It is time to play everyone’s favorite game, SPOT THE RACIST! I’m your host, Keith Olberman. Today we are going to play Minor Celebrity Edition Spot the Racist. Our contestant today is wretched Neo-Con and alleged bestselling author, Larry F. Correia.
Camera pans to contestant – “Hey, Keith. Glad to see you got a new job.”
I was a victim of the Bush economy. Here is our first scenario, Mitt Romney recently gave a speech at the NAACP convention. One of the heads of the NAACP had this to say afterward: “I believe his vested interests are in white Americans,” said Charlette Stoker Manning, chair of Women in NAACP. “You cannot possibly talk about jobs for black people at the level he’s coming from. He’s talking about entrepreneurship, savings accounts — black people can barely find a way to get back and forth from work.”
So, SPOT THE RACIST!
Is the racist:
- The lady who generalizes that black people are too ignorant to comprehend things like savings accounts?
- The Republican that says everybody should have the opportunity to work and better themselves through their own efforts?
“I’m going to have to go with A, Keith. Because that’s pretty freaking stupid. I mean, savings accounts are hard to understand? What does race even have to do with that? Entrepreneurship is how you improve yourself, regardless of where you come from. You see an opportunity to provide a service people want and they give you money, that’s pretty straight forward.”
I’m sorry, but you’re incorrect! The correct answer is B. The racist is always the republican.
“Well, that’s freaking stupid.”
Uh oh! – SIRENS SOUND AND LIGHTS FLASH – That was starting to sound like dangerous hate speech!
“Seriously? You can’t tell me black culture doesn’t understand entrepreneurship. I used to live in north Birmingham. There are plenty of black people who start their own businesses. You can’t even play the black culture card on this issue. It doesn’t matter how poor you are or how crappy the neighborhood you grew up in is, everybody is capable of understanding capitalism. Hell, watch Get Rich or Die Trying.”
I’m sorry, Mr.Correia, but saying that African Americans are capable of taking care of themselves without the government holding their hand is racist. It says so on my cue card.
Let’s try again. This time it is a visual spot the racist. Look at the following political cartoon and spot the racist.
Is the racist:
- The cartoonist who insinuates that minorities are too stupid, lazy, or apathetic to get some form of ID (like you need to function in the actual world)?
- The republicans, for not wanting illegal aliens and felons to vote, or for anybody to vote a whole bunch of times fraudulently?
“I think this might be a trick question, Keith… But I’m going to have to go with A. Isn’t generalizing about entire groups with negative and ignorant stereotypes the definition of racism?”
BUUUZZZZZZ. I’m sorry. You’re wrong. The actual definition of racism is anything that that goes against the interests of democrats. The answer is B. Republicans are always racist regardless of whatever the issue is.
“Wow… I can see why you keep getting fired from increasingly shitty jobs.”
DING DING DING – That sound means we have entered our speed round! You will have one second to hit the right button and then we will tally up your score.
Democrat Elizabeth Warren falsely claims to be Cherokee in order to take advantage of Equal Opportunity and milk the system. – NOT RACIST.
Young and stoned Barack Obama berates and humiliates Latino cleaning ladies. – NOT RACIST.
Republicans question AG Eric Holder for Fast & Furious, which was partially responsible in the deaths of 300 Mexicans. – RACIST! (the republicans obviously, because Eric Holder is a democrat and therefore NOT RACIST!)
Democrat Harry Reid refers to Obama as a clean well-spoken negro. – NOT RACIST.
Democrat Joe Biden does a bad Indian accent and infers that all Indians work at 7-11. – NOT RACIST.
Wanting to repeal Obamacare, because it is a giant, bloated, stupid tax, which doesn’t actually help anything and which will only serve to bankrupt America – TOTALLY RACIST.
And that concludes our speed round… Let’s tally up your points so far… And you have zero.
“I’m thinking my buzzer might be broken.”
That’s what all of you white contestants say.
“Actually, according to the federal government’s definition, I’m Latino.”
But you’re right wing… And compared to these Home Depot paint chips, Warm Beige at best.
“I know, right? My mom was born in Africa, but she’s so white she turns purple in the sun. Luckily, when my dad is taking his gout medicine he is two shades darker than Barack Obama, so it evens out. My dad’s side of the family is Azorean by way of Terceira.”
Those are very foreign sounding words, so we’ll just make up some new term like White Hispanic so we can safely dismiss any divergent opinion you have.
And now we come to Final Spot the Racist, the most difficult, most horrible, hardest challenge of all time ever. Our contestant will have one minute to name any minority that agrees with the racist hatemongery of the GOP. – CUE RIP OFF OF JEOPARDY THEME – and go.
“Off the top of my head Allen West, Marco Rubio, Bobby Jindal, Nikki Haley, Clarence Thomas, Condoleezza Rice, and locally our one democrat congressman is about to get his ass handed to him by an awesome black, female, Mormon, Tea Party conservative named Mia Love. And here, let me check on my iPhone on Wikipedia for big lists like http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_African-American_Republicans or http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Republican_National_Hispanic_Assembly ”
I’m sorry. Wrong answer. This was a trick question. Minorities can’t be republican, because the second a minority breaks from the accepted monolithic liberal groupthink they are kicked out of their race and become Uncle Tom sellouts.
“But isn’t the idea that everybody who is the same color automatically thinks the same way in itself a racist concept?”
I’m sorry, that doesn’t compute, you filthy chuwero. You have zero points. So we’ve got a new loser on SPOT THE RACIST!
“I think America loses when we play Spot the Racist.”
Wait… What’s this? I just got fired again… Damn it. And my replacement is Al Sharpton? Stupid affirmative action.