At least, I think that today is Earth Day. You know how it is, the big holidays always sneak up on you. Well, either way, I’m celebrating. I threw a big can of used motor oil into the garbage and tonight I’m going to make a nice styrafoam bonfire!
Earth Day is a special time of the year. When self-righteous idiots can go on about how awesomely Green they are, usually while they are doing something that is actually more detrimental than the alternative, all while they pat themselves on the back for being more “aware” than the pathetic ones that want to oppose them, with things like science or logic… Pat yourselves on the back my friends, because we are saving the Earth!
Coming up next, let’s have Cap N’ Trade! Because though the economy may suck, we’ll make is suck even more, because of Global Warming… err… wait, since the Earth has been cooling instead of warming, the boogieman is now known as Climate Change. My bad. And if you disagree, you’re just like a holocaust denier. Unless you’re the Iranian government, because then that is totally cool to deny the holocaust, and we should like totally hang out some time.
Happy Earth Day*! Yay Earth!
*Earth Day 2009 is a Trademark of General Electric – Earth Day is brought to you by GE. Because even though our new Green Technology doesn’t actually work, or is less efficient than existing technology, because it will be mandated by the government, you’ll have no choice but to buy it! Suckers! (insert manaical laugh here) – GE Management
Slogan for Earth Day:
Soylent Green! Let’s eat Congress first.
I tried Soylent Cola. It’s also made from people.
“How is it?”
It varies from person to person. ZING!
Earth First!
We’ll mine the other planets later.
Earth Day used to be a day where you’d go out and plant a tree and teach kids about the Earth. Planting trees won’t matter when they can’t get the CO2 to create O2!