Netanyahu and America’s idiot media

Read that link. Seriously, read it. This was a headline article on the AP news feed on Yahoo. This thing pissed me off. Warning, there will be bad words.

Done? So Netanyahu goes before the UN a few days after Ahmadinejad talks of vaporizing Israel, and tries to warn the world that a nuclear Iran is unacceptable, and to plead for sanity. Everybody with a functioning brain knows that a couple days after Iran gets a nuke, Tel Aviv is a smoking hole and Israel as a nation is destroyed. Unless of course, you are one of those willfully ignorant wishful thinking types who denies that will happen, because you somehow think Iran is a totally reasonable nation despite all indicators to the contrary, and Ahmadinejad is only joking about that whole starting the apocalypse thing.

When Israel retaliates with nukes, millions will die. Gas will be $30 a gallon, and hilarity will ensue when the world discovers that it can no longer afford to grow or ship food. Since there is only like three days worth of food in any given American city, I’m sure you elite urban hipster douchebags will be Tweeting all sorts of great lines, right before you get eaten.

See, this is funny stuff. Dead Jews are fucking hilarious. Yahoo said so.

So it makes perfect sense that the title of this article is: Netanyahu’s ‘red line’ mocked on Twitter…

Because, you know, when a desperate world leader is pleading for sanity the best thing to do* is make fun of his graphic design skills.  *If you are an asshole.

“Okay, it’s official,” The Atlantic’s Jeffery Goldberg wrote “Netanyahu has no idea what he’s doing. He has just turned a serious issue into a joke.”

Yeah… Netanyahu, who was an Sayeret Matkal special forces team commander, who has led men in combat and been shot, who is now leading a country that is less than a year away from nuclear destruction by a bunch of fanatics, wherein all of his friends and family will be brutally murdered, has “turned this serious issue into a joke” because idiots on Twitter don’t like his drawing of a bomb.

Personally, I would think Barack Obama going on the View rather than having face to face meetings with these world leaders would be a bit more of a joke, but hey, whatever. I’m not brilliant enough to get quoted on Yahoo.

Goldberg continued: “Netanyahu’s bomb cartoon is the Middle East equivalent of Clint Eastwood’s chair.”

Wait… So are you saying it was simple and effective? Well I guess both of those were incidents of take no bullshit old guys making elitist academic pricks who write for liberal rags like the Atlantic look like douchebags? Help me out here, Jeff.

Apparently Netanyahu took a chart-making course from Paul Ryan,” the comedian Rob Delaney tweeted.

Ha! That’s a good one. Screw stupid charts and spreadsheets! I’d much rather base my economic policies on unicorn farts and magic wishing wells like Obama has. Accountants are lame! Finance isn’t a green job! Boo! Sure, Social Security and Medicare are functionally doomed and the economy has committed ritual seppuku, and our healthcare law is one of the worst pieces of nonsensical garbage ever passed, but one of the people talking about it LIKES CHARTS. HA HA HA! LOOK AT THE MATH NERD.

“I didn’t realize nuclear bombs looked like the bombs from Super Mario,” Buzzfeed’s Andrew Kaczynski quipped.

Man! That’s a good one! You know what else is absolutely hilarious? Dead Jews! Piles of them around a smoking radioactive crater! That’s a real knee slapper! Thanks Buzzfeed! You’re the source of all my geopolitical strategic think tank needs.

“Netanyahu has reduced nuclear war diplomacy to cartoons and markers,” Sam Stein tweeted.

Yeah. Because the man who has been asking for America to help, and been totally ignored, snubbed, and even mocked by this administration is such a tool. You know, whoever the fuck Sam Stein is supposed to be, maybe Netanyahu had just gotten so desperate dealing with a bunch of spoiled children that he decided to try to communicate with them that way. Hence the crayons. Obviously it didn’t work, because our State Department is still a bunch of liberal pussies, who spent three weeks trying to blame a blatantly obvious terrorist attack on a Youtube clip.

Many Twitter users questioned the wisdom of bringing clip art to the U.N., while some referenced a Roadrunner comparison.

“Excuse me, Prime Minister Netanyahu?” Rex Huppke wrote. “Wile E. Coyote called. He wants his bomb back.”

“From what I can tell,” ‏ @AGFlores tweeted, “Iran is seeking 1950′s cartoon bombs made by Acme.”

“Internets: Quick!” Jodi Williams wrote on Twitter. “We need a photo mashup of the StringRay photobomb and #Netanyahu’s bomb chart.”

Which begs the question, would Rex Huppke, AG Flores, Jodi Williams, and Rocketboy69 know what a nuclear weapon actually looked like anyway? Gonna go out on a limb and say no, especially since the Iranian one is probably going to go across the border in the back of a truck, and will look a lot more like a septic tank than Fat Man or Little Boy.

Ooooooh, because that is so much more evocative…

Hang on, guys… Let me check to see if Netanyahu gives a flying fuck what you idiots who can’t think through anything deeper than a Facebook meme think about him trying to keep his people from being slaughtered by fanatics… No. Apparently not.

Thanks Yahoo AP news feed. I really needed to know what a bunch of dipshit ignoramuses thought about serious issues of life or death. Don’t worry, when I’m sure the UN is done screwing over Israel, and they’ve had to go it alone in order to defend themselves, and they bomb the crap out of Iran, you’ll run funny Tweets about our totally ineffectual castrati foreign policy.

I won’t hold my breath on that.


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