You know, I was just going to type this up as a regular old blog post to tell you guys about what I did this weekend. I started writing it yesterday, but then last night I watched the news to see what the reporting was like about the big Glenn Beck rally in DC. Inspired by the bastions of journalistic integrity of the news media, I am going to try and give my report about my weekend in a fair and unbiased journalistic manner, just like they do. I have invited Keith Olberman to be my guest editor for this blog post. This is the rough draft, so Keith’s comments are still in it.
This blog post is dedicated to Chris Matthews and the brave men, women, and Maddows of MSNBC.
Originally I was hoping that I would be moving this weekend to the predominately white area of Utah in which I am building a house. However the overwhelmingly Caucasian staff of Rocky Mountain Power still hasn’t gotten our meter hooked up, so we were out of luck and were unable to close. The exceedingly white George Hill of the rabidly conservative Madogre.com told me about a factory range day that Basin Sports was putting on in Vernal. So I went shooting.
(Editor’s note – Minorities? No. Just targets. Editor – Bummer…)
Vernal (which is mostly white, and probably old) is a three hour drive from the more moderate Salt Lake City. So I carpooled with Nightcrawler (who is Finnish, which is like extra white) and two of his EOD tech friends. Our vehicle was an overwhelmingly white Ford Explorer. Actually, it was red, but since I was the only “person of color” riding in it our vehicle was still 75% white. In addition, Tony, who rode in the back seat looks kind of like one of the vampires from Twilight, so his extra whiteness and my lack of street cred bumped us to at least an 82%. This is entirely unacceptable, and MSNBC would be concerned.
(Editor’s note – Were any of them in the Klan? I don’t know. It didn’t come up. Editor – We’ll just assume one of them is in the Klan)
During our journey I was able to learn more about the world of overwhelmingly white EOD technicians. Men want to be them and women want to be with them. They are the Tip Of The Spear in the Global War On Terrorism. Or TOTS-GWOT for short, or you can just quickly make a triangle over your head with your fingers and shout TIP OF THE SPEAR! to acknowledge their level of awesomeness.
(Editor’s note – You should add something here about Bush’s war.)
The factory range day is more of a gun-try than a gun-show. Reps came out from a bunch of different companies and brought demo guns for everyone to shoot. You bought tickets and the tickets got you X number of rounds on the various guns. It was really well attended with lots of very old, white people present
(Editor’s note – MSNBC estimates that only 3 people actually attended this event).
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pQoLz4-g4iA&feature=player_embedded (Editor’s note, have a bunch of little Klan hats photoshopped into the video in post production!)
Here is a video where various racist hate-mongers shot guns for fun. George Hill actually captured me on film saying that a specific HK product did not suck. George may have tricked me, though, because he may be a Glenn Beck fan, and everyone knows how crafty those are.
We took a lunch break and went for Chinese food. My friend Steve was there and Steve was born in Taiwan. Between his Asian mysticism and my wise Latinohood, there were only two minorities in our group of ten. (Editor’s note – MSNBC estimates that only 1.6 persons ate lunch at the Imperial Dragon Buffet that day. Meanwhile, 50,000 people joined the Reverand Al Sharpton for lunch) Since this meager 20% minority quota could get us fined by the EEOC, Nightcrawler volunteered to go sit in the car. Khorne, Gundoctor, and Mad Ogre joined us, until they had to leave to get back work to oppressing the downtrodden.
As you can clearly see in the photo, I tried to block Gundoctor’s Caucasianess with the vertical foregrip of a Thompson in order to bring up our percentage. Look at Steve off to the side… Obviously being alienated and oppressed in a sea of angry crackers. And I don’t know what’s up with Khorne’s glasses, but they are pimp!
I sampled a bunch of guns. I really liked the Zeiss scope that was mounted on the Steyr SSG. The reticle is zeroed for 500 with stadia lines from 100 to 1000, all precalibrated for your load. I went three for three out to 600 yards playing with it. It was extremely clear, and now I want one. Unfortunately it is $2,800, which in this horrible Bush economy means that only rich fat-cat republicans will be able to own one. (Luckily I am a rich fat-cat republican, so this is good news!) I swear by Rachel Maddow’s luxurious knuckle hair that I will own one of these someday.
(Editor’s note – that was simply uncalled for. (Keith dramatically removes his glasses, but still looks like a pansy) You are the Worst Person in the World. Dum Dum DU!)
Then we drove home. Howard Dean would have said that like most conservatives, we were rudderless, confused, easily infuriated, and driven only by our racist anger because the world has passed us by. But that’s mostly because Howard Dean is just an asshole. The trip was actually rather nice. Then I got a milkshake at McDonalds. Obviously, it was vanilla.