…Keeps on giving me royalites that is! Bwa HA HA HA!!
Okay, sorry, my inner capitalist was coming out there. Now I’m assuming that everyone that reads this blog already has a copy of MHI or 5, but I was just thinking… (dangerous, I know), that MHI is the perfect Christmas present!
Hear me out. I think that all of my regular readers need to go buy more copies of Monster Hunter International to give as Christmas presents. Here is why:
1. It is relatively cheap. – Think about it. The cover price is only $7.99. That is the perfect price point for those people that you feel like you should give presents to, but that you don’t like enough to spend real money on. These are the people that you usually end up giving cheese logs or Hillshire Farms mystery meat sticks. MHI has all the joy of giving, with half the cholesterol.
Now keep in mind, you can’t really go cheaper. If you were to give them something that cost $5, you’d seem like a miserable cheap bastard. Why don’t you just push them down while you’re at it? Scrooge.
2. It makes the person getting it feel real smart. – Yes. Because you would never give a book to somebody who was really dumb. They’d probably just try to eat it or something. Not only can you make that certain somebody whose name you drew out of the office Secret Santa pool feel like a member of the literati, you can also be known as the kind of extra smart person who gives the gift of words. “Yes, Jim, when I drew your name out of that puffy trucker hat, I knew that you were so smart that you’d need a book. But not just any book, but one thick with learning. Crap, look at the size of that friggin’ thing. You’d have to be like Einstein or something to get through that pig!”
3. The perfect gift for people who shoot stuff for fun. – Now for the seven of you who read this blog who aren’t gun people, you probably have a gun person on your Christmas list. Sure, you would like to give them something that they’d love, but remember what happened last year? When he told you that what he really wanted was a 8.72 x 34mm Mannlicher Gustav Crimp Adjuster Sling with Lebel Tactical Larynard and you went to the Cabelas and wandered cluelessly for five hours before giving up and buying them a camoflage cozy to keep their beer cold? Yeah… he remembers it too. He remembers it with a bitter hate that will not die. But you can avoid that this year by giving the gift that all gun people love. The gift of shooting monsters in the face!
4. For every 500 copies of MHI sold, the author can afford another case of ammo. – Have you priced .223 lately? I mean seriously. It is brutal.
5. Signed copies show that you care – Now for that dude at the office who you feel obligated to give a gift to because he gave you a cheese ball last year, (Smokey Bacon flavor… yum) For that guy you can just get a regular copy off of Amazon. But for that special person who would really savor the hours of enjoyment that only monster killing can bring, you can show them that you really care by getting a signed copy. At the top of this page is the ultra handy Buy Stuff tab with the instructions on how to get an autographed copy.
You can then revel in the sheer awesomeness as your chosen giftee unwraps their package, and says “Wow! A book! Look somebody drew in it. Is that supposed to be a lightning bolt? What a crappy happy face. Was this drawn by an inmate from the insane asylum?” And if they say that, you have my permission to scissor kick them in the neck, because I have a perfectly fine signature.
So there you go. Five reasons to give the gift of Monster Hunter International this holiday season. It isn’t just limited to Christmas either. Nothing says Hanukah like MHI. Heck, everyone knows Kwanzaa is all about celebrating the defeat of the Elder Things. (I think, but I’m a little fuzzy on my Kwanzaa history).
Now if you will excuse me, I’ve got to continue working on The Christmas Noun II. The Bloodening.