2008 Year In Review

2008 was an interesting, fun, and in some ways, idiotic year. So let’s recap.

 

WORLD NEWS

 

As usual, most of the world sucked and was run by morons. In 2008, Angry Muslim Terrorists blew stuff up, and we blew up Angry Muslim Terrorists, while people who should know better whined about violence and George Bush. Having finally killed enough Angry Muslim Terrorists, the war in Iraq was pretty much won, but you probably didn’t see that on the news. I caught a few minutes about that in between coverage about how awesome Obama was.  

 

Then some dude threw his shoes at the President. Apparently throwing shoes is some sort of really big insult in backwards nations that enjoy a high percentage of man/goat relationships. I was disappointed that the Secret Service didn’t immediately chainsaw bayonet the guy into lunchmeat.

 

China held the Olympics. Despite China’s clear wins in games like Dissident Executing, America still kicked ass, led by weredolphin Michael Phelp’s fifty-seven gold medals.

 

In European news, Russia was so terribly offended by the new Indiana Jones movie, that dared to portray them as bad guys, that they promptly retaliated by steamrolling Georgia into rubble. Europe, being run by a bunch of socialist wimps, was too busy having giant parties celebrating the upcoming election of Barack Obama as Rock Super Star of the EU to actually do anything. Besides, Europe doesn’t actually have militaries anymore, since those cost money that could otherwise be spent on programs to provide free cocaine to hookers in Amsterdam.

 

In other world news, the world economic system, which was entirely based on giving home loans to hookers in Amsterdam, also collapsed.

 

US NEWS

 

In a historic election, proving how unbigoted we are, and how we’ve put America’s shameful history of racism behind us, we elected the first communist as president. This historic achievement occurred during the Great Presidential Crusade of 2006-2008, when the entire US news industry became the Office of Democratic Truth and Enlightenment. Under such auspicious reporting during the primaries we were able to choose between a communist and Satan’s concubine on the Democrat side, and on the Republican side we got to choose between several democrats and a Reptoid from the Hollow Earth, i.e. America’s Mayor. When all was said and done, the democrats went with the communist and we ran a sock puppet.

 

We are so boned.

 

A sad aftereffect of the Great Presidential Crusade by the Office of Democratic Truth and Enlightenment was that they managed to destroy the US economy.  Now I know you’re saying, wait a minute, Correia, “That’s going too far. The economy was destroyed by lending money to idiots (as was mandated by congressional democrats) who couldn’t pay it off and then loaning more idiots money on those loans while we were paying oil sheiks $5 a gallon because we’re too stupid to tap our own resources.”

 

And I would have to agree with you except for one thing. The economy runs on good feelings. No, seriously. If people feel upbeat, they continue to invest and spend. If people are freaked out, they hunker down. When everybody hunkers down and quits spending money, then people start to lose their jobs. With Iraq wrapped up, the media needed something to bitch about to get their guy elected, so they picked the economy. 24/7 we got to hear about how we were suddenly in the Great Depression. They just pushed and pushed and pushed, even when the vast majority of people were doing just fine.

 

So then it all spiraled out of their control, and now we’re hosed. True, we’re not even doing as bad as we were doing in the early 1980s, but that doesn’t matter. This kind of thing is a self-fulfilling prophecy. The economy is based on good feelings, (it sure as heck isn’t based on anything that makes sense) and the good feelings were destroyed out of political expediency and propaganda. Thanks a lot, idiots.

 

LOCAL NEWS

 

In 2008 I released a little Print-On-Demand book that managed to turn into a hit. Baen Books purchased the rights to Monster Hunter International, and now I’m eagerly awaiting the Summer 2009 release.

 

I quit my job and sold my shares to my partners. I spent the last few years working like crazy to turn FBMG into a great business. I’m really proud of what I did there, but working as many hours as I was, made it so that I had no time to write, and besides that, I was turning into that dad. You know, the one that never ever sees or does anything with his kids, and after years of working 80 hours a week, he comes home and finds them all grown up. Yeah, I was turning into that guy, and I really didn’t want to do that.

 

So now I’m a semi-unemployed writer guy. If anybody needs an accountant/manager, shoot me an e-mail and I’ll send you my resume. I’ve actually got a pretty darn good skill set.

 

As much as I loved running my own business, I really look forward to working 40 hours a week like a normal person, but in the meantime, I’m going to be blissfully unemployed and enjoy the vacation. I’ve got a little savings in the bank and a bunch of books to write. 

 

Happy New Year!

6 Responses

  1. And a Happy New Year to you Larry!

  2. Larry,

    Well summarized, especially the causation of the economic crapstorm. You took a vague feeling I’d been having, and turned into word art.

    Cool.

    Thanks, and Happy New Year!

    Tim

  3. I liked the explanation of the whole throwing shoes episode. Makes things much clearer now…

    Anyway, Larry, I hope you have a LOT of time to write!

  4. “I was disappointed that the Secret Service didn’t immediately chainsaw bayonet the guy into lunchmeat.”

    The Chainsaw bayonet is only in the beta testing and evaluation phase. it won’t go into field service for a couple more years.

  5. As much as I hate Bush, I have to admit he’s got some decent reflexes. Also, how the hell was the Secret Service incompetent enough to let him get off both shoes?

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 10,044 other followers

%d bloggers like this: