Let’s play SPOT THE RACIST!

It is time to play everyone’s favorite game, SPOT THE RACIST! I’m your host, Keith Olberman. Today we are going to play Minor Celebrity Edition Spot the Racist. Our contestant today is wretched Neo-Con and alleged bestselling author, Larry F. Correia.

Camera pans to contestant – “Hey, Keith. Glad to see you got a new job.”

I was a victim of the Bush economy. Here is our first scenario, Mitt Romney recently gave a speech at the NAACP convention. One of the heads of the NAACP had this to say afterward: “I believe his vested interests are in white Americans,” said Charlette Stoker Manning, chair of Women in NAACP. “You cannot possibly talk about jobs for black people at the level he’s coming from. He’s talking about entrepreneurship, savings accounts — black people can barely find a way to get back and forth from work.”

So, SPOT THE RACIST!

Is the racist:

  1. The lady who generalizes that black people are too ignorant to comprehend things like savings accounts?
  2. The Republican that says everybody should have the opportunity to work and better themselves through their own efforts?

“I’m going to have to go with A, Keith. Because that’s pretty freaking stupid. I mean, savings accounts are hard to understand? What does race even have to do with that? Entrepreneurship is how you improve yourself, regardless of where you come from. You see an opportunity to provide a service people want and they give you money, that’s pretty straight forward.”

I’m sorry, but you’re incorrect! The correct answer is B. The racist is always the republican.

“Well, that’s freaking stupid.”

Uh oh! – SIRENS SOUND AND LIGHTS FLASH – That was starting to sound like dangerous hate speech!

“Seriously? You can’t tell me black culture doesn’t understand entrepreneurship. I used to live in north Birmingham. There are plenty of black people who start their own businesses. You can’t even play the black culture card on this issue. It doesn’t matter how poor you are or how crappy the neighborhood you grew up in is, everybody is capable of understanding capitalism. Hell, watch Get Rich or Die Trying.”

I’m sorry, Mr.Correia, but saying that African Americans are capable of taking care of themselves without the government holding their hand is racist. It says so on my cue card.

Let’s try again. This time it is a visual spot the racist. Look at the following political cartoon and spot the racist.

Is the racist:

  1. The cartoonist who insinuates that minorities are too stupid, lazy, or apathetic to get some form of ID (like you need to function in the actual world)?
  2. The republicans, for not wanting illegal aliens and felons to vote, or for anybody to vote a whole bunch of times fraudulently?

“I think this might be a trick question, Keith… But I’m going to have to go with A. Isn’t generalizing about entire groups with negative and ignorant stereotypes the definition of racism?”

BUUUZZZZZZ. I’m sorry. You’re wrong. The actual definition of racism is anything that that goes against the interests of democrats. The answer is B. Republicans are always racist regardless of whatever the issue is.

“Wow… I can see why you keep getting fired from increasingly shitty jobs.”

DING DING DING – That sound means we have entered our speed round!  You will have one second to hit the right button and then we will tally up your score.

Democrat Elizabeth Warren falsely claims to be Cherokee in order to take advantage of Equal Opportunity and milk the system. – NOT RACIST.

Young and stoned Barack Obama berates and humiliates Latino cleaning ladies. – NOT RACIST.

Republicans question AG Eric Holder for Fast & Furious, which was partially responsible in the deaths of 300 Mexicans. – RACIST! (the republicans obviously, because Eric Holder is a democrat and therefore NOT RACIST!)

Democrat Harry Reid refers to Obama as a clean well-spoken negro. – NOT RACIST.

Democrat Joe Biden does a bad Indian accent and infers that all Indians work at 7-11. – NOT RACIST.

Wanting to repeal Obamacare, because it is a giant, bloated, stupid tax, which doesn’t actually help anything and which will only serve to bankrupt America – TOTALLY RACIST.

And that concludes our speed round… Let’s tally up your points so far… And you have zero.

“I’m thinking my buzzer might be broken.”

That’s what all of you white contestants say.

“Actually, according to the federal government’s definition, I’m Latino.”

But you’re right wing… And compared to these Home Depot paint chips, Warm Beige at best.

“I know, right? My mom was born in Africa, but she’s so white she turns purple in the sun. Luckily, when my dad is taking his gout medicine he is two shades darker than Barack Obama, so it evens out. My dad’s side of the family is Azorean by way of Terceira.”

Those are very foreign sounding words, so we’ll just make up some new term like White Hispanic so we can safely dismiss any divergent opinion you have.

“Okay, cool.”

And now we come to Final Spot the Racist, the most difficult, most horrible, hardest challenge of all time ever. Our contestant will have one minute to name any minority that agrees with the racist hatemongery of the GOP. – CUE RIP OFF OF JEOPARDY THEME – and go.

“Off the top of my head Allen West, Marco Rubio, Bobby Jindal, Nikki Haley, Clarence Thomas, Condoleezza Rice, and locally our one democrat congressman is about to get his ass handed to him by an awesome black, female, Mormon, Tea Party conservative named Mia Love. And here, let me check on my iPhone on Wikipedia for big lists like http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_African-American_Republicans or http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Republican_National_Hispanic_Assembly

I’m sorry. Wrong answer. This was a trick question. Minorities can’t be republican, because the second a minority breaks from the accepted monolithic liberal groupthink they are kicked out of their race and become Uncle Tom sellouts.

“But isn’t the idea that everybody who is the same color automatically thinks the same way in itself a racist concept?”

I’m sorry, that doesn’t compute, you filthy chuwero. You have zero points. So we’ve got a new loser on SPOT THE RACIST!

“I think America loses when we play Spot the Racist.”

Wait… What’s this? I just got fired again… Damn it. And my replacement is Al Sharpton? Stupid affirmative action.

67 Responses

  1. Geez Larry- what could YOU possibly understand about entrepreneurship?

  2. I was goin to say, “Wait, they made an actual list of every african-american republican? Wow, that 2010 Census is off the hook!”

    But then I clicked the link and it said “This is an incomplete list” and it only had a hundred or so of racial turncoats.

    If you haven’t read any Walter E. Williams, you need to.

    Also – the DHS has classified you as a potential terrorist for your alternative views, and Obama and his cronies are probably plotting your indefinite detainment.

  3. An Uncle Tom…

    Last time I read the book, Uncle Tom was a man who sacrificed himself for his family and those he loved regardless of race; a man who’s Christ-like roll was only upstaged by the angelic Eva. For the sake of the game, Tom is the racist and should have been more like Sambo and Quimbo.

    • Sort of like how all the liberals were screaming racism when the Obama as the Joker posters came out after the last Batman, and how it was just like blackface, and how using blackface was the most racist thing EVAR… Except in reality the guy most famous for using blackface was Al Jolson, who was a civil right’s champion who did more to help black culture in America in one afternoon that Jesse Jackson has done in his entire wretched life.

      • Especially when the Democrats had no problem using blackface against Michael Steele during his Senate run, or promoting the rap song that called Condoleeza Rice a house slave…

      • Jesse Jackson’s life is getting more wretched by the minute. See nat’l news. He’s in rehab ducking an ethics investigation.

      • That’s Jesse Jackson, Jr.

      • Like Father Like Son!. Jesse Junior is a true Scumbag just his Scumbag Daddie though only at neophyte level. That means Daddy Jesse has to approve anything and everything that has to do with the family business. Racial Intimidation and the Protection Racket…err unmm I meant of course our Insurance with local and national businesses. Now smile or we will Firebomb your Business……is that a recorder

  4. Yup. And I’ll name names. Jim Hines And John Scalzi were unable to respond to my question of “So, you think Mexicans, Cubans, Guatemalans and Arizonans have indistinguishable culture and thought processes as “Hispanics”? You think Indians, Chinese, Pakistanis, Hmong, Thai, Koreans and Japanese as “Asians” are all one culture? You think because I’m white that being brought up in England and Canada makes me just the same as you?”

    “Liberals” will sort people by color, toss out the ones who aren’t “colored” enough, use manipulated statistics to claim that people of various shades of color score various ways in society regardless of their culture, and accuse you of raaaaaacism! for challenging it.

    • As someone who’s had exposure to people from pretty much every South American country, North and West Africans, and Europeans of every flavor, I fully appreciate you hitting them with this question.

    • Oh come on Michael, it’s not like you were brought up in another country.
      //sarcasm//
      sadly, a lot of people tend to think that way.

  5. On that political cartoon, I can’t make out what’s written on most of the hurdles. Can anyone clue me in, or provide a link to a large size image?

    Thanks.

  6. “you filthy chuwero” Man I love it when geeks get into politics! :D

    • Mike Kupari and I decided a long time ago that I’m a chuwero (thanks Penny Arcade) and he’s a zoonose. Since the Portuguese and Finns are such small groups in America, we needed some good solid ethnic slurs for each other.

      • Mike is a disease passed from animals to humans?

      • Larry and I were texting back and forth when I was in EOD school in Florida. He was sarcastically discussing something some troll said on this very blog, and how they complain about “Zionists”.

        His iPhone autocorrected “Zionists” to “Zoonoses”.

        I asked him if that was some weird 1930s slur for Jews, since he was writing Hard Magic at the time. Isn’t the stereotype that they have big noses, or something? I don’t know.

        Turns out Zoonoses is actually a word. It’s a word so unlikely to be used that it’s hilarious that his phone chose it. But then, my phone likes to autocorrect “so” to “do”, which makes even less sense, so why the hell not?

        Larry, however, is a dirty chuwero. It’s fitting because despite his claims of being Portugese or whatever, his ethnicity is pretty ambiguous just to look at him.

        If anyone is too lazy to search for its origin, here you go:

        http://www.penny-arcade.com/comic/2006/11/10/

        Chuweros have asshole faces, for starters.

        I actually had to do, like, minutes of Googling to find a racial slur for Finns. Now, I’m not Finnish, I don’t speak a word of the language, I’ve never been there, and I don’t pretend to identify with them culturally in any way. My father was a first-generation American on his side of the family, however, and his parents were immigrants from Finland.

        So Finnish is the closest thing I have to an ethnic identity. Truth be told I don’t give the color of my skin much thought, except for that I’m pasty white from never running around shirtless. Anyway.

        Here are some slurs for Finns.

        http://www.rsdb.org/races#finnish

        I think my favorite of the bunch is Poro, which is apparently Finnish for “reindeer”.

        You better not call me a reindeer, Larry. It’s an ugly word, now that I’m aware of it’s derogatory connotation. I’m suddenly offended by quite a few Christmas carols, too. Very offended. Those stupid claymation Rudolph movies from my childhood should be banned!! Stop oppressing me you racist, dirty chuwero!!

  7. “I’m thinking my buzzer might be broken.”

    Of course it is! You, as a White-Hispanic, would have an unfair advantage if you were given a working buzzer. Racist.

  8. One recommendation: put Olberman’s lines in bold (or your own lines) so that it’s easier to tell who is saying what.

    I appreciate your outrage, Larry. Keep it comin’.

  9. Sigh. Fish, barrel. Phoning it in, Larry? It is a sad sad fact that there is justification for pointing out such obvious flaws in the uber-society’s logic.

  10. Just tell her a savings account is like an EBT card you have to put your own money into….

  11. Okay Larry concern troll is still awesome, I hope that’s a recurring character from time to time, cause its hilarious!

    • Hey Larry! What’s the bounty on a concern troll? Or is that waived under the current administration?

  12. What’s Concern Troll say this time? My phone won’t get it big enough to read. Thanks!

  13. Pleasepleaseplease tell me Mia is going to win. Love her.

    • Dear Six,
      Mia is going to win. We all love her.

      If you thought 2010 was a bad year to run as a Dem, hang around a few months.

  14. This would make a good skit on youtube. Who knows maybe a liberal or two would watch it, have a mild aneurism and be able to start thinking for the first time in their lives.

  15. You’re latino?! Now I have to stop reading your site. Cause I’m racist.

  16. I just want to know if Concern Troll is going to show up in MH:L.

  17. Isn’t the Democratic party the one that spawned the KKK???

    • shhh using logic and facts against libs is unfair. It’s like bringing a howitzer to a fight while they bring a butter knife.
      I love how libs try and say that the racist dems are really republicans they just don’t know to be republicans.
      I’ve known racists my whole life, it’s just remarkable that all the ones I’ve known are democrats.
      Heck my professor on the State Board for Democrats was a huge racist, spent 15 min the first day of class complaining that there are too many Mohamed’s in her class and why do they do that to her. She got to my name(I have 2 middle names) and she said “wow you have more names than the Mohamed’s” The following class she put a screen shot up to show us something and picked one of the Mohamed’s who had 3 middle initials and said “You know in this country we put our degrees at the end of our name”. The guy was totally embarrassed.
      It’s okay though because she wants to give them money because as she said on the first day “minorities can’t be expected to pay for college or be able to graduate without someone helping them”.

      Yeah and I’m the racist because I think everyone should be treated equally…

  18. Got a good grin here. Flashback to the old Monty Python skits, in particular the one where they had Che Guevara, Carl Marx, Mao Tse Tung and Vladamir Lenin then asked them only questions about English football trivia. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vZ9myHhpS9s

    (Warning: the skit is actually possibly racist!)

  19. “Aw, dammit!”
    -What’s the matter, sir?
    “It’s my race card- it doesn’t want to register!”
    -I think it because maybe you’ve been overusing it and wore it out?
    “Maybe if I put a plastic bag on it (swipe)… no, no good.”

  20. Ha!!! Love it! Scary part is, though…somewhere (possibly multiple somewheres) there’s a lib sitting back, petting his magical unicorn, staring wistfully off into the distance where a rainbow-pooping poptart cruises blissfully through the skies, and thinks to him/herself “you know, this would make for a great reality show on the Oprah network…I’ll have to make some calls in the morning!”

  21. So sorry, but I can’t read the upper caption on the new concern troll. Working off my dumbphone again, on a business trip. Thanks again.

  22. My first thought was a Saturday Night Live skit with Will Ferrell playing Keith and James Gandolfini playing Larry …

    • SNL wouldn’t make fun of libs that much. You would need PJTV or BSofA both web based.

      • Probably true, but that wasn’t my first thought. And, back in the day, SNL would make fun of them, if you haven’t seen it look at their take on the Bush/Gore debates when they skewered Gore and Bush perfectly.

      • Oh yeah I remember and miss SNL from back in the day. That was one of the shows I would sneak out of my room lay on my side and watch with 1 eye peaking around the corner. If I had both eyes Pa would catch me.
        I later found out some of the time Pa knew I was there, but thought if I was going through that much trouble to be sneaky and only getting 1 eye full of late night TV I earned it.

  23. The Democrats are all about dividing people by the color of their skins. They always have been, all the way back to the Civil War. The way they have sold themselves as paragons of racial sensitivity is one of the most astonishing Cons in the history of politics. There is total continuity of policy between the original KKK and Al Sharpton; keep the brown people poor and ignorant except for a few quislings who are trotted out to show how benevolent and enlightened their Masters are.

  24. I still haven’t been able to hear a rational argument as to why having a photo ID is so onerous. Really, how does anybody get by without one? Really, this is the dumbest thing the Left argues about.

    • They claim 10% of adults don’t have ID, and that number jumps to 20-25% for minorities. I don’t know if they are saying they have no IDs period, or they just never carry any.
      The only people I know who don’t carry ID habitually are criminals. That’s not racist though because I’m talking about my cousins, an uncle, and other male relatives.
      So I wonder what the stats of their “don’t have ID crowd” are when compared to their criminal records.
      Of course I’d be run out of town and probably beaten as a racist for saying this IRL.

      • SCOTUS says vote ID laws are legal, provided an ID is available free to those lacking one (such as they’d need for food stamps, welfare, etc). Both IN and GA’s laws comply.

        And surveys show democratic turnout INCREASED several percent with this law, because it seems poor people in crappy neighborhoods are most likely to have some punk try to show up early and vote on their behalf.

      • Oh I totally agree the laws are legal. I was just pointing out the reason why the libs think the law is unfair, and my curiosity over the stats.

  25. The term monster is racist. The new PC term is Supernatural American.

    Demons are now called Interdemsional Refugees.

    Zombies have a Life Deficit

    Vampires are now called Soul Challenged.

  26. Bueno el Jefe!
    Keith Olderwomann will get his. We sent a goat to his room as a joke, we had to call the SPCA – it turns out that keith Olderwomenn tried to sexually molest the goat. The goat is therapy and the goats owner is suing Olderwomann for 20 million bucks and reparations for molesting his girl freind (the goat whose name is Morena.

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