More Fun with Hate Mail Time!

Yes, it is time again for Fun With Hate Mail! This latest gem was posted to a thread from 7 months ago when President Obama talked about how us bestselling authors needed to pay our “fair share”. 

First off, as a blogging rule of thumb, the older the post that the hate mail is posted to, the dumber the poster. If you really want to zing somebody, you should comment on the new posts, because then it might actually get read by somebody other than just the blog administrator. 7 months is quite a long time in internet terms. A year ago mammoths walked the internets. As evidence of this theory, you’ll notice that the dumbest hate mails are still being posted to the infamous HK, Because You Suck and We Hate You thread. “You don’t like them because your poor and cant afford them and cant shoot good and stuff! Herp de derp! Im a gonna go play Call of Duty cause I know all bout guns!!”

I don’t comment on most hate mail, only the particularly dumb, but I feel that this one really illustrates a few things about what is wrong with the world today. This is from Opa, completely unedited and in all of his incoherent glory. Keep in mind that this was relating to a post about me thinking that Americans are overtaxed. You really should read that linked post to get an idea of just how off base this jackass is before continuing on.

larry, my what a whiny cry baby you seem to be. am going to finish the book but it will be a struggle. why are you not pleased and happy to be in a country where freedomm allows you to accumulate large sums of money from the sale of your product. those of us that read your writings are just trying to escape a reality of humdrum existance, jobs that seemingly do not matter,and work with and for persons that seem to be more interested in personal power accumulation and wealth rather than the betterment of our job’s product. gone is the dream of being part of a team that matters, a team that builds the best lathe in the world or the best toaster or the best automobile. etc etc give us some escape that is all we ask and quite frankly, just pay your taxes and quit bitching. be happy, you could be poor like the rest of us.

First off, Opa… Is that short for Oprah? What do you have against capital letters? What did they ever do to you?

There is just so much ignorance in that clot of unpunctuated nonsense that I’m going to have to break this down to respond in an orderly manner.

larry, my what a whiny cry baby you seem to be.

Why is it that whenever anybody strays from the accepted groupthink and says that the government spends too much of our money, then we’re just whiners?  (you’ll note, I addressed this in the prior post, because the only time liberals say you should be proud to live in America is when you are paying taxes, but the rest of the time they hate the place and want to change it into something else). 

 am going to finish the book but it will be a struggle.

I’m actually surprised that: A. You are capable of reading a book without pictures. B. Were able to figure out how to purchase said book from a store or check one out of a library.

Why is it that if a writer/artist/actor/musician comes out of the closet as a right winger, then they should be shunned and blacklisted, but if you’re a left winger you can hang out with brutal dictators or rape 13 year olds and win awards by the pound?

why are you not pleased and happy to be in a country where freedomm allows you to accumulate large sums of money from the sale of your product.

Why are you unable to use basic punctuation? Diagram that sentence, kids. Holy moly…

And for the record, I love America. I love capitalism. I love freedom, even without the extra m at the end. Here’s a better question. I’ve got one country that has all that cool stuff listed. You’ve got like a hundred shitty pseudo-socialist ones where you can give all the fruits of your labor over to the gigantic central government to be redistributed to the nonproductive as they see fit. Why don’t you move to one of those paradises and leave me alone? 

those of us that read your writings are just trying to escape a reality of humdrum existance, jobs that seemingly do not matter,

WTF? Seriously? If you’re going to send me hate mail, at least try to write it so that you don’t sound like a Nigerian prince trying to move his bank account out of the country. 

I think I understand what you’re trying to say. Let me paraphrase. You are stupid, apathetic, or lazy, and are thus trapped in a menial job that doesn’t matter. Because your life sucks, entertainers should not be allowed to have opinions that differ. You don’t want to be offended, don’t read my blog.

and work with and for persons that seem to be more interested in personal power accumulation and wealth rather than the betterment of our job’s product.

Guess what, jackass. The people that are more interested in accumulating wealth don’t stay stuck in “humdrum existance” because we work our asses off, gain skills, and then get better paying jobs.

Those of us who have done this tend to not like paying stupid amounts of taxes. You’ve got a crappy job so you probably don’t pay much if any taxes, but you sure feel justified calling those of us who foot the bill whiners.

Let me break it down for you. I have a day job. It pays really good because I’ve got a set of skills that are useful and necessary. It took over a decade of hard work to gain the experience to get to a really good management position with a good company. I have a bunch of money taken out of each check to pay taxes. I have a second career that pays me extremely well because I’ve got a set of skills that are rare and commercially valuable. I pay quarterly tax withholdings for my royalties. My 4th quarter tax bill was enough to buy a new Hyundai. Judging from your meager ability to communicate, you are probably something like a Junior Assistant Hog Ejaculator down at the pig farm.*

     * No offense intended to anyone that actually ejaculates hogs for artificial insemination purposes for a living. I’m sure you provide a valuable service, but man, you really do win the award for worst job ever.  

Don’t give me that crap about the betterment of our job’s product, like that is mutually exclusive from accumulating wealth. That’s loser talk. Bettering your product is how you make more money and move up in the world. If you actually produced good work, then you wouldn’t be trapped in your humdrum job for very long. My bet is that you are another apathetic sack of crap motivated by jealousy and shame. Is it cold out there at Occupy Wall Street?

Or as Sean Connery once said, the losers talk about doing their best, winners go home and **** the prom queen.

gone is the dream of being part of a team that matters, a team that builds the best lathe in the world or the best toaster or the best automobile.

I wasn’t aware that we had fallen so far behind in Toaster Technology. But this is just more loser talk, none of which has anything to do with the post you were hate mailing me about, Oprah.

You’re bagging on me for thinking the government is too big, powerful, and stupidly wasteful, and in the same message you go on to lament America’s flagging greatness… Does that much cognitive dissonance hurt? Ask anybody that runs a business (you know, the folks that build teams and manufacture awesome toasters) what their greatest hurdle is? If it is anything like when I was in business for myself, or any business I’ve ever worked for, the answer is going to be the government screwing with you.

etc etc

Normally the etceteras come after the period.

give us some escape that is all we ask and quite frankly, just pay your taxes and quit bitching.

Bread and circuses! Now!

Actually, that isn’t all “we” ask for. This blog gets a lot of daily hits. You are in a distinct minority. That is what you ask for, because you are pathetic and divergent thoughts make your head hurt.

And by the way, I do pay my taxes. I probably paid more this month than you made all year gently caressing pigs.

be happy, you could be poor like the rest of us.

Wow, pity party. Poor is a state of mind. I’ve been broke. I’ve held crappy jobs, been underpaid and underappreciated. I’ve lost my job and been unemployed. Almost everybody has at some point. That’s life. The difference between you and me is that I actually did stuff to improve my circumstances. That’s what us power and wealth accumulators do that you hate so much. Until you wrap your brain around that, you will remain a loser.   

So I disagree with having the government take a bunch of my money to give to people like you and I’m a whiner, then you go on to cry about everyone that has more than you do. Hypocrite… I write a couple of books a year and you can’t write a single coherent paragraph. Yet, I’m supposed to be happy that I donate a few hundred hours of my writing time every year to the government to squander on stupid crap? Of course I’m pissed off!  If you aren’t pissed off then you haven’t been paying attention.

The Burning Throne, Episode 11: Lighting the Paper Lanterns
The Burning Throne, Episode 10: The Nakado

47 thoughts on “More Fun with Hate Mail Time!”

  1. What do you have against capital letters?

    My guess is that he suspects some kind of sinister, nefarious connection between capital letters, and capitalism.

  2. For the record, Mr Correia, I disagree with some of your politics, but I still enjoy reading both your books and your blog. I find your reasoning usually consistent and your honesty is refreshing, and usually my disagreement comes in the depth of passion about a given topic. Please, continue to be an honest, passionate contributor to our lives.

    Not all of us are Opas. :p

    1. Disagreeing to some degree with another individual is simply a sign of a mind that is running properly.

    1. PSU actually graduated two functional illiterates from the school of education ( PE, admittedly ) while I was attending during the 1980’s … it was quite a scandal back then.

    1. He could be Korean and dropping the extra p that normally comes with the transliteration of the word brother.

  3. Larry,
    I always laugh at the people who complain about being stuck in a low paying dead-end job. A little over 10 years ago I was in a job paying minimum wage. I got out of it by volunteering to do anything at the job I had, doing work for free that would get me references in the field I wanted to work in and learning the skills that would get me the career I wanted. I know work for myself as a contractor. And, I still work at learning new job skills every day. My billing rate is 4 times what I made then, and I’m thinking of raising the rate.
    If you don’t like what you are doing, find what you want to do and do what it takes to get that job. Of course, also be realistic. The odds of being a professional athlete, fighter pilot or astronaut are small. But, you can learn to be a high school coach, aircraft mechanic or aerospace engineer.

    1. Billing rates for the self-employed need to start at 6 times what a wage-earning employee makes for the same job.

      You have to pay for everything yourself, and don’t get paid when you don’t have a job.

      Stop underpaying yourself.

      1. The thing is, you have got to get clients to agree to that rate. And, many of them would rather hire someone directly or go with the competition if I charged that much higher.

  4. I am hurting from laughing so hard. Reminds me of and old saying: Don’t mess with anyone who buys ink by the barrel.

  5. I’m a pretty capitalist-leaning girl, and because I was subscribed to the earlier post, I was reading and laughing at this comment possibly before you were. I agree with pretty much everything you said here, except one thing: I think capitalists make themselves look heartless (and they’re really not) when they say that people with humdrum or dead-ended jobs are some combination of stupid and/or lazy. To be sure, that’s often true, but it’s also possible, especially in this economy, for other factors to come into play. Maybe a person idealistically studied something they loved in college only to learn that it wasn’t really marketable. Maybe they pissed off the boss by joking about the wrong sports team. Maybe they unwittingly entered a field with little transfer value. Heck, maybe they studied IT in the 90s and are now stuck with whatever keyboard-monkey job they can get. Maybe they DID work their asses off for free to develop new job skills, but they didn’t work their asses off at the right things. Maybe their kids or financial situation doesn’t afford them the chance to switch degrees.

    All those things certainly indicate that a person may not be good at networking or feeling out a business or anticipating markets, but it doesn’t necessarily make them lazy or stupid.

    I’m not saying that we should be kind to the envious or the lazy, and I’m not saying that we should subsidize those who have unsatisfying employment, even though I believe some of those people are hardworking and intelligent. I’m saying that, for the sake of our position and for plain old kindness, we should stop telling good people that if their jobs pay badly and they haven’t been able to find something else yet, they’re stupid and/or lazy. Those who actually ARE stupid and lazy probably won’t listen to the truth, and those who think (and have probably been thinking for a long time), that it might be true of them, are probably not stupid and lazy at all and need encouragement rather than derision.

    1. Heidi I agree with you that circumstances can often leave one in a less than desirable situation; I am a perfect example. I worked my way through college, earned a degree in Manufacturing Engineering and graduated in December of 2001. Due to the terrorist attacks and other issues companies where I lived were laying off experienced engineers and not looking to hire more. I had, at that time, a job as a “keyboard-monkey” and I was grateful that it was putting food in the belly of myself, my wife and my 6 kids. I was pissed that I couldn’t find an engineering position even after 100’s of résumés and applications. I eventually went back to school; while I worked full time and earned a 2nd degree as a Registered Nurse. Now I get paid about as much as I would have as an Engineer and more than twice what I got as a “keyboard-monkey”, but that isn’t the point, and I don’t think it was the point that Larry was trying to make. The real point is that if you are dissatisfied with your lot in life you can get off your ass and do something about it, or you can be like Opa and sit in your own shit and bitch about the stink, then cry about the fact that not everyone else smells as bad as you do and demand that they lift you out of it or sit in the crap along side of you. So people like Opa are stupid and/or lazy. They are stupid because they can’t devise a way to better their situation or, they are lazy because they either won’t put forth the effort, or make the necessary sacrifices, if they can come up with a solution to their crappy humdrum situation.

      As a side note, the entire time I earned both my degrees I worked full time and my wife got to be a stay-at-home mom. We managed that by using something the Government could really use – a balanced budget, except ours wasn’t balanced, we actually managed to save money.

      1. “The real point is that if you are dissatisfied with your lot in life you can get off your ass and do something about it, or you can be like Opa and sit in your own shit and bitch about the stink, then cry about the fact that not everyone else smells as bad as you do and demand that they lift you out of it or sit in the crap along side of you.”

        Oh yes. I wholeheartedly agree with you there.

  6. I have long been thinking of trying to become an author. I always have ideas flying around in my skull, but when I go to put them down on paper or the computer, for some reason they dry up faster than a puddle in the desert summer sun.

    I personally love your blog and your books. We own all six books you have released, and are eagerly awaiting Legion. I agree with you quite a lot, and have on occasion shared the blog post to my friends and relatives I thought would benefit from reading it.

    You truly are one of the Greats, Larry, and deserve to be in that ‘Secret Society’ ;). Perhaps Opa is really an old Were that is angry he doesn’t have the balls to be Harbinger…

    Maybe you can see about getting Owen Z. Pitt added as a DLC Character for Mortal Kombat for the PS3? I would Love to see who would win between Owen Z. Pitt and Kratos! Of course, Harbinger vs Freddy Krueger would also be a sweet battle.

  7. Oh, for f**k’s sake.

    Opa’s nonsensical diatribe made my head hurt. I think I lost two IQ points just reading that prattle.

    I salute you for your patience. In your place, I’d probably have deleted the whole thing and tagged that moron as a spammer…


  8. Larry, I do agree that this person is an Asshat. There could be a reason for the lack of capitals and puncation. If their replying from a cell phone especially an Android using swiping, auto correct/or not, or voice these things happen. I’m on the go often and hate typing on a phone it may explain some of his stupidity. As for sentence structure and subject matter that earns him the title of Asshat.

    1. And it took me a while to figure out how to kill that nasty feature on my iPad. Apple really likes to hide the controls for stuff like that.

      If I want to fuck up my spelling and punctuation, I’ll do so myself, thanx.

  9. Larry,
    You are F**cking AWESOME! I love this, your humor shining through and the anger at things that Obama shouldn’t be poking into. Around here, on several of our trucks we have OBAMA stickers that read One Big Ass Mistake America!

    You Sir, have the Patience of Job, the skills of a mad genius and totally made my morning with this! Kudos!

  10. You are the master wordsmith Larry. Forget the fact that I agree 100% with your politics, values, and principles–your enormous skill wielding the English language should make even the bravest OWS moron tremble with the realization that his liberal education is no match for your wit and intellect.

    Sheesh, you’d think someone with as much free time as this OWS folks have

  11. Damn cell phones. To finish my thought-you’d think someone with as much time as those OWS folks have would be able to gather 10-20 of his buddies between murders and rapings and write a complete sentence, punctuation and all.

  12. Maybe he’s ee cummings’ younger brother. The one who was always a bit jealous of his older sibling’s fame.

    About those toasters: He may have a point. The last two I’ve owned had all the fancy buttons on the front and both of them would barely warm the first two pieces of bread you put in them. The second two pieces, without changing any of the settings, would pop out smoking and black. I’ve been cursing at modern toasters around breakfast-time for years now.

  13. Morning, Larry. Thanks for another great post; “junior assistant hog ejaculator” made me laugh out loud. Not the worst job I’ve heard of; on one episode of “Dirty Jobs”, Mike Rowe had to inseminate a cow. It requires placing both hands in places you really don’t want them to be. EVER.
    P.S. Thought I’d really hate Hard Magic, since there’s no vampires or Owen Z. PItt. I really hate being wrong. Doesn’t let you off the hook completely, though. Gonna be waiting for Monster Hunter Legion. Like the look of the omnibus, though. Happy New Year!

  14. If people don’t like what you have to say on your blog they should get lost and stop reading it.
    I don’t agree with all of Larry’s beliefs but whatever. I love his writing and trashing of trolls. 😀

    Came for the Books. Stayed for the LoLs.

  15. Well, Larry, I’m sure you would have pulled yourself up from the bootstraps if you were born in a slum in India, too. You know, India has a much smaller, much less powerful government that taxes much less than the american one. It also happens to have de facto control of around 70% of its land-mass, while the rest is controlled by armed gangs. People starve in India, but you wouldn’t have been one of them, because I’m sure you’d have improved your situation. Somehow. Probably, since you don’t believe in hand-outs, you wouldn’t go through any kind of publicly funded education system. You’d have probably got a loan and gone private. Oh wait, you wouldn’t have been able to get a loan. But you’d have worked your ass off, got some relevant skills – oh wait, you’re living in a slum, and you don’t believe in hand-outs, so no public transport means you can’t get to jobs that are further than 10 miles bike-ride. Sucks to be you.

    People like you don’t realize how privileged you are, and how damn hard it is to pull yourself out if you’re not born out in the first place. You’re very eloquent, but there’s a hell of a lot of sloppy thinking going on. If your going to complain about your tax bill, complain about military spending. That’s where most of your tax dollar is going. The hand-outs are pennies in comparison, and they’re mostly to stop old biddies from dying of hypothermia come winter. Also, taxation’s more complex than a choice between high or low. Many european companies tax middle-class guys less than america does, but still pay for poor old bastard’s healthcare because they tax the top ten percent more. This link: is pretty interesting in this regard. You can get a good idea of where the money is, where the tax money is coming from and who’s being hit hardest, and so on.

    1. I can’t live in India. Despite my love of curry I’m simply terrified of Monkey Man.

      What you’re doing there in your first paragraph is called reducto ad absurdum, if I recall my debate terms correctly. You’ve taken my argument out to a completely absurd level to dismiss the whole thing… But that is pretty normal for liberals. I say taxes are too high, and that turns into let the old folks starve. That said, human nature is the same in every country, and yes, some Indians do better coming from the slums than others. When one of my associates saw that he looked at me and said “Eh, you’d probably work your way up to slumlord.” Unlike you, I took that as a compliment. 🙂 Heck, India as a nation is an up and comer because they are In It To Win It, a philosophy that many Americans have totally forgotten.

      Oh, and I believe in hand outs. As much as I bitch about the government taxoing me, I give a pretty large percentage of my income to charity every year. (I smoked Joe Biden) However, that is me GIVING, not the majority mandating who needs to be given what, regardless of my own moral qualms about what I’m giving to, and then TAKING it from me.

      I realize how very privleged I am. How do you assume otherwise? I was born an American, so right out the gate I’m better off than the rest of the world. The reason I’m privleged is because I was born in the greatest country in history, a country which is great because of freedom and capitalism. The thing is, I’d really like future generations of Americans to also be born privledged because their country wasn’t spent into oblivion.

      Medicare and Social Security cost more than the defense budget… Guess which one of those three things are actually mandated by the US Constitution?

      And at the end you are going to lecture an accountant about the complexity of taxation… hooookay then. Wow. I never knew taxes were complicated and stuff! But what does my decade of actual professional experience mean when compared to an infographic from XKCD!?! Man, I’m throwing in the towel. I’m voting Obama from now on!

      And for the record I like XKCD.

  16. I was totally planning on going to the self-help section today at Barnes and Noble and buy a few books to find out how to stop being a loser, but this was all I needed! And it was free! Thanks Larry!

  17. If i’m remembering my languages correctly, OPA translates from the Greek to English as “Holy S***!, My dessert just spontaneously combusted!”

    Keep up the good work Larry. In these articles, Hard Magic ‘verse, and the MHI world. 🙂


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