Atomicferret with his Kidney Gun
Number of Packages
That is the notice I just got from UPS. Those are the very first copies of MHI. 300 pounds of preordered goodness. I just deposited the checks, and will be charging the cards today. I’ll get these bagged up and shipped out as fast as I can, and will try to get everything out to you guys by New Years.
So we almost made Christmas.
Okay, now you guys know I watch a lot of B-Movies, and many of them are really bad, but that’s okay, because even when a movie sucks, that is still part of the B-Movie experience. Once in awhile you get one that has potential, but it just falls apart, however you still have to admit that you enjoyed it, despite the suckitude.
Welcome to Werewolf: Devil’s Hound, or I believe it was supposed to have been originally called Lycan, since that is what it is called in the credits. I give you enjoyable suckitude.
The basic plot? Well, first off disregard the art on the DVD box, and don’t pay any attention to the blurb on the back. Both of which were intended for a cooler movie, but apparently got stuck onto this DVD on accident. Warning, here are spoilers, except spoilers connote some form of plotting, so never mind.
A werewolf is captured by her family. (Germans, and they weren’t even carrying HK, which is probably why a couple of them got eaten right off the back, because they didn’t ask themselves ‘what is my life worth?’). So what do you do when you capture a werewolf? Why, you send her to America for treatment, inside a small, plywood box, with air holes punched in the top. And apparently you don’t even bother to get insurance or delivery confirmation. Personally, I use USPS for all of my werewolf shipping needs, and here’s a good example as to why.
So the crate is mistakenly delivered to a fireworks/special-effects studio, which I’m assuming is an actual company, because we have to see their logo every few minutes. There we meet our cast of annoying people, so we can begin to wish for their deaths.
The main character is a doofus, married to a hot chick, and after you see him act like Ferris Bueller (only not entertaining) for a really long scene, (I’m bored!), you have to ask yourself, how in the hell did this guy marry her? But then again, people say that about me all the time, so what do I know? Then he gets bitten by a werewolf.
So then, after being cheesy as hell, the movie tries to get serious, and does the American Werewolf in London (there’s something wrong with me, but I feel sexy) bit, and tries to eek out a small bit of drama. Then there is some plot, and we meet more annoying characters.
And then this is when it gets bad. So far we’ve had a cheesy B-Movie, an attempt at being a scary movie, and then the movie shifts gears again and turns into a full blown spoof. Well, I don’t even know if that is what it is, or if the director just said, “**** this, I’m bored. Let’s throw in some space aliens and kung fu.”
So overall? It was dumb, but my brain was mildly entertained for an hour and a half. Or it might just have been because I had just gotten done proofreading 200,000 words in less than 24 hours, and my brain wasn’t getting enough oxygen, but I still liked it.
There hasn’t been many new posts on this blog lately. I’ve been swamped with the proofing, another current writing project (coming soon!), and we’ve got something really big coming from FBMG (hopefully we’ll be announcing it in January)
That said, I need to get up another movie review, because I just watched Werewolf: Devil’s Hound, and oh my gosh does it suck!
We did it. Curly brought me back a very marked up book, and now we’re rolling. The copy goes back to the publisher on Monday.
Curly is a brutal proof reader. You even think about looking at a verb funny, and he sticks a Post-it on it. What was that? We’re you comma splicing? BOOM! Conjuct this, punk! WHAM! You better stick a hyphen on that modifier if you know what’s good for you! POW!
Friggin’ Post-its every where… It was brutal.
I’m a good story teller, but me and grammar have never been friends (which anybody who has scrolled through this blog could tell you). I was a Business Major. We were required to take one English class, which if I recall correctly, was called How To Write A Memo 101. But between pax and Curly, I’m pretty sure I’ve got something here that is at least borderline literate.