State of Correia

Many people have asked me if I’m going to Fisk last night’s State of the Union like I did last year. If you will recall, it was an epic.

http://larrycorreia.wordpress.com/2010/01/28/the-state-of-the-union/

Sadly, listening to that much nonsense in one sitting took a year off my life. I couldn’t bear to subject myself to it again. Plus I’ve got killer deadlines to write things that actually pay me money. That’s okay though, let me summarize the State of the Union for you:

We’re boned.

Okay, moving on… Oh, wait… You want more? I don’t know, it was something about how everything is going to be just swell, because even though we took government spending to the highest levels ever, it’s cool, because after we took spending to new highs, we froze it there.  Yes. That’s the answer. Because if I have an annual income of $50,000, but I spent $75,000 each year for the last few years, and now I’m in huge trouble, the answer to my financial woes is to freeze my spending at 75 K, because… Hell, I don’t know why. F*** fiscal responsibility is why.

Then there was something about everything was going to be okay because of subsidized Green Jobs. You see, Green Jobs are the answer to our woes. (so awesomely profitable that they don’t exist!) That is kind of like wishing for unicorns to save us, but hey, whatever floats your boat. If Obama had told us that the economy was going to be okay because he’d just got an awesome deal on some magic beans in order to grow a bean stalk and then he was going to pay down the debt with golden eggs, that would be more believable than Green Jobs.

Remember everyone, only government spending can stimulate the economy. Just not at Lockheed, because screw those guys. What would we ever need more than a handful of F-22s for? It isn’t like any ambitious nation is going to try to match our military capability any time soon—

Crap. Never mind.

That J-20 Chinese 5th generation stealth fighter there was paid for by a couple days worth of interest on the money we borrowed to subsidize the development of the Chevy Volt. Hooray for Green Jobs!

The State of the Union is just spiffy though. Gas is $100 a barrel and rising fast, but we’re not allowed to use our own resources. Ken Salazar recently ruined the economy of eastern Utah with stupid new regulations and screwing the oil workers. But I digress, because why would you want to stimulate those kinds of jobs?

At least there wasn’t any heated rhetoric. Heaven forbid. I don’t know why anybody should be upset or angry, anyway.

Enough of that depressing crap. Now back to the real writing. I’m currently working on Dark Ocean, the second book in The Grimnoir Chronicles.  I’m pumped for you guys to get to read the first one, Hard Magic. It comes out in May. I’m getting the proof pages this week, so we should have eARCs available shortly.  Seriously, it is an excellent book, and I’m not just saying that because I’m biased.

By the way, ordering info for autographed copies from Uncle Hugos is going up soon, and by popular demand, I’m going to be doing personalizations on request. Because that is how much I love you guys. (and even more, that’s how much Uncle Hugo’s loves you, because they’re going to keep track of all those as the orders come in).

I’ve got 4 books coming out in 2011. Hard Magic in May, Monster Hunter Alpha in August, Dead Six in October, and Dark Ocean in November. I’m going to LTUE, StellarCon, ConDuit, WorldCon, DragonCon, and I’m doing a 7 state road trip book signing. All in all, I’m traveling to 11 states for book stuff. (Utah, Arizona, California, Oregon, Washington, Idaho, Minnesota, Georgia, Nevada, and North Carolina) Plus I just got back from doing an event at SHOT.  

Then I’ve still got a few books to write along with John Ringo, two more with Mike Kupari (Swords of Exodus & Project Blue), Monster Hunter Legion, Monster Hunter Nemesis, two more Grimnoir novels, and then I’ve got a couple of standalone projects, and other very big and very exciting stuff that I’m not even allowed to talk about on the internet yet. Dang, I am busy.

My family is awesome. Kids are in a good school now and not surrounded by hooligans. I live in the mountains where the air is clean. We are woken up by avalanche cannons and have yard moose. I have a custom 10mm personally blessed by the Motor City Madman coming. By day I help keep F-16s in the air and by night I get paid large sums of money to (as my Mom puts it) tell stories and make crap up. Life is good.   

The State of Union might suck, but the State of the Correia is doing just fine.

31 Responses

  1. Like you I didn’t bother with the state of the onion address. I knew it would be more sunshine and lollypops from President Willie Wonka and his cabinet of oompa loompas.

  2. Larry, you paid your dues and worked your ass off for this.
    Glad to see you finally have what is coming to you.

    Jim

  3. I’ll move- just tell me where the State Of Correia is, and the whole family will be there. Locked and Loaded!

  4. Gee, according to a bunch of ‘aerospace experts’ the J-20 is ‘just a mockup’ and ‘not a flying plane’.

    Wow, that one looks like its…

    well…

    …flying.

  5. Super happy for you, Larry! ‘Course, it’s a bit selfish of me since when you’re happy you get to write great novels that I get to enjoy, and it sounds like 2011’s going to be a blockbuster year. :)

  6. How do I become a productive citizen of the State of Correia?
    I’ve told my colleagues in CorpAmeriHell that we should keep a bottle of KY in our bags, along with condoms, so the boning doesn’t hurt as much, and we don’t catch anything.
    They’ve stated that is TMI. As we get boned again in these coming months …
    I need to look at temp engineering jobs in SLC, to make money and get to a FREAKING BOOK SIGNING, since you never come to Colorado. We aren’t feeling the love right next door. Colorado Springs would have a flipping love fest over you.

    • Just asking for free advice. I know what it’s worth, but it’s worth more than that lame SOTU.

    • Sign me up for a ‘State of Correia’ T-shirt when they become available.

      We should have a motto contest:
      State of Correia:
      “Magic Unicorn and Tax-Free since 1895″

      Larry you could sell them on Cafe Press…:-)

      -Scott

      • Scott,
        This is brilliant. You should work out a deal with Mike, and sell them, and he gets money for his name.

        I am not a marketing person.
        ralph

  7. But, but, we’re going to WIN THE FUTURE!!!

    Whatever the Hell that means.

  8. When and where in NC?

  9. I know it’s kind of old hat, but:
    1) Borrow trillions of dollars to subsidize “Green Jobs”.
    2) ???
    3) Profit!

    Has anyone told the Obama administration that the Underpants Gnome episode was a comedy yet?

    • Believe it or not, they could have done this if they really wanted to. They could have taken the “stimulus” money and given each US household x dollars (~$2000 if I remember correctly) to install solar panels. This would have employed a huge number of people and met their green jobs/energy pledge. However, this would not have had all of the political payoffs that the “stimulus” bill had.

  10. dude, frack………….

  11. I’m so excited for dead six. I think I’ve read the thread on thr a half a dozen times. I wish your book tour would hit the mid west, but i have friends in Seattle. Maybe, I’ll see you in Washington.

  12. I can’t wait to meet you at Dragoncon my wife is one of the artists there and I love your books and your blog.

  13. Apparently China has been expanding its Navy as well. Red Dawn, here we come.

    But on the bright side…Larry you really need to bless us, your true and most loyal of fans, with some super sweet teaser information on the Ringo Collab. PLEASE :)

  14. “By day I help keep F-16s in the air and by night I get paid large sums of money to (as my Mom puts it) tell stories and make crap up.”

    Aint nothing like family to put stuff in prospective, eh?

  15. Unbelievably busy, but still able to respond to emails from anonymous sycophants (me) in less than 30 seconds. I have to commend you on staying the same guy that got you here. Now, get back to work writing a bunch of time vampires that will cause me to spend two days straight doing nothing but reading. I’m still trying to find out how you imbed the crack into your books.

  16. Hot damn. Two GrimNoires in one year? Dead Six…well i can tell where my money is going.

  17. All our wallets are belong to Larry. ;-)

    Good job Larry I can’t wait to shake your hand at LTUE.

  18. Ga, NC? That’s dangerously close. Any chance of adding South Carolina?

  19. Indiana isn’t too far. =P

  20. Were your kids surrounded by hooligans before? The ball is rolling for us to get out of Commiefornia, to move to Utah County. Are the schools there bad? We’ve been spoiled in Irvine, CA.

    • Spoiled in Irvine? With what, Communist propaganda? It’s California. I don’t see how any school in Utah could be worse.

    • We were in the Granite school district. Kind of a middle of the road neighborhood. But for whatever reason we had nothing but trouble. All of my kids were tested and stuck in the “gifted” programs, which meant they stayed in the same class as before and got 3 times the busy work. My oldest daughter had a real problem with a couple bratty, no-good, semi-illiterate, where’s the parent types kids. Since those kids could not be controlled, it was up to my daughter not to cause trouble by fighting back.

      I really hated my daughter’s teacher. She was close to retirement and just punching a clock.

      Current school… Holy crap awesome. Excellent. Best in the state (not an exageration).

  21. Larry –

    In most places, public schools are simply money traps for federal funds, set up to babysit kids till they’re 18. Glad you found a school district that actually teaches.

    Our youngest daughter opted for home-schooling at 13, as she was too young for the local community college adult high school program. We home-schooled her one year, then she went to the LCCAHSP. The only credit she got for the home-schooling was the ability to test out of 2 of the required 24 credits.

    She then completed all four years of high school in one year, graduating at 15 with a 4.0 and a scholarship.

    Enough anti-public-school rant. Now back to our regularly scheduled State of Correia address.

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