House of Assassins Polar Vortex Book Tour Recap, now with Video and Pics

The tour is done! And despite American Airlines best efforts to stop me, I am home!

As far as fans showing up, this was the biggest book tour I’ve ever had. Despite most of the events happening in places that were covered in freezing rain, lots of you braved the weather to show up, and I really appreciate it.

First up, thanks Gerry Martin and Jason Cordova for live streaming my NoVA visit. If you would like to see what one of these events are like, the link is here:  (the first part is just me visiting. The actual event starts at like 15 minutes in)

Yeah, I talked and answered questions for almost two hours before signing. That’s pretty normal for me.  I usually show up early to shoot the bull with whoever got there early (which in this case was about a hundred people), I talk about what I’ve got going on, and then I take questions.

The only sad part about this video is that shirt makes me look way fatter than I am. It is baggy because I’ve lost a bunch of weight, but I love my Cthulhu shirt so haven’t retired it yet. In my defense, Cthulhu is awesome.  (and the shirt was a gift from a fan at GenCon)

Before tour started there was some rivalry between Houston and Dallas as to who would be bigger. Of course, I encouraged this. Houston had a great showing, but then Dallas was bigger, and looked to be this year’s Larry Bowl Champion. But then Kansas City rallied and almost took Dallas, but they hung onto their lead until Northern Virginia swooped in and crushed it.

Here is NoVa, with something like 140 people.

Photo by Christopher Ihara

A note on the masks. These were at all the signings. They’re from the cover of the first book Son of the Black Sword. Baen made a ton of these for some of the big cons, and since they had boxes left they shipped them to the bookstores for me to hand out to fans. And they told the bookstores that whichever one had the best pic with my fans, they’d buy pizza for the store employees.  (and pizza is one hell of a motivator)

I flew to Minneapolis first (and got to sign with Mike Kupari), then flew to Houston, then drove to Dallas, Oklahoma City, Wichita, Kansas City, Edwardsville Illinois, (put 1,400 miles on that rental car) then spent the day stuck in the St. Louis airport because of delays, then flew to Washington DC, then drove to Tyson’s Corner, then Norfolk (put 300 mile on that rental car), then spent another full day in Chicago O’Hare because American Airlines is incompetence incarnate.  Then I went to LTUE in Provo Utah for two days.

When I’m on tour with a rental car, I don’t just go from event to event, I try to hit as many of the other local book stores as possible to sign stock and meet the employees. (You always hope for a fan on staff, because if you’ve got a fan on staff you sell 100x as many books in that particular store). I can’t actually tell you how many bookstores I hit along the way, but it was a lot.

Sadly I can’t really identify where each of these pics took place, just because after hitting a different bookstore every day for two weeks, I can’t really remember which is which.

Like this one I was with Wendell the Manatee… Which means it was either in Texas or Oklahoma City. I think…  EDIT: It was Wichita! Book tour is tough on your brain. But anyways, that’s the same manatee who inspired the Target Rich Environment 2 cover with me and Bridget posed like a Conan cover.

Okay, the one below is Dallas, but I only remember that because of the Half Price Book sign behind me.  🙂

I believe this one is Houston.

This was Kansas City. Which surprised the heck out of me because the weather was crap all day. I think we had 115 people at that one.

This is Edwardsville Illinois, which is just across the river from St. Louis. And this one was a real surprise because it was dangerous freezing rain that day. Seriously, I drove from Kansas City that morning, it took six hours, and I counted 55 wrecks, slide offs, and abandoned cars and trucks on the side of the road. I was impressed you guys showed up at all!

Sadly, even though many of these events were among the bigger (and far more enthusiastic)  signings these stores had had, I still did not reach the arbitrary number of attendees that my critics insist are routine for all Real Writers book signings. (yeah, what do bookstore managers know?)  Maybe next year. 😀

I’ve got a ton of pictures of all the events, and hanging with different fans on my Facebook page. (If I post too many big ones here, WordPress crashes. Thanks, WordPress!) But one picture in particular I wanted to stick up. Yes. That is Interdimensional Insurance Agent, Tom Stranger. He even had the business cards and Combat Wombat to prove it.  I of course am looking up in terror at the interdimensional rift which opened at the event.

This was a really fun tour (except for any parts involving American Airlines, obviously). I got to meet a ton of interesting people, hang out, talk, see places I’d not been before, and eat lots and lots of local food. (Oh yeah, the whole intermittent fasting, low carb thing goes on hiatus for book tour. When you are on tour you eat when/what is convenient).

Thanks everybody who turned out. It was great. The House of Assassins launch was a huge success.


February Update Post, Back from Book Tour

I am back from book tour, this will be a quick update and tomorrow I will try to get up an actual book tour recap post with pictures of all the events because they were crazy. Even the smaller ones were good size and we got that many people during terrible weather. In fact, I started calling in the House of Assassins Polar Vortex Tour. The winner of the Larry Bowl this year was NoVa (Tyson’s Corner, VA) with 140 people, followed by Dallas (120), and Kansas City (115). So even though those were one of the biggest, or the biggest book signing those stores had ever had, I’m happy to say I’m still not a real writer. 😀 I’ll try and get the pics up tomorrow, because they are nuts.

I had a great time and the fans were awesome. Some funny stuff happened too, which is why I want to put up a full post, but right now I’m in a rush and playing catch up.

The most important thing to make everyone aware of this week is that the Book Bomb for Zach Hill’s Sakura will be launched Wednesday night and run on Thursday. Tell your friends, spread the word, because I want this to be the biggest Book Bomb we’ve ever done.

In other news the Noir Fatale eARC launched while I was on tour, and I’ll get up another post about that too.

Today I’m trying to recuperate, recover, and play catch up. I’ve got hundreds of comments, messages, and emails to try to read. Plus, house stuff.

But tomorrow, tour pics, and Wednesday night, Sakura BB launch!

House of Assassins Book Tour Starts Now

House of Assassins Book Tour

Monday-February 4, 2019 5:00PM
With special Guest Mike Kupari
Uncle Hugo
2864 Chicago Avenue Minneapolis, MN

Tuesday-February 5, 2019 7:00PM
Half Price Books
North Oaks Shopping Center
4685 Cypress Creek Highway Houston, TX 77069

Wednesday-February 6, 2019 7:00PM
Half Price Books-Dallas
5803 E Northwest Hwy Dallas, TX 75231

Thursday-February 7, 2019 7:00PM
Barnes & Noble
13800 North May Ave
Oklahoma City, OK 73134

Friday-February 8, 2019 7:00PM
1920 N. Rock Road Wichita, KS 67206

Saturday—February 9, 2019 2:00PM
B&N-Kansas City
8625 Northwest Prairie View Rd Kansas City, MO 64153

Sunday, February 10, 2019 2:00PM
Books A Million Edwardsville, IL
6601 Edwardsville Crossing Dr Edwardsville, IL 62025

Tuesday, February 12, 2019 7:00PM
B&N-Tyson’s Corner
7851 L Tysons Corner Center McLean, VA 22102

Wednesday, February 13, 2019 6:00PM
Books a Million
3312 Princess Anne Road, Ste 821 Virginia Beach, VA 23456

Friday-Saturday, February 15-16
Provo, Utah

To The Book Community: Go Fuck Yourself. An Anti-Apology.


First off, to know what I’m talking about, read this:

Basically an internet lynch mob of Social Justice Warriors hounded an author into not publishing her book. They brow beat her. They shamed her into compliance. And now she has pulled her book, apologized even though she’s done nothing wrong, and begged forgiveness.

Seriously, read those excerpts from her blog, where she talked about her hopes, and dreams, and artistic vision… And then read about how they all got crushed in the name of Social Justice.

As an author, this makes me want to vomit. This nefarious shit is why I’ve been loud and incessant about this topic for the last decade.

So now here is my letter to the “Book Community”.

To the Book Community: Go fuck yourself.

You people aren’t a “community”. You are a fucking cancer.

People who like to read books? That’s a book community. Bullies who exist in a perpetual state of being offended, eager to silence artists, you’re scum.

If you had an ounce of self-awareness, you would be ashamed of yourself. But you don’t. So instead you pat yourself on the back for ruining yet another artist’s career, for silencing another voice, for crushing more dreams.

Fuck you. Fuck your feelings. And fuck your ridiculous claims. Fuck your perpetual offense. Take your smug, entitled ignorance, and cram it up your ass sideways, you worthless sacks of crap. You goose stepping morons should try reading books instead of burning them.

People wonder why I often fisk the bad social justice writing advice articles from places like the HuffPo or Tor. Those articles are always Don’t Do This and Don’t Do That and Write The Way We Tell You Or Else. They’re all fucking bullshit. They are maggots feasting on the dinosaur carcass of mainstream publishing.

I fisk those bad advice articles because if I can save a single young aspiring author from falling into your wretched, soul crushing trap, it was totally worth it. My goal is to expose your con, to show that your gate keepers are nutless humps, and that your Outrage Of The Day is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury but signifying nothing. Thankfully lots of people have caught on. They’ve learned that bullies only have power over you when you allow them to.

Sadly, it looks like Zhao never caught on, and she let you assholes ruin her dreams.

You create nothing. You can only destroy.  You are miserable failures, and like the demons of CS Lewis, your misery makes you want to drag down everyone else too. You give one star reviews to books which haven’t come out yet, which tell us a lot more about your weird personal issues and neurosis than they do about the book you’re supposedly reviewing.

You get away with this abusive shit only because most artists are sensitive, caring types. They don’t want to offend people. They don’t want to hurt feelings.  Only you lie to them. Manipulate and use them. You don’t care about their art. You don’t care about entertaining people. You don’t care about kids reading or people enjoying themselves or even the group you’re supposedly championing today.

You only care about control.

That’s why your rules are so illogical. You want—no, need—people to break them. Your rules are nonsense gibberish that changes day by day. That way even when people try to placate you, it doesn’t matter, because you just find something else to be offended by instead.

Fuck you, you goddamned communist puritans. The sooner society realizes SJWs are a suicidal dead end like unto the hippies, and everyone starts laughing at your childish tantrums, the better.


Larry Correia  – bestselling novelist who actually makes a good living at this business, unlike you useless parasites.  

P.S – Go back to Goodreads and give me another one star review, you fucking mopes. Each time you do I sell more books to actual decent human beings who are sick of your shit.



To Writers: Do Not Negotiate With Terrorists

Brothers and sisters, please do not fall for this con.

Artists should never let a bunch of thugs tell them how to make art. Down that road lies madness, and dreary, shitty, boring books that nobody wants to read.

These people do not care about making the world a better place. They do not care about whatever marginalized group they claim to speak for this week. They only care about bossing you around.

Saying that someone is having fun wrong empowers them. So they will always be able to find somebody having wrongfun.  

Their rules are arbitrary and capricious. You will inevitably violate them.


If you write about your own culture, then they declare you are erasing another. If you write about a culture that isn’t yours, then they declare you are guilty of cultural appropriation. They demand you put in a certain kind of character, but when you do, they’ll inevitably declare you wrote them “wrong”. With “right” being a perpetually moving target.

For example, in one of my books the bad guy was a charismatic psycho criminal mastermind villain. He was also gay. Eddie turned out to be an extremely popular character, and the audience loved him. But of course I got screeched at by some Social Justice Howler Monkeys because I had a homosexual villain, and that was homophobic and blah blah blah… But fast forward a few years and the same crowd was circulating a petition demanding that DC take the Joker—a charismatic psycho criminal mastermind villain—and make him gay. Because “representation”.  

Or another, I got attacked for another fantasy novel because it was set in a world loosely based on India, and how that was the dreaded cultural appropriation. Except the book sold well and was popular in the English language fiction market… IN INDIA.  

Plus, these SJWs are incredibly ignorant. One of them screamed at me because in Son of the Black Sword, I had someone eating a rice ball, and HOW DARE LARRY CORREIA ASSUME THAT ALL ASIAN CULTURES ARE THE SAME AND HAVE RICE BALLS REEEEEEEEE!!!!!  And my response was the google image search for “Indian Rice Balls” which was like 20 pages of deliciousness.  Because let’s face it, every culture that can grow rice has at some point in time discovered it is convenient to squish it into a ball.

I got called racist for having Imperial Japan be the bad guys in the 1930s (well, duh).  I got screamed at for having characters be intolerant in 1932 (even though the hero of that part was the black dude who had to eat at a separate lunch counter)… but I guarantee that if I had pretended Jim Crow or the Rape of Nanking never existed, I’d get screamed at for that too.

Over and over, so on and so forth, it doesn’t matter what you actually write, because the screaming doesn’t need to make sense. So they’ll scream no matter what you do, even when they’re factually wrong about it, or your sins are imaginary, and whatever it is they’re butt hurt about today, tomorrow they’ll be butt hurt in the opposite direction.

When the game is rigged, the only way to win is to not play.

These social justice assholes are just like the little kids who throw themselves on the toy aisle floor at Wal-Mart and kick and scream and cry, purple faced and tears streaming down their cheeks, because Mommy won’t buy them a Power Ranger.

You don’t give them what they want, because then they’ll just do it again next time. You don’t reason with the hysterical child. If they’re not your kid, you ignore them and keep on walking. If they’re your problem, you say shut up you little brat, you ain’t getting shit, because you know giving in to bad behavior leads to more of the same.

Zhao just bought them the entire Power Rangers play set and Megazord.

In this case, the purple haired tantrum throwers were wailing on the ground screaming YOU CAN’T WRITE ABOUT SLAVERY IN A FANTASY WORLD!  And the author said, but it is based upon the history of my own culture and actual current events, but that didn’t matter, and the horrid brat just yelled  NO NOT THAT WAY!

If you give veto power to anyone who is offended, then guaranteed, somebody is gonna declare they are offended. When being a victim grants power and social status, then you’ve got no shortage of people saying they’re victimized.  The actual facts don’t matter. You just gave random assholes a license to mess with you, they’re going to do it, simply because they’re assholes.  

Basically, they can only hurt you if grant them the ability to do so (or your publisher is a spineless coward, but that’s a whole different problem!) .

This transcends politics. It doesn’t matter who is screaming at you, an abusive bully is an abusive bully. Don’t let abusive bullies run your life. That’s not just true for writing, but life in general.

You want to be a creator? Good. Then go create. Make art. Make people happy. Tell the story you want to tell. And if people like your stuff, they’ll give you money for it. That part is pretty awesome.


Larry Correia – who is living proof that you really don’t need to fear social justice lynch mobs, because despite how much they’ve whined about me, I’m still selling books.

P.S. To hell with the haters. Go write what you want. Have fun. Get paid.

House of Assassins, now available for preorder on Audible, and other updates

The House of Assassins audiobook is now available for preorder on It is narrated by Tim Gerard Reynolds, who did a fantastic job on the first one.

My House of Assassins tour starts next week, and the dates and addresses are here:

If you want personalized, autographed copies of any of my books shipped to you (or you want me and Mike Kupari in any of the ones we cowrote) you can order those here. But you need to do so soon, because I’ll be signing there Monday night.