Another gem from Larry’s social media- Jack
As a Professional Internet Zoologist I have taught you guys about Common Internet Shit Gibbons and Moon Ferrets. Today’s lesson is about another strange and pathetic creature which roams the internets called The Moral Equivalence Police.
Officers of the MEPD can be counted on to kick in the door and loudly announce themselves in any thread where you are talking about specific events where one side of the political spectrum has done something stupid.
“MORAL EQUIVALENCE POLICE! REPUBLICANS ARE JUST AS BAD! EVERYONE ON THE GROUND!”
So, imagine that you you’re talking about some specific current event, where a democrat made some obvious ridiculous lie in public, like say, yesterday.
“MORAL EQUIVALENCE POLICE! TRUMP LIED ABOUT (insert thing here)! SHOW ME YOUR HANDS! SHOW ME YOUR HANDS!”
MEPD officers are related to Whataboutists, but they can be differentiated because they’re more about retaining the karmic balance of the universe, where there is no relative good or evil, and everything is always perfectly balanced in sucking equally. While, Whataboutists just hoot loudly about any random topic that they think makes the opposition look worse.
MEPs are not exclusively left wing, and the MEPD does not discriminate in recruiting. However, the majority of them are liberals (as can be determined by their brilliant rainbow plumage). Right wing MEPs are rarer, but sadly, not endangered.
Being simple, stimulus/response based creatures MEPs struggle with the concept of time or proportion. So if you are talking about a major serious event that happened yesterday, like a democrat got caught setting fire to a bus full of orphans, nuns, and orphaned nuns, a senior bull MEP will crash through you window and go-
“MORAL EQUIVALENCE POLICE! I REMEMBER WHEN NEWT GINGRICH SAID A MEAN THING IN 1993! DROP YOUR PHONE AND STEP AWAY FROM THE INTERNET!”
The key to dealing with MEPs is to not make any sudden moves. Insult them slowly, and carefully, in a way that their stupid dumb brain can eventually process. Then tell them to come back with a warrant and block them. Trust me, absolutely nothing of value will be lost.
