Big Announcement! Monster Hunter International MOVIE DEAL!

I’m pleased to announce that there will be a big Hollywood version of Monster Hunter International, released in 2011. 

I’ve had to keep this information top secret until everything was finalized. This is going to be huge. I’m talking about top of the line talent all the way around.

It will be directed by  Ang Lee, award winning director of Brokeback Mountain.  He was quoted as saying that he looks forward to exploring “the sensitive side of MHI. Rather than concentrate on the monsters and special effects, we will take the audience on an artistic journey of understanding”. 

Robert Pattinson is slotted to play Owen Zastava Pitt.  Janeane Garofalo will play Julie Shackleford.  Anthony Anderson will play Trip Jones. Ben Affleck will play Earl Harbinger.  Holly Newcastle will be played by Rosie O’Donnel.  George Clooney will be the voice of Skippy. Sean Penn will play Milo Anderson. 

Steven Spielberg is expected to produce  Mr. Spielberg told Entertainment Weekly that he was “very excited to re-imagine this franchise. We’re currently working on a script rewrite, since the last one had so many of those guns in it.  The new one will feature alternative methods of non-violent conflict resolution.  And some of that James Cameron alien stuff, because that shit is on fire right now.”

I’ve only seen early versions of the new script. In the rewrite, MHI will become an elite global task force, dedicated to stopping pollution and global warming.  There may or may not actually be any monsters in this, but Ang Lee did specify that he wants a lot of “sparkling”.  “The glitter budget alone for this project will be in the millions.”

As the author, I’m a little nervous about this revision, but then again, sleeping on giant bags of money is rather nice.

In related news, I’m working on the rewrite of Dead Six. Tween drama is hot right now, so we’ve tweaked the basic plot, so that instead of mercenaries vs. thieves in a middle eastern country during a violent military coup, it is now about cliques of angsty high schoolers, battling to see who will be prom king.  Will it be Valentine, the kid with glasses who has to take Zoloft for his anger issues, or Lorenzo, the bad boy with the dirt bike?    

And yes… Look at the posting date.  Duh. :)

64 Responses

  1. Larry, if you had told me this from across the table you would be getting the stare that used to freak one of my profs out so much, the one that was compared to looking into the “eye” of a heat-seeking missile that you happen to know has locked onto you.

    Point for the wind-up… LOL

  2. April 1st indeed. But, you know, with those Hollywood vipers, one really can’t ever be sure, can one?
    I still think the SDS spiked all the water supplies in California and the Pacific NW with long term release LSD in the 1960s.

  3. Bad writer, bad writer, no soup for you.

  4. You had me till the third paragraph.

  5. I saw it come up on my rss feed, and kept thinking “please don’t let this be an April fool’s joke” as i waited for the page to load. I don’t actually know if I’ve ever felt angst before, I mostly stick to emotions like hungry and tired, but if it’s the one where you’re a little upset with the cruelty of a guy who is both larger than you and a better shot, then I have now. Congratulations on creating the new “Hairy-grown-man-angst” genre.

  6. I’ve always loved April 1st, and been very hard to get as a result. As soon as I saw Ang Lee’s name, I knew you were going for it.

    Still, well played Larry, well played. ;)

  7. 1. Larry, you are a great writer but an evil, evil human being.

    2. You had me until Rosie O’Donnel as Holly.

    • Robert Pattinson as Owen! LOL I knew that was wrong on so many levels. BUT Rosie O’Donnel as Holly, hell no, that was just disturbing. For one whole minute, I was so excited that this was real. Sigh.

  8. HO! LY! POOP! You had me through the first paragraph. Then it all fell apart. You really want to take your fans on a;
    “NO HOLDS BARRED THRILL RIDE THROUGH THE MONSTER HUNTER GALAXY” Don’t you?

    Thank you for making my day!

  9. i seen it at the date and the director to really tell the truth. nice one lol almost had me

  10. I had my arms raised in the air until I got to ‘Ang Lee.’ I’m pretty gullible.

    That said, I really think this could be made into a fun movie. Adam Baldwin as Owen, Gary Busey as Ray Shackleford. I forget the rest. We had some pretty good ideas in #gunblogger_conspiracy one night.

    If it ever lands I think it’d be hilarious if you could scribble in a new scene where a sparkly vampire covered in glitter gets killed. By a pack of girl scouts.

  11. On any other day, I’d have believed this hook, line, and sucker. Until, of course, I read Ang Lee’s name.

  12. I’d already gassed up the truck and put the baseball bat in the rear when I twigged to the date. Well done you bastard!

  13. You had me going for a minute, there. When I got to Rosie O’Donnel I snapped back into reality. Great post for today!

    My congratulations!

    Hank

  14. Yeah… I knew from the title that it was a joke, because you said a couple of days ago that it was stalled because of the movie named “Monster Hunter” that’s coming out soon. I know you’re not the type of guy to say “It ain’t happening” when you’re supposed to keep it under your hat.

  15. Lol, Larry.
    just try not to capsize Guam in all this excitement. :p

  16. Jerk!!!

    You had me goining till the 4th paragraph.

    Love the book. Only read it 5 times.

  17. I highly suspected this was fake when I saw when it was posted . . . and as soon as I saw the phrase “Ang Lee” I decided that either this was fake or our plane of reality just cocked a few inches over. :)

    You did have me going for a second or two, though . . .

  18. Just finished reading the whole thing . . . it cracked me up.

  19. I about punched my screen…

  20. Great April 1st one guy!

  21. YOu are a sick, twisted disturbed man for jerking the chain of your collective fanbase in such a manner…well done! Jeanine Garafolo…yeah as if..

  22. I was onto the scheme at the mention of Brokeback Mountain. Nice try dude.

  23. I just hit it today, and when I read that the release was for 2011, I quickly looked up at the posting date, as I know a movie would take at least two to three years and I thought I had missed the post from before.
    The date being in red was a total give away. Still, a fun read, other than it making me want to beat you with my hammer for selling out on all your principals. And having seen my hammer, you know that is no idle threat.

  24. You Suck.

    MHI would make an awesome movie :-P

  25. Brokeback Mountain–Earl and Owen? Wow. Dude, this is going to rock the world.

    Just the high and mighty review don’t-ask-don’t-tell…comes a tale that make you weep. It will win the Oscar fo sho.

  26. You know Larry, April’s Fools Jokes are funny on April 1st… But since I read this TODAY…. IT WAS NOT FUNNY!

    I swear I was almost on the phone booking a plane ticket to Utah so I could pluck your eyebrows and beard with a pair of rusty adjustable pliers.

    Again… NOT FUNNY!

    LOL!

  27. Touche! Best April Fool’s prank of the day.

  28. Ahem…. tentative movie poster.

    http://sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-ash1/hs426.ash1/23572_1377754134778_1559615087_917708_3133517_n.jpg

    My computer crashed twice as I was making it. I could swear I heard the hard drive cry.

  29. Penis. I’d love to actually see that happen. Bad joke.

  30. Good grief first my niece scamming the net, now you, Larry.
    When will the PAIN and MISERY END !!!!!!!!!!
    Say it ain’t so !

  31. Oh, you rotten bastard. :) Had me for a second.

  32. You are truly and positively evil. I was all set to start squealing like a rabid fanboy. And then it clicked.

    EVIL!

  33. 100% EVIL. Really…..we want a MHI movie!!!! You need either the director/producer from The Watchmen or Lord of the Rings for this. Or maybe Resident Evil. It would be EPIC!

  34. You simply can not have Rosie O Donnel be holly Newcastle, it just not right. In addition how could you let Ang Lee just take out the monsters in MHI? that’s one of the gripping factor in MHI. And why would you let him completely reassign the task of the monster hunters from killing monsters to preventing global warming? The job is implied in the title!

  35. We really do want movie!!!

  36. Who in their right mind would want to watch a “Monster Hunter” movie, with no monsters or none of the innovative weapons it? We have already seen “Mary Poppins.” No, the joke just does not work for me, not last year, or this year. Try for something more realistic this year.

  37. this move is going to be uter rubish how can the name be monster hunter international if theres no monsters it shoud be called greenpeace international and owen is 4xl robert patterson is not even L so what are you going to do put 50 pillos under his amor or put 4 fat suits on this movie is going to be a ultimeite fail it won’t even get a tenth of a star

  38. you should call this movie greenpeace international insted of monster hunter international. how the hell can robert patterson play owen pitt owens a 4XL robbert patterson is not even L what are you going to do shove 50 pillows under his amour or put 4 fat suits on this is going to be a mega fail lucky if you get a trillient of a star. hipy film, so shuve it were the sun don’t shin

  39. i swear to god is that faggot discraces monster hunter international like that some one she hang him by his entrails

  40. You all have to admit, Garafalo and Rosie would be great in an MHI movie – as monsters to be blown to shreds. Using CGI, of course. Yes, they would have to be paid, but they need to pay the bills, too. At least this would be an honest role.

  41. WHAT?? this is not good. mhi is all action and monsters, if you take that away and you might as well have twilight the movie, o wait, thats the actor they chose to play pitt. this will not do. pitt is a huge guy and patterson is a little wimpy guy. “explore the sensitive side of mhi” ill just stick to the books

  42. I just clicked and I’m off to the garage to fit a chunk of Oak into a 45-70 case!

  43. If you ask me I think a monster hunter movie should have what everyone would like. Action, adventure, comedy, and heroics (main character that saves everyone). The movie should also have a great plot, you really catch the audience’s eye. You know what I keen right, the edge of your seat kind of movie. Oh and put a lot of monster hunter tri for wii in it to.

  44. this really better be a joke…. rosie o’donnel? the books are legend but the director and the actor line up? well fuck : /

  45. Dude, funny once you get the joke. I’ve seen some pretty sick and twisted “senses of humor” but that was JUST PLAIN WRONG!!! Still, well played @&%*%+-(#. :D

  46. i hate you :( i just finished the book and i got so excited when i saw the title. i would love to see a movie of the book… i think i just died a little inside. :(

  47. Damn you! I just read MHI and MHV in a week and am starting MHA.

    Of course you would really need to cast Patrick Walburton (Putty from Seinfeild) as Franks.

  48. Julie Shackleford – Kate Beckinsale
    Susan Shackleford – Angelina Jolie
    Ray Shackleford – Mickey Rourke
    Owen Pitt – The Rock (trying to think of other swarthy skinned jacked dudes, he is a little old here)
    Grant Jefferson – Ryan Gossling
    Earl Harbinger – Liam Neeson
    Trip – Terry Crews
    Holly Newcastle – Yvonne Strahovski
    Albert Lee – John Cho

    Really I just want to see Kate Beckinsale, Angelina Jolie, and Yvonne Strahovski in the same movie.

  49. Agreed Adam, that would be a sweet cast for a movie!!

  50. Seriously Dude! Not cool. I just found this and was pumped until actually reading it . Great prank though. I’m going to share this.

  51. You got me. With the joke and as a fan for life. Even proudly sport thr MHI t-shirt. Now my kids want one, damn merchandising! Keep the good stuff coming! Guns, monsters, witty banter, and great one liners ; I’m hooked and need my fix. Even have my sister strung out on your books.

  52. in all seriousness Wesley Snipes (when he gets out of jail) would be an awesome Franks, tho we would need to bulk up big time.

  53. So not funny. Was just listening to the new Stones song Doom and Gloom and thought it would be a great part of a MHI soundtrack. Google brought me here.

    I hope now that it is 2012 there may be some real progress towards a movie. :)

  54. That cast is atrocious rethink that please… atleast harbinger and Owen.

  55. Is there still a movie deal in the works?

    • The options are still sitting there. The checks are cashing, but they’ve not gone into production. At the end of this year the final option expires and it goes back up for sale.

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