I’m taking your jobs and your women – HATE MAIL TIME!

This was forwarded to me today:

—–Original Message—–
From: Clarkerry [REDACTED TO PROTECT THE STUPID]
Sent: Sunday, September 04, 2011 1:38 AM
To: Info mailbox; “<info”@baen.com
Subject: racist publishing habits of your imprint.

Larry Correra. Blatant racist! I’m a serial follower for many years but not this racist jerk! anyone on any of these panels hes on corner him on why he hates white men —- But still finds their women hot??

*

Uhhh… Yeah… Wow… You got me there. I certainly do find white women hot, which is probably why I’ve been married to a Viking girl for thirteen years.

As a politically opinionated novelist and blogger, I get a lot of hate mail, of which I only share the best with you guys. This one in particular really brightened my day.

I suppose this is what I get for being a Wise Latino. (a term stolen from Sonya Sotomeyor, since that was around the same time that I was filling out some EEOC worksheets at my Military Industrial Complex job and discovered that Portuguese was legally considered Latino by the Department of Labor). 

I remember sneaking across the border (out of California and into Utah) and crossing the desert (I-15, though I stopped in Vegas for lunch) and how hard it was to find work. (I sat in front of Home Depot and waited for somebody to pull up in a pickup and shout “I need two guys that can do tile and a novelist!”)  I’ve been taking all of your good jobs and stealing your white women ever since.

Edward James Olmos is going to play me in the movie.

Clarkerry, you’re a friggin’ idiot. The most racist thing I’ve ever written has been about Elves. My last book was about a heroic white guy from Alabama. If I hated white men then A. I probably shouldn’t choose to live in rural Utah. and B. probably shouldn’t be one.

And please do be careful not to catch your hood on fire at the next cross burning, dumbass.

And on that note, for the rest of you that actually like me, don’t forget that you can now preorder autographed copies of my next two books here: http://www.unclehugo.com/prod/ah-correia-larry.php  One is coauthored with the extremely white Mike Kupari (if he were any more caucasian he would be translucent) and the other one stars some dude with an Irish last name and an Okie girl.

And seriously, do preorder, because these are the only copies that are autographed by both me and Mike, since he will still be in Afghanistan (probably oppressing someone) during release week, and the more we can sell on preorder, the greater chance we can get onto a bestseller list, and then the greater chance that they’ll make that movie about me. (Mike will be played by somebody really white, like Matthew Broderick).

EDIT: I forgot to add, I’m now stealing your white women on Twitter. @monsterhunter45

EDIT 2:  Turns out he has sent more than one to my publisher:

From: Clarkerry [SO TEMPTED NOT TO REDACT THIS]
Sent: Tuesday, September 06, 2011 9:32 PM
To: Info mailbox; “<info”@baen.com
Subject: larry correia -monster hunter international
I am shocked that you published  this deeply, disturbingly racist author.  

Despite his undeniable talent at telling a rousing tail, his gift is perverted by his hateful stereotyping.

I am a loyal Bean fan, but you should hang your head for giving this bigot a forum.

* Well, I am really sad that he didn’t give any specifics, nor did he talk about my stealing of all the white women again. Personally, I would think that if you were so offended by something an author had done that you would send multiple messages to their publisher, you would at least maybe cite whatever it was that they ‘d done that was supposedly so awful. Because 4,000 of you have read this blog post in the last two days, and none of you seemed to have any idea what I had done wrong either.

Mad props for the improvement in spelling and grammar on this one though.

90 Responses

  1. So, you’re a Wise Latino Euro-American who hates white people. And elves.

    I can see it.

    I could have used a spare novelist last week, too.

  2. This is why I live in a state with liberal gun laws, I’ve been married a non asian for 24 years now moved down to Georgia from NY, I had more racist remarks from people in NY than in Georgia. Go figure. Love your work was at Dragon con but missed you!

    • Greg, it seems alot of folks think that we Southerners are ALL racists. I run across it alot. A few continuing ignorant bad apples help perpetuate it, but as you’ve probably already seen, we Southerners are probably the least racist folks around. We erred with our “peculiar institution”, but in that wicked system, black people still had their place. Now that that institution and the segregation that lingered for a century afterward have been put to bed solidly, most of us may see a pigment difference between some folks and others, but really who cares? To most of us, it’s about as distinctive and definitive of a person as their natural hair color or whether or not they’re of celtic descent (you know how those darn Irish are…. I kid).

      It’s those damn yankees that seem to keep perpetuating the ethnic differences, and their Democrats in particular. After all, how else could they keep their liberal political machine running if it wasn’t well oiled by keeping the non-caucasian ethnicities in a near-perpetual state of poverty and victimhood (dependence on welfare, etc.) and dependent on their social programs.

  3. My mother was an Elf you anti-elvite!

  4. Oh, c’mon–the most racist thing you’ve written was clearly about trolls. Trolls are no less intelligent than the average human, and very few of them engage in spamming. Furthermore, we–er, THEY–hardly ever eat people any more.

    At least, that’s what I’ve heard… ;)

  5. Wow! I’ve always wanted my own novelist to come do the yard work! Are you free on Tuesdays? ;)

  6. Where the white women at?

  7. Wait… Mike ISN’T translucent?

  8. Ohhhh… I figured it out, Larry. You’re for smaller government and think we should at least consider slowing our national drunken spending spree. Haven’t you been paying attention lately? That makes you by definition a racist….

  9. I don’t even…Huh?!

    I was expecting someone to accuse you of being racist against other races, not your own. What the friggen’ hell is wrong with people?

  10. We’ll make sure to hide the White Wimmin at the next Con.

    What are the odds trollboy is actually a Liberal?

  11. So funny. But I did notice the lack of Black Trailor Trash Elves….

  12. For next year’ Dragon Con You should gather a geared up army of MHI!

  13. *snicker* you post the best stuff Larry. Some of your haters are so stupid it boggles the mind.

  14. You need to make a t-shirt that says, “I steal white women,” and then give an autographed book to the first person who “gets it,” thereby proving that they’re at truly obsessive–I mean loyal–follower of yours.

  15. I’m with you. I look 100% Caucasian but was yelled at for not putting Hispanic since my Caucasian father was born in Central America and nationalized.

  16. I used to say I wasn’t worried about illegal immigration because Jose Trabajero wasn’t wading the Rio Grande to footnote Restoration comedies.

    Now you got me worried.

    Oh, and this was published this week to commemorate 9/11…

    http://tinyurl.com/3pz3wfb

  17. If you’re stealing white wimmin, I’ll give you $20 to take Pelosi…

  18. > I need two guys that can do tile and a novelist!

    LOL!

  19. While I love your blog, I love your books a lot more.

    Just finished Hard Magic, and I have to agree with your assessment that it is your ‘best yet’, this is my favorite so far (and I am an unapologic booster of the MH series – I buy them for all my friends). I gotta go leave a review now.

    Fair Winds and Following Seas to you, Larry Correa,

    Cap’n Jan

  20. I’ll bet he’s just all pissed ’cause his wife chewed him out when she found he’d cut eyeholes in all the good pillowcases…

  21. LARRY – DISSATISFIED WITH CURRENT WHITE GIRLFRIEND. STOP. LACK GONADS TO BREAKUP. STOP. PLEASE STEAL AWAY. STOP. ADDRESS FORTHCOMING. STOP.

    • Well you see in takes a certain amount of sneakiness to solve certain problems. For instance, I got sick and tired of my ex-wife. Now the normal ways to solve the problem are Divorce, which means you have to hire a divorce lawyer who is very expensive. “Divorce Portuguese Style” which makes use of a sowed off shot gun which entails the cost of shotgun shell and then you have to hire a criminal defense lawyer who is very expensive.

      If you areSpaniard like my family you would have been exposed to a catholic education The Prince (Italian: Il Principe) is a political treatise by the Italian diplomat, historian and political theorist Niccolò Machiavelli. My solution to the problem was to introduce my ex-wife to her current husband while we were still married.

  22. I think the bigger question is,
    Who the hell is Larry Correra?

  23. Larry,
    Now I understand why my overly Nordic/lilly white wife liked YOU. Because you was using that latin charm/voodoo black magic to try and steal her! Damn it Larry. Now I gots to go and get a rope, some dogs load My shotguns and come up there to that world famous hide out (Utah) for “White woman stealing ” Latinos and have me a hanging! Thats lots of work for a poor white gun lover like myself.

    but on a real note. It that IDIOT for real???? Larry you are not playing an early April Fools joke on us? This email is for real? Not some kind of hoax? You a racist? (taking a long pause to quit laughing, so I can continue typing) Yea right, maybe to Agent Frank’s “kind”
    Ps All this time I thought your last name was really O’Correia a clan name from those imfamous Portgee/Irish sheep thieves from Germany.

    Keep your powder and your knife sharp, Larry

    • @Bayside- “that latin charm/voodoo black magic”. Santeria, not voodoo. I think they both use the same amount of live chicken sacrifices and candles, however.

      • Chris, Thanks for the info. LoL Now I have to hide My candles along with all the white women! Why is it always chickens too?

  24. As a wise Latina (we’re almost certainly cousins!) I have to say I like white men. mmmmm white men. Oh, yes, I steal jobs too. :)

  25. Because there isn’t a scenario that Mel Brooks didn’t already think of … http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=493pL_Vbtnc

  26. Ah, Hell, I was twenty-one years old when I learned DamnFinn was two words.
    Personally I prefer “Blondes From Hell”, redheads; Scots-Irish.
    I’m not a bigot or a racist, I treat everybody with respect until they prove to me they are the idiot from the shallow end of the gene pool.
    Have you ever wondered why liberals are fixed on race ?

  27. Somehow I doubt Clarkerry has a woman to steal.

    Just sayin’.

  28. Hey, wait, if you’re a Novelist, does that mean you’re predjudiced against Novels?

    • No, that’s just his cover. He really hates . . . short stories . . . and I heard from a friend of a friend who heard from a cousin’s ex-girlfriend’s UPS guy that Larry was recently overheard telling David W. that W’s latest 650 page tome was “a bit thin”.

  29. This person must work for the Obama administration. Yeah that explains it.

  30. You bastard! You killed Kenny!

    Since wer’re playing the blame game…

  31. The real problem with the shallow end of the gene pool is that it isn’t deep enough to allow the depth charges to arm.

    • Obviously, we need to mine it!

    • Well, in the interests of promoting peace and understanding among humankind, I wanted to understand where Clarkerry was coming from and why (s)he/it was so deeply offended.

      In my quest for this deeper understanding, I took several steps to be able to ‘walk a mile’ in Clarkerry’s shoes, as it were.
      First I had to put on my tinfoil hat, then spin in circles until I was thoroughly nauseous and incapable of walking from the vertigo. Next, I had to have Herself lovingly rap me sharply on the noggin with a shovel a couple of times!

      BUT – once properly in the correct mental frame of reference (i.e dizzy, nauseous, concussed and thoroughly addled), it became blazingly apparent what the issue was!

      Clarkerry *obviously* identifies 1000% with the wretchedly-terrible-white male boss / werewolf in the opening chapters of “Monster Hunter International” that Z defenestrates to start his monster hunting career.

      Clarkerry identifies so strongly with that lovingly yet accurately described paragon of corporate middle management, that (s)he/it felt attacked and belittled.

      Boo-hoo-hoo, poor Clarkerry thinks that mean ol’ Larry was picking on her/him/it…

      • Perhaps this person is one of those poor, misunderstood werewolves that Larry spends so much time killing in his books, and that is the source of his hate. Or maybe he’s just an idiot.

    • Now that right there is QOTD material.
      “Too shallow for depth charges, switching to grenades!”

  32. LOL Oh my that was a real winner. I see future Darwin Award Winner in that one’s future. Obviously that dude has NEVER been to one of your book signings.

    • But honey, if your remember correctly, when we went to Larry’s book signing, it took us FOREVER to get an autograph, due to the throngs of white women in line ahead of us. I mean seriously, it’s not like he writes about that Jean-Claude character or anything… ;)

  33. Quoth the idiot: “I am a loyal BEAN [sic] fan, but you should hang your head for giving this bigot a forum.”

    I bet he farts a lot. Not sure what that has to do with being a BAEN fan, though.

  34. Larry,

    Considering what we deduced about your grandmother the problem is NOT that you are a racist. You are a overcompensating, self-hating, Jewish, Latino, gun loving, conservative, semi-rural…. whatever. Which is wild since a couple of those are new. Since I’m a Scottish/Turkish Israeli, gun loving, sword owning sorta conservative (Canada, eh?) living in “Toronto the Good”, whatever… what do I know. BTW, some of you Americans, like the idiot who called Larry a racist, are seriously terrifying.

  35. How do you feel about Global Warming? Al Gore says if your skeptical, that makes you racist. http://www.ibtimes.com/articles/205336/20110829/al-gore-global-warming-climate-change.htm

  36. Larry, you OWE it to us to reply to that guy’s email and start a dialogue asking how you are racist.

    …and post the whole thing here. I’ll get the popcorn

    • I don’t think Larry “owes” it to us. But if he can get the guy to respond with something lengthy (I’m not holding out for ‘substantive’) and then fisk the crap out of it, I would pay money to read the exchange. Quote a price and throw up a tip jar, Larry. I’ll put up five bucks myself for the sake of the MHN’s entertainment, ten if the guy breaks five hundred words.
      Oyster out.

  37. My dad was a loyal Bean fan, too, but I just didn’t see the humor in repeated pratfalls and other signs of mental incompetence.

    Oh, wait – maybe he means he’s a Baen fan? Never mind.

  38. If he finds Larry bad, I wonder if he’s read anything by John Ringo yet…

  39. Hey Larry isn’t the point of living in Utah to have all the white women you want? Just sayin’

  40. That’s it! That’s the title of your next book!

    “Mar del Sol Needs Women!”

  41. Larry remember according to the Government we are not Hispanics. Odd that I did not learn English until I started school. Do not call me a “gringo” either! I served in the 5th U.S. Cavalry not the 3rd U.S. Cavalry. The Regimental March of the Regiment of Mounted Rifle now the 3rd U.S. Cavalry during the Mexican War was “Green Grow The Rashes” and now you know where the term “gringo” comes from

  42. My mind is still bluescreening as I ponder how you are “stealing jobs,” unless he’s thinking you broke into some random white dude’s house, found a rough draft of MHI and made it yours.

    I’d try making more sense of the man but that would require toxic levels of scotch.

  43. I don’t know which is funnier, the blog post or the comment chain… (wiping off the monitor)… :-)

  44. This is a “if it weren’t for my horse” comment — http://comedians.jokes.com/lewis-black/videos/lewis-black—college-horse (N.B. While I don’t like his politics, I sometimes like his comedy)

    I’d also like to second the suggestion that we put up a tip jar for Larry to e-mail this “person” and publish the results. I’m in for $5.

  45. This is a “if it weren’t for my horse” comment — http://comedians.jokes.com/lewis-black/videos/lewis-black—college-horse (N.B. While I don’t like his politics, I sometimes like his comedy)

    I’d also like to second the suggestion that we put up a tip jar for Larry to e-mail this “person” and publish the results. I’m in for $5.

  46. Your ‘un-fan’ writes like someone else I know, for whom English is a second language – I’m wondering if it’s more a matter of he doesn’t “get” your mastery of the language – {head shaking in utter bemusement} – don’t worry, Larry, the REST of us appreciate you & your talents :;)

    Semper Fi’
    DM

  47. Gee Larry, didn’y ya know?

    If you dis Nazis or Klansmen on the internets, they spew racism complaints and other lies at your employer. They also get pissy when some woman they were dating turfs them the second they start spewing their mental sewage.

    SOP for them these days.

  48. Okay let’s see if we understand this? An armed society is a polite society.

  49. [...] *due to legal reasons Larry Correia promises not to “steal all the white women”. For new readers, I give you my greatest piece of hate mail ever: http://larrycorreia.wordpress.com/2011/09/08/im-taking-your-jobs-and-your-women-hate-mail-time/ [...]

  50. Larry:

    In re your sneaking across the border and getting a job in the Walmart parking lot, see http://www.gocomics.com/inthebleachers/2013/01/06.

  51. In the end, Larry, you can’t teach Stupid…..

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