My WorldCon schedule and running commentary

So here is my final schedule for WorldCon next week.

Thu 15:00 – 16:00, KaffeeKlatsch: Thu 15:00 (KaffeeKlatsch), KK1
Apparently this is where a small number of people can sign up to come hang out with one of the guests. I haven’t done one of these before, but if you’ve ever wanted to chill with a large man that looks suspiciously like James Gandolfini to talk about writing stuff, this is probably your best bet.  

Fri 10:00 – 10:30, Reading: Larry Correia (Reading), A14 (RSCC)
Come and hear me read things! I take requests. Hell, I’ll even dramatically read other people’s books, though I bet theirs won’t have nearly as many explosions.

Fri 17:00 – 18:00, Autographing: Fri 17:00 (Autographing), Hall 2
Autographs (RSCC)
Not only will I read books, I will also sign them. Is there anything Larry Correia can’t do?!

Sat 12:00 – 13:00, Meet the Campbell Award Nominees (Panel), A03
All of this year’s Campbell Award nominees are at Worldcon. Here’s your chance to see some of the field’s best new writers.
Seanan McGuire, Saladin Ahmed, Dan Wells, Larry Correia, Lev Grossman, Lauren Beukes
The rumors of this turning into a some sort of ultimate deathmatch, American Gladiators style event have been greatly exagerated. Though I can’t entirely discount the possibility that I may be wearing spandex, or that I may hit somebody with a giant padded foam Q-tip.

This is a diverse field of nominees this year. If I wasn’t nominated, Dan Wells would be my clear favorite, because he is an extremely good writer, and I felt that way before we ever became friends. If you haven’t checked out his Serial Killer series, you are missing out. Also, my next book bomb (coming on August 17th) is for an eBook that he is releasing, that is possibly one of the silliest, oddest, satirical vampire novels starring John Keats and Mary Shelley that you have ever read. (also, probably the only one)

Saladin Ahmed is a talented short story writer and poet. Lauren Beukes writes cyber-punk sci-fi and has already won other big awards. Lev Grossman writes fantasy, and also writes for Time magazine and Salon, and from what I’ve seen in my googling, Lev is the favored to win by the literary critical types. 

I am the least favored to win by the literary critical types, (in fact, I’ve seen a few places where they have ranked me #6 out of the 5 finalists) but that’s cool, because I am the only author eligible that has had a gnome fight or trailer park elves. (or as one critic pointed out, I am a relentlessly single tone throw back, and another said that if I win it is an insult and a black mark on the entire field of writing.) SWEET!  I’m so unabashadly pulpy and just happy to entertain, and thus offensive, that I make the inteligensia weep bitter blood tears of rage.

Hell, that alone makes writing books worth it.  Though the gigantic royalty checks full of money from all of my many bestselling novels is pretty sweet too. :)

Sat 13:00 – 14:00, Steampunk versus Alternate History (Panel), D03
Science Fiction never blinks at incorporating events and icons of history…but when it comes to Steampunk, an argument is bubbling in boilers about what makes something “Steampunk” and what makes a work “Alternative History.” What sets the two apart? Why can’t Steampunk be considered part of the Alternative History genre? Why are authors hesitant to combine history with their fantasy? Where is the line (if any) between “Steampunk” and “Alternative History”? Authors discuss challenges, spirited debates, and fun in dancing between genres.
Tee Morris, Philippa Ballantine, Larry Correia, Sean Wallace
How do I write alternative history? Good question… Go back in time and add more ninjas. How do I write steampunk? Put goggles on the ninjas.  BRILLIANT!

Sat 15:00 – 16:00, Fantasy in the Real World: The Rich World of
Urban Fantasy (Panel), D05 (RSCC)
When you ask people outside of our community what “fantasy” is, they either think of Tolkien or Rowling or of paranormal romances. But urban fantasy remains one of the richest parts of the fantasy field.
Lisa Goldstein (M), Larry Correia, Sharon Lee, Tim Pratt, Madeleine E. Robins
Have you ever wanted to shoot a werewolf in the face? Then this is your genre.

Sat 18:00 – 20:00, Pre-Hugo Reception (Reception), Capri
Come and watch me sit at a table and clap politely as people win awards! I even bought a new suit!

Okay, seriously, I’d love to win the Campbell, but if I don’t, that’s cool because there are very talented people nominated against me. And no matter what happens, I am still the tallest. So they may win the Campbell, but I win life. 

And the new suit is totally bad ass.  


At DragonCon, there will be hats

As you can see modeled above by the lovely Baen editor, Laura Haywood-Cory, my publisher has made up a gigantic batch of MHI hats for me to give away at DragonCon. These are going to be pretty darn sweet. :)

Fan art: Guns & book covers

The carry gun of a Hunter from TeamTalon out of Texas.

 Yeah… That is beautiful. I don’t know if the man that smithed this gun wanted me to say his name since this was a personal build, but wow… He is really good.

Eric Westover got to read the early rough draft of MHA and came up with the following cover artwork.

by Eric Westover




Okay, maybe "plague" is hyperbole

Ran into this big guy Saturday at sundown. That’s only about 100 yards away, but it isn’t like the iPhone has zoom. So we’ve got a boy moose and a girl moose in the neighborhood, porchupines, about a zillion deer, a dead elk on the next road over (haven’t seen a live one yet), skunks, rabbits, and marmots. (ooooh, I totally need to get a marmot photo, those guys just chill and play it cool).

 So there it is officially. Monster Hunter Alpha is #23 on the New York Times bestseller list, and it is because you guys are just that cool. Thank you. Seriously, I love my fan base. I know a lot of other writers that are in about the same point of their careers as I am, and they stand in awe of the sheer awesomeness of the Monster Hunter Nation. I asked for people to either preorder or buy opening week, and you certainly did. You bought the heck out of it.

MHA debuted 4 spots higher than MHV, and that was with some bumps in the road. A couple thousand copies were shipped early, so they didn’t count towards release week, and my single biggest individual dealer, Uncle Hugos, received several hundred of theirs late. (so if you are just getting your UH autographed bookplate MHAs now, that is why). Between those things we probably could have been several spots higher on the list. Luckily, B&N was awesome and didn’t report any sales until release day, and nationwide they put me on the New Paperback Tower.

Getting on the list is always a challenge. Just because you got on it last time is no promise of being on there again. It is kind of like the NFL playoffs. You might have made it last year, but that doesn’t mean you can rest on your laurels next season, because the other teams might be having a really good year. (and there was a new John Grisham novel going against the reigning champ George Martin novel that has an HBO show with Sean Bean in it, so you know who’s going to the Super Bowl).

Even if you are relatively successful, it all depends on who you are going up against. There were 30 new novels out this month in just my one genre alone, and urban fantasy is tiny compared to thrillers or romances. Then you’ve got your power players, like for example there are 4 George R.R. Martin books ahead of me. (which I do think are awesome by the way, and combined with the Beer Drinking-Stab Ignoring Power of Sean Bean, make for an unstoppable marketing combo). Only 2 James Patterson novels on there, which means he was having a slow week. And I got beat by Stieg Larsson last time, and I got beat by Stieg Larsson this time. I fully expect twenty years from now to still be posthumously beaten by Stieg Larsson. You’ve got John Grisham, Dave Baldacci, Debbie Macomber, and a whole bunch of other badass, very established, very successful authors on that list.

Anytime you make the list, it is a win. But we did, because you guys rock. As my mom says, as a writer, I just get paid to lie and make crap up. The Monster Hunter Nation are who give me my success, and I believe me, I know it.

To celebrate, start thinking about the designs for your new MHI patches. (don’t send them yet though, because I’m not ready!) I’ll be kicking off a new Patch Contest soon, and the winning team will show up in Monster Hunter Legion (the next Owen book, which will probably be out in September 2012) and become an official part of the universe.

So going forward, my new goals are: 1. Get one of my non-Monster Hunter novels on the list. (Dead Six would be a good one since it is a thriller). 2. Get the next MH novel into the top 20. 3. Absolute world domination. 4. Learn to bake cookies.

Thanks, Monster Hunter Nation.



So I get a call this morning from my neighbor Brent. “What’re you doing?” “Working on Monster Hunter Legion. Why?”  “Because I’ve got a porcupine on my deck and it won’t leave.”

Okay, that I had to see.

Don't laugh. The Crocodile Hunter got killed by a stingray, and you can pet those at the acquarium...

This guy just didn’t want to get off the porch. And man, he could chuck quills way far. When Brent poked him with a shovel handle, he embedded a quill into the wood. It was like holy crap in there too. Moral of this story, don’t cuddle a porcupine. 

I wasn’t sure if you were allowed to shoot porcupines, so we called and asked DNR. Yes. You can. Okay, good to know if he then went into a berserker quill flinging rampage of death.  So just in case I brought a suppressed .223, because won’t somebody think of the safety of the children! (and their hearing!)

But luckily, we squirted him with a hose for awhile and he finally got tired and scurried away to live under Brent’s basketball hoop. There was no quill flinging death rampage. They’re funny looking when they run with all their quills stuck up. I wish I would’ve got an action shot on my phone, but I had my left hand on the hose and my right on my .45. (Quill flinging death rampage possibilites, remember?)

I hear the new iPhone is going to have a single button for photos now instead of booting up a menu. I’m going to have to get one for future Yard Moose and Porchupine action shots.

Okay, now back to work! These novels don’t write themselves.

The New Tone

Found this today posted on the Dixonverse. Brilliant.

Anybody remember how when a paranoid delusional Marx reading nutbag shot Gabby Giffords and immediately the news said it was the Tea Party’s fault for our culture of hate? Or it was Sarah Palin’s fault because she had a map of elections to win with targets on them? Or more recently, when a psycho collectivist, environmental extremist, racist nutbag in Norway murdered a bunch of innocent people, and for the first week all the of news was about he was a Conservative Christian spurred on by our culture of hate? The fact that he wasn’t Christian in any sense of the word, and mainly used Christian as a term for western civillization, and wasn’t conservative (extreme environmentalism coupled with a centralized command economy?) didn’t slow the narrative.

Truth doesn’t matter. It is all about the narrative. And the new narrative is that if people that think the government spends too damn much money are evil terrorists.


And now, the stock market taking another dive is somehow the Tea Party’s fault… Okay… Let’s see. Senate wouldn’t even talk about Republican’s plans. Democrats come up with nothing. Republicans fight amongst themselves. Mainstream Republicans cave. Tea Party didn’t get anything they wanted. Debt gets downgraded in places because there aren’t any real spending cuts whatsoever in the bill. Then we rack up something like an additional 290 billion in defecit spending in a single day after the bill passes.

To say that this is because we failed to raise taxes is stupid. Think of it this way. The government is like a bucket with a leaky hole in it. Throwing extra water in the bucket doesn’t fix the problem. You need to plug the hole.

If we throw more money in it, the government will just spend it all on more stupid crap, then we’ll be having this discussion again, only now there will be even less money for them to take.

We didn’t plug the hole. Now we will pay for it.  Do you think that the credit agencies are stupid? Do you think that they don’t get that?

And because these Tea Party reps are doing exactly what their voters sent them to Washington to do (cut spending, don’t raise taxes) they are exactly the same as people who blow up schools and saw people’s heads off… Gotcha.

Truth doesn’t matter. I’ve been a finance guy most of my life. I watch what is happening, and I understand the money/math aspects pretty well. Then I see the news, and the way it is spun has nothing to do with reality. Then I go on Facebook and see the posts from people who have zero understanding of the fiscal realities going on about how the Tea Party wants to starve all the old people to death, because that’s what the news told them.  

I keep getting told some variation of “Why are you complaining about taxes! Taxes are historically low!” That’s another one of those idiotic narratives. First off, you cherry pick one part of taxes, the income tax. And you disregard all of the other ones that have been added since then.  Those of us that are productive get to pay federal income taxes, social security taxes, medicare taxes, state taxes, licenses, fees, sales tax, use taxes, so on and so forth, until the government takes about HALF of what we make.


So when I spend hundreds and hundreds of hours writing a book, the first 300 pages of it were written for the government. Yay.

Then, because we no longer live under the disgusting blight on American history that was FDR’s ridiculous tax rates, we’re supposed to be happy?  Yes, because everything is going to be historically low compared to that bullshit.

Oh, and guess what rich folks do when you try to stick them with a 90% tax rate? They simply move their money around. They don’t invest, (which creates jobs) because why bother? They don’t use it for business (which creates jobs), because why bother? Instead they sit on it and live off of their savings. Friggin’ dur. They are rich. They can do that. Guess who gets screwed? You.  

But because people like me get angry about this, we’re the bad guys. We’re the same as Hamas. We’re the same as Al Queda. We’re school shooters. We’re mass murderers. We’re Hitler.

In the meantime, Republicans and Democrats are taking us down a fast road to hell. The only ones in Washington with the fortitude to stand up against the way things have been done for generations are villified. “I don’t think we should raise taxes.” RACIST. “I think the government spends too much money.” TERRORIST.

Man, if only…  If we really were terrorists, then Barack Obama would probably come and apologize to us.

Monster Hunter Alpha – New York Times Bestseller

I am the champion. My friends! Dum duh duh duh! And I’ll keep on fighting ’till the end! Dum duh duh duh! I am the CHAMPION! I AM THE CHAMPION!! NO TIME FOR LOSERS BECAUSE I AM THE CHAMPION!!!!!! and #23 on the New York Times Bestseller list coming out August 14th OF THE WORLD!!!!

Dead Six eARC, and an odd request for the Monster Hunter Nation

The Early Electronic Advanced Reader Copy of DEAD SIX is out now:  I hope you like it, because we had a ton of fun writing it. The paperback releases September 27th.

As many of you know, my co-author Mike Kupari is currently serving in Afghanistan.  He is an Air Force EOD (Explosive Ordnance Disposal) Tech, but is attached to an Army unit. For those of you that don’t know what EOD is, think of the movie Hurt Locker, only without all of the glaring technical errors, psychological issues, and homoerotic wrestling matches.  

Mike will still be in Afghanistan when Dead Six releases.

He has sporadic web access, and can’t really see the reviews that are coming in for the ARC. Some pages work fine for him (like WTA but he can’t get to Facebook or my blog for example), though his e-mail works.

So here is the special request part. Since Mike’s first book just came out, and all new authors are dying to get feedback on their first book, I want to compile a bunch of reviews and then send him a big list of them.  So if you’ve read the eARC, please post a review on the Baen Webscriptions page or post it below in the comments.  Details are great. It goes without saying that the comments section of this post has a major SPOILER ALERT.

Go ahead and be honest in your review, even if you didn’t like the book. I’ll be honest too… I’m totally going to cut and paste the good ones but I’m going to edit out all the negative comments before I e-mail it to him.  The dude has got enough stuff to worry about. :)

Joe Biden, the gift that keeps on giving

Joe Biden demonstrates the correct way to administer a prostate exam

Vice President Joe “Joe” Biden is a shining beacon on a hill. In fact, he’s the one thing about the Obama administration that is guaranteed to bring a smile to my face. Whenever I read the news, I can always count on good old Joe to have done something that will make me laugh… usually because he’s such a ****ing nitwit, but hey, when politics suck as much as they do now, I’ll take what I can get.

Keep in mind that this is the same vice president that has done or said something asinine pretty much weekly for the last two years. One of my highest blog traffic days ever was when I went through his speech about how Barack Obama was the bravest president EVAR. There are whole YouTube channels devoted to just stupid things Joe Biden has said. Whether it is about how you can’t go into a Dunkin Donuts without seeing an Indian, or about how remarkable it is that a black man can be articulate and clean, or having a guy in a wheelchair stand up to take a bow, or about how FDR gave speeches on TV, or Doctor Joe teaching us about germs, or how JOBS is a three letter word, or whatever your favorite Bidenism is, he is like the Duracell Bunny of stupid. He’s more reliable than Amtrack. Seriously, if you’ve ever listened to Joe the Biden, he makes George Bush sound like Winston Churchill.

Yet, Joe Biden isn’t mocked on the news… I wonder why? When was the last time CNN dwelled on one of Joe’s flubs? Dan Quayle spelled a word wrong and then didn’t like a particular TV show’s message, so he was ridiculed to death. Dick Cheney had a hunting accident and a bad heart. HILARIOUS! Let’s hear about that on Letterman for the next three years. Let’s not forget however, that those guys are republicans, and thus must be mocked constantly in the media.

Joe Biden does dumb shit daily and you can hear the crickets. Because Joe is a democrat, Joe is invincible. Joe is bulletproof.

Well, it doesn’t really matter if he’s bulletproof, since even Osama Bin Laden didn’t think he was worth assassinating: 

Man, that has to sting. An organization devoted to evil is all like “Joe Biden, meh… whatever.” But then again, Joe Biden has already pointed out that the real terrorists are the Tea Party.

Basically, Osama’s instructions to his minions said, if Joe Biden happens to walk in front of you in the crosswalk, don’t go out of your way to swerve to miss him, but don’t bother to accelerate either.

It is a good thing that Al Queda isn’t interested in Joe Biden, because the Secret Service probably isn’t that motivated to protect him from them either, since he’s been charging them rent:  I know I’d be motivated to take a bullet for a guy that was charging me for the privilege of being willing to take a bullet for him.

And the sad thing about that story was that there was once one of those angry political e-mails going around about how the Clintons supposedly did the same thing to the Secret Service. It wasn’t true. It was a stupid rumor designed to get people charged up because the idea of a politician doing that was so very offensive. (And mentioning the Clintons, it is a sad state of affairs when our current administration is so awful that they make me remember fondly the honesty and integrity of Bill Clinton… wow.  Yeah, ponder on that for a second) Of course, only to Joe Biden can something that started as indignant spam sound like a swell idea!

By the way, if you want to get your friends and neighbors mad about politicians, you really don’t have to stoop to making crap up to e-mail people. Pay attention for a couple of days and there will be plenty of actual reality to fuel your boundless rage. In fact, go look at the “spending cuts” in the new debt ceiling bill. Hint, if you as an individual were in debt up to your eyeballs and spending money in a ratio similar to the US government, and your “spending cuts” were like unto what the Senate just came up with, you would be living in a cardboard box under an overpass inside of six months.

But I don’t let those ugly thoughts get me down. I’ve got Joe Biden to brighten my day.



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