Ripped from the Totally Unbiased Headlines!

There is so much political stuff going on right now, that I figured I would just do a quick rundown of the totally unbiased news.

First off, Barack Obama has had three close primary races over the last few weeks, which is amazing because he’s the incumbent, nobody you’ve ever heard of is running against him, in one he nearly lost to a prisoner, and he lost 40% of Kentucky to Uncommitted.

However, this can’t be because he’s been such a crappy president that sane registered democrats have a hard time pulling the lever for him. No. Obviously it is because Americans are racist.

This is an awesome article, because the headline suggests that if you are against Obama it is only because you are racist, and the intro to the article says it is because you are racist, but then it says: The problem with that theory is that it’s almost entirely unprovable because it relies on assuming knowledge about voter motivations that — without being a mindreader — no one can know. Before going on for 19 more paragraphs trying to prove that it has to be because of racism.

You know, I heard a really good analogy the other day, but I can’t remember who said it.

The charge that if you don’t like Obama it has to be racism is sort of like how if you hate Italian food, and you never eat Italian food, and one day a black person invites you to Olive Garden, and you say no, it must be because you are racist.

This article was from the Washington Post, the same awesome newspaper that recently managed to correlate Mitt Romney to a massacre that occurred in 1857.

Yes… Because that isn’t biased at all.

Remember, talking about Barack Obama’s 20 years of hanging out with a racist conspiracy theorist preacher doesn’t matter. It so doesn’t matter that even when it was alleged last week by that same preacher that the president’s campaign tried to bribe him to shut up doesn’t really make the main stream news.

However, something that some Mormons did 155 years ago is totally a legitimate topic to link to Romney because he’s a Mormo-republican. I’m not sure if the national media ever felt the need to analyze the sins of Mormons past and relate it to democrat majority leader, Harry Reid.

So, Mitt Romney being mean to somebody in high school? Legitimate news. Barack Obama doing coke in college? Not legitimate. Barack being a party animal, womanizing, jerk ass prick to the Mexican cleaning ladies while lying in pools of his own vomit? Not news. (and the fact that this is a shocking revelation just goes to prove that our media watchdogs didn’t even read Obama’s stupid book back in ’07 like they all said they did).

The media was super excited for the republicans to run a Mormon, because then they could bring out the history of polygamy. Why did you know that Mitt Romney’s great-great-grandfather that died in 1904 was a polygamist? Shocking! Outrageous! Oh wait… Barack Obama’s dad who died in 1984 was a polygamist? Let’s not run with that one. We don’t want another ate the dog moment.

And for the record, Obama’s biography is so full of crap. Properly cooked snake is not chewy. But then again, I’ve never had Indonesian snake. Californian rattlesnake is delicious (and easy to catch with a shovel!)

Speaking of Obama’s many biographies, this one used by his literary agent is hilarious.

No. I don’t think he was born in Kenya. I think he was born in Hawaii. The NYT and WaPo immediately went into full damage control with this one, saying “look at those crazy birthers, at it again!” When that wasn’t the point at all, and they know it.

What I find interesting is that the literary agent didn’t just pull this factoid out of her butt. Somebody told her that, and since this is pre-Google who else would have told her other than the client himself? And then we’re supposed to believe that Obama, who strikes me as a supremely egotistical narcissist, never bothered to read the bio his literary agent used for him for a decade? What was he too busy with all of his community organizing to look?

Hell, I’m also a bestselling writer, and I still check all of my bios put out in various things. No. He knew, and he left it there in the hopes that it would make him sound exotic so he would sell more books. But then this leads to the bigger question of if he lied there for personal gain, what box did he check in order to go to all of his various Ivy League colleges, that he then partied through (as admitted in his own book)? Would we put it past him to have lied about his place of birth in order to get some of sweet foreign student scholarship money? But we don’t know, because Obama’s college records are more secret than Eric Holder’s Fast & Furious emails.

(But the most interesting thing from that link is that Obama was agented by the same person that represented New Kids on the Block!)

Just remember everyone, since we are talking about the media, if it is negative about somebody on the right, anything is totally okay. If it is negative about anyone on the left, it is horrible hate speech hatemonger racist hatey-hate-hate.

For example, if Rush Limbaugh calls a liberal female political activist a slut on the radio, then it is horrible, absolutely horrible, and the media outrage will be so thick you can cut it with a knife. It will be so absolutely traumatic that the President of the United States of America, Barack Hussein Obama himself will call you on the phone to make sure you are doing okay.

However, if it is a right wing political activist, then you can totally just photo shop her giving some dude a blowjob.

Yes. I know it is Hustler and it is trash. However it will be interesting to see if the president calls to console S.E. Cupp or if the media will convene an Outrage Day over it. Sure, you can just dismiss this and say, oh, it’s only Hustler… Okay… Now imagine with me for a moment what the media reaction would be if it was a liberal female commentator or a liberal female politician photo shopped in exactly the same way.

Don’t worry. I’m sure we will see that media outrage anytime now. You know, they’re all about that “war on women”. You know it is totally unacceptable to be all violent and degrade women. Like beating a piñata of a woman would be totally uncool.

Oh, wait… Republican… Being beaten by a union leader… Crap. Never mind.

Because imagine what would happen if a republican beat a piñata of a MINORITY FEMALE with a bat? The outrage! THE OUTRAGE! Hell, if an elected republican wishes happy birthday to an old racist democrat the media freaks out until they have to retire in shame.

Let’s see… If you are against abortion or you are a Catholic who doesn’t want to pay for somebody’s contraception because of your religious beliefs, it is a war on women. If you call a teenage girl that screwed up and got pregnant an ignorant slut on national TV, or say that the republican VP nominee should get gang raped by “big black brothers”, then that’s just legitimate political commentary. Because those right wing chicks totally deserve it.

If you are a liberal comedian, you can call a religion with 13 million members a cult, that’s totally cool, because most of them are right wingers. However, you should never say anything negative about a group led by a messianic figure that tolerates no dissension, and lives in their own reality completely oblivious to history or facts. Because those are liberals, so that would be hate speech.

Hey, Mini Painters and War Gamers
Book release tomorrow (in France)

46 thoughts on “Ripped from the Totally Unbiased Headlines!”

  1. Regarding the book bio, it’s really a sad state of affairs when the best defense of Obama is a choice between: “he was lying to make himself look exotic to sell more books” or “he was so oblivious he didn’t even know what his own bio said for his own book.”

      1. President Doggobbler has been lying the whole time.

        He’s just now starting to be tripped up by all of the lies he told when he was younger.

        Lies and chickens always come home to roost…

  2. To be fair, the Obama re-election campaign pretty wrote off West Virginia, Kentucky and Arkansas. But loosing 42% of the votes to uncommitted is pretty embarrassing.

  3. To be fair, anyone who gets the majority for their info from the MSM is already on the train half way from uninformed to idiotsville. I can’t wait for the hate mail, your rants and subsequent smackdowns on the liberal hate mailers keeps me entertained until your next book comes out. Keep up the good work.

  4. Tsk, tsk, tsk. Bringing up such petty points to besmirch the Dear and Glorious Leader…why one would think that not only are you a racist, why, you must also be less than educated. After all, the Dear and Glorious Leader obviously knows what’s best for those less fortunate than he.(After all, he’s only got a few million) Does the Dear and Glorious Leader not have a Nobel Prize to prove it (although, admittedly, hard to know what for). Does the Dear and Glorious Leader not have committed Cabinet Officers, who continually press to improve the lot of the people. (OK – not the American people – but some people benefit). How can one possibly be against a President who so carefully upholds the unions (including their “right” to beat innocent people)?

    Honestly – after seeing the images from the May Day parade in LA which were sickening; the idea that this clown wants to be the Dear and Glorious Leader makes me fear for my American friends. You remember how the dissidents were dealt with in USSR? They were obviously mentally ill because they failed to grasp the perfection of the Communist system. When we we see racism as an entry in the DSM IV..then we’ll really have a problem.

  5. “However, you should never say anything negative about a group led by a messianic figure that tolerates no dissension, and lives in their own reality completely oblivious to history or facts.”

    Democrats or Scientologists?

      1. Not entirely.

        All religions go through their cult/fanatic phase.

        The ones that last get over it.

  6. Which “comedian” called us a cult, was it Stewart, or Colbert, or maybe Mahr? Now in all fairness the dictionary definition of cult is a particular system of religious worship. So it’s technically true that the Latter Day Saints are a cult, just like Catholics, Baptists, Pentecostals, Methodists, Anglicans, Jews, and Muslims are also cults. But any moron trying to equate Latter Day Saints with isolationist weirdos like the Jonestown folks or the Branch Davidians is sorely mistaken.

    1. Christianity itself was a “cult” once upon a time. Ask any Jew… 😉

      …Myself, I’m Adventist, a religion that was formed about the same time as the LDS, and whose early followers endured some of the same persecution. Although the founders of my church weren’t literally outlawed; at one point – as I’m sure you know – in certain parts of the country it was legal to shoot Mormons on sight. (Missouri had such a law on the books until 1976, when the state legislature rediscovered it, did a collective “WTF is that doing there?!” and repealed it.)

      You get the idea that some “progressives” would like to bring those days back. Not that they’re very tolerant of Christianity in general…

      1. If Mormonism is a cult and LDS or JVH or the Scientoligists

        Where does that leave those of us who are members of the Church of the Subgenius. The Church of Bob. What about those of us out there who claim Jedi status? What about those of us who worship the Great God Cthullu? I DEMAND RECOGNIZED CULT STATUS FOR THOSE OF US WHO ARE NOT OF YOUR MAINSTREAM CULTS!

      2. Well I faced persecution almost daily as a full-time missionary, but I got off lucky. Unlike the early LDS missionaries I just had continuous insults and sometimes objects thrown at me instead of bullets. But I suppose it was my fault, after all I was riding a bike in a suit so people knew I was a Latter Day Saint.

  7. You know, makes me wonder.

    My mom and I gave up our Philippine citizenship for this bullshit?
    My grandfather walked the Death March for this bullshit?
    My relatives are serving for this bullshit?
    Many other immigrants jump the hoops just to get into this bullshit?

    Man, my American dream is best served and respresented via Japanese Anime. And that’s pretty sad.

    1. Have no fear. Every so often we elect an absolute jackass, just so each generation gets to remember why it’s important. Carter was the last one, and he lost in a landslide. The very same thing will happen to Obama this fall.

      Obama losing 40% of the primary vote is, as Joe Biden would put it, A Big F****** Deal. The wheels have come off. Though the news media are doing their best to suppress the info, they can’t (yet) suppress voting results. I don’t recall this EVER happening to anyone else.

      Obama is a clown, and everybody knows it. The long nightmare is ending.

  8. Kind of funny, Larry. The elephant in the room that nobody will talk about is when Rev Wright said “I think you can adopt Christianity without giving up your muslim beliefs.”

    If your pastor of 20 years says you’re a muslim, you’re muslim.

    So, let’s get back to the Mountain Meadows Massacre again. There wouldn’t be anything muslims have done in the US lately…

    Mmmmm. … nope, can’t think of a darned thing.

    1. Are we seriously, seriously harping on Obama being a Muslim? It’s pretty fricking obvious that he’s your standard “I go to church on some sundays for the political points” secular-but-too-afraid-to-out-himself modern liberal atheist. Which, as an open atheist, I find kid of pathetic. But in any case, he doesn’t need to be a closet muslim to screw things up pretty darn hard, and it just makes us all look ridiculous when we keep trying to claim he is as though it mattered.

      There are so many legitimate reasons to dislike Obama. Can we leave the ones that make us sound like crazy conspiracy theorists off the table?

      1. Heh.

        Obama went to church because blacks register Democrat, but tend to vote Baptist.

        The only thing Obama worships is himself.

    2. Every religion has to have sense slapped forcibly in to it.

      The LDS learned to toe the Enlightenment line when Utah was annexed and Young’s theocracy was, officially at least, ended.

      Christians didn’t stop burning heretics until secular leaders and kings started hanging fanatics ( last one was in 1790 … an English magistrate hung a bunch of Scottish Calvinist fanatics for burning an old lady to death ).

      Islam will need similar bitch-slapping, and, like Christianity before it, that slapping will have to be applied from the outside.

    3. You can actualy

      The Druze and the Suffi moslems get along just fine with Christians. its the Wahabist and the Shiite’s who get thier panties in a wad.

      1. The Druze and Suffis are persecuted sects, not mainstream islam.

        The Druze are Unitarians.

        Suffis claim to be islamic, but most sunni and shiites consider them barely tolerable heretics.

  9. Huh. This whole thing about Obama’s old bio (pre-google) showing up has sparked a buried memory about some old book I once read… something that had a plot line about a government worker who found a scrap of printed information that said one thing happened at some point in the past, but the current position was that something else happened… now what was that… oh yea… 1984…

  10. Larry, they’re not oblivious to facts, they just CHANGE them to fit their agenda… And the WAPO has been in the liberals/dems pockets for YEARS!!! And this post is dead on!

  11. It’s not really about Democrat vs Republicans anymore. They both want to run our live but in marginally different ways.

    1. That thing about how the two sides are exactly the same is simply cowardice or laziness cloaked in self righteousness. That way you can be more pure than everybody else and not have to do any actual work to earn it. Sweet gig, that.

      Both sides suck, but one is a currently a whle lot worse. The two sides aren’t always same, and if you’ll notice, one of those two sides has an effective movement going on that has been tossing big government incumbants for two election cycles. Meanwhile the other side is heading for the cliff as fast as possible.

      1. I think they would suck less if the two parties actually had to compete in elections rather than gerrymandering districts. Ballot access laws make it incredibly hard for new parties to get power.

        Both sides don’t seem to give a shit about the Constitution.

        The campaigns these people run aren’t helping matters. I despise Romney but what does what his great grandfather have to do with anything? I don’t care if his great grandfather had multiple wives. I don’t care if anyone does because it’s not my business. it’s not the business of anyone else either. What consenting adults isn’t my problem.

      2. “Both sides suck..” Since when was it wise to choose the lotsapoop sandwich over the littlebitoffeces meatloaf? They don’t have to be equally bad to both be crappy choices. There are certainly more options, even if it will take hard work and courage to find them.

  12. Hmm! Seems to me that perhaps the notion of being born and whelped in Kenya might just be true. But on the other hand this would be just like this Narcissistic Commie, Muslim to be telling a tale to promote self aggrandizement. Clearly , no one in the media brought this bio to light during the “Birth-er” episodes some months back. This was a good Post Mr. Correia. It seems that the entire output of US and Canadian Journalism Majors for the last 50 years are Obama’s sycophant worshipers. Man what type of devil worshiping Kool Aid drinking cult do these Liberal art fools join to be so devoted to this fool in the White House.

  13. Hmmm, so if disagreeing with the POTUS makes you a “raaaaacist” [said a la the Church Lady], then what does that make the people who voted against Nikki Hailey, Alan West, Herman Cain, Suzanna Martinez, and Bobby Jindal?

    Oh. “Discerning voters who pay attention to ideas and policies.” Got it.

    Can we just revoke the national race card? It is so overused that the numbers have worn off.

  14. Romney is pretty disappointing, honestly. I’ve known quite a few mormons, and in general, they’ve struck me as better than average people. I certainly wouldn’t object to having one as president, but why did it have to be that one?

      1. You are definitely high on the list of “Mormons I would totally vote for President”. Actually, with a definition that specific, I think you might be at the top of the list.

      2. I guess that as long as we’re on the topic of Mormons in government: Where the hell is Harry Reid on this topic? He runs his mouth constantly about absolutely everything else, but hasn’t had a word to say about the ceaseless attacks upon his religion from the Left.

        Yes, I know Reid is a totally wretched excuse for a human being, but you’d think he’d be at least mildly disapproving of having the LDS Church smeared just to keep Mitt Romney out of the White House…and would have said something in defense of his fellow Mormons.

      3. Reid is as good a mormon as Obama is a Baptist.

        Religion is for keeping the proles in line, dontcha know? Hell, even Stalin got religious during WWII.

  15. I always liked the definition; A cult is a religion one joins as an adult.

    On the broader topics;

    I have an interesting thought. This election will, in many ways, be a referendum on whether the Main Stream Media can really be called Main Stream anymore. If their tireless and ostentatiously dishonest electioneering for Obama doesn’t result in his reelection, then they can be pronounced dead, their zombie remains exactly as important to everyday concerns as the publications of UFO nuts or the Birch John Society.

  16. Don’t get your hopes up – a quick glance at PBHO’s numbers vs. the most recent Democrat incumbent running for re-election (Clinton) show he isn’t far behind in percent of overall votes. Clinton got less than 90% of the primary vote in ’96 but still won the electoral vote in the general by over 2:1.

    Believe me, I’d love to see PBHO kicked out of office. I just don’t see anything at this point to indicate that it is likely. Romney is a bland candidate at best, and he’s up against some extremely good propagandists.

  17. Instructions for voting in November.

    1. purchase a small pocket knife if you do not have one already.

    2. On Election Day place knife in pocket before heading to poll.

    3. On arriving at polling place present identification (if not necessary in your state do it anyway just to piss off Liberal poll watchers) and obtain ballot.

    4. Proceed to Voting Booth.

    5. After entering voting booth remove the small knife from your pocket.

    6. Open knife and hold it to your own throat.

    7. Carefully mark ballot making sure your are voting for Romney for President.

    8. Double check ballot.

    9. Close knife and return it to your pocket.

    10. Take ballot to poll worker and make sure it is placed in ballot box.

    11. go home and take a long hot shower and never speak of this again.


  18. ROFL… I just had to laugh. You are right on ALL points! Thanks for putting a smile on my face tonight. 🙂

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