How to get Correia nominated for a Hugo PART 3: Won’t somebody please think of the children?

So there are only nine days left to buy a supporting membership which will allow you to nominate for the Hugo Awards. It really doesn’t take that many votes to get nominated, and if Monster Hunter Legion were to become a Hugo finalist, elitist literary snobs around the world would have a complete come apart that something which was unabashed pulp, had an actual plot, had characters who actually did stuff, and wasn’t heavy handed message fiction dared tread into their sacred halls.

First I appealed to every reasonable person’s desire to make literati heads explode:

Last time I went nuclear, with sad puppies:

So what do I do now? It is pretty hard to beat sad puppies.

First, I thought about surrounding myself with children as I announced my controversial new policy. That way I could insinuate that anybody who disagreed with me would only do so if they hated children. But then I said to myself, what kind of horrible demagogue would do something as shallow and manipulative like that? I mean, you’d have to be a huge narcisist. You’d only do that if you had no actual substance, and your only hope was to appeal to emotion…


Yeah… Okay. Never mind…

So if the photo op of me surrounded by a rainbow coalition of children pleading for equal rights for pulp novelists, with their big sad eyes is out, then why not their letters? I mean, seriously, if the President of the United States can base national policy on letters from little kids, then why can’t I appeal for nominations that way?

Dear Correia,

My daddy has a subscription to Locus. How come they never ever review your books? How come the only time any Baen books appear in Locus is when they are dominating the Locus bestseller list?

Timmy, (yes, I walk with a crutch) Age 10. Somnambulant, Iowa

First off, congratulations on using the word dominating. That’s pretty badass for a ten year old.

Well, Timmy, to answer your question, that’s because Locus, which has won the semi-prozine Hugo like 72 times, is totally unbiased and only reviews “good” books. Just because my books are really popular and have entertained a lot of people, doesn’t mean they are “good”.  (nor apparently does great sales, winning other awards, getting getting translated into foreign languages where you then get nominated for foreign awards, being one of the consistent top selling audio books for a couple years in a row and winning the biggest award available in that media, or other forms of success).

You know, on that thought, it would be great if all the folks nominating me were also to nominate  another book review site in that reviewer category, who are at least honest about their biases, like say Elitist Book Reviews.

Dear Correia,

School keeps making me read boring novels. Nobody ever does anything, but they sit around and talk about doing stuff, and then nothing happens, and then everybody dies, and then we have to talk about how it makes us feel for a month, and then write a report. Why are books stupid? 

Mary Sue, Age 14, Sheeple, Ohio

Well, Mary Sue, that’s because the literati who proclaim which books are good don’t care if people actually like reading. They only care if the book is PROFOUND (as in, really really hard to understand, and open to interpretation).  If you actually enjoy the book, then obviously the author is writing pulp crap for the masses, and should be spit on and hit with sticks. They will not be happy until everybody gives up reading entirely, because then they will definately be the smartest people in the room.

Dear Correia,

My Dad says that snobs suck and are lame and he hates them. He says that the awards are just a popularity contest. He says that they even put the Dr. Who TV show and the Game of Thrones TV show into two different categories so that both their favorites could win and nobody would get their feelings hurt. That seems lame. I like ninjas. Can I have more Legos?

Deadpool Hulk Wolverine Samurai Jedi Face Punch, Age 8, Yard Moose Mountain, Utah

Okay, son. Get off the computer.

Those are some sad children. The only way to cheer them up is for you to go and buy a supporting membership to LosCon and nominate an unabashed work of dragon-helicopter chasing, Las Vegas blowing up, orc sacrificing chickens, pulp. Not only can you nominate me, you can nominate your favorite sci-fi/fantasy works from a bunch of different categories (I think five in each category!) and STICK IT TO THE MAN.

Plus, in prior years all of the voters have received big packets of eBooks, and all the shorts, novelletes, novellas, Campbell novels, comic books, and more so they can be informed voters. So you get more than your entry fee back in reading material, some of which is actually good!  You will need to register before the end of the month:

There you have it folks. I need to get Monster Hunter Legion nominated, for the children.

EDIT: Because Jack Gamble loves himself some Photoshop. :)

Think of the Children


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