The Feast movie franchise kicks its viewers in the crotch

There are three Feast movies. The first one was one of the most interesting, original, and just plain enjoyable monster movies I’ve ever seen.

 

Then came Feast II. I had high hopes. Instead it was probably one of the worst movies ever, and longtime readers know the kind of crap that I seek out. It lacked the original’s humor and scares, and instead tried to replace it with just being obnoxiously gross. And instead it was just plain stupid.

 

I read an interview with the director where he blamed the audience for not being ‘man’ enough to get his awesome vision, because he was so hardcore. It was like reading an interview from L.H. Franzibald, and I was waiting for him to start whipping the reporter from Fangoria.

 

Sorry, as an artist, if the audience doesn’t get your art, that’s your fault, not the audience. That lame college art department BS doesn’t fly in real life. I’ve watched probably 1,000 horror, monster, or low budget movies at this point of my life, and even I thought it sucked.

 

Feast III just came out, and I wasn’t even going to rent it because of the sheer awfulness that was II. But a reviewer that I normally trust said that it redeemed the franchise, and that it was as good as the first one. (thanks a lot, Bloody Disgusting) So I watched it last night.

 

Okay, III was far better than II, which is strange since they were filmed at the same time. It has moments of real brilliance, like the strobe/stop motion scenes. Gulager still likes to think he’s really clever by randomly killing people, a schitck that gets old after awhile. But overall it is better than II in almost every way, and just when you get to the end, and you think that ‘woo hoo! All right, this series has been redeemed’—

 

SPOILER ALERT

 

The last few characters are stepped on by a giant robot. A giant friggin’ robot… And no, there were no robots in this series at all up to that point. Then a mariachi shows up and sings.

 

That’s it. No resolution. No story. No plot. No anything that makes sense. This was even more insulting than Werewolf: The Devil’s Hound when random space aliens show up at the end.

 

That’s just lazy writing.  

5 Responses

  1. Did you see Repo:The Genetic Opera? I would love to hear your review.

  2. Repo was awesome, except for that really, really, really bad bedroom rock song. And the fact that the guy playing Rotti couldn’t sing. At all.

  3. Repo was awesome? good lord I thought it was horrible, it was like a train wreck that kept getting hit by other trains and no matter how much I wanted to I couldn’t stop watching, but if that was their goal then they were successful, and as far as Rotti not being able to sing he wasn’t the only one it was about half and half. Anthony Head was the only reason I watched it in the first place.

  4. Yes awesome. Note I didn’t say good. And at least the other bad singers could sort of carry a tune. Sorvino not only couldn’t carry the tune, but while it was on the ground he repeatedly kicked it in the head.

  5. Watched III on you rec.

    Didn’t see II, so took me a minute to get my bearings at the beginning. Wondering why there are two topless women on top of a building for the first ten minutes.

    Fave scene:

    “Did you learn this in the Army?”
    “No, Rambo III.”

    “I look like a fooseball player!”

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