Larry posted this on the Book of Faces about a week ago and hoo boy has he heard about it. Brought here to archive . It all started with a meme someone made about how Qui Gon and Ashoka getting stabbed with lightsabers were like, totally different. -Jack
People are ignorant and need to quit making excuses for shitty writing.
A bunch of dumb people are saying crap like “it just cauterized the wound!” or “You don’t know how light sabers work so shut up your hater face!” or “you don’t even know if she’s human and maybe they are built different!”
Let’s break this down for the stupid people who will gargle crap on demand because they’ve learned to not expect any internal logical consistency in their world building. Thanks, Disney.
What do we know about light sabers? As in established cannon for the universe. They can cut through damn near anything in a flash. Like not just lopping limbs off humanoids, but cutting through steel beams, or chopping the wings off space ships. And we know they do this cutting action through heat, like Qui-Gon plasma torching his way through blast doors that appear to be battleship armor plate level thick, and turning them into sparks and molten metal.
So light sabers fuck shit up. That’s established.
For people who don’t grasp basic physics, units of measurements, or who’ve never used a branding iron, cauterizer, cutting torch, or plasma cutter (used all of those, and apparently nobody who writes for Disney has never worked on a farm) we are talking wildly different amounts of energy.
These numbers aren’t exact. I’m going off memory.
-To cauterize a wound, that’s around 400 degrees.
-A cutting torch is like 3000-6000 degrees, depending one what kind and what you’re cutting.
-A plasma torch is something truly batshit insane, like up to 40,000 degrees if I recall correctly. It’s truly fucking nuts. AND it cuts through stuff at a fraction of the power of a light saber.
As you can see, these are very different things.
So besides apparently being magic and having some kind of containment field to not roast the wielder, in order to slice open space ships like that you are using some sort of energy like on the upper end of things.
If you heat an object to 400 degrees and shove it into a human torso, they’re basically fucked, because congratulations, everything you know about cauterizing is stupid and wrong too. We used to burn the stump holes when we dehorned cattle. It’s good for searing shut little blood vessels in a small area (and burning hair, horn, and blood is the WORST SMELL EVER). Big blood vessels, it don’t do shit. And if you shove it THROUGH a human, great, you seared shut some little blood vessels, and ROASTED ALL THEIR ORGANS. Which is BAD.
Rambo pouring gun powder into his bullet wounds isn’t how that works. Rambo would still be bleeding out, only with the added agony of a third degree burn hole through him.
And that’s a candy ass blow torch temp, which doesn’t cut through steel beams. It gets worse from there.
Heat an object up to cutting torch energy levels and shove it through a human torso, and they’re going to die horribly and screaming, because humans are bags of water and that just turned rapidly into steam, and every cell anywhere near that 3000 degree shaft of death just exploded. And I’m talking like literal cooking off and detonating level of steam pressure. Ask anybody who has ever taken a welding class what happens when you then take the piece of metal and shove it into the water barrel. Now imagine that inside your lung and intestines. Realistically people standing five feet away are going to get splattered with a hot red mist.
And that right there is why all the mewling about “but you don’t know if she’s human like us” is stupid. Is she sorta mammal like? Does she have liquid and organs inside? Well, she’s fucked. Even if there was nothing but a decorative fat deposit there, she’s still fucked, because that’s gonna blow out the side, probably on fire.
Now, let’s move it up to plasma power, like chopping the wings off space ships and cutting armored metal robots in half with one swing, and shove that ridiculous bit of molecular fuckery through a human body. Like you’re done. As in done, done. And the fragmentation of your flaming bones will endanger bystanders.
So the only possible explanation here is that blonde sith chick has a variable power light saber, and she had it on low battery mode, and unless that was actually said somewhere in the show (don’t know, I gave up entirely on Disney Star Wars part way through Boba Fett and never looked back) then their writing sucks.
Or maybe that same containment field around the actual energy beam that keeps the user from cooking themselves, somehow also protects the organs on a puncture wound by containing the heat to the middle? But the containment field cuts through everything else, so only the death beam inside actually cuts, and Qui Gon just shut that off when he needed to melt through a space ship. Sure, that’s a way better explanation than the stupid “but muh cauterizing” bullshit, and it’s still a crappy handwavium excuse.
Quit making excuses for stupid lazy writing. It just encourages more stupid lazy writing. They can do better.
People are still making excuses about the light saber post.
Apparently if I’d consulted with medical professionals I’d know that the thermodynamic characteristics of fat make it resistant to heat!
My entire response to this point is this hour long loop of Qui-Gon near instantly turning several feet of armored plate into lava. 😀
Now I didn’t go to medical school, but I’m gonna go out on a limb and say that thing don’t give a fuck about your thermodynamic properties. 😀