I’m pleased to announce that there will be a big Hollywood version of Monster Hunter International, released in 2011.
I’ve had to keep this information top secret until everything was finalized. This is going to be huge. I’m talking about top of the line talent all the way around.
It will be directed by Ang Lee, award winning director of Brokeback Mountain. He was quoted as saying that he looks forward to exploring “the sensitive side of MHI. Rather than concentrate on the monsters and special effects, we will take the audience on an artistic journey of understanding”.
Robert Pattinson is slotted to play Owen Zastava Pitt. Janeane Garofalo will play Julie Shackleford. Anthony Anderson will play Trip Jones. Ben Affleck will play Earl Harbinger. Holly Newcastle will be played by Rosie O’Donnel. George Clooney will be the voice of Skippy. Sean Penn will play Milo Anderson.
Steven Spielberg is expected to produce Mr. Spielberg told Entertainment Weekly that he was “very excited to re-imagine this franchise. We’re currently working on a script rewrite, since the last one had so many of those guns in it. The new one will feature alternative methods of non-violent conflict resolution. And some of that James Cameron alien stuff, because that shit is on fire right now.”
I’ve only seen early versions of the new script. In the rewrite, MHI will become an elite global task force, dedicated to stopping pollution and global warming. There may or may not actually be any monsters in this, but Ang Lee did specify that he wants a lot of “sparkling”. “The glitter budget alone for this project will be in the millions.”
As the author, I’m a little nervous about this revision, but then again, sleeping on giant bags of money is rather nice.
In related news, I’m working on the rewrite of Dead Six. Tween drama is hot right now, so we’ve tweaked the basic plot, so that instead of mercenaries vs. thieves in a middle eastern country during a violent military coup, it is now about cliques of angsty high schoolers, battling to see who will be prom king. Will it be Valentine, the kid with glasses who has to take Zoloft for his anger issues, or Lorenzo, the bad boy with the dirt bike?
And yes… Look at the posting date. Duh.
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