and others, and one of these days you are going to shoot yourself or some other poor dumb bastard while you reflexively try to catch it.
5. One Size Fits All means it doesn’t fit anything good. Get a holster designed for your specific weapon. The only addendum to this is holsters that are designed to fit around a specific frame mounted flashlight, because those are designed for a specific fit, only in this case it’s the light that its working off of.
6. Avoid cheap garbage holsters with garbage attachments because they’re going to break.
7. Good concealment holsters don’t need thumb breaks. They fit with friction sufficient to hold the gun in if you do a handstand or dunk a basketball, neither of which I can do, but that’s theoretically possible for some of you. đ
8. Holsters require maintenance too. They get worn out. Screws get loose. Check your stuff periodically.
9. The gun must be secure, but it also must be accessible. If the design is such that you can’t get a good grip on it for the draw, it’s stupid, and it’s going to slow you down unnecessarily. If you have to do stupid contortions to get your hand around it, that’s dumb and pointless.
10. It needs to be comfy enough to wear it so you don’t cry and whine and then leave it home. Quit being a dork and glue some foam on those edges that bug you. My AIWB rigs look like pillows that hold a gun inside because I’m a fat guy who hates stuff rubbing on me.
11. It doesn’t matter if it is leather or kydex, all the same rules apply.
12. Serpas have been banned from a whole bunch of places and courses for a reason. I don’t need to rehash this, and if you disagree I don’t care and don’t feel like arguing with you. The only reason they still get used is Blackhawk is super good at having a variety in stock to ship to gun stores and they’ve got a great mark up. They suck as actual holsters.
13. If you can’t draw while sitting down, your holster is lame. Like that goofy ass lift the giant flap and the pops up above your belt rig FB keeps showing me. That’s just dumb. They had to put a magnet in the new version to keep the guns from falling out, which makes it slightly less unsafe yet still stupid. Just get a normal rig.
14. If you pay attention to this stuff you’ll notice that most of the people who take it real serious and actually practice and train tend to pick from a handful of companies that follow all these. Ironically, those companies aren’t usually advertising their magical super gimmicks to gullible dupes on Facebook.
15. No matter how good your holster is, it’s going to suck if you hang it off a cheap, floppy belt. You want a quality, rigid, non-stretchy belt. Belts that offer clicks or tension adjust are more forgiving than traditional belt holes, as you can adjust better to keep that gun in the comfiest spot.
16. I didn’t name any shitty brands because inevitably when I do, somebody is going to get butt hurt and cry But It Works For Me! and It’s Just As Good! And frankly I don’t have time for your hurt feelings today. If your holster doesn’t fit these basic criteria, you should get something better.
17. Test your gear. Dry fire with it a whole bunch. Wear it around. Be honest with yourself, and all the shortcomings will become abundantly clear. Don’t tie your self-esteem to your purchases. All gun people have bought stupid shit at one time or another. We all pay the derp tax. Just recognize it, move on, and get something better. Then test that too.
*on your goofy esoteric methods-
Small of the back: is dumb. It is stupidly slow. And it doesn’t actually conceal any better. You just think it does because it is behind you so you can’t see it. Pointless. Zero advantages.
Pocket: Designed for tiny guns, all the holster rules still apply, except it’s main job is to cover the trigger and serve as an anchor so your pocket rocket stays in the same place.
Ankle: A weird and incredibly slow method that is rarely used now, which I’ve got almost no firsthand knowledge of because I’ve not used it much other than basic demonstrations in CCW classes a long time ago.
Belly Band: Peak 1990s deep concealment technology. Which depending on how crappy the brand is may or may not actually retain the gun, probably collapses, and more than likely needs two hands to holster. An Enigma does the same thing better in every possible way.
Off The Body: Crap like purses, briefcases. Lame. If you ever set it down, congratulations, you just left a loaded gun uncontrolled in public. Also super slow and hard to access.
Gunderpants: Which is my wife’s joke name for any of those athletic shorts that come with a holster. Same rules apply, and they’ll probably fail on the retention, safety, and floppy bits.
Shoulder Holsters: look great in gritty cop shows. Comfy. Suck to actually use. Slow. Requires a bigger covering garment. And nobody ever trains with them because you can’t use them without flagging half the range.
Cross draw: most of the disadvantages of shoulder holsters, only you don’t get to look like a grizzled homicide detective.
If you’ve got some other weird ass method that I’m not thinking of, ask yourself why you’re the only person who uses this brilliant system, and then just try not to shoot yourself or somebody else. The only times I’ve seen most of these make sense is somebody has an extremely specific role because of their lifestyle, or dudes who carry multiple handguns in different positions because they do weird dangerous shit for a living. Those are bell curve outliers. They probably aren’t you. Quit being weird and get a normal holster.
Also, an addendum. Magnet car holsters are stupid. Your car isn’t a holster. If you carry in a holster that isn’t an uncomfortable piece of shit then you’re not out there manipulating your loaded gun in public to stick it onto your goofy car magnet holster, which would need to weigh about 80 pounds to actually retain that gun in order to not lose it during a crash. Every time I see these ads pop up on here it makes my eye twitch.
