Give the gift of tetsubo this Christmas

What do you get for the hard to shop for man in your life? Out of ideas?

How about a samurai war club?

Because nothing says Christmas like a 14 pound stick that could brain a walrus.

For perspective on this club, keep in mind that I am six foot five. That is one big honking stick.

This is what my kids got me. It is completely impractical. It is ridiculously huge. I have no idea what I’m going to do with it.  It is totally awesome.  :) 

Somebody on Facebook called it “bedazzled lumber”. Indeed. Iron Guard Toru tried to kill Jake Sullivan with one of these in TGC: Spellbound. (only his was made out of steel and weighed 80 pounds, but I don’t have super powers, so I’ll stick with wood).  I’m hard to shop for, so massive props to my children for thinking outside the box.

34 Responses

  1. Dang. Your kids got that for you? You, sir, are one lucky father! I got a couple of Tshirts (“Come to the dark side, we have cookies!” and “Firefly”), a couple of 5-packs of stripper clips for my Mosin (now need ammo to fill them, and a trip to the range), and various other bits and pieces. A tetsubo, though….man, that’s frikkin SWEET!!!

  2. Buford Pusser had nothing on you, dude.

  3. That is awesome.

  4. You should post that picture next to all your book stands with a one word caption “Buy” and a little green arrow pointing at them >.<

  5. America!

    Heck, even if we have craftmen doing this stuffs (not too hard if you pour money into), polices and local female organization will freak. The few swords and Daos they barter around was stored, not displayed.

  6. Awesome! Looking at my Zombie Works Apokatana I just got and smiling in kinship.

    Your kids did well sir.

  7. Perhaps you could start giving these away with the purchase of your new book. If so, name your price!

  8. You know the old adage about “speak softly and carry a big stick”? What that thing you don’t have to say a damn word…

  9. With- not what (sigh)

  10. “…so massive props to my children for thinking outside the box.”

    When you said “massive props” I thought you meant the tetsubo, because that is one massive prop. But I figured out what you really meant. Your kids are great!

  11. I saw your pic and the first thing I thought was, “Batter up!”

    Hm. Does MHI have a softball team?

  12. I do hope your new house is wired for video as any attempt at a home invasion(God forbid) would be a youtube sensation.

  13. I think tetsubo may well be legal during “Any Weapon” seasons for yard moose.

  14. Larry, I think your kids just won the award for Most Badass Christmas Present Of All Time.

  15. That’s fantastic.

    Does the new place have a mantle to hang that over?

  16. You have no idea what you’re going to do with it? You’re going to Smite the Unholy with the Wrath of Larry, that’s what you’re going to do with it. (Optional: “Wrath of Correia” if you feel that’s more dignified).

  17. That is totally and truly awesome. You need to find some baby harp seals.

  18. Crud, all I got was a gift card. No wife, no kids, no respect. Heck, I’m luckier than a lot of my friends. ;-)
    Wise, kids.

  19. what?! You have no super powers?

    Oh, wait, this is like OPSEC, right?

  20. ye cats and little fishes…WHERE did they find that? It’s awsome!

  21. Fantastic gift! I want to say the kids hit it out of the park but no one wants to be hit with that thing, including the ball.

    I always hope for a weapon for christmas… no luck yet.

  22. This reminds me of a friend in the Society for Creative Anachronism. After receiving a German Mace, he and a friend were sitting in their apartment hoping that a burglar would show up so they could test it on the burglar.

  23. It looks more like you could brain a rhino with it.

    But I don’t agree that you don’t have superpowers. You have the power to write awesome books dude.

  24. Obviously, you have to go break something with it. Maybe find out what sort of dent you can put in a helmet (not that helmet would help – a 14lb club would break the victim’s neck, helmet or no!).

  25. Officer: “What did you hit the suspect with?”
    Larry: “A tetsubo.”
    Officer: “A what?”
    Larry: “A tetsubo”
    Officer mutters and writes down golf club.
    Larry reads over the officer’s shoulder and says “It wasn’t a golf club.”
    “Would a golf club forcefully remove a man’s head and throw it across the room?”
    Officer: “I guess not.” the officer replied exasperated. “Why couldn’t you have just used a gun?”
    Larry: “New carpets.”

  26. DAMN Larry!
    I got a set of Pintail decoys and a new Kindle!! Want to trade? But Now you have something to keep that pesky Yard Moose problem under control!

  27. Now that is some inspiration for upcoming holidays!
    I am not a tetsubo fan, but now will drop a hint to have my family pick something similar out of the Zombie Tools catalog:

    http://zombietools.net/

    Those boys just ain’t right…:-)

  28. This is the result of yelling:

    “OWEN, FETCH THE STICK”

  29. Where the heck does one buy a Tetsubo from?

    Inquiring Minds Want to Know!

  30. Me wants. Carry a PR24 in the car, I can only dream of rolling out on a fight call with one of those.

  31. Heh.

    Jut the ticket when younger boyfriends start to call.

    I ain’t gonna shoot you son, if my daughter is home late tonight.

    I may impale you with this and set you afire on front lawn as a warning to others though.

  32. [...] laughed hard because knowing about Larry, you know there is that stuff and more around the house. I mean he got a tetsubo for Christmas from the wife….and was told immediately that it was an OUTSIDE toy; so the idea that he forgot a couple of [...]

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