Hey all- Jack here, with a blast from the past. This was actually from a comments section on a post on the Book of Faces from 2020. Someone brought it up recently over there and I realized it had never made it to here. Submitted for your amusement- Correia Mocks Your Major -Jack
Econ, Finance, and Accounting. The people who have to actually understand how money works in real life, are the least likely to favor socialism. That’s what a trained criminal investigator might call a clue. ð
I’m surprised they found that many accountants who actually like socialism, but then again, I worked with a few idiots. They were usually total morons who never advanced beyond whatever entry level position they started at, and were usually miserable to work with.
Good accountants need to be clever, think critically, have a finely tuned bullshit detector, do research, and solve problems on their own. Do any of those things sound like things socialists are known for? ã
Those 26% of socialist econ majors will be fine. They’ll all get university or government jobs.
The philosophy majors will all be unemployed anyway, so they won’t matter. ð
I think the only way to get a good paying job with a philosophy degree is to go to law school afterwards.
The 28% of criminology majors? Those want to be the Stasi and have a pair of brightly shined jack boots in their closet.
The English majors will all be too busy working at Starbucks. They’re just bitter because they got all those student loans to teach them how to be terrible writers. I know hundreds of successful authors and I can count on my fingers, of probably one hand, how many of those got English degrees. They want Bernie to redistribute the book deals. ð
When I went to college Sociology was for the dumber football players who needed a super easy major to coast through with a high enough GPA in order to maintain their eligibility. So half of that 57% thought they’d better guess socialism was good because the word had social in it.
Nobody has ever cared what the music majors think about anything. They’re just angry the most successful musicians are just regular dudes who started a band in their garage. Now Bernie needs to redistribute the gigs.
What the fuck is an International Relations degree? ð Gimmie a break. Go get a real degree where you’ll actually be useful enough to get hired at a company that does business in another country, and learn that language. Maybe this is for state department people? Beats me.
Oh snap! I forgot Anthro! ð Who cares what they think about politics? Every society they know about died. The last anthropologist anyone paid attention to was Bones, and she’s imaginary. ð
Yeah, I’ve crushed too many Phil majors in debates to have even an iota of respect for the average quality of that degree.
The Phil class I was required to take, I spent most of the time being berated by the angry feminist professor, and then used my wife’s art history knowledge to flip one of her dumb assignments and make her look like a fool in front of the class. I got a terrible grade. Good times. It was supposed to be a logic class, but it was mostly angry feminist 101. The book was excellent though. I actually learned a lot from it. So I learned quite a bit, but mostly because I used the textbook we were required to buy yet never used, to pick out the dozens of logical fallacies the teacher had in every lecture. ãÂ
And then one day she was going through classical art for some reason, and how it was all about feminism(?) and she showed us this painting of a woman violently sawing off a man’s head, and explained how this was from a female painter who was loathed and despised by all the men despite her great talent, and she painted this to strike back at the patriarchy. Oh yeah, and the teacher guessed the passion in this art was because the artist must have been sexually assaulted at some point. (remember, this is a LOGIC class)
I told my wife about this (who was getting an art history degree) and she said bullshit, that’s Artemisia Gentileschi. Who was successful and rather famous in her day. And the painting is of Judith killing Holophrenes (sp?) from the Apocrypha. And then my wife showed me a dozen other paintings by MALE painters of the same era, showing the exact same event. Armed with a fat art history textbook and a whole bunch of notes from my wife, I went to class the next day and THREW DOWN. ð I pointed out her multitude of logical fallacies (citing the $50 text book we never actually used!) and made her look like an idiot, until I got the inevitable “Mr. Correia, sit down or you will have to leave!” (which ironically enough, I heard a lot in college!)Â
I think I got a D.
Oh yeah. I’m a huge fan of “education”.
This thread has morphed into Correia Insults Everyone’s College Major. You know what? I’ll keep going. Throw out your major and I’ll say why it sucks. BECAUSE THEY ALL DO! I worked at my college’s bookstore for 5 years. I saw every stereotype!
Above somebody said Poli Sci. Political Science was for kids who hadn’t yet realized everything the government does is bullshit to take for a year or two and then drop out, socialists, and the rest of the football team who needed something super easy to coast through with a high enough GPA to keep playing football. I’m not joking about football either. Not mocking football players in general (because that includes half my family) most of them are average, and many of them are smart, but colleges also recruit some really dummies, who have no business being in college beyond the fact they could run fast with a football.  If we had a jock come into the bookstore (we could tell because their classes were always printed on these little orange cards) and said jock was totally incoherent, possibly stoned, didn’t know what was going on, and was obviously dumber than a brick… all the books we picked out for them (because they couldn’t figure out alphabetical order!) were for Sociology or Political Science. EVERY SINGLE TIME.
NO ONE GETS A PASS!
Accounting majors, my people… Lack social skills? Want a job where you think you won’t ever have to talk to other human beings? Are you autistic? Do you have fixation issues? WELL WE’VE GOT THE MAJOR FOR YOU! Oh yeah, except we lied. You totally have to talk to actual human beings all the time. Sorry, you awkward nerd. On the bright side, this is one of the few majors where if you start talking about how socialism is good, all the good professors (all of whom held real accounting jobs before becoming professors) will yell at you.
Ag Science! It’s like getting a regular science degree, only with less math! Except you will have to put your entire arm inside a cow, but that’s still better than having to take calculus.
For Brian Lee Durfee, ART MAJORS! Can you draw really good? Are you passionate about painting? Do you pour your soul into your creation? Do you polish your craft and try to constantly improve your skills? Are you willing to spend hundreds of hours laboring over a project, trying to make it as beautiful and perfect as possible? Then you’re gonna hate Art, because after you spend hundreds of hours creating that piece of beauty, you’re gonna get a C from a professor who can’t draw for shit, while the motherfucker who splashed some paint on the floor for two minutes gets an A.Â
Go get a business degree so you can have a real job that actually pays money, and keep painting on the side until you can make a living selling that shit to rich people.
Art History (as explained to me by the Lovely Mrs. Correia) is for people who love Art, and want to be Art Majors, but can’t draw.
FORESTRY! Do you like the great outdoors? Do you like to play hacky sack? Are you a white dude with dreadlocks? FUCKIN’ A BRO! LET’S GO CAMPING! But that was 20 years ago. I’m assuming now this is just another division of Global Warming Class.
HUMAN RESOURCES – Do you hate people? Do you enjoy making people miserable? Would you like to spend 80% of your career filing meaningless government paperwork that no one will ever read? Are you unhappy and think that everyone else should be just as unhappy as you? Then HR is right for you. Here at the Human Resources Department, we pride ourselves in sucking all the fun out of business. UH OH! Those employees are having fun wrong! We’d better have a 16 hour mandatory Power Point presentation on the dangers of sexual harassment! In my entire business career I had one HR person who was a happy, decent human being. I don’t know how he slipped through. They vowed to never let that happen again.
Here at the college of Engineering, we pride ourselves in taking all the students who were too autistic for even the Accounting department. We also pride ourselves in being the hardest major, because fuck you is why. Basically we have a lot of pride, because we fucking earned it. Our books cost $500 each. We punch you in the face with math. And you’d better like it, maggots, because now have some more math. And when we’re not doing math, we’re making fun of all the chuckleheads in lesser degrees, because we think they’re all pussies. The College of Engineering isn’t on this chart, because this chart is for pussies. Engineers don’t care about socialism, because we have ascended beyond your petty partisan politics. The universe is made of math, and I’m gonna build a motherfucking spaceship. Also, we make six figures as soon as we graduate and get all the bitches. Peace out. (but he does not drop the mic, because he understands that will damage the sensitive audio equipment)
For Joshua Hill, History Majors.
History is of vital importance. We must understand the past so that we can understand the future. It is the story of who we are. Join a fascinating and appealing major. It’s also pretty easy, so you’re gonna be surrounded by a bunch of pot smoking dummies. Oh yeah, and there’s not any jobs when you graduate. Sorry. You’ll be lucky to get a job teaching apathetic morons in high school, where you will get to teach the same ten lessons over and over and over and over again to people who don’t want to be there, until you die of a self inflicted gunshot wound at the age of 56, and you still haven’t paid off your student loans. And the saddest part wasn’t the alcoholism or suicide, it’s that you had to go back to college for two more years to get an education degree before they’d even let you get that shitty high school history teacher job. So you’ll probably want to get a job doing something totally unrelated to your history degree. Oh, yeah, and instead of spending $40k to have a grad student read from a history book to you, you could like read the book yourself for free or something. So we’ve got that going for us.
