Someone is wrong on the internets!

This was posted to the latest comments in the HK. Because you suck. And we hate you. thread.  (written in 2007 and still getting hate mail).  This is the kind of crap that I have to deal with.

If you get a sneer from HK for wanting to handle an MP5 at the shot show, it’s because you don’t have a class 3 license.  If you do not have a class 3, you cannot handle a fully automatic weapon.  To have disdain for someone following FFL laws is moronic. 

Huh… Is that so?  First off, you don’t get a “Class 3 License”. There is no such thing.  You pay a transfer tax and purchase an NFA item. There is no license.  The “3” comes from Title 3 FFL, which is a machine gun DEALER.  Not owner…

So apparently it is now illegal to even TOUCH the majesty that is HK, unless you have a license so special that it doesn’t actuallyEXIST.  So, help me out here, do if a regular person goes to the range and rents a full auto weapon, does he have to get a provisional imaginary license to shoot it?

Holy crap, exercise some critical thinking skills once in awhile.

IF the MP5 was so cheap and you hold it with such disdain, then why whine about not being able to handle one on a forum?  And if the MP5 was such a piece of crap, then why do most tactical teams use one?

Sigh… Okay.  How many tactical (I so hate that word) teams use M4 carbine variants now instead of HK?  Apparently “most” is a subjective term, applied only after an analytic survey of Rainbow Six Vegas 2 loadouts and the covers of Dick Marcinko novels.

Not that I care about the MP5, but I do own a USPC, which is one of the best built handguns on the planet.  Let me enlighten you as to why they are overpriced pieces of shit.  Unlike the Glock, which has a few stamped tool steel parts internally.  All of the HK USP &; USPC internals are EDM wire cut, tool steel parts, that are machined and then heat treated to the A class scale of RC hardness.  Not the C or D class as the overly hyped Austrian counter part. 

Forged in the fires of Mount Doom by the hands of Sauron himself, the HK is the greatest implement of destruction known to man.  HK’s plastic frame isn’t made from petroleum that came from inferior plants millions of years ago, rather the petroleum used for HK’s advanced polymers comes only from the fiercest of T-Rexes. 

Unlike the overly hyped Austrian pistol, HK does not have cheap plastic parts such as the spring loaded bearing, extractor depressor plunger, spacer sleeve, spring cups, firing pin channel liner.  Which will melt and fuse if exposed to too much heat. 

Oh man, you know it is a strange day when I find myself defending Glock…  They’re okay (I put them about equivelent to the HK, only with an easier to use trigger), and I have seen Glocks break, but I’ve never, ever, never seen one melt… Where to you shoot?  Inside a toaster oven?  Have you actually engaged in a gun battle on Mercury?  In Hell?  “Hey, Satan, take that!  click  Oh no! The fires of Hades have melted my spring cup to my firing pin channel liner! NOOOO!”

Thus if you are in a desert situation like Afghanistan or Iraque

Where the &%$@ is Iraque?

you have a great possibility of this pistol malfunctioning on you than a USP. 

Who the hell do you fight in “Iraque”?  Lava men? 

The S.O.C.O.M. uses a USP style pistol on steroids called the Mark 23.

Who is “THE S.O.C.O.M.? Is that like the Artist Formerly Known as Prince?  Do you mean SOCOM, Special Operations Command?  Like the guys that spent a whole bunch of money buying Mk 23s to sit in arms rooms, unused?  Oh man, what about the guys at THE Socom who have 1911s?  He he he… Man, I bet having cool guys carrying an old, metal, American gun blows your mind.

There is a reason that this pistol is used and not a Glock, S&W, Beretta, Colt and such. 

I don’t think this guy really realizes where pistols fit into the grand scheme of warfare, but I wonder how many Beretta M9s have been used lately in comparison to the Mk23?  And too bad the Glock melts in the Fires of Iraque, because somebody might want to tell all those contractor types that mostly hand out Glock 19s.

It’s because none of the other pistols were able to pass their stringent endurance and reliability tests.  To my knowledge, no Glock frame has withstood 30,000 rounds of constant fire with +P ammunition. 

Wow.  That’s amazing information. (wrong, but I guess technically it could be considered information). 


So yes, HK may be overpriced in your opinion, but you do get what you pay for.

Best $500 gun you can get for $800! 

And if you are happy with your Glock or Taurus then I wish you well and happiness. 

And I wish you well in your continuing struggle against your Lava Man oppressors.

But please realize that your disdain for such a well made piece of engineering is only due to your own ignorance of the products.

You got me there.  All those years I sold machine guns, and I never even realized I didn’t have the proper licenses to even let people touch the HKs!   Good thing HK sued all the airsoft companies and people making .22s into oblivion, or some regular civillian might actually, you know, shoot one, or something.

Thank you.

No really, thank you.  I can’t make this kind of stuff up, and whenever I’m out of ideas of things to make fun of on my blog, one of you guys turns up.  What would I do without you?


Lava Man poster, courtesy of Miguel of Gun Free Zone.


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