Joe Biden, the gift that keeps on giving

http://pjmedia.com/tatler/2012/03/19/biden-in-500-years-there-was-never-so-audacious-a-military-op-as-osama-nab/ 

Speaking about Obama’s decision to send the SEALs to get Osama: “You can go back 500 years. You cannot find a more audacious plan,”

Yes… That was certainly the most audacious military move in five hundred years, if not EVAR!

Like many history buffs, I am a little confused by this statement. So I sat down with Vice President Joe “Joe” Biden to ask his opinions on matters of military history.

***

LC – You said that Barack Obama made the most audacious military move in five hundred years. What about D Day? You’d think the biggest, craziest, most secret invasion ever would be audacious.

JB -Nope. Bunch of chumps sunning themselves on a beach.

LC – Manhattan Project war ending super weapon?

JB -Nerds and their slide rules.

LC – What about the turning point of Midway, or the Japanese surprise attack that destroyed our Pacific fleet?

JB -Barack Obama plays with cooler boats in the bath tub!

LC – Ok, Joe. What about during the Korean War when a handful of frostbitten Marines fought off a million Chinese?

JB -Barack Obama’s played golf games that were tougher.

LC – Lost Brigade?

JB -Barack Obama never gets lost! The Secret Service has GPS. 

LC – Seriously? What about facing certain death and answering Nuts?

JB – I don’t even know what that means, but Barack Obama loves him some cashews! 

LC – Maybe I’m not thinking big enough. That’s only this century. You said five centuries. What about the Alamo?

JB – I don’t drink imported beer.

LC – George Washington versus the best army in the world?

JB -Who?

LC – You know. Founding Father. War of Independance… The Constitution?

JB – I’m not familiar with this “constitution” thingy, but whoever he was he was a punk ass bitch compared to Barack Obama! 

LC – You know, five hundred years is really a long time, and there were some fairly audacious military folks making some fairly audacious decisions during that. Napoleon, Robert E. Lee, Lord Nelson,  Shaka Zulu, Geronimo… Hell, Hernando Cortez and Oda Nobunaga squeek into that timeframe… These aren’t ringing any bells are they?  

JB- Sorry, I was getting another beer from that convenience store down on the corner. It’s owned by an Indian. Not that kind of Indian. The other kind. Like all the taxi drivers. With the dot on their forehead. Not the kind with feathers.

LC – I swear, you’re like a circus clown trapped in a vice president’s body. You’re like assassination insurance. May God have mercy on us all.

***

Well there you go, folks. Everything, in history, ever, for all time, pales next to finding out that the most wanted man in the world is in a house in Pakistan and sending a group of Navy SEALs to kill his ass, even after you blithered on about it, almost didn’t do it because you were afraid of hurting feelings, and got manipulated into it by Leon Panetta and Hillary Clinton.  

Joe’s latest brings back memories of such classics as this one:  http://larrycorreia.wordpress.com/2011/05/26/joe-biden-and-bud-light-presents-teh-bestest-president-evar/ It almost makes you wish for the good old days, like when the media destroyed a vice president for spelling potato wrong. Oh wait, that was a republican. Never mind.

36 Responses

  1. It’s almost a pity that, with any luck, we’ll be sending him back to Delaware to play the local clubs.

    Because the one exit line I **DON’T** want to hear from Lunch-Bucket Joe is:

    “I’ll be here the next four years. . . .try the Government Cheese !”

  2. “You’re like assassination insurance.”

    That’s precisely what he is.

    And let’s be thankful he stopped at 500 years. I dare say Hannibal’s crossing the Alps compares favorably in audacity to the raid on Osama’s compound.

    (Of course, Biden would think you were talking about Antony Hopkins if you said “Hannibal” to him.)

  3. That. Was. Perfect.

  4. LC you are pretty funny sonetimes. Funnier still is you only had to make up some of this.

  5. Sadly (scarily?) This probably isn’t far off.

  6. Guess he never heard of this guy, either. http://www.2worldwar2.com/otto-skorzeny.htm
    Just because he was not on the Allies side doesn’t make him totally bada$$.
    “Pinhead” applies.
    Osama was right, though, making Biden President would hurt us horribly. He’s another Dukkakis. Clueless. There is *nothing* good about Biden, except that he is a fellow American. We must grant that, however much we dislike his politics.
    Ralph

  7. Hilarious interview, Larry. He’s assassination/impeachment insurance. No American wants to see Obama resign his office and put Biden in there. The man is certifiable.

    I haven’t been able to find video of the 2008 VP debate but that had some real doozies in it too.

  8. I’m also wondering about the 48% figure he quoted as the likelihood of bin Laden being in the building. I’m thinking it goes something like this….

    Osama’s favorite meal is smutto. He eats it for dinner 40% of the time. One of his two body doubles, O1, however, only eats it 10% of the time to show loyalty (and throws up later). His second body double, O2, eats smutto for one-third of his dinners.
    Since Osama, O1, and O2 are never found in the same compound, and no one else in Pakistan eats smutto, if the CIA intercepts a take-out order for huitlacoche and natto, what’s the chance Osama is in that compound?

  9. I would say just in American history..

    Inchon.

    Brilliant idea Brilliant execution due to shear balls and a whole batalion of guardian angels rolling an improbably large number of natural 20s.

    New meaning to the axiom if its stupid and works it isnt stupid.

  10. Heck,
    Hiroshima and Nagasaki were big gambles. If the bombs had not detonated, the Japanese would have had enough to reverse engineer one. May be fast enough to make a difference. I don’t think so, but one never knows.
    One thing – did everyone see the people watching the SEAL video? Everyone, including O, was serious, except Hillary, who was shocked. Was she faking or was it real? I know the other sillivians were acting.
    Curious minds want to know ….

    • They weren’t averse to using “Jewish Physics.” We now know that although they weren’t far along, they were following the right track, which put them, in practical terms, ahead of the Germans. If they had the chance to have a look at the bits of a bomb they would have understood it right off.

      At that point in the war their problem would have been delivery.

  11. “nerds and their slide rules”. My wife cries when she sees vehicles with the reactive armor cassettes expended, and the soldiers not hurt, because of that armor. She worked on that program back in the day. Her work, and that of a lot of other nerds, has saved a lot of American lives and limbs.

  12. Thinking about VP Biden, I’m reminded of something Howard Tayler wrote in his web comic, Schlock Mercenary: “One of the best uses for a monkey is to make everybody pay attention to the monkey.”

    http://www.schlockmercenary.com/2010-10-31

    • Dave,
      With all due respect, it would take a lot more than a monkey like Biden to distract me from the economy, the cost of gas, our precarious geopolitical position give the downsizing of our military, while we buy white elephants like the F-22 or F-35, and cut the DD(X) with a rail gun, mandates we buy insurance [if that works, they can mandate we buy *anything*]; a wholly ignored undocumented illegal population of various nationalities, some who want to work, and some who want to be criminals.
      We’d need an October Surprise of enormous proportions to do that.
      Ralph

  13. “assassination insurance”

    Nail on the head.

  14. He is not like assassination insurance, he IS assassination insurance.

  15. Ummm. No he isn’t As****** insurance at all.

    Would you rather have well thought out evil, which we have now, or bumbling incompetent evil. I’d take the bumbling, incompetent evil every time.

    Come on, just try to say with a straight face that Biden could have screwed this country over 1/10th as much as Barry the First.

  16. Operation Niwi? The 503rd PRCT dropping on The Rock? Sturmgruppe Granit at Eben Emael? And that’s just a handful from ’40-’45.

    There’s a lot of l’audace in the last half millennium, Joe.

    (What kills me is how Barry O. get the credit for this, like he was first out of the Crashhawk with a dagger in his teeth, spraying from the hip with an MP7…)

  17. My pick would be the Battle of Trenton.

    I’m waiting for Joey B to start lobbying for putting Obama’s puss on Mt Rushmore.

    That’s audacious!

    • Even by making fun of Biden, we are giving him far more attention than he’s worth.
      Hopefully, after November, all we have do is pay him his lifetime pension. Nice gig, but peanuts compared to the retirement of the Exxon CEO a couple of years back – $400 million dollar package. What Biden gets *might* pay this guys’ gf of convenience or chauffeur. I know we’d all like the kind of pay Biden gets, for doing nothing, essentially, but I’d rather get the market rate for what I want to do, which is AI applied to bioinformatics, to build better replacement parts; I can get them installed in India. That’s worth more than Biden will ever be.
      Let me opine: I think Larry’s book’s have brought more enjoyment and employment [selling, print, warehouse, etc.], than any thing Biden has every done.
      Ralph

      I need some “We ♥ The NSA” bumper stickers. Anyone know where I can get some?

    • First thing I thought was to wonder if he’d ever, perhaps, seen that picture in the West Wing and wondered what it was all about.

      Arnold and Allen’s little foray to relieve Fort Ti of its cannons and Knox hauling them all the way to Boston was a bit of a “Whoa!” moment as well.

  18. Back when Biden was running for president (shudder) he advicated chopping Iraq up into three different countries.

    Biden told a man in wheelchair to “stand up and take a bow.”

    I’m of the opinion however that Obama isn’t much smarter. He just covers it with longer drawn out answers to simple questions. In a town hall meeting he gave a rambling, convoluted, seventeen minute answer to a question from the audience. By the time he was finished half the audience was asleep. And the person asking the question forgot what the original question was.

    • Unfortunately, this also leaves us with the conclusion that by the end of the GWB administration, too many people were fed up with the bungling, vapid and ill-conceived ideas and actions of that administration.
      My major points or beefs [pick one]
      – after 9-11, Kabul should have been glassed; and a couple of major tribal compounds [roll % dice, doesn't matter which ones]
      – Told the Saudis they are now our complete bitch, and confiscate every penny of Saudi wealth on the planet, since half the Royal Family was financing the nutcases, or at least the half who were financing the nuts, and we are handling their foreign affairs now.
      – Ignored Iraq completely.
      -Helped India against Pakistan. It is still evident that Pakistan was and is our enemy.
      – Hunted down and executed every member of the extremist groups, whomever and wherever they might be; if the legal beagles and others become a pain in the keister, they can join the extremists – it’s not like they are not a continually renewing resource.
      These actions would have significantly cheaper than what we did, and we might have made a profit, if we offered to buy the entire opium output of Afghanistan from the warlords left there.
      .
      Instead, we blew trillions of dollars, and ended up with a “progressive” who has … done what the previous administration did, only 3 times as much. I can drive a liberal into a apoplectic fit in 10 seconds by saying “Obama? Oh, you mean Bush 44, since the policies are the same.” They know that is true, and on lib/progressive threads I monitor [until I can't take any more], they HATE this fact. Obama has lost his core supporters.
      If we get anyone as a candidate besides Santorum, we have a good chance of winning. Santorum, right or wrong, has been painted as a religious nut, and it has stuck. We will lose with him.
      I’d like a Paul/Rubio ticket, and we’d put the Death Smack of Doom on the Dems. We will probably end up with Romney and who knows what, and our chances are then hard to calculate.
      It’s a shame Paul was castigated so forcefully over his foreign policy opinion on Iran, but he was right – are we going to send in the USMC? NO. Are we going to nuke Iranian targets? NO. Then we have an Epic Fail, and 68 million pissed off Persians, who are not incompetent.
      Then again, Obama may have the October Surprise from Hell. HE might nuke Iran.
      Meanwhile, in the 21st Century, we have men arguing about women’s access to birth control, civil marriages, and other banal social BS that is not the business of government. That is a losing strategy. That strategy has made Biden the *#2 Person* in the country.
      If that is not an Epic Fail and Wake Up Call, I don’t know what is … maybe I need to write the insurgency counterpart to “Seven Deadly Scenarios” by Andrew Krepinevich. He didn’t make any mistakes that I saw glaring out.
      Thus endeth the Rant.

  19. If we’re talking audacity what about Operation Chariot at St. Nazaire? Surely a cosmopolitan like Biden would know about that.

  20. I miss the good old days when our vice presidents shot attorneys during hunting trips.

    • Say what you want about Cheney, “funny” is not a characteristic I’d apply to him.

      He was assassination insurance too, in his own very special and scary way.

      • Say what you want about Cheney, because he doesn’t give a damn. “Cuddly” is not a term that would apply to that man. Nor is “funny”. The fact that he is already part machine just makes him that much less cuddly.

  21. Larry, you might have just kicked Robert Heinlein and J.R.R. Tolkien off their perch as my favorite author!

    Additionally you are way cooler than David Brin!

  22. I think you forgot to mention Gustav II Adolf, the father of modern warfare, but I suppose he’s on the backside of that time figure Biden provided…

  23. [...] Krugman has been hanging around Joe Biden too long and has lost complete track of time, or he does not know that the Federal Reserve is barely 99 years old.  The United States did not [...]

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