Monster Hunter Nation

Update! Modern Manhood ACHIEVED!

As a result of this post http://monsterhunternation.com/2015/10/02/fisking-the-new-york-times-modern-man/ where I fisked the New York Times’ article on being a Modern Man, I realized that my life has been empty. Despite the fact that I don’t eat melons, don’t really like to eat melons, and have never given a single thought to the shaping of melon balls, I would be unable to achieve MODERN MANHOOD.

But no more! BEHOLD!

melon baller

 

Yes! That is a melon baller! Despite my never buying shoes for her, my wife purchased this for me when she saw it in a store. Because Modern Manhood ACHIEVED!

Now all I need is some Kenneth Cole oxfords and a crying pillow, and I’m set.

The Tactical Melon Baller. For all your tactical melon balling needs.

The Tactical Melon Baller. For all your tactical melon balling needs.

BOOK BOMB! Pack Dynamics by Julie Frost
Book Bomb this Thursday, the 8th
Woelf Dietrich
Guest

You got me at crying pillow. Bwahahahaha

Redvector
Guest

The Magic Mellon Baller of Doom!

Sabrina Chase
Guest

needs the matte black finish and the little skull decal to be fully tactical. And a pickatinny mount. 😀

Richard McEnroe
Guest

Those cost extra. It ain’t really tactical if it don’t cost extra…

Richard McEnroe
Guest

What it NEEDS is an MHI decal….

Jeff Gauch
Guest

We need MHI melon ballers in the store.

Doctor Locketopus
Guest

Great minds, etc. See the link I just posted. There are a bunch of other places selling them.

DaveP.
Guest

Bets that Larry finds an excuse to put a melon baller into the next MHI novel?

Christopher M. Chupik
Guest
Christopher M. Chupik

“What? The Slagwaw beast can only be killed by a melon baller? What the hell? Who carries a melon baller? What do we look like, New York Times columnists?”

Ing
Guest

It does have a lanyard loop, which is even better. Retro-tactical — coordinates perfectly with a Browning Hi-Power (which, of course, Larry appreciated long before you or I knew what one was).

Elmdor
Guest

You need a new reward level in your next Kickstarter: Modern Man – for $X your zombified corpse can be slain by a melon baller wielded by Ed.

DingDongDaddy77
Guest

So THAT’S what a melon baller looks like.

Steffen
Guest

Don’t forget to attach a braided 550 cord lanyard.

Shem
Guest

Let me give you a true use for the melon baller: pommes noisettes. They’re fried potatoes as the French make them. It’s the only reason we bought a baller. Probably means I’m not a real man since I use the baller on potatoes. http://michelangelointhekitchen.blogspot.com/2011/07/pommes-noisette-potato-balls-fried-in.html

Anachronda
Guest

Huh. Once ordered French fries at the restaurant in the Novotel in Eindhoven, Holland and got these. Asked what they were and the waitress claimed they were German fries.

Otpu
Guest

I want Escher fries!

Rsands
Guest

Manhood was achieved with the IO Cover on that micro.

Ray
Guest

Would that be a guilty crying pillow?

Shawna
Guest

Maybe you could use it as a tiny ice cream scoop instead. Bite-sized scoops of ice cream, dipped in chocolate which then hardens to make them even more convenient and yummy.

That would be totally manly.

Seriously, I’ve never understood why anyone would need round balls of melon. Isn’t that basically just mushing the melon up to shape it? Why would anyone want mushed melon?

Barb
Guest

No, Shawna, a good melon baller doesn’t mush the melon up, it cuts it smoothly and effortlessly into uniformly bite-sized balls (well, mostly balls — unless you are willing to waste a lot of melon, each ball will have at least one flat side where the previous ball was cut out.) The whole point is that it’s proof that you’ve got time to faff around balling melon, rather than simply chunking it, and that you can afford to throw out perfectly edible melon . Conspicuous consumption on a micro-
scale.

Shawna
Guest

Oh, I see. I thought mellon ballers made round balls, but the flat side explains it. There’s even less point to that! Who wants non-round balls?

I still say it would be put to better use on ice cream.

Nomad
Guest

As shem noted above, it’s original use was to make various small pastry / mash balls for cooking and icecream balls to decorate over desserts in a sensible fashion, without drowning the whole thing under a glacier…

Were-Puppy
Guest

I think it’s a leftover from failed experiment times. Some guy really enjoyed playing marbles. Then he thought, “Hey! Marbles made from melons, cantaloupes, and honey dews would be awesome!”. And hence, the melon baller.

IAmDevinThomas
Guest

Please please please work this into the next MHI book

Aacid
Guest

Would Julie have o e in her kitchen?

Were-Puppy
Guest

🙂
I have a dream of a modern man making an appearance in MHI

AuricTech
Guest

Perhaps a vampire, whom we see “prancing away like a magnificent poof.”

Dave Tavener
Guest

I wonder if they make a tactical mellon baller. Can’t put it in my bug out bag unless it’s tactical…

Knuckledragger-x
Guest

It has to be milspec…

Chris S.
Guest

Please tell me the tactical melon baller will appear in a MHI book in the near future.

To quote Robin Hood, Prince of Thieves “Why a spoon cousin? Why not an axe…” “Because it’s dull you twit. It will hurt more.”

Zsuzsa
Guest

I imagine that when Arthur first pulled Excalibur out of the stone, he was holding it in approximately the same position you’re holding the melon baller in that first picture.

Perhaps this means that you’re really the Rightful King of the NYT Hipster Boys.

[I think there’s a Monty Python joke hiding in here, but I’m too lazy to make it. Someone else, please feel free.]

Pete
Guest

Wot? So, just because some watery tart gave you a melon baller you’re now King of England?

That’s racist, you bloody peasant!!!!

Help! Help! I’m being repressed!

Old Windways
Guest

@Sabrina Chase, you beet me to it, needs rails.
@Shawna, I haven’t used one since childhood, but I recall it being more of a cutting action (with the narrow edge on the circumference of the baller) than a mushing action. Some people find it more appealing to have their food spherically shaped. I am guessing it comes from the French, but this is an completely unsubstantiated accusation.

Shawna
Guest

LOL @ someone who would only eat round food. Like, exclusively, I mean. That would be hilarious.

cirby
Guest

If you sharpen one, it’s really great for making Swiss Ham.

Austin
Guest

Okay, I’ll bite. What’s Swiss Ham?

Richard McEnroe
Guest

Sneak up behind a Swiss dude with your sharpened melon baller, low hold, and…

cirby
Guest

It’s ham with holes in it. Matches the cheese.

Richard McEnroe
Guest

…And do I get a penny in royalties from Big Melon? Nooooooo….

Aaron Smith
Guest

That thing looks more like an eyeball removal tool when you lay it next to your tactical gear. See? Everything looks better with firepower.

C.J. Carella
Guest

You do realize that a melon baller is a patriarchal tool of macro-aggression, especially towards melons who self-identify as ball-less. It’s shape is also clearly heteronormative and phallic. And why was there no warnings before posting that picture? Just seeing it is enough to trigger any ball-less melons, and all members of the ball-less community in general, but most particularly melons of color, which, if I may add, don’t seem to be represented in your writings. Melons of the world, unite! All you have to lose is your balls!

roystgnr
Guest

Are you denying the lived experience of people who have melons but wish they had balls instead? Get your TERF off our turf!

Doctor Locketopus
Guest

Right. Where are the melon umm…ovaryers? Kept off the shelf by the patriarchy, that’s where.

Even worse, a melon is a fruit, and therefore an embodiment of the female principle. Reshaping it into testicle simulacra is textbook misogyny.

C.J. Carella
Guest

And it gets worse. This melon-normative dialog is marginalizing lemons. Where are the lemon-ballers? What about trans-lemons that identify as melons? By ignoring them, the shitlord patriarchs are trying to disappear lemons, not to mention limes, and other fruits of color, and fruits of trans-flavor, like cantaloupes. And…

(After a while it gets hard to mock something that is itself a mockery of reality).

Doctor Locketopus
Guest

And what about all the beautiful entities that transgress or outright reject the conventional fruit/vegetable dichotomy altogether? Will no one speak for the avocados? The pumpkins? The lovely squash creatures that are equally at home in a sweet pie or baked with a savory coating of parmesan?

Down with default binary vegetation categories, say I!

C.J. Carella
Guest

Don’t even get me started on tomatoes. And when will apples and oranges be able to stand together? Why do people keep segregating them?

Mike McRae
Guest

I’m calling the chief diversity officer you.

Mike McRae
Guest

“On” you. See how upset I was.

Benny Blanco
Guest

As someone who is not that familiar with melon ballers, are they really that small, or is your hand just that big?

Shem
Guest

Yes.

Adam Lawson
Guest

They probably come in different sizes depending on how big you want the balls in your mouth to be.

Balls of melon, that is.

Aacid
Guest

The NYT male probably is good with either

Cara Halvorson
Guest

I have a double barrel melon baller. In case you can’t decide if you want little balls or littler balls. It’d be totally badass if it weren’t pink.

Shadowdancer
Guest

Mine has a melon noodle shredder at the other end, which I actually use to make this rockmelon/cantaloupe sweet drink that the kids love.
comment image

richard mcenroe
Guest

Well, your ancestors beat up conquistadors with rattan sticks. Obscure weapons are in your blood. *g*

richard mcenroe
Guest

My wife will not buy one of the pink ladies’ guns the manufacturers offer these days. To be fair, she never drove a pink deuce and a half either.

Baker Mike Romeo
Guest

Solder a bayonet ring to it!

Peavybob
Guest

I will cut out your heart with a melon baller!

Umm, why not a knife?

Because a melon baller would hurt more. And because of the shame.

Wayne Blackburn
Guest

Just remember, a well-sharpened melon baller can be used as an eyeball remover.

Nomad
Guest

Sharpening the damn thing is a pain thou…

Aacid
Guest

Grinder. Not like its a striking implement

DaveP.
Guest

Dremel. WECSOG the mutha.

Eyetalian Stallion
Guest
Your display of the melon baller is….uhh……..triggering. It gives a delicate, sensitive, intellectually and morally enlightened person like me a feeling of pain and oppression. That’s because you have a melon baller with a large black handle, which is very macho and thus….patriarchal. Yeah. And….you are grasping that black handle in a large whyte hand, which is symbolic for your whyte male patriarchal oppression of minorities and protected classes. The melon baller – both by shape and name – also subliminally suggests to me that you are hostile to women, so you are a misogynist, like all patriarchists. So, in… Read more »
matthew
Guest

It’s tactical, but can it be used operationally by operating operators?

Bruce
Guest

I swear if I ever go to another con, I’m gonna have a melon baller hanging from para cord.

Richard McEnroe
Guest

Ought work at LibertyCon.

Were-Puppy
Guest

Heh – I dare you to go up to Larry at a con “Hey man! Sign my melon baller!”

PJ
Guest

That melon baller would make a pretty fair peep sight. Needs a picatinny clamp thingy though…

Hank_Scorpio
Guest

Unless that thing can cut through cement, it’s going to take up valuable space in your vest….

Thane
Guest

A melon baller with a MHI symbol on the handle would be amazing. I bet Batman has a Bat-melon baller in his utility belt, so why not the MHI team?

Nohbody
Guest

Didn’t mention this before, but I can’t help but wonder what’s so manly about a guy who’s concerned about the condition of another guy’s balls… 😛

Nomad
Guest

The F….?
You yanks and your passion to relabel everything with new names… Yes you can carve a melon with it but you can also carve better with a shallower spoon…

Nomad
Guest

And yes, I just discovered what you language bandits mean with “Melon Carver”… Bloody Americanglish users…

Dave H
Guest

“Americanglic”

Kristophr
Guest

Melon baller is perfectly good ‘Merican. Melon carver is only cromulent in the British dialect of ‘Merican.

RoadRunner
Guest

Thank God! You will never need to worry about being attacked by a mutant zombie melon!

Pugmak
Guest

Looks like a tactical eyeball extractor to me.

Grayson
Guest

How about, an Agent Franks interrogation device? ;D

Old NFO
Guest

ROTFLMAO! Only you… snerk…

Cadeyrn
Guest

I think I might be intimidated by a size 15 boot wearing Correia-sized person coming at me wielding a melon-baller while foregoing all of that other gear.

/ why with a spoon?
// Because it will HURT MORE, idiot!

Cadeyrn
Guest

D’oh! Chris S already posted this. Still… bears repeating.

Reziac
Guest

Consider this: We could cut Larry up and make two perfectly good authors out of him.

Shadowdancer
Guest

I have visions of The Sorcerer’s Apprentice’s broom instead. Do you have any idea how many BOOKS would get written?!

As a bonus, how many SJWs would get TRIIIIIGERRRRED?

It’s a win/win!

Khazlek
Guest

Phil Foglio’s character Buck Godot the Hoffmanite is a massive fellow who carries throwing forks and spoons. At one point while being pursued by armed assailants of some kind he muses that he really needs to find a cheese grater.

Jerry Pennington
Guest

Tactical Melon Baller, I want one!

Joho
Guest

“Hold the melon steady…ball ball ball… yum yum yum… melon! melon! MELON!

rd
Guest

Cool! Now you need a Kydex holster for it!

Dave H
Guest

Use your imagination!
1) Insert a firesteel through the hole in the bottom of the cup, pack the cup with tinder, and draw the steel out briskly. A windproof fire starter!
2) Hone the edges and use it to retrieve bullets, buckshot, or slugs from a carcass. Recycling lead is good for the environment!
3) It’s the perfect size to portion out lock-breaching quantities of C4. Knock knock!

Dad always said you don’t really know how to use a tool until you know three ways to abuse it.

P.S. What kind of knife is that on that rig?

Grayson
Guest

Say, now….
Take a melon baller, put in a bit of dryer lint, melt some candle wax on top of the lint – that would make a handy little fire-starter for when you’re hiking in the back country.
And, ‘lock-breaching quantities of C4?’
Good reason for carrying a melon baller in your tactical gear!
Cheers, Dave!
P.S. Anyone else got any other suggestions?

Dave O.
Guest

Any melon at the grocery story has more balls that that “modern man.”

Mommamackie
Guest
Wouldst thou know the secret of that arcane object? All you need is a high society great aunt married to a Shriner, with cocktail parties inflicted on her regularly! Once the afore mentioned melon (At least three types of melon) has been properly balled, you skewer it with a toothpick and place it on a serving tray covered with leafy green lettuce. You add cubes of a variety of cheeses and chunks of cold meats and sausages. Then hand it to a servant to walk around the living room, making sure that those cocktails, that your poor husband is desperately… Read more »
Xavier
Guest

Larry

It looks like a modern man ™ ice cream scoop. Tiny balls for the sensitive man

Darryl in Salinas
Guest

In all these years, it never once occurred to me to ball a melon. I must not be all that modern.

Doctor Locketopus
Guest

I wonder if Ron Popeil could be persuaded to come out of retirement to design a full auto melon baller. The Ball-O-Matic.

ConanTheCimmerian
Guest
ConantheCimmerian https://conancimmerian.wordpress.com/ says: Despite the fact that I don’t eat melons, don’t really like to eat melons, and have never given a single thought to the shaping of melon Larry you need to work on that. Mrs. Cimmerian demands that I eat her melons no matter the shape they are in… She says she wouldn’t trust a man that did not eat his wife’s own melons. She says there is something just not American about a man that does not eat his wife’s melons. The really crazy thing is she keeps on asking me kiss her female feline, “Come on… Read more »
Mike McRae
Guest

I like how it has a tiedown point at the end so you won’t lose it going through the brush. A little shiny on the one end -but hey- that means it doubles as a signaling device. I will get one myself and sharpen the edge so I won’t have to carry my Gerber Tac II anymore.

trackback

[…] Larry Correia is finally a modern man […]

RandyGC
Guest

Obviously the hole in the middle is for trickle charging rounds in the field. How many grains of Win 748 does that hold?

Achillea
Guest

Not so fast there, bucko. I see no shoehorns in that rig.

DaveP.
Guest
Achillea
Guest

Thanks a lot. Now my Recommended for You box is filled with stuff like ‘Deluxe Sock Aids.’

Dave H
Guest

It could be worse:
http://www.the-whiteboard.com/autowb150.html
This is why I always lock my screen when I walk away from my computer at work.

Captain Comic
Guest

The perspective seemed wrong, then I remembered those catcher’s mitts you call hands…

No offense.

Please don’t hit me with your catcher’s mitts..

richard mcenroe
Guest

Speaking of mitts, how many of your fingers hang off the bottom of that AR grip?

Mike McRae
Guest
Someone in New York or San Francisco needs to design a Modern Man multi-tool so the metrosexuals will always feel equipped. It would come complete with a shoehorn, crying towel, paper bag dispenser (for those awkward popcorn/movie moments or when the intruder comes in so you can cover your head), lotion dispenser, and water pistol. It seems though there would be a huge marketing challenge because the word “tool” is to the Modern Man what someone who shows up to fix something uses. The word “tool” implies there might be some dirt or grunge involved and that might contaminate his… Read more »
Mark W
Guest

It looks real tactical, with that black plastic handle. Congrats!

Kevin P.
Guest

Hmm, anybody got any ideas for a “Melon Baller” drink recipe? I’m thinking cranberry juice, liberal tears, and 2 very small balls of goya (bitter melon). Completely undrinkable, but that’s Modern Drinks for you. (Yes, I did leave out all alcohol, but why waste it?)

DaveP.
Guest

The straight version:
-pour vodka over melon balls
-refrigerate for a day or so
-eat!

The Dave version:
-Insert melon balller into melon
-throw melon for distance
-make a Martini instead (4:1,Tanqueray Rangpur and dry vermouth, shaken with cracked ice and served with a lime twist).

A. W. Renfroe
Guest

Dammit man, you now must have a character use a melon baller to kill something or someone.

Nomad
Guest

Edward to the rescue!

richard mcenroe
Guest

Edward turned loose in Bed, Bath & Beyond!

DaveP.
Guest

BloodBath & Beyond

Not Chuck Wendig
Guest

Your mitts are huge!!!

JC
Guest

The Tactical Melon Baller will be used to scoop out the eyes of your assailant.

Reziac
Guest

Perfect for gouging eyeballs out. 😉

JFM
Guest

Hey! Stop the hatin’ on shoehorns. Have you ever looked closely at one of the metal ones? Death in your hand, man.

Doctor Locketopus
Guest

Hey, there are places online that sell imprinted melon ballers. Maybe something new for Larry’s store?

Here’s one:

http://www.californiapromoproducts.com/melon-baller-with-wood-handle-d3220/p/D885256B-7C77-44EC-A3E3-14EF92AD3D9A

Note that this is a high-capacity assault melon baller, but somehow is still offered for sale in California. Another loophole that Hillary needs to close, apparently.

david mills
Guest

YOU ARE ALL WRONG! We need to put our massive cranial head type things together and create a belt feed, full auto, melon baller machine gun. Which when used will create such a cavern of woundy deathlyness, that the SJW’s will rise up and with one voice ban melon ballers forever. “OH, the humanity!” they will weep. College professors will faint, the UN will declare sanctions, Putin will…wait, does Putin have one? Christmas is coming.

James May
Guest

The modern man has that “Innsmouth look.”

DaveP.
Guest
James May
Guest

The modern man shuffles out his driveway to fetch the paper the local boy throws from afar out of fear. He scans the neighborhood with his bulging eyes and gaping mouth then looks at the headlines. Happy day! The minor league local baseball team the Dagon Justice Warriors thrashed the visiting team 9-0 in a forfeit due to the visiting team not showing up. Elsewhere, an entire bus full of baseball players mysteriously plunges into the sea due to a bridge collapse. Shares of fish stock are up!

DaveP.
Guest

“Multiethnic indigenous aquaAmericans, of differing faith and vulnerable to lookism, deserve social justice for the naziesque ethnic cleansing visited upon them by the United States military in 1927-28!”

Murgy
Guest

#KelpyLivesMatter

AuricTech
Guest

Yeah, that columnist, he’s a deep one, all right.

Patrick Chester
Guest

I never wanted this “modern man” thing in the first place! I wanted to become… A LUMBERJACK!!!

Christopher M. Chupik
Guest
Christopher M. Chupik

And that’s okay.

445supermag
Guest

As long as you sleep all night and work all day.

ClintACK
Guest

I’m really looking forward to learning how a melon baller can be used to make perfectly shaped little balls of plastic explosives, or as a field expedient explosive-eyeball removal device.

Adam
Guest

8.5 / 10, would operate.

Truth Eater
Guest

The sidearm is for fighting to get to your rifle. And the rifle is for fighting to get to your mellon baller.

Sean
Guest

Brings to mind the seen from Riddick with the can opener. Unconventional weapon kills can be demoralizing and also awesome. You might be on to something here.

Unrelated: sufficient melon ballers duct taped to C4 = modern man’s claymore mine.

Sean
Guest

*scene

Fruitbat44
Guest

“I’d be following my mark ever since he stepped out the club. Dude in Kenneth Cole Oxfords, I’d figured he’s easy. Then he walks down this dark alley and I know he’s easy. I make my move; figure on leaving with his watch, wallet and maybe those fancy shoes. Then what does he do? Dude pulls out a freakin’ melon baller! A gun or knife you know what you’re dealin’ with, but a melon-baller? Aint no way I’m messing with a crazy mo-fo like that! Man, I’m outta there!”

Dave H
Guest

Man walks down the street with a melon baller like that, people know he’s not afraid of anything.

Don
Guest

What!? No serrated edge? Remember, when your life depends on having a melon baller, you don’t want to find yourself holding one with a smooth edge.

FYI – This ‘assault’ version is banned in New York and California.

TWS
Guest

What does a strategic melon baller look like?

DaveP.
Guest

3rd stage booster and a radome.

Greg B
Guest

I…..I don’t know anyone would want to ball a melon.
Some kinks are just too weird.

richard mcenroe
Guest

Instructions in previous thread on this topic. Don’t knock it if you haven’t tried it, melonophobe…

Chris.
Guest

Your tactical Mellon baller needs some stippling on the grip. How do you expect to be able to maintain your grasp when you have mellon blood pouring down your hands?

BikerDad
Guest

That’s not a melon baller, THIS is a melon baller:
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Yabob
Guest

Anyone else hear Also Sprach Zarathustra ringing out when he saw that picture? The handle does need a skull…

Ravenshrike
Guest

But do you have a double ended assymetrical melon baller? Because apparently I do. And now know what a melon baller is. Still don’t know how I got it.

Pete
Guest

That looks exactly like the tactical eyeball remover I just bought!

J.M.
Guest

Are we going to have a scene where something dies by melon baller?

This would be a Joe Buckley worthy scene.

Brett Cashman
Guest

Achievement unlocked!

Peggy :)
Guest

*rofl* Your wife rocks!

James May
Guest

The modern man is less of a man than Ronda Rousey.

Andy
Guest

I don’t see the bayonet lug. This looks like a California legal melon baller?

Cameron
Guest

I really hope that the author sends you a thank you card for giving him the attention his dad won’t.

NobodySpecial
Guest
You and see the scene inthe next MHI… our heroes catch up to Owen’s latest mess, and start walking down into a destroyed Bed Bath and Beyond. 0. First couple just shot. 1. Impaled with Shower Rod 2. Bludgeoned to death with high end frying pan, broken handle rammed up nose. 3. A couple of corpses with a variety of fine kitchen knives etc,, most of which broke 4. one Strangled with decorative curtain pulls 5. Hammed by bare hands into the floor 6. Cell phone crammed 3/4 into eye socket. 7. Entire rack of appliances fallen on another etc…… Read more »
detroyes
Guest

Would this make it “Blood Bath and Beyond”?

Grayson
Guest

This.
Yet another scene I really want to read in the next MHI novel. 😀

smfiii
Guest

Just think what Agent Franks could do with that.

DingDongDaddy77
Guest

I just noticed the little hole in the middle of the business end of the melon baller. Is that for sticking a toothpick through, into the melon ball/eyeball/testicle? Does the modern man stick toothpicks into his melon balls, I wonder. The article didn’t mention it.

Doug Loss
Guest

I think it’s a form of sighting reticle. I could be wrong though–I’m not qualified on melon ballers.

BobtheRegisterredFool
Guest
BobtheRegisterredFool

Quite possibly to keep the melon ball from being stuck in the melon baller. Otherwise the fluids might help seal them together.

Brian McGoldrick
Guest

Larry,

My sympathies on your mental illness regarding the melon baller thingy.

Please get well soon and write some more Monster Hunter books with lots of guns an no melon ballers.

Brian.

trackback

[…] SF has changed since we retired. Heh. So we recommend you Read The Whole Thing™… and then, read the follow up in which Larry’s wife gives him, what else? A melon baller. A tactical melon […]

trackback

[…] LARRY CORREIA ONLY NEEDED THIS: Update! Modern Manhood ACHIEVED! […]

rhhardin
Guest

When life hands you melons, make melonade.

DJ
Guest

Electrical tape for all the non-tactical surfaces. Do you want to get shot while balling her melons?

MAJMike
Guest

Does it come with a rail mount for an EoTech sight?

Kaiser Derden
Guest

that is for scooping the eyes out of dead Tangos for your trophy case …

Critter
Guest

Is that a mil-spec or commercial melon baller?

Ryan
Guest

Dude you HAVE to put a melon baller in one of your characters tactical kit just to mess with a noobie.
Noobie: “What the heck is THAT for”
Old Pro: “Use your imagination kid… I just hope I’ll never need it.”

Chris
Guest

Can you use it for balling jihadis?

richard mcenroe
Guest

Too big.

AuricTech
Guest

This is my melon baller. There are many like it, but this one is mine….

Dean Cote
Guest

https://www.facebook.com/TheRealMikeRowe
Mike Rowe joins you in smacking down this fool.

PetWendigoPlease
Guest

Imagine now Z, Milo, Sam, and a good majority of the good people of MHI reading a certain article, then whispering abounds in speculation about whether their good boss Earl Harbinger, the man who lacks for nothing, might relent to the company’s sudden emergency lack of melon ballers.
Try not to judge, as I so miserably have failed to do and must now search out the perfect hardwood floor to beg my father to update our sadly ancient marble tile as penance for not keeping him better updated.

Michelle Barta
Guest

Every time I read this I imagine Milo, Sam, and Z gathered around in a huddle sweating about approaching Earl with their newest emergency company budget that requires mass orders to whatever company makes tactical, field use acceptable melon ballers .
I spend the rest of the day smiling thus.

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