Today is the LAST DAY to register to nominate for the Hugos!

This is it, the last day I will bug you guys. Now is your final chance to stick it to the man.

I tried logic and reason:

I tried Sad Puppies:

I asked Won’t Somebody Please Think of the Childrens!

And yesterday I made fun of Stephen King:

So this is it. The final count down. If you purchase a Supporting Membership for LonestarCon you will be able to nominate works for the Hugo award. I’m flogging this like a mule in the hopes of getting Monster Hunter Legion nominated for best novel? Why? Because “fun” books are considered unworthy. Because it will make all of the literati critics really really angry. Because most of what I’ve accomplished in life has been motivated purely out of spite.

If you register today, Raylan Givens will tip his cowboy hat at you in a manly fashion. (okay, just discovered Justified this month, holy crap that show is awesome).

Even as you read this, a secret cabal of Literati Cultists gather in their Dark Ivory Tower. (so I guess it is kind of a mocha color) They have read these blog posts, and they are afraid, afraid of the Monster Hunter Nation. They tremble in fear that something which isn’t heavy handed message fic may tread their sacred halls. A Manhattan publisher rejects a brilliant manuscript because he saw that the author once wrote on Facebook that maybe, just maybe, Barack Obama might not literally be Jesus. Stephen King goes on a giant rant about Sarah Palin then snorts a line of coke while Michael Vick puts an adorable puppy into a food processor. Yes… It is like totally that evil.

Their only hope is that the mighty Monster Hunter Nation won’t buy a supporting membership because it is $60, and they have more important things to do with their money. In fact, it today’s climate since the Monster Hunter Nation is busy stockpiling more of all of the good things which morons are currently trying to ban, $60 will buy up to half a box of surplus 9mm or maybe some rusty grip screws.

But for $60 you get a membership which lets you nominate, the satisfaction of pissing off jerk face snob book reviewers, eBooks of all the nominated works, and one month’s coverage of Stranger & Stranger Interdimensional Platinum Plan.

YES! You heard me right! If you act fact, you will be covered by Tom Stranger for one whole month of Earth* time. Should you be involved in any interdimensional events, Tom Stranger, Interdimensional Insurance Agent, will take care of your claims.

*which Earth is not specified. Void where prohibited and prohibited where void.

So that’s it. Thank you for everyone that has jumped in on this. I hope we pull it off. Seriously, you guys are awesome. Plus, I need an excuse to go to Texas. Because Texas rocks.

How to get Correia nominated for a Hugo, PART 4: Ten ways I’m different than Stephen King, and thus deserve a Hugo nomination

We are in the final two days of being able to get a supporting membership for WorldCon so that you can nominate stuff (Monster Hunger Legion is stuff) for the Hugo award. All month long I’ve been bugging you guys to get memberships so you can nominate up to 5 items in every category, to let your voices be heard. The cost of the membership is offset by the big packet of eBooks you get with works from all of the nominees.

First, I explained why it is so important to make literati snobs spontaneously combust with rage that a mere pulp novelist would tread in their sacred halls: This blog post alone caused several severe injuries at Ivy league English departments across the world and threatened to End Literature Forever.

sad puppy

Second, I showed just how serious this problem is with Sarah McLachlan music and sad puppies:  Proving that if you don’t register, it is because you hate puppies and pulp novelists and like it when Michael Vick runs them through the clothes dryer.

Think of the Children

And last week, I asked for everyone to please, please think of the children, as I shamelessly surrounded myself with children.

This is the final few days that you can hear my heartfelt pleas to stick up for unabashedly awesome action novels. I was out of ideas. I mean, I’d already rocked the sad puppies, so what else was there, but luckily current events came to the rescue.

Earlier this week Stephen King released a giant screed about gun control, and while my giant screed about gun control was based upon my years of practical experience in that field, his was based upon emotion, wishful thinking, and having snorted a lot of coccaine. It was mostly the same tired nonsense about how he like totally understands the 2nd Amendment, but it is time to get rid of our “obsession with dangerous toys” (hint, if you say you understand the 2nd and then immediately invoke “toys” or “deer hunting” you are an idiot).  I’m pretty sure the founding fathers didn’t rise up and do battle with a tyranical government and then immediately after write an amendment enshrining our right to hunt deer.

Then he talked about how culture doesn’t cause mass killings, guns do, which was why he pulled his book Rage off of the market because he felt guilty after it had inspired a couple of mass killers… Go figure. My favorite part however, was where he tried to use his Mad Horror Writer Skillz to invoke emotions about how Wayne LaPierre and the NRA needs to clean up the corpses and pick up the partially digested last meals from their intestines or whatever the hell pretentious hamfisted bullshit that was.  (another hint, I’m pretty sure my readership is of above average familiarity with violence, real horror, corpses, and gun shot wounds, so from that sample I’m fairly certain people with a clue are not exactly lining up to turn in their guns)

Please do keep in mind, that this is the same dude who back when he had a severe case of Bush Derangement Syndrome came out with is comments about how if you can’t read then you’ll end up in the Army… Yeah… Classy.

However, since Stephen King is all sorts of famous and of the correct political persuasion he was once again hailed as a genius in the media. Because look, even though he knows dick about the subject, his opinion matters, because he’s a NOVELIST! What about my opposing gun control article which was read by a million people which was written based upon my actual experience, and knowledge of the law, tactics, wound ballistics, and how actual violence works. NO! We will dismiss that because you are just a NOVELIST!  See how it works? Pretty nifty.

Because King has a political opinion, but he is of the correct political persuasions, I am sure he will be showered with awards. Meanwhile, woe unto the once award winning writers who come out of the closet as being of the incorrect political persuasion, because no more awards for you! Sort of like Orson Scott Card winning everything under the sun until he came out against gay marriage. Or Dan Simmons winning every literary award in existence until he wrote an article pointing out that maybe, just maybe, jihadi fundamentalists might want to kill us. No awards for you! Sometimes they even eat their own, as can be witnessed by Elizibeth Moon (who I believe is pretty darn liberal) having an opinion outside the accepted group think about terrorism and getting the fandom equivelent of a tar and feathering.

You guys hear me joke about this a lot, about authors getting blackballed because of their politics, but it is very real, and it annoys me to no end. I know a lot of conservative authors with other publishing houses, and they all just keep their mouths shut out of the very real fear of damaging their careers. Luckily for me, I used to own a machine gun store. It doesn’t get much more out of the closet than that. :)

For the record, I think Stephen King’s an extremely good writer. He’s been published for as long as I’ve been alive. When he’s on, the dude’s a word smith. When he’s off, he sucks. He can paint a brilliant picture with words, and then cram it into a meandering plot populated by mopey ass victim characters you just want to brain with a shovel. The main reason I don’t enjoy King novels is that he writes good victims, good thugs, and wouldn’t know a hero if it bit him in the ass. His books are all about making you feel helpless, useless, and weak. I can’t wrap my brain around that sort of mind set, and apparently that translates over into real life philosophy as well.

When it comes to pure writing skill, he’s on top. He’s been doing this for like 40 years. So when it comes to writing advice, I’ll listen. When it comes to self defense, the 2nd Amendment, or politics in general, oh hell no.

As a side note, my personal favorite bit of nonsensical Stephen King advice comes from a book of his I’ve not read. He’s got a writing advice book called On Writing, and aspiring authors love to quote it. One time I was on a panel at a convention and the topic was about balancing work and family, and some aspiring writer in the audience felt the need to stand up and quote from the book. I can’t remember exactly how it went, but it was a tortured analogy about how when King first got super rich, he built a big house with a big office, and he put his writing desk in the middle of the office, and then neglected his family because there was no room for them in the office. Later, he moved the desk to the side, so his children could play… And the aspiring author quoted this like it was all sorts of profundity.

My response was basically, “Look, dude… I’ve been happily married to the same women for fifteen years. I’ll take writing advice from Stephen King, but I’ll be damned if I take child raising advice from him. The reason he neglected his kids was because he was coked out of his freaking mind for a decade, so sit down and shut up.”

So now I will get ready for the inevitable slew of hate mail from King fans, but while I’m waiting for those, here are the Top Ten Ways I am Different that Stephen King and Thus Deserve a Hugo:

10.  I have never mistaken Barack Obama for Jesus. Not even in poor light.

9.  I have never written a book where the villian was a thinly veiled Dick Cheney.

8. I have never written a book based upon the Simpson’s movie.

7. If I had written Cujo, it would have been three pages. And most of that would have been a discussion over what is the best caliber for Saint Bernards.

6. I have never written myself into a corner at the end of an 800 page book, snorted a bunch of coccaine, and then exclaimed “HA! IT WAS A GIANT SPIDER ALL ALONG!”

5. When I write a book about a gun expert accountant who can take a punch, then critics say it is a horrible Mary Sue. When Stephen King writes fifty six books where the main character is a drug addled, depressed, whiney, victimized, helpless, alchoholic, sexually frustrated, daddy issues having, perverted, philandering, author from Maine, then it is brilliant literature.

4. I know to look both ways before crossing the street.

3. I know soldiers can read.

2. I can write an actual ending.

1. In addition to him being way more famous, selling way more books, and sleeping on a giant pile of money, he’s got a lot of awards and I don’t,


Tick off a critic today. For the children and the puppies.  Go here to buy your LonestarCon membership. You will need to register before the end of January, but then you have a couple of months to get your nomination in.

And thank you. Only you can save the pulp novelists.


EDIT: and I have been made aware of the Women typo, but it is actually kind of funny, so it stays. :D

Geeky Hobbies: Sunday Afternoon Painting Work in Progress

So here is my steam powered super robot I’ve been working on for a bit. I still need to paint the arms and do a whole bunch of detail work. I’m going to add some rust and aging effects, some dirt, and some corrosion on the brass piping still. I’ve been working on this one since Christmas, but that’s what happens when you’ve got deadlines.

To totally establish my geek cred, that red lettering says Larry Correia, and the green says Monster Hunter, in Ordic. (Warmachine’s equivelent to Portuguese). :)

Galleon detail 1

Galleon detail 2

Galleon detail 3

EDIT: Added one arm

Crane arm

Edit: Up next


Free book from somebody I know

I have not read this yet, but I know Stephen from the local writing community. He’s the guy that filmed that video series of me and John Brown about coming up with story ideas. It is a young adult series, and he did just win Dave Farland’s writing contest. Since I haven’t read it, and can’t comment on if it is good or not, but hey, it is a FREE download. :)

Only 5 days left to get your LoneStarCon supporting membership so you can vote for the Hugo!

The clock is ticking on my nefarious scheme to get Monster Hunter Legion nominated for a Hugo so I can have an excuse to go to San Antonio!


The Drowning Empire, Episode 4: First Entry of Akodo Toranaka

The Drowning Empire is a weekly serial based on the events which occured during the  Writer Nerd Game Night monthly Legend of the Five Rings game.  It is a tale of samurai adventure set in the magical world of Rokugan.

If you would like to read all of these in one place, along with additional game related information, here is the L5R forum:

Today’s entry was written by Paul Genesse.

Paul is playing Akodo Toranaka, the son of an influential Lion Clan general. Toranaka is an extremely honorable young man, and great things are expected from him. The following entry is from our first session.

Continued from:

First Entry in The Journal of Akodo Toranaka of the Lion Clan, son of Akodo Goro, former General of the 1st Akodo Army and Commander of the 4th Imperial Legion, now Master Sensei of The Golden Plains Dojo

Year 1189, 12th day of the Month of the Dragon in the Seventeenth Year of the reign of Her Holiness, The Daughter of Heaven, Empress of Rokugan, Hantei Hoketuhime

The “Village” of Tsuma in the Crane Lands

The first day of the Topaz Championship, the most prestigious Coming of Age Ceremony in all of the Emerald Empire, has gone well. Much honor has been gained for the Lion Clan. With superior tactics and good fortune I placed second in the Grand Melee; fifth in the horse archery competition; and was almost assassinated by a sloppy poisoner in a tea house called The Laughing Carp.

To die in a tea house of all places, and one with a particularly mocking name, and from such a weak attack, would have forever stained my clan and the Akodo family name. After study in the Golden Plains Dojo for seven years and striving to be the best in all my studies, to die with chopsticks in my hand not a sword would be a cruel and unjust fate that would surely condemn me to return in the next life as common peasant.

For only five golden koku—the tiny amount of coin that would scantly feed five peasant families for a year—a lowly serving girl put poison in my bowl of rice and fish. She was given this poison by an unknown veiled woman, who appeared to be somewhat young. If Ikoma Uso had not noticed the subtle scent of poison, I might have been severely sickened for the rest of the competition or even died.

Uso saved my life and I shall never forget this. My Lion Brother, esteemed Uso had just defeated me in the Grand Melee with a strong attack, but there are no bad feelings between us. I was honored to lose to him and see him declared the winner of the melee. He was too fast for me and struck me down when only the two of us out of thirty-two competitors were left. I think of him as a stalwart friend and ally, and Ikoma Uso is a very honorable Lion, though I have not yet understood some of his odd mannerisms. Regardless, his lineage is beyond reproach, and Uso-san’s deceased father, Ikoma Katsu of the Legendary Paper Lanterns would be very proud of him.

Time is short, and I have little time to write more now, as the competition continues again soon, but I must record a few more thoughts on this day and what is to come.

First, I believe that divine forces have put me together with five individuals who my fate is irrevocably entwined with. A feeling in my heart and three events lead me to this conclusion. 1. We five met at a checkpoint outside Tsuma where many roads converged—an auspicious meeting place. We arrived there from different starting points, but arrived at the same time, and were then allowed through together. 2. A mysterious elderly monk spoke to us from beside a stream at the roadside and told about our futures as if he had knowledge that only a divine being would have. This monk disappeared from view once we had passed and there is no explanation for his miraculous disappearance. 3. We six were all assigned to the same place for room and board (except my Sparrow Clan friend Shintaro-san who had no place arranged in advance), though there were several other tea houses where we competitors of the Topaz Championship could have been sent.

These events may not seem to be much evidence for divine providence and the hands of the Fates intervening, but right from the beginning I felt a kinship with these men, as if each of them were soldiers in the same company, soldiers who would fight at my side in the times ahead.

Ikoma Uso, a Lion Clan bard and I became friends during our short ride together into Tsuma. We are Lion, and therefore Pride Brothers, but I felt like I already knew him. I suspect we served together in a Lion Army in a past life. I do not know, but I am glad to know him now, or perhaps again.

My ward, Moto Subotai, a Unicorn Clan bushi my father has entrusted in my care is not as uncouth as many of his uncultured brethren, and has conducted himself with much honor. He was selected to attend the Topaz Championship for his skill, and he has a sharp mind, despite his upbringing on the steppes. He is an accomplished horseman and won the horse combat competition with grand flair. He is also the only swordsman who stood against the great warrior Akodo Tetsuru for so long in the Grand Melee. Moto Subotai is the hostage of my Clan, and I do hope I will not have to take his life if his kin in the Unicorn Clan do not follow the terms of the treaty they signed after they were utterly defeated in the Battle of the Rich Frog. I hope he will become my brother and we can put the rancor between the Lion and Unicorn clan behind us, and form an alliance that will save Rokugan when next we are attacked.

Tamori Isao, a Dragon Clan Shugenja is the strangest of my new friends, but he is Dragon and has been too long in the thin air of the mountains communing with the spirits. Still, he did well in the Grand Melee, though he was not allowed to use the Kami and bring their power to bear. He is the most puzzling of all of my friends, but I am not worthy to question the Fates that brought him into my company and his survival to the end was no accident.

Yoritomo Oki, a Mantis clan archer who trained in the Tsuruchi archer school is one of the deadliest archers of his age that I’ve ever seen. Though I can see him chafing at the rigid path set before him by his clan, and indulging in too much sake as he perhaps wishes he were raiding Gaijin ships, I recognize his skill with a bow. Men like him are needed if Rokugan will survive the next war. Perhaps his sake will allow him to forget the faces of the men he will kill.

Suzume Shintaro, a Sparrow clan bushi is a simple man, more familiar with yoking his horse to a plow than fighting the best young warriors from all the clans, but he is strong and deft with his bladed spear. He will be deadly once he is trained properly with its use, and when he is allowed to do more training in a dojo and less work in the fields, which is far beneath his samurai status. Men like Shintaro have held the flanks of Lion Clan armies for centuries, and if not for the honor of the minor clans like his, and their refusal to break and run during countless battles, the glory of the Lion would be much diminished, though the histories rarely praise the minor clans for their service.

The alliances between the clans have always saved the Empire, and though I am a young man, I know we Rokugani are far stronger as allies than we are as divided foes, fighting to the death when the true enemy lives beyond our borders.

Today an alliance was formed. These young men, none with more than my seventeen years, trusted me in the Grand Melee and followed my orders in battle, enacting a strategy that saw all of us to the final eight, narrowed down from thirty-two. They allowed me to serve as their commander, and I was honored greatly by their trust, and for allowing me to use the training I have studied for the past seven years. I hope that when I return to the Lion Clan Lands after the Topaz Championship, I will worthy of my new position of Gunso, which I earned after graduating from the Golden Plains Dojo at the head of my class. I hope that the fifty men I will command will be as strong a company as my five new friends.

The gong has sounded, and I am being called now to attend the next competition, but I must write the words I spoke to my friends the night before at the tea ceremony I invited them to. We shared the samurai tea I brought from home, and I was inspired by new friends to speak the last words the Great Teacher Shinsei spoke to the founder of the Akodo clan two thousand years ago:

“No path is so narrow that a man must walk it alone. Be one with your brothers, and stand by them. In their strength, you will find your own.”


To be continued next Friday: 

If you would like to check out some of Paul’s writing, I recommend his Iron Dragon series:

EDIT: Every single NPC contestant in the Topaz Championship got a mini and a card:


How to get Correia nominated for a Hugo PART 3: Won’t somebody please think of the children?

So there are only nine days left to buy a supporting membership which will allow you to nominate for the Hugo Awards. It really doesn’t take that many votes to get nominated, and if Monster Hunter Legion were to become a Hugo finalist, elitist literary snobs around the world would have a complete come apart that something which was unabashed pulp, had an actual plot, had characters who actually did stuff, and wasn’t heavy handed message fiction dared tread into their sacred halls.

First I appealed to every reasonable person’s desire to make literati heads explode:

Last time I went nuclear, with sad puppies:

So what do I do now? It is pretty hard to beat sad puppies.

First, I thought about surrounding myself with children as I announced my controversial new policy. That way I could insinuate that anybody who disagreed with me would only do so if they hated children. But then I said to myself, what kind of horrible demagogue would do something as shallow and manipulative like that? I mean, you’d have to be a huge narcisist. You’d only do that if you had no actual substance, and your only hope was to appeal to emotion…


Yeah… Okay. Never mind…

So if the photo op of me surrounded by a rainbow coalition of children pleading for equal rights for pulp novelists, with their big sad eyes is out, then why not their letters? I mean, seriously, if the President of the United States can base national policy on letters from little kids, then why can’t I appeal for nominations that way?

Dear Correia,

My daddy has a subscription to Locus. How come they never ever review your books? How come the only time any Baen books appear in Locus is when they are dominating the Locus bestseller list?

Timmy, (yes, I walk with a crutch) Age 10. Somnambulant, Iowa

First off, congratulations on using the word dominating. That’s pretty badass for a ten year old.

Well, Timmy, to answer your question, that’s because Locus, which has won the semi-prozine Hugo like 72 times, is totally unbiased and only reviews “good” books. Just because my books are really popular and have entertained a lot of people, doesn’t mean they are “good”.  (nor apparently does great sales, winning other awards, getting getting translated into foreign languages where you then get nominated for foreign awards, being one of the consistent top selling audio books for a couple years in a row and winning the biggest award available in that media, or other forms of success).

You know, on that thought, it would be great if all the folks nominating me were also to nominate  another book review site in that reviewer category, who are at least honest about their biases, like say Elitist Book Reviews.

Dear Correia,

School keeps making me read boring novels. Nobody ever does anything, but they sit around and talk about doing stuff, and then nothing happens, and then everybody dies, and then we have to talk about how it makes us feel for a month, and then write a report. Why are books stupid? 

Mary Sue, Age 14, Sheeple, Ohio

Well, Mary Sue, that’s because the literati who proclaim which books are good don’t care if people actually like reading. They only care if the book is PROFOUND (as in, really really hard to understand, and open to interpretation).  If you actually enjoy the book, then obviously the author is writing pulp crap for the masses, and should be spit on and hit with sticks. They will not be happy until everybody gives up reading entirely, because then they will definately be the smartest people in the room.

Dear Correia,

My Dad says that snobs suck and are lame and he hates them. He says that the awards are just a popularity contest. He says that they even put the Dr. Who TV show and the Game of Thrones TV show into two different categories so that both their favorites could win and nobody would get their feelings hurt. That seems lame. I like ninjas. Can I have more Legos?

Deadpool Hulk Wolverine Samurai Jedi Face Punch, Age 8, Yard Moose Mountain, Utah

Okay, son. Get off the computer.

Those are some sad children. The only way to cheer them up is for you to go and buy a supporting membership to LosCon and nominate an unabashed work of dragon-helicopter chasing, Las Vegas blowing up, orc sacrificing chickens, pulp. Not only can you nominate me, you can nominate your favorite sci-fi/fantasy works from a bunch of different categories (I think five in each category!) and STICK IT TO THE MAN.

Plus, in prior years all of the voters have received big packets of eBooks, and all the shorts, novelletes, novellas, Campbell novels, comic books, and more so they can be informed voters. So you get more than your entry fee back in reading material, some of which is actually good!  You will need to register before the end of the month:

There you have it folks. I need to get Monster Hunter Legion nominated, for the children.

EDIT: Because Jack Gamble loves himself some Photoshop. :)

Think of the Children

Art from the story I wrote for Privateer Press

I love the game Warmachine and Hordes, so when I was asked if I wanted to write a story set in that world it was really a no brainer. This will be out in a few months, and I think you guys will really enjoy it. I had a great time writing it.

For those of you not familiar with the world, the fantasy race shown in this picture are the Skorne. They are a hyper-violent, ritualistic, traditional, caste society based on torture and slavery. Skorne have no gods. There is no Skorne heaven. All Skorne go to hell. And basically your one shot at salvation is proving yourself to be such an incredible badass that they’ll save your soul when you die to stick into an animated battle statue or a magical sword so that you can help your descendants kill better in the future. Skorne society is divided into a houses that continually strive against each other for dominance. Their magic system is based on pain, blood, and powered by the suffering of gigantic enslaved, enraged, war beasts.

So writing this was freaking awesome. :)

Instruments of War

Link to my Huckabee interview

Here is the link to my interview on Mike Huckabee’s show from 1/20/2013.

On Huckabee tonight on FOX

I will be on with Mike Huckabee tonight on FOX news at 8:00 Eastern. It may be shown again at 11:00 Eastern.

For new folks stopping by, it is in relation to my Opinion on Gun Control article, available here:

For any of the new visitors interested in checking out my work, just click on any of the books linked over on the right.


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