The Expendables

What can I say. It was awesome.  Don’t go expecting artsy. Don’t go expecting cinema. Movie reviewers will hate it. Don’t expect these characters to talk about their feelings.  Expect stuff to explode. A lot. And there is lots of shooting, stabbing, and shoot-stabbing. Then more exploding, coupled with some face-punching.  This movie asked the question, what kind of movie influenced Larry Correia’s childhood in the 80’s? Okay. Let’s make that movie. And then kick it until it explodes. 

Stallone is older than my Dad, and he cared enough to break multiple bones doing a fight scene with Steve Austin.  Critics may say that Stallone isn’t a good director, but I doubt most senior-citizen directors are willing to break their necks doing a scene with a man that routinely fights carnivorous dinosaurs for training purposes.  (I would, however, actively encourage Roman Polanski to do so).

I found that picture at: http://www.termlifeinsurance.org/expendables/  Where somebody actually took the time to add up how many people the various actors had killed in all their different movies.  Dolph Lundgren wins, but we all already knew that. He looks like a Viking and he’s got an IQ of like 180, of course Dolph wins. Are you going to argue with him about it?  He could write a Noble Prize winning essay on the mathmatics behind the gravitational flux of black holes and then roll that essay into a point and stab you in the neck with it.

You may hear people insult the Expendables. These people will usually cite some rule of film or something. They are wrong. They may talk about how the movie didn’t have enough plot, or emotion, or blah blah friggin’ blah. They are even more wrong, and I say that as a professional fiction writer. To me, story is really important, because that’s how I pay the bills.

But guess what? The Expendables has a story. It just isn’t the story the critics want it to be.  A good story makes a promise to the reader/viewer, and then goes about either fulfilling or challenging the reader/viewers ideas.  The Expendables makes a promise to kick bad guys in the teeth, stab them, throw them, shoot them, blow them up, and then set the bodies on fire, and it keeps that promise. Twice.  Science has taught us that Randy Couture can punch you so hard that you will actually catch on fire. Is he going to win any Oscars for his performance?  No. Do you think he cares?  SET YOU ON FIRE!

So, as you may have guessed, I liked the Expendables quite a bit. I recommend it.

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