Questions for the wisdom of the internets

1. Does anybody have a picture of the prototype Browning BAR from the 1950s that was in bullpup format?

I heard such a thing existed, so I need to see it!

2. Is it true the new KneeCapping Trade bill includes a provision where you have to get your home inspected for environmental stuff before you can sell it, unless your mortgage is from Fanny or Freddy?

Got this on the radio, but unconfirmed, because you know, nobody in congress could bother to actually read a 1300 page bill with the largest tax increase in history that will destroy two million jobs, break the dollar, and assure China’s place as the world’s superpower for the next generation, before they voted.

3. Does anybody actually care about Michael Jackson?

Seriously. Shut up already.

4. Do my blog postings seem “angry”, or “full of hate”, or “maniacal”, or do I have “right wing-extremist” views, Or am I “a bitter rasist” (no, that’s how they spelled it) whenever I post about politics?

All from actual e-mails. The really nasty ones get marked as spam. And actually, if you aren’t angry right now, then you haven’t been paying attention. So yes, I am angry. I’m not however “Rasist”. I do not, nor have I ever worshiped the Babylonian sponge-god Ras. Way too much flagellation and scourging for my tastes, but if you’re into that whole invertebra romance thing, it isn’t my place to judge.

5. Is global warming sorry, climate change, such a bad thing if it turns Utah into Seattle (in a good way, with lots of rain, not hippes)?

We had record rain fall in June. This is the greenest I’ve ever seen this brown state, which is kind of a brownish-green at best, but hey, I’ll take it. Plus my garden is looking awesome. Or I should say, my wife’s garden, because I’m only good for killing things and having allergy attacks. I actually have a black thumb. I don’t garden. I execute plants by condemning them to a slow withering death until they are devoured by snails.

On that note, it is so cute when your kids are well read, but haven’t heard how the words are pronounced. So when I was surveying all the snails my wife poisoned, I asked my daughter if she knew that the French ate snails, and she answered, “Yes, they called it Escargets.”

6. Government sponsored health care… Seriously… WTF?

No comment. Too filled with maniacal hate-rage-malice and blood shooting form my eyes getting all over keyboard. Maybe I should get that looked at, but then I’d have to stand in line for six years so a doctor imported from Baluchistan could shake some chicken bones over me or something.

 7. Do I really look that much like James Gandolfini?

I got this one. Yes.

Anybody seen the Mexican? The one where he plays a gay hitman? Yep. I look just like him in that one. Only I’m neither gay, nor a hitman, but that’s pretty much what I look like. I also bear a suspicious resemblance to the big guy who did the Donkey Show in Clerks II. MadOgre called me at home three seconds after the movie was over and told me I had to rent it.

So yes, I look like a donkey-molesting mafia don.

8. Have any of the geniuses in congress paused to think that something like, I don’t know, ALL medical breakthroughs have come from people inspired by profit, and most of those have come from America, and that the world’s medical research will pretty much end once we have Socialized Health Care?

I can’t answer this one, but look at the words Socialized Health Care… doesn’t that seem oxymoronic? You don’t really think of Care and Socialism going together. I think that the only medical research Stalin supported was that thing where he tried to breed a Super-Ape Army.  The only thing socialists “care” about is staying in power.

9. If you could clone one Founding Father, and stick him in congress, who would it be?

I don’t know… which one shot Hamilton?

Tough question. I think philosophically I would like John Adams, but the time for reasoned discourse might be past, and it would be really fun to watch Sam Adams punch Harry Reid in the face, then bust out the tar and feathers.

10. And finally, Monster Hunter International vs. My Little Pony in a grudge match to the death! WHO WILL WIN?

I don’t know, but if it was directed by Michael Bay, there would be lots of explosions.

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