Monster Hunter Nation, 3 MILLION hits

Wow. That milestone snuck up on me, but I guess that’s what happens when you have 350,000 new readers in a week. Now if only I could get all of them to buy stuff through the Amazon links off to the side, I could pay my house off…  :)

Blogging is weird. It took me like two years to get to half a million. Then it started climbing. When I broke the first million somebody asked how it felt, so I wrote the following crazy nonsense, and then I reposted it when we hit the 2 million mark too, so I guess since this is now tradtion, I have to repost this bit of sillyness. :)

So how awesome is getting 3 million hits on your blog? How does this make me feel?  Well, if I could paint you a picture, it would look something like this:

How about Conan punching a tyranosaurs in the face while Linnea Quigley (like she looked in the 80s) fights a hot zombie chick with a chainsaw, and Linnea is in a tank top that is all ripped and about to fall off, and they’re on top of a speeding monster truck painted in tiger stripes playing a sound track by Dokken, and the monster truck is jumping over a tank that is exploding and there are ninjas flying everywhere on bullet bikes while pterodactyls shooting laser beams out of their eyes cause a big explosion with a massive fireball and then there’s like tigers with wings shooting out of the ground and theres like this skeleton, but the skeleton is wearing a chainmail bikini so you know that it was like totally a hot chick once too, but then like there’s this dude who looks like a samurai, but he’s fighting a cowboy, and blocking the cowboy’s bullets with his katana, because it is a LASER KATANA!  But then the samurai is totally Chow Yun Fat and the cowboy is Chuck Norris, and Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks the bullets in mid air to make them go faster, and there should be lightning bolts coming out of the sky, and then have like a big laughing skull behind it all, and the skull should totally be Hitler! because then you know he’s the badguy, and he should have that little mustache, and Conan and Chuck Norris are all going to totally kick his ass. And make the pterodactyls red, and put like a hammer and sickle on them, so you know they’re totally evil communist dinosaur clones, and make the monster truck be shooting blue flames out the back from all the nitro and the big tires should have spikes, and like nazi zombies are totally trapped in the spikes! And then have more hot chicks on the side, only make one like a devil with a tail and a pitchfork, and then the other side the hot chick should be an angel, but make her look a little naughty, if you know what I mean. Then make it in 3D! So that everything jumps out at you, and add more explosions, so you’re all like WOOSH KaBLAAAM PoW! POW! POW!

And yes, that does still work. :)

36 Responses

  1. When do you start filming

  2. Indeed, it does still work.

    • To contrast the blast from the past above, I just noticed on Amazon:

      Under a Graveyard Sky [Hardcover]
      John Ringo (Author)

      Apparently Mr. Ringo is getting into the Zombie business on 3 September 2013.

      Hmmmmmm.

      Inquiring minds really do want to know. However, Larry is almost certainly under an NDA, so the only logical answer is “I can neither confirm nor deny”

      On the other hand, if Larry puts up an Amazon sidebar link to the book by a future co-conspirator, then I’ll plunk down the $16.50 to have a first edition in my hot little hands on 3 September 2013.

      Further, I’ll notify my boss that I’m taking Wednesday, 4 September 2013 off, as I’ll have been up reading all night.
      —– From the Amazon description:
      NEW SF/HORROR SERIES FROM NEW YORK TIMES BEST SELLING AUTHOR! [That much is true, no matter what sneaking suspicions I have.]
      —-

      Also, Amazon just refunded me 54 cents, since the price of a book I’d bought last week dropped since I’d ordered it.

      Mr. John Ringo, if you’re reading this, you may consider your OpSec trashed, run over and turned into ZOMBIE SLUSHIE (TM).

  3. michael bay ain’t got shit on correia.

  4. I actually expected the last line to be “It’s nothing like that.”. LOL

  5. Some artistically inclined person needs to paint or draw this on a wall sized canvas.

  6. I missed this bit of awesomeness at some point and all I can day is WHY HASN’T SOMEONE MADE THIS INTO A PICTURE YET!

    • I’m hoping it’s because the artists that follow Larry just haven’t seen this post before.

      • Actually it has been tried 14 time already. Paper attempts just burst into massive fireball while electronic attempts cause the electronics to start emitting massive arcs of electricity all over the place long before the artist can finish due to the sheer awesomeness of it. Sadly 8 artists have been killed in the attempts.

        Rumor has it though that the military may be attempting to weaponize it. If the picture could be finished before itself destructs from pure awesomeness it’s estimated that it would make the Tsar Bomb a look like a fire cracker. Results of the project are still unknown.

      • JSF01 That is worthy of a short story. The military trying to take some ancient art and harness it as a weapon but ending in tears.

    • I asked an artist friend if he could draw it for me. He’s currently in the corner rocking back and forth gibbering. The awesome was more than he could bear.

      • I contemplated doing this as a series of wood relief carvings to fit together as 1 big mural. When I went to my wood pile to look for the right pieces they started smoldering. The concept was enough to overwhelm the wood.

    • They tried to make a video but this is all that survived the mysterious explosion that leveled the studio where it was being made:

  7. Good Lord Larry can I get a case or a bottle or gross of whatever you are taking…(only to be taken afyer the match of course)

  8. WHOOOOF ! I could hardly keep from visualizing ALL that stuff hitting my eyeballs at the same instant!!!

  9. Or as Larry likes to call this description: “Tuesday”

  10. Congratulations Larry:

    Your Blog and readership grow because its just that good. We all look forward to your next stuff with eager itchy trigger fingers. Never a dull moment in your books and enjoyed by all. Just got through rebuilding my STI Tactical and adding a Trijicon RMR07 Site so I am ready for anything you write:

  11. It’s mostly due to Larry’s propensity to not suck.

    It’s also mostly due to the fact that there’s a lot of us out here who remember when Linnea Quigley was smoking hot and when Dokken was still a bankable act in countries other than Japan.

    Mostly.

  12. Congratulations on the 3 mil, Larry. You earned them.

  13. Call me a mossback or shellback, but I simply do not buy over the web, full stop. I have heard enough horror stories that I have never, ever, put financial information pertinent to myself into the computer, regardless of reassurances of how secure any computer channel might be. On the other hand, I am the kind of Right-winger who favors local businesses wheresoever it is possible to do, so I buy my books from the independent bookstore six blocxks away from my apartment.

    • No problemo. The independent bookstore six blocks away is undoubtedly on the web, and will undoubtedly be more than happy to order whatever you like.

  14. I just read MHI & MH Vendetta (started yesterday and finished today). Had to shovel driveway before I could start MH Alpha.
    This series is fun! :)

  15. Sounds like the ultimate big man’s tattoo backplate, man.

    And LQ’s a great gal to this day BTW.

    • Been reading your books and blog posts a little over a year. My wife ALWAYS asks me, “what are you laughing at?” I can not articulate, nor would she appreciate the reasons why I find your writing so funny.

      I think there are two types of people: those who can completely visualize that scene (cool people) and those that just read the words (dry unimaginative lemmings).

      Never mess with nerds that dabble in firearms!

  16. Larry, as I can’t afford to get into Warmachine at the moment, I did manage to snag a copy of XCom:Enemy Unknown for $18 during the holiday sales. It seems like it would be right up your alley.

    Check it out:

  17. Uh Larry……..
    have you thought about switching to decaf???

    • aikorob,

      I now the truth may scar your soul with horror, but hear the truth anyway: He doesn’t need caffeine to be like that. Seriously. No red bull, no coffee, not even tea – that’s just straight Larry.

      If you now try to imagine him on energy drinks… My brain’s smarter than to go there.

  18. Hey Larry… this is off subject.. But I think some one is stealing plot from you. I saw: “Final Countdown (Bubba the Monster Hunter) [Kindle Edition]
    John G. Hartness (Author) ” on amazon

  19. Loved your description. Really made my day. And yeah, it sounds like you want to steal all the white women. : )

  20. I kept thinking Conan O’Brien, so it kinda spoiled it.

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