I was saddened to hear that Chris Kyle was murdered. He was a warrior and a hero.
He also left behind a family. As a writer, I can tell you that if I die, my wife is still going to be collecting my royalties as long as my books keep selling. So if you’ve not picked up a copy of his book American Sniper, you should.
EDIT: I was just told that the proceeds of his book all go to charity. http://www.mercuryone.org/ is taking donations for his family.
The Drowning Empire is a weekly serial based on the events which occured during the Writer Nerd Game Night monthly Legend of the Five Rings game. It is a tale of samurai adventure set in the magical world of Rokugan.
If you would like to read all of these in one place, along with additional game related information, here is the L5R forum: http://www.alderac.com/forum/viewtopic.php?f=295&t=101206
This week’s episode was written by Steve Diamond.
For background, none of this was in the acutal game (you’ll see that a lot with these guys) this was written right after our second session, Tony Battalingo, who plays Yoritomo Oki, had to miss that night’s game. This was a lesson about what happens to guys who miss a session. Tony is playing a guy who has a drinking problem, a gambling problem, and the lechery disadvantage, so it worked out well. 🙂
Continued from: http://larrycorreia.wordpress.com/2013/01/25/the-drowning-empire-episode-4-first-entry-of-akodo-toranaka/
After A Dozen Sake
Finally, the evening shift, Yasuki Tonta thought with a smile. There’s only so long a girl can wait for a tumble.
If she was honest, it wasn’t much of a smile. In the cracked mirror—thankfully not my doing—she gave herself a quick once-over. Her teeth were…well, there were all present and accounted for. It was about the only nice thought she could place on them. And they were white. Mostly.
How would the patrons of the Laughing Carp—all those young, delicious, and drunk Topaz hopefuls—want her hair arranged? Her tangled hair was untamable, but Tonta pulled it up into what she imagined was the current trend. No, she thought, because then they will see my ears that make an ogre’s look small. She let her hair down again. Now she looked more like a wet nezumi…but at least the ears were covered.
Tonta considered plucking her eyebrow so it loosely resembled two, but after yanking out at least thirty of the beastly hairs the prior evening, she wasn’t looking forward to the pain.
No, there was no way to make her pretty. Not even by squinting.
Bah. After a dozen or two cups of sake, I will look like every samurai’s wet, Crane dream.
After wrapping a kimono around her large body, careful to push all the bulges into, more or less, the correct places, she walked down from her room into the kitchen. She took a small tray holding an order of sake from her father, the owner of the Laughing Carp, and strode into the common area to hunt for this night’s lucky samurai.
She took them all in at a glance. There was skill in this practice, a skill she’d trained and refined like a samurai with a sensei. The Topaz hopefuls—young, soft, and ready to be ravaged—looked exhausted. Some were boisterous, and others subdued.
A couple of Lion’s sat at a near-by table with a contingent of Crab. One Lion, a severe fellow, she recognized as the one who had almost been poisoned earlier that day. He had such an expression of discipline. Tonta sniffed. He wasn’t even drinking.
The one next to him though. The storyteller. That one would make for an adventure. She frowned as she watched the storyteller drink. He wasn’t getting drunk. At all. How disappointing.
A Moto barbarian sat next to the Lion. At the last championship she had gotten a Unicorn so drunk that he’d called her by his horse’s name during the entire process. It rather took the fun out of it. No, not the Moto then. There are limits to even what I will put up with.
The big, strapping Sparrow then.
“Hello, my handsome,” she said in his ear as she put a cup of sake in front of him. She bent low, giving him a view. Not necessarily a pleasant view, but a view nonetheless. “Enjoying the view?”
“Yes,” he said with a genuine smile. “These Crane lands are wondrous. I’d heard tales of them, but never imagined I’d be able to personally see them.”
Is he referring to my bosoms? Or is he being serious.
“I don’t think that is what she means, friend Shintaro,” the storyteller said, smirking.
Tonta glared at him, then leaned back down to whisper—quieter this time—into this Shintaro’s ear. “Maybe you’d like a private tour, eh? Show you some of the hills and lands you’ve never seen before?”
“No doubt,” the storyteller said. How had he heard? “This one will not be to your liking, I’m afraid. Perhaps you can offer your…tour…to someone with more sake in them?”
Tonta started to glare again…but there was something in his eyes. She felt a shiver go down her spine. When she didn’t leave immediately, the storyteller’s gaze seemed to grow more sinister. She felt cold inside, and wanted nothing more than to curl in her blankets—with or without a companion.
“I see the wisdom in your words, honorable samurai.” She managed. Fear was growing in her gut.
The storyteller smiled, all menace gone. “I’m glad you do. I am, like your father whom I met earlier, simply looking out for your best interests. And surely you would not want to upset your two younger sisters, Helia and Kanrei with your behavior? They are such young and pretty things. Why, I hear one is betrothed to a promising Hida. It wouldn’t do to have that…disturbed. Would it?”
The appearance of menace was gone, yes, but nevertheless she was scared witless. How could he know all that? Any of it? She dipped into a low bow and tried not to run.
“I don’t understand,” Tonta heard the Sparrow say. “I thought she was going to give me a tour of the lands?”
“Just let her go, friend Shintaro,” came the storyteller’s reply. “You are too busy to wander the Crane lands as of yet. I’d rather you rest well and perform admirably in the tasks tomorrow. I understand that we will be dealing with Law and Heraldry; both are tasks I feel you will do well at. Now, did I ever tell you the story of the only person Ide Todo ever killed? We called his victim the Poison Dragon…”
Their voices faded into the sounds of eating, drinking and laughing. Tonta fought to keep her hands from trembling. Never in her life had she met someone who frightened her so terribly…all the while saying nothing that would be perceived as a threat to anyone listening.
Regardless of her attempts, her hands shook like leaves blowing on a tree. She looked at the cups of sake on her small tray – I forgot to deliver it – and it suddenly looked incredibly enticing.
Tonta downed the liquid in one of the ceramic cups a swallow.
Then drank another.
And another.
She felt much better.
#
Tonta awoke to the harsh morning light directly in her eyes. It was as if the Sun had descended like in the stories and was standing right in front of her. “Fortunes save me…” she muttered. Three attempts got her into a sitting position.
She was in a barn.
Naked.
One too many sake, she thought. Or was it eleven too many.
Her mouth tasted like the hay she had apparently slept on. Head pounding, she gathered up what she could and began dressing. It was at that moment when she noticed the goat.
It was asleep and snoring the way goats do, and next to its head was a water-pitcher. She lifted pitcher, thinking it would wash the taste from her mouth.
Except it wasn’t water.
It was sake.
Tonta turned to spit out the mouthful…
…which was when she noticed the barn’s other inhabitant.
The sake hit him in the face, and he jerked awake sputtering. Judging from the clothing surrounding him, he was a Mantis. He was thinner than a man of his size should be, but not unhandsome. She then had the vague recollection of sitting on his lap, pouring sake into his mouth from a pitcher—
Oh.
The young samurai didn’t clutch his head the way her conquests usually did. In fact, he seemed to be sobering by the moment.
His eyes took her in, considering. Then he shrugged, resigned.
When he noticed the goat, his expression fell.
“Not again.
#
To be continued next week: http://larrycorreia.wordpress.com/2013/02/08/the-drowning-empire-episode-6-journals-of-akodo-toranaka/
Remember when I promised not to bug you any more this morning, Sully?
I lied.
Play THIS!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9jK-NcRmVcw
Boop de boo boo
booop de boop de boo!
This is it, the last day I will bug you guys. Now is your final chance to stick it to the man.
I tried logic and reason: http://larrycorreia.wordpress.com/2013/01/08/how-to-get-correia-nominated-for-a-hugo/
I tried Sad Puppies: http://larrycorreia.wordpress.com/2013/01/16/how-to-get-correia-nominated-for-a-hugo-part-2-a-very-special-message/
I asked Won’t Somebody Please Think of the Childrens! http://larrycorreia.wordpress.com/2013/01/23/how-to-get-correia-nominated-for-a-hugo-part-3-wont-somebody-please-think-of-the-children/
And yesterday I made fun of Stephen King: http://larrycorreia.wordpress.com/2013/01/30/how-to-get-correia-nominated-for-a-hugo-part-4-ten-ways-im-different-than-stephen-king-and-thus-deserve-a-hugo-nomination/
So this is it. The final count down. If you purchase a Supporting Membership for LonestarCon you will be able to nominate works for the Hugo award. I’m flogging this like a mule in the hopes of getting Monster Hunter Legion nominated for best novel? Why? Because “fun” books are considered unworthy. Because it will make all of the literati critics really really angry. Because most of what I’ve accomplished in life has been motivated purely out of spite.
If you register today, Raylan Givens will tip his cowboy hat at you in a manly fashion. (okay, just discovered Justified this month, holy crap that show is awesome).
Even as you read this, a secret cabal of Literati Cultists gather in their Dark Ivory Tower. (so I guess it is kind of a mocha color) They have read these blog posts, and they are afraid, afraid of the Monster Hunter Nation. They tremble in fear that something which isn’t heavy handed message fic may tread their sacred halls. A Manhattan publisher rejects a brilliant manuscript because he saw that the author once wrote on Facebook that maybe, just maybe, Barack Obama might not literally be Jesus. Stephen King goes on a giant rant about Sarah Palin then snorts a line of coke while Michael Vick puts an adorable puppy into a food processor. Yes… It is like totally that evil.
Their only hope is that the mighty Monster Hunter Nation won’t buy a supporting membership because it is $60, and they have more important things to do with their money. In fact, it today’s climate since the Monster Hunter Nation is busy stockpiling more of all of the good things which morons are currently trying to ban, $60 will buy up to half a box of surplus 9mm or maybe some rusty grip screws.
But for $60 you get a membership which lets you nominate, the satisfaction of pissing off jerk face snob book reviewers, eBooks of all the nominated works, and one month’s coverage of Stranger & Stranger Interdimensional Platinum Plan.
YES! You heard me right! If you act fact, you will be covered by Tom Stranger for one whole month of Earth* time. Should you be involved in any interdimensional events, Tom Stranger, Interdimensional Insurance Agent, will take care of your claims.
*which Earth is not specified. Void where prohibited and prohibited where void.
So that’s it. Thank you for everyone that has jumped in on this. I hope we pull it off. Seriously, you guys are awesome. Plus, I need an excuse to go to Texas. Because Texas rocks.
We are in the final two days of being able to get a supporting membership for WorldCon so that you can nominate stuff (Monster Hunger Legion is stuff) for the Hugo award. All month long I’ve been bugging you guys to get memberships so you can nominate up to 5 items in every category, to let your voices be heard. The cost of the membership is offset by the big packet of eBooks you get with works from all of the nominees.
First, I explained why it is so important to make literati snobs spontaneously combust with rage that a mere pulp novelist would tread in their sacred halls: http://larrycorreia.wordpress.com/2013/01/08/how-to-get-correia-nominated-for-a-hugo/ This blog post alone caused several severe injuries at Ivy league English departments across the world and threatened to End Literature Forever.
Second, I showed just how serious this problem is with Sarah McLachlan music and sad puppies: http://larrycorreia.wordpress.com/2013/01/16/how-to-get-correia-nominated-for-a-hugo-part-2-a-very-special-message/ Proving that if you don’t register, it is because you hate puppies and pulp novelists and like it when Michael Vick runs them through the clothes dryer.
And last week, I asked for everyone to please, please think of the children, as I shamelessly surrounded myself with children. http://larrycorreia.wordpress.com/2013/01/23/how-to-get-correia-nominated-for-a-hugo-part-3-wont-somebody-please-think-of-the-children/
This is the final few days that you can hear my heartfelt pleas to stick up for unabashedly awesome action novels. I was out of ideas. I mean, I’d already rocked the sad puppies, so what else was there, but luckily current events came to the rescue.
Earlier this week Stephen King released a giant screed about gun control, and while my giant screed about gun control was based upon my years of practical experience in that field, his was based upon emotion, wishful thinking, and having snorted a lot of coccaine. It was mostly the same tired nonsense about how he like totally understands the 2nd Amendment, but it is time to get rid of our “obsession with dangerous toys” (hint, if you say you understand the 2nd and then immediately invoke “toys” or “deer hunting” you are an idiot). I’m pretty sure the founding fathers didn’t rise up and do battle with a tyranical government and then immediately after write an amendment enshrining our right to hunt deer.
Then he talked about how culture doesn’t cause mass killings, guns do, which was why he pulled his book Rage off of the market because he felt guilty after it had inspired a couple of mass killers… Go figure. My favorite part however, was where he tried to use his Mad Horror Writer Skillz to invoke emotions about how Wayne LaPierre and the NRA needs to clean up the corpses and pick up the partially digested last meals from their intestines or whatever the hell pretentious hamfisted bullshit that was. (another hint, I’m pretty sure my readership is of above average familiarity with violence, real horror, corpses, and gun shot wounds, so from that sample I’m fairly certain people with a clue are not exactly lining up to turn in their guns)
Please do keep in mind, that this is the same dude who back when he had a severe case of Bush Derangement Syndrome came out with is comments about how if you can’t read then you’ll end up in the Army… Yeah… Classy.
However, since Stephen King is all sorts of famous and of the correct political persuasion he was once again hailed as a genius in the media. Because look, even though he knows dick about the subject, his opinion matters, because he’s a NOVELIST! What about my opposing gun control article which was read by a million people which was written based upon my actual experience, and knowledge of the law, tactics, wound ballistics, and how actual violence works. NO! We will dismiss that because you are just a NOVELIST! See how it works? Pretty nifty.
Because King has a political opinion, but he is of the correct political persuasions, I am sure he will be showered with awards. Meanwhile, woe unto the once award winning writers who come out of the closet as being of the incorrect political persuasion, because no more awards for you! Sort of like Orson Scott Card winning everything under the sun until he came out against gay marriage. Or Dan Simmons winning every literary award in existence until he wrote an article pointing out that maybe, just maybe, jihadi fundamentalists might want to kill us. No awards for you! Sometimes they even eat their own, as can be witnessed by Elizibeth Moon (who I believe is pretty darn liberal) having an opinion outside the accepted group think about terrorism and getting the fandom equivelent of a tar and feathering.
You guys hear me joke about this a lot, about authors getting blackballed because of their politics, but it is very real, and it annoys me to no end. I know a lot of conservative authors with other publishing houses, and they all just keep their mouths shut out of the very real fear of damaging their careers. Luckily for me, I used to own a machine gun store. It doesn’t get much more out of the closet than that. 🙂
For the record, I think Stephen King’s an extremely good writer. He’s been published for as long as I’ve been alive. When he’s on, the dude’s a word smith. When he’s off, he sucks. He can paint a brilliant picture with words, and then cram it into a meandering plot populated by mopey ass victim characters you just want to brain with a shovel. The main reason I don’t enjoy King novels is that he writes good victims, good thugs, and wouldn’t know a hero if it bit him in the ass. His books are all about making you feel helpless, useless, and weak. I can’t wrap my brain around that sort of mind set, and apparently that translates over into real life philosophy as well.
When it comes to pure writing skill, he’s on top. He’s been doing this for like 40 years. So when it comes to writing advice, I’ll listen. When it comes to self defense, the 2nd Amendment, or politics in general, oh hell no.
As a side note, my personal favorite bit of nonsensical Stephen King advice comes from a book of his I’ve not read. He’s got a writing advice book called On Writing, and aspiring authors love to quote it. One time I was on a panel at a convention and the topic was about balancing work and family, and some aspiring writer in the audience felt the need to stand up and quote from the book. I can’t remember exactly how it went, but it was a tortured analogy about how when King first got super rich, he built a big house with a big office, and he put his writing desk in the middle of the office, and then neglected his family because there was no room for them in the office. Later, he moved the desk to the side, so his children could play… And the aspiring author quoted this like it was all sorts of profundity.
My response was basically, “Look, dude… I’ve been happily married to the same women for fifteen years. I’ll take writing advice from Stephen King, but I’ll be damned if I take child raising advice from him. The reason he neglected his kids was because he was coked out of his freaking mind for a decade, so sit down and shut up.”
So now I will get ready for the inevitable slew of hate mail from King fans, but while I’m waiting for those, here are the Top Ten Ways I am Different that Stephen King and Thus Deserve a Hugo:
10. I have never mistaken Barack Obama for Jesus. Not even in poor light.
9. I have never written a book where the villian was a thinly veiled Dick Cheney.
8. I have never written a book based upon the Simpson’s movie.
7. If I had written Cujo, it would have been three pages. And most of that would have been a discussion over what is the best caliber for Saint Bernards.
6. I have never written myself into a corner at the end of an 800 page book, snorted a bunch of coccaine, and then exclaimed “HA! IT WAS A GIANT SPIDER ALL ALONG!”
5. When I write a book about a gun expert accountant who can take a punch, then critics say it is a horrible Mary Sue. When Stephen King writes fifty six books where the main character is a drug addled, depressed, whiney, victimized, helpless, alchoholic, sexually frustrated, daddy issues having, perverted, philandering, author from Maine, then it is brilliant literature.
4. I know to look both ways before crossing the street.
3. I know soldiers can read.
2. I can write an actual ending.
1. In addition to him being way more famous, selling way more books, and sleeping on a giant pile of money, he’s got a lot of awards and I don’t,
-which is one more reason you should GO AND GET YOUR MEMBERSHIP TO NOMINATE FOR THE HUGO! THE CLOCK IS TICKING!
Tick off a critic today. For the children and the puppies. Go here to buy your LonestarCon membership. You will need to register before the end of January, but then you have a couple of months to get your nomination in.
http://www.lonestarcon3.org/paypal_test/display_entry_new.php
And thank you. Only you can save the pulp novelists.
EDIT: and I have been made aware of the Women typo, but it is actually kind of funny, so it stays. 😀