I’ve been really productive this year (put together an anthology, put together my first short fiction collection, wrote two short stories, finished Siege, edited Saints, outlined three collaborations, and I’m 75% done with Tom Stranger 2) but the downside of that means not nearly as much blogging.
I usually write a lot of political posts, but those take time. Which sucks because there have been so many things to comment on. So instead of a big, in depth, long winded post about one topic, here’s my quick opinion on a bunch of current topics.
Trump – As a guy who was on record never liking him, who donated money to other candidates in the primary, who honestly thought he was going to lose in the general, and who thought he was going to totally suck after… Eh. I still don’t like him, but to be fair he’s been better than I expected.
He made some good picks, SecDef, SCOTUS. It’s nice to have somebody not bowing to foreign leaders, that sort of thing. Like I said, better than expected, so credit where credit is due. I’m like many Americans, in that it isn’t that we like Trump or at all trust the Republican party, it’s that we absolutely despise the Democrats and all they stand for because they’re terrible assholes who suck beyond all comprehension. We’d vote for a head of cabbage before we’d vote for a democrat. Judging by the senate, congress, governor, and state legislative races over recent years I am not alone in this feeling.
The Media- A bunch of lying assholes. I trust gas station sushi more. I usually despise them, but lately they’ve gone off the deep end even more than usual. They’ve moved onto absurd straw grasping. I didn’t even vote for the guy, but your 98% negative coverage about bullshit like him getting two scoops of ice cream makes me wish that I had just to spite you.
The Nefarious Russians – Hey, if you’ve got actual evidence of wrongdoing, and you want to impeach, go for it. (eh, I’ll take Pence). But for that to happen it would require actual evidence of crimes being committed. And then you need to go through that whole pesky legal process. Sadly for you guys, you can’t just declare that there is a consensus among all your friends on twitter that Vladimir Putin stole the election and then get a do over where Hillary gets in. In the meantime, to those of you where every Facebook post is something about NEW DAMNING PROOF TO ARREST THE ENTIRE ADMINISTRATION you just sound like whiney assholes.
I’ve got some Facebook friends where it is really laughable, like they’re living in this little crazy bubble where Trump is going to resign tomorrow and they’re going to impeach everybody because of their overwhelming evidence of something something mumble mumble. I’m actually cool with that but only if ideally you could find a way to impeach to about six levels down so we get President Mattis. That would be awesome, thanks.
The whole thing is funny, since the nefarious hacking part merely revealed that the DNC was a bunch of corrupt anti-Bern cheaters and John Podesta was an idiot. Then there’s the whole thing where Wikileaks is making it sound like the leak came from that DNC staffer who got murdered, not the Russians. Depending on whose opinion you get that is either a whacky conspiracy theory with absolutely nothing to it, or a mighty suspicious coincidence. Beats me. But nobody on either side has any faith in the FBI ever revealing the truth.
Which brings us to:
Comey Firing – Nobody liked him. Get over it. The week before dickweed democrats were ranting about how he needed to go. So either he was a Hillary sabotaging Trump stooge, or he was a Hillary covering Hillary stooge, make up your friggin’ minds already.
Flynn Firing – And this is where the right side of the aisle and the Trumpkin Nut Huggers sound as bad as the democrats. Whatever. Nobody liked him either. Besides, from all accounts McMaster is way better.
The Obamacare Replacement – I knew a whole lot more about Obamacare than this one. That’s because when the last one went through I had to get trained on it enough to implement it for a 250 person company. Everybody who actually had to deal with it could tell that it would be total shit. (spoiler alert, it did turn out to be total shit). Now my company consists of just me, so I did not inflict learning the details of another giant stupid healthcare bill upon myself, so I don’t really know the ins and outs of this one, or how much it will or will not suck.
BUT REPUBLICANS WANT ME TO DIE!!! Not particularly, no, but they really didn’t like having an additional $300-$800 taken out of their pocket every month to pay for shittier insurance. All I do know is that there are a whole lot of people on the internet who do not understand how the concept of “insurance” works. But we’ll just throw that on the pile with other terms like “capitalism” and “rights”.
Rights – Real quick, you can’t have a “right” to something that requires somebody else to do something for you. Holy shit, that’s fucking stupid. You can’t have a right to someone else’s labor, time, or property. That’s theirs. Not yours. Do they not teach Civics anymore?
The Montana Special Election – this is a funny one, because right now the media is doing everything in its power to find some national referendum against Trump. Which is the only reason why the media has ever, in US history, given a shit about Montana. Seriously, I live in the Rocky Mountain west, the closest those elitist fucks get to cultural exposure about this part of America is they watched Brokeback Mountain once as a requirement for their Gender Studies degree.
I wrote this on Facebook yesterday:
ME: What? A guy running for congress body slammed a pushy reporter? That is unacceptable. No matter how annoying they are, it is never right to resort to violence over something so trivial.
ME TWO MINUTES LATER: Oh, it was a GUARDIAN reporter? Heh. Heh heh heh. Ha ha ha ha. HAA HAAA. BWWAAAAAAAHAAAAAAAAAAAHAAAAA snort. (wipes eyes)
ME TEN MINUTES LATER: Still… Probably not cool.
For those of you unfamiliar with this blog or my personal history with the Guardian, go up and plug Guardian Village Idiot into the search bar, and enjoy. Because there is no more wretched hive of scum and villainy on this sorry world than the Guardian. They are all lying, shifty, duplicitous, libelous, ignorant, shit weasels. And the only good thing I can say about them is that they fired their stupidest reporter, and his final article (ironically, about me again) was printed on my birthday, because Karma is a stone cold motherfucker.
But anyways, the republican still won, so this morning all of my liberal friends are screaming on Facebook about SO VIOLENT! THUG! HELP HELP I’M BEING OPPRESSED! HOW CAN YOU CONDONE THIS VIOLENCE!?! Which is super funny, because you guys can’t really seem to get too worked up about violence when the douchebags in Guy Fawkes masks are smashing the local Starbucks or you’re all sharing memes about “punching nazis” (which wouldn’t be so bad if you guys weren’t shit at target identification and didn’t call everybody who disagrees with you a nazi).
But here’s the thing. Republican voters fell into a couple camps on this controversy.
- They just hate the media (which lies about them and insults them constantly) so much that they were all like “Body slam a reporter? Hell, GIVE HIM THE CHAIR!” He could have literally killed, eaten, and then worn the reporter’s skin as a face mask and they’d be happy. I’ll call this the Fuck You Get Off My Lawn contingent.
- They don’t think violence over trivial matters is okay (even if reporters are annoying dicks), but they don’t know what actually transpired, and they know better than to ever actually believe anything that comes out of a reporter’s mouth so they gave the guy the benefit of the doubt. (and one of the witnesses backtracked her statement shortly after anyway).
- They figured the candidate lost his temper, and was a total asshole, but electing a total asshole is better than electing a guy from the party that leaves you poor, broke, unemployed, unarmed, and paying for somebody else’s good time.
I don’t live in Montana, and didn’t pay a lick of attention until the infamous body slam (by the way, if you can still talk about your glasses right afterwards it wasn’t much of a body slam) but I’d probably have been a B. Back when I used to teach concealed carry, during the long part of the lecture where I was going on about the legalities of shooting people, and how if humanly possible it is better to avoid shooting people, one of the things I would always point out is that eye witnesses are often unreliable, and nobody selected for your jury will have ever been punched in the face. When sudden violence unfolds, most people are taken by surprise. They don’t process it well. Their accounts afterwards are often crap. Which is why I never jump to any conclusions about any story until a few days later, after the initial bullshit calms down and the evidence (if any) is gathered.
But the Guardian reporter said X happened! Yeah, but see above. Nobody trusts reporters. Was he an innocent reporter humbly going about his business when set upon by a vicious out of control republican with delusions of being Randy Macho Man Savage? Maybe. Or was he a partisan hack asshole being rude and aggressive, who got shoved down in reaction to suddenly sticking his phone in the candidate’s face? Also maybe.
So Contingent B and C said when in doubt, I’m voting for the guy who is less likely to mooch money out of my wallet. So he won. Which is really a sad commentary on how little regular America trusts reporters. If you guys want to fix that, maybe try not being such lying bastards.
Whew… That one went long, but come on, it’s the Guardian. Making fun of the Guardian is like a hobby of mine, and I’ve not been able to indulge as much since Damian’s dumbass got canned.
Terrorist Attacks – Same old, same old. It pisses me off, makes me angry, and makes me sad. I’ve written about it before, and depressingly will probably end up doing it again. https://monsterhunternation.com/2015/01/07/thoughts-on-the-islamic-terrorist-attack-in-france/ and https://monsterhunternation.com/2015/11/16/thoughts-on-paris/ and https://monsterhunternation.com/2015/12/03/guns-and-vultures/
Short version, the world is fucked up, and there are super evil people in it. And we hear from idiots on both sides of the aisle, from cartoonishly simple responses on the right, to idiotic head in the sand, let’s all hold hands, responses on the left. And we can’t ever really have a national discourse about what to actually do about it because idiots start screeching about islamophobia.
CalExit- Sadly it appears my dreams have been crushed. I had so been hoping you would be able to spread your wings and fly. Someday, California, someday.
Brianna Wu for Congress – Oh please yes. I am so in favor of her becoming the fresh new face of the DNC. I am in favor of this even more than CalExit. Please let this happen. Santa, it is all I want for Christmas.
$15 Minimum Wage – You guys really don’t know how this works, do you? I’m guessing your Gender Studies degree didn’t require Econ 101.
Universal Basic Income – Shove it, Zuckerberg.
Sexist Haters Hate Star Trek Because Misogyny – I’m guessing this is like that time those legions of people (three guys named Cooter) were super angry about a black storm trooper, and thus required hundreds of articles and blog posts boldly condemning such blatant hatemongery. Personally, not being a Trekkie, I thought the trailer looked like wooden actors pronouncing dialog of great profundity in front of sweeping CGI vistas. Which is too bad, because I think Michelle Yeoh is cool. But anyways, sexist racist, something something, I’m super outraged and need to virtue signal so all my friends know I’m cool.
Bill Nye- One day Neil DeGrasse Tyson declared “No one can make science more preachy and pedantic than I can!” and Bill Nye said “Hold my beer and watch this”. It’s like he tried to jump the shark and fell in its jaws. My Sex Junk is literally the worst thing ever made. My Sex Junk causes autism. My Sex Junk is worse than climate change. My Sex Junk made me renounce science and I immediately signed up for Gwyneth Paltrow’s blog to learn about the healing power of crystals. My 150 IQ daughter who wants to become a biochemist hates Bill Nye so much that she wants to someday win a Nobel Prize just so that she can insult him during her acceptance speech.
Venezuela – What? Socialism fails again? I’m shocked! SHOCKED I TELL YOU! No really. This is my shocked face.
That should about cover it.