The Feast movie franchise kicks its viewers in the crotch

There are three Feast movies. The first one was one of the most interesting, original, and just plain enjoyable monster movies I’ve ever seen.

 

Then came Feast II. I had high hopes. Instead it was probably one of the worst movies ever, and longtime readers know the kind of crap that I seek out. It lacked the original’s humor and scares, and instead tried to replace it with just being obnoxiously gross. And instead it was just plain stupid.

 

I read an interview with the director where he blamed the audience for not being ‘man’ enough to get his awesome vision, because he was so hardcore. It was like reading an interview from L.H. Franzibald, and I was waiting for him to start whipping the reporter from Fangoria.

 

Sorry, as an artist, if the audience doesn’t get your art, that’s your fault, not the audience. That lame college art department BS doesn’t fly in real life. I’ve watched probably 1,000 horror, monster, or low budget movies at this point of my life, and even I thought it sucked.

 

Feast III just came out, and I wasn’t even going to rent it because of the sheer awfulness that was II. But a reviewer that I normally trust said that it redeemed the franchise, and that it was as good as the first one. (thanks a lot, Bloody Disgusting) So I watched it last night.

 

Okay, III was far better than II, which is strange since they were filmed at the same time. It has moments of real brilliance, like the strobe/stop motion scenes. Gulager still likes to think he’s really clever by randomly killing people, a schitck that gets old after awhile. But overall it is better than II in almost every way, and just when you get to the end, and you think that ‘woo hoo! All right, this series has been redeemed’—

 

SPOILER ALERT

 

The last few characters are stepped on by a giant robot. A giant friggin’ robot… And no, there were no robots in this series at all up to that point. Then a mariachi shows up and sings.

 

That’s it. No resolution. No story. No plot. No anything that makes sense. This was even more insulting than Werewolf: The Devil’s Hound when random space aliens show up at the end.

 

That’s just lazy writing.  

Gay protestors to descend on LDS General Conference in April

Apparently as payback for the passage of California’s Prop 8, homosexual protestors are going to harrass the bi-annual LDS general conference in Salt Lake City. The gay rights people are saying that they’re going to bring 200,000 people, which means they’ll get a couple thousand that the national news will then turn into 200,000. Kind of like the five thousand mom= Million Mom March.

The SLCPD is going through extra riot training. They’re really excited about having the opportunity to baton some drag queens. If we’re really lucky, the professional protestor class from Seattle will show up and start tossing Molotovs. Ironically though, this is Utah, not Hippieland, so that should prove really interesting. 

I could really care less about anyone’s sexual orientation, man, women, sheep, invertibras, farm machinery, whatever, but when you start harrassing people in my hometown, then that just ain’t cool.

I heard they’re going to be bussing militant homosexuals from the San Francisco area out to SLC.  I think this is an awsome idea. I know my father in law reads this blog, so I’ve got a suggestion. He lives out in the San Fran area. I think you and the MIL should jump on a Big Gay Protest Bus and get a free ride out here for conference weekend. Think of the money you could save on gas!

EDIT: I have no idea if this story is even true. I got this second hand.

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