Fun with Pictures time! MHI Zippo, Real Men of Genius, Yard Moose, and More!

I’ve mentioned the Earl Harbinger Zippo that was sent to me as a present from some fans before, but have always forgotten to take a picture. But I’ve been on a kick of playing wth my iPhone, so here goes.  

Earl Harbinger Approved

 You can even see my fingers in the reflection. Those fingers can type 85 words per minute, baby.

Next up, we took our annual Summer trip to Lagoon last week.  For those of you that remember this: http://larrycorreia.wordpress.com/2010/06/17/lagoon-its-what-fun-is-until-it-kicks-you-in-the-groin/  Here is a better picture of the Ody-Sea. It hungers for your gonads.

HAIL MIGHTY DAGON!

Up here in the mountains where I live, we’ve got all sorts of animals. I got a picture of this big girl when I was pulling into my driveway the other day. I was able to get this picture out the window of a moving Taurus before she got away.

Action Shot! YARD MOOSE!

This next picture is to illustrate my finely tuned problem solving skillz. I needed to edit the other night. Editing requires caffeine. I had Coke Zero. However, the kids had used all of my big cups, and since editing requires Coke Zero by the gallon, I couldn’t use a small cup. Plus, it was warm, and that meant I needed to put ice in it.  A 2 liter bottle is like a cup, but the ice cubes from the ice maker were too big to fit through the hole in the top… Insurmountable problem? 

TAh DAh!  So I cut a hole in the side of the bottle and shoved ice cubes through. Then to prevent leakage (because in the heat of editing, I can’t be expected to remember to keep the hole pointed up) I covered it in duct tape. Mission accomplished. I am a Real Man of Genius.

And to think that Barack Obama says that us best selling authors don’t earn our money! Ha! Showed him!

Our next two pictures were sent in by members of the Monster Hunter Nation. Both were from MHI themed birthday parties.

The Cake is a Lie! Oh... wait... nevermind.

And these folks dressed up as MHI characters for a party. My favorite is the Elf Queen in the red mu-mu and the G-nome.

The Monster Hunter Nation… Well armed and not afraid to dress up!

As many of you know, I have many geeky hobbies. I am either a King of Nerds, or a King-Sized Nerd (or so Bob Westover says,. Thanks a lot, Bob).  In the past I’ve built custom MHI action figures. Now I’m trying my hand at painting minis. (I’m still learning on the small stuff, so no pics yet).  However, I’m too much of a dork to paint the existing ones. Oh no, I have to make the minis match the actual characters from my monthly Writer Nerd Game Night. (4 novelists, 2 book reviewers, and an artist. About as literate a bunch of nerds as you’ll find). So last night I sawed one figures head off and glued it onto somebody else’s body.

Nerd surgery

Now I just need to learn how to paint a kubuki face and I’m good to hook. This one is for Paul Genesse.

And now for your amusement, here is a picture of a wombat.

From CorreiaTech's Bio-Weapons and Children's Toys Division

I did not take this picture. But wombats just make me laugh. He he he.

 

Utah book signings!

I’ve got two book signings scheduled for the release of Monster Hunter Alpha.

Saturday July 30th, from 12:30-2:30 I will be at the Jordan Landing B&N.  Then later that day, from 4-8, I will be at the Layton B&N.  Drop by and say hi!

Obama says I’m not off the hook.

The secret is out. Watch and learn.

http://www.realclearpolitics.com/video/2011/07/11/obama_warns_best-selling_authors_youre_not_off_the_hook.html

Now you know the truth. A secret cabal of bestselling writers has been sabotaging the US economy all this time. Sure, you may have thought that our situation was caused by stuff like out of control government spending, or onerous regulations, or our complete lack of coherent energy policy, or the devaluation of the dollar, or people/companies living beyond their means and then expecting the tax payers to bail them out, or entitlements that are mathematically impossible to pay, or employers being afraid to hire because of fear of ObamaCare and coming taxes, or the quadrupling of our debt over the last couple of years, but NO.  That would be silly!

It has been because of us bestselling authors all along.

If only we paid our fair share, then all your problems would go away.

Yes, I am a New York Times bestselling author, and as such (according to our esteemed President who would never embellish the truth) I am part of the problem. It was a good feeling to get a book on the bestseller list, but then all my dreams came true when I was given my Secret Bestselling Author Tax-Evasion Decoder Ring.  

I recall with great fondness my first meeting with this illustrious secret society of bestselling novelists at the Bohemian Roundtable Pizza. Michael Crichton was presiding (he’s not really dead, he just didn’t want to fill out his 1040ES for that quarter’s royalties). I was taught the Secret Handshake, the Mysterious Loophole, the Truth about Global Warming, and then we had milkshakes. Afterward, Robert Heinlein and I stole a flying saucer from Area 51, went joyriding, and laser-mutilated some cows just to mess with people. It was totally awesome. You guys really should write bestselling novels too. I can’t recommend it enough.

So yeah, being a bestseller is pretty sweet, but when I found out this morning that it also upsets Barack Obama, it became soooooooo much sweeter.

You might be saying, “But Correia, don’t you still have a day job?” And I’d say, why yes I do. In fact, I have a full time job as a finance manager and I spend the equivalent number of hours of a second full time job writing novels. And then you would say “But Correia, didn’t you complain back on tax day about what an unreasonably high percentage of your royalties you have to send to the government in quarterly self-employment withholdings?” And I might reply with, SHUT UP! I AM TOO PART OF A SUPER AWESOME SECRET SOCIETY!  The president said so!

“Now now, Correia… Even though you’ve gotten onto the NYT bestseller list, you’re just a working stiff like the rest of us, aren’t you?”

*Sniff* Nu uh… Milkshakes and space aliens with the guy that wrote Andromeda Strain!

Okay, you got me. I work two full-time jobs. My wife has been a stay-at-home mom for the last 11 years. That was our choice and we were glad to make the sacrifice, because I have intelligent, awesome, confident, well-behaved kids. We live in a really nice house in the mountains that I bought because some rich people overextended themselves and I was ready to swoop in with a down payment because we’d scrimped, saved, and spent the last 7 years in a cheap house that we had bought out of foreclosure. I have never bought a new car nor made a car payment. We are very frugal. I’ve never paid interest on a credit card in my life, and pay off the full balance every month. I did the debt snowball and paid off my student loans 6 years early. I have an emergency fund, but no extra fun money because I’ve been making double house payments in the hopes of not having any debt whatsoever. Then, when the mortgage is gone in a couple years, I plan to just be a writer, and only work something easy, like 50 or 60 hours a week.  

Despite the fact that I grew up poor, put myself through college and was poor, got married and started having kids in college and was poor, then scraped and fought and worked until I broke into the middle-class, then started my own business and became poor again, then sold the business and was unemployed and poor, then finally found a great job and started climbing out of the hole, then started selling books, and all of a sudden…

According to Obama, I’m rich! Good thing I’m a workaholic!

Now, once a quarter I get to send the government a gigantic chunk of what I make. The harder I work, the higher a percentage they take. When I complain about this, liberals tell me that I should be thankful that I get to live in America, where despite the fact that I’ve tried really hard my whole life to make good choices, I have the privilege of paying for their bad choices! Wow. When you put it that way, it sure does sound like I’m one of those rich guys, soaking the system.

The president just warned me that I’m not off the hook, though. Thank goodness. I would hate for somebody to look at where I am today and think that I’d gotten here through working really hard and making good decisions, even though they were difficult or painful!

Oh, and I just LOVE the end of the video, where the president says that nobody is talking about raising taxes right now. He’s not going to raise taxes until 2013! (which is so very far way. We’ll have flying cars and jetpacks by then!). 2013 is like a whole year and a half in the future…  Right after the next presidential election, when hopefully we can finally toss this narcissistic douche bag out of the office, so then he’ll only be a bestselling author.

But he’s totally not invited to the meetings.

EDIT: And since I just got an Instalanche, why look at this, a list of my books that are available for sale. http://www.amazon.com/gp/search/ref=sr_tc_2_0?rh=i%3Astripbooks%2Ck%3ALarry+Correia&keywords=Larry+Correia&ie=UTF8&qid=1310441916&sr=1-2-ent&field-contributor_id=B002D68HL8 Every one of these sold will help my continued domination of the US economy! :)

2 Weeks until MONSTER HUNTER ALPHA!

Yep. We are down to just two weeks until MHA starts shipping. Please tell your friends!

It will be available for the Nook or Kindle, you just need to go here: http://www.webscription.net/p-1416-monster-hunter-alpha.aspx  And there are free sample chapters there too.

Autographed copies are available from Uncle Hugos: http://www.unclehugo.com/prod/ah-correia-larry.php

If you are curious as to why I keep bugging everybody to preorder it or buy it the week it comes out, here is the explanation:  http://larrycorreia.wordpress.com/2011/06/30/i-need-a-favor-from-the-monster-hunter-nation/ 

And sort of related, remember that you can become a voting member of WorldCon (where I just so happen to be nominated for the Campbell award) and it is actually a pretty good deal because of all the stuff you get:  http://larrycorreia.wordpress.com/2011/05/24/why-spending-50-to-be-eligible-to-vote-for-the-hugos-is-actually-a-really-good-deal/  Clock is ticking on this one though and the voting will be closed soon.

Project Gunwalker

As a novelist, if I were to write a thriller in which a federal law enforcement agency knowingly allowed and even encouraged thousands of American guns to cross the border to arm Mexican drug cartels, in an effort to pad their stats to push for more gun control laws, even though innocent Mexican citizens and a US Border Patrol agent were killed in the process, and afterward there would be a huge cover up that went all the way to the President…  I know some reviewers would say that my plot was silly, just some naive right-wing fantasy.

Yeah… You got me there.  Surely no federal agency would be that stupid. Surely nobody in Washington would arm brutal drug cartels just to push their own politics.

Nope.  That’s crazy talk.

http://www.examiner.com/gun-rights-in-national/a-journalist-s-guide-to-project-gunwalker

http://www.examiner.com/gun-rights-in-national/a-journalist-s-guide-to-project-gunwalker-part-two

http://www.examiner.com/gun-rights-in-national/a-journalist-s-guide-to-project-gunwalker-part-three

If you’ve not heard about this, that’s understandable, because even though it is bigger than Watergate, it has been getting zilch coverage outside of a few media outlets. Basically, the BATF knowingly allowed criminals to purchase guns in the US to transport over the border to arm Mexican drug cartels. Not one gun. Not a dozen guns. Thousands of guns.

And this is all occurring while gun dealers were calling up the BATF and saying “I got this guy here buying up all of our AR-15s, and he’s really shady, and we think he’s up to no good.” And the BATF responding with “Oh, it’s cool. We know all about him. Let the sale go through.” And then afterwards the BATF tries to hang these dealers for knowingly supplying weapons to Mexican drug cartels.

As a former gun dealer, let me assure you, when your ATF agent tells you to do something, you do it. Period. I had a good relationship with my inspector. I liked her. That said, I also knew that she had the authority to ruin my business with the stroke of a pen. Any actual wrongdoing or malfeasance on the dealer’s part is not necessary to shut you down.  So if the ATF tells you to let the suspicious guy buy the crate of AKs, you do it.

When this came to light, (when people started getting killed with these guns) the BATF said that it was all part of some big investigation/sting they were running to track the flow of guns. Only they never actually tracked the guns. Guns got sold. Guns got taken across the border. Done.  

Gee whiz, why would the BATF do something like that? Could it have anything to do with our Attorney General constantly talking about how the vast majority of crime guns in Mexico come from America, so all of their epic drug cartel warfare that is literally destroying the country, is somehow our fault, and thus we need to pass more gun laws?  Maybe. Especially when it turns out that the AG’s stats were totally bogus.

Yes. For my non-gunnie readers, those stats you still hear on the news are completely fabricated. The thing about 90% of Mexican crime guns coming from us? BS. And while they’re reporting this, they are usually showing video of stacks of brand new M4s, M203s, and 240Bs. Yes, those are built in America… and sold to the Mexican Army. Just a hint for you non-gun folks, you can’t buy those at your local gun show.

Let’s break this down. The drug cartels literally run Mexico. They are fighting over billions and billions of dollars. They are more powerful than the Mexican government. They engage in open warfare in the streets. It is not uncommon for them to slaughter each other and stack twenty plus severed heads in neat pyramids as a warning to their competitors. (I’ve worked with ICE and Border Patrol and I’ve seen pictures that would blow your mind) More people die violently in Mexico than in Afghanistan. The cartels buy military units. They kill politicians and judges. They have private jets. They have rocket launchers, surface to air missiles, and armored personnel carriers. The drug cartels have submarines.  

So do you really think that Fred’s Sporting Goods of South Texas is the root cause of Mexico’s drug fueled violence?  Friggin’ dur. Of course not. Trying to blame that on US gun owners is a desperate, stupid, ignorant attempt at scoring some political points to push their idiotic and demographically defeated agenda. Fingers crossed, Mexican crime guns were to be their next Columbine.

So along comes Project Gunwalker. Let’s pad some stats! Pass some laws! Budget increases for everyone!

And they would’ve gotten away with it too, until US citizens started getting murdered by guns that dealers never would’ve sold if they hadn’t been ordered to by the BATF.

Since this has come to light, the cockroaches have scurried for the shadows. Laws have been broken. Congressional hearings are being held, and the AG is stonewalling and lying.  At first we were supposed to believe that this was just limited to Arizona. Nope. It is much bigger. Just this week it came out that the Florida office was doing the same thing with Honduras. Honduras! Now other agencies were involved and their heads are all saying that they were answering to somebody else.

How high does this go? Well, it sure isn’t looking pretty for the President. This is bigger than Watergate. A crime was committed in Nixon’s administration and he tried to cover it up.  The same thing is happening here. But at least in Watergate, nobody got killed.

So where’s the outrage? Where’s the 24/7 media coverage about this travesty of justice?  Oh, I forgot, Nixon was a Republican.

Even if you are a huge supporter of gun control (and I really don’t know why you are reading this blog if you are) innocent people have been killed and our Justice Department is complicit in it. If you aren’t angry then there is something wrong with you.

If you want your autograph personalized…

Place your order this week.  http://www.unclehugo.com/prod/ah-correia-larry.php  If you want your autographed MHA personalized, you’ll need to get your order in this week.  If you don’t care, and you just want a signature, then you’ve got more time to order. 

I just need to get all of these signed and in the mail soon to make sure they arrive in plenty of time. 

Oh, and coming in the next few days, the 2nd Monster Hunter Design Your Own Patch Contest. :)  Like last time, the winners patch will show up in a book. (Monster Hunter Legion in this case) Details coming soon.

Awesome news

I spoke with my publisher. I’m hoping that you guys aren’t sick of me yet, because there are going to be a lot more books coming out over the next few years. :) 

I’m happy to say that in the future you will see the following from me:

1. A sci-fi/post-apocolyptic/steampunk collaboration trilogy with John Ringo.  (but you guys already knew about this one)

2. The next two novels with Mike Kupari in the Dead Six series. Swords of Exodus and Project Blue.

3. Much more Monster Hunter, including Monster Hunter Legion, Monster Hunter Nemesis, Monster Hunter Guardian, and Monster Hunter Omega.

4. More Grimnoir Chronicles, including book 3 of the trilogy, Warbound, and two other stand alone novels set in different time periods.  1908 and 1859.

5. An epic fantasy trilogy. I can’t say too much about this one yet, but it is excellent. I’m loving the universe. I grew up on epic fantasy and this will be my first foray into the genre. It is a big, sprawling world, filled with violence, intrigue, slavery, religious fanatics, and one really mean ocean.  

6. A stand alone sci-fi novel about a reality TV show where teams of contestants compete to overthrow a small African country. More will be said about this one later.  Super Author John Brown said that this one is the most interesting pitch he’s ever heard.

Basically, I’m booked for the next 8 years. Figure 2 books a year with other shorts and so forth. It is nice to never have to say that you’re bored. :)

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