Barack’s Brown Shirts?

“We cannot continue to rely only on our military in order to achieve the national security objectives that we’ve set. We’ve got to have a civilian national security force that’s just as powerful, just as strong, just as well-funded.”  -Barack Obama last week talking about his new mandatory voluteer programs.  No, I didn’t make that up.

Okay, does that scare the hell out of anybody else? 

I know he’s not talking about the militia here.  He’s talking about a “civilian national security force”.  I can’t help myself, and I’m going to Godwin the heck out of this post, but the very first thing that popped into my head when he said that was the Brownshirts.

Why do we need this CNSF exactly?  Is the military not pulling its weight?  Are they not up to the task?  He mentions how this group will need to be just as well funded as the real military, which is ironic, since as a democrat, one of his core values is to rape the military budget to pay for crack whores and social programs whenever possible.

So if the military is doing its job, why do we need this CNSF?  Is it because the men and women of the US Military won’t be willing to do some of the things that he’s going to ask of them?  What exactly does he have in mind then? 

What will be the mission of this hyper-powerful organization?  Stop global warming?  Punish polluters?  Enforce diversity?  It sure as hell won’t be things like Provide For The Common Defense, or other little things from the Constituion.  Hey, I know, maybe they can all play dress up, and go out one night and hold Crystal Night 2. 

I’m sure that they won’t actually wear brown shirts.  That’s so last century… Barack does have style.  I’ll give him that.  I bet they’ll get nifty hats.

Sorry folks, that there is some scary stuff.  Spin it any which way you want.  Obama supporters, I would absolutely LOVE to hear you explain this to me. 

Also from the same speech, he outlined how he’s going to require volunteering.  (mandatory volunteers, get it?)  High school students will have to volunteer 50 hours a year, college students will have to volunteer 100, in order to graduate.  But see, that’s not mandatory, but if you don’t do it, then your school won’t get federal funds… Yep, guess what just became a graduation requirement…

What a load of crap.  I put myself through college.  I worked full time, and usually had two jobs, and took about 15 credits per semester.  My wife worked in a kitchen for 40 hours a week and took an average of 18 credits, and she did that until we had our first child.  That’s how real Americans put themselves through school, you ivory tower elitist prick.  We don’t have mommy paying for us.  We don’t go into asinine debt to attend Harvard and then whine about how life isn’t fair because the government didn’t pay for it.  We work our asses off.

And you have the audacity to say that you’re going to require us to do something else? 

I’m Mormon.  We volunteer to an obnoxious degree.  We don’t even have a paid ministry, so that means everything is done by volunteers. (Our Bishops don’t get Rev. Wright money, they all have real jobs) But I’m willing to bet teaching Sunday School, or doing the old widow’s yard work isn’t going to be on Barack’s Government-Approved volunteer list.  Nope.  Our future students will get to do important work, like passing out free condoms and needles to inner-city crack whores, and then registering them to vote.

Barack despises the military.  Why else does he need a rival organization founded in his image?  I haven’t seen this speech get any attention at all, but he’s talking about an expansion of governmental power that would make the Department of Homeland Security look like your neighborhood’s Girl Scout Program.  ZERO MEDIA SCRUTINY.

Barack despises those of us in fly-over country, out here clinging to our guns and our religion. Do you really think, even for a split second, that he respects the things that you volunteer for now?  Of course not.  Unless you’re marching for gay marriage for terrorists… Despite the fact that Americans are the most generous people in history, we’re still too stupid to manage our own affairs, and we have to be told what to do.

EDIT:  To add a link to a newspaper, because I’ve had some people tell me that had to be fabricated because it was too damn crazy.  So here’s one from his home town paper.  If you check Google, you can find this linked in about fifty other papers.  I originally heard it on the radio while driving home, and then had to jump online because I thought that I had misheard.

Necroville gets distribution

This movie was produced by a friend of mine.  I got to see the early production version. 

This movie is a blast.  It is kind of a slacker-comedy/monster movie.  If you’re a B-Movie nerd, you must watch it.

Movie Review: Days of Darkness


Once again, this movie proves why you should never pay attention to reviews of B-Movies on IMDB.  According to the reviews, this movie should be unbelievable in its badness.  (which is actually the reason that I rented it, but as you all know, I’ve got a sickness for bad movies).


Days of Darkness is actually really good.  It starts out as a zombie B-movie (alien comet variety to be specific) and turns into an alien invasion B-movie.  It had above average performances, above average plot, and some actually really interesting ideas. 


B-Movies should be judged according to that status, not against blockbusters.  I wish people would wrap their mind around that.  Some folks complain that it only took place at one location.  No kidding!  One location is cheaper to shoot than a bunch.  This isn’t the Bourne Supremacy people.  This movie was made for the Bourne Supremacy’s doughnut budget. 




The actors did a surprisingly good job.  They were more than your typical zombie movie cutouts, and you end up knowing all of them as individuals.  The car dealers were my personal favorites.  My only pet-peeve is that all religious people that survive the zombiepocolypse will be total whackadoos, spouting scripture, and “doing the Lord’s work”.  It’s a tired cliché, but it does work in this movie because somebody needs to open the friggin’ gate.


Where this movie shined was in mixing in the aliens.  You’ve got genitals falling off, male pregnancy, and alien mutant births.  “Congratulations! It’s a jelly fish!”  What’s not to love?


There was real humor, and I did like the Hugs Not Drugs shirt. 


The plot hinged on the fact that the zombie comet didn’t affect anyone who was intoxicated.  Also the only females that were infected were apparently virgins with no alcohol in their system.  I’m pleased to announce that nobody in the area around Chico State was zombified at all. 


Overall, if you’re a B-Movie fan, catch this one.  I enjoyed it.

Movie Review: Ancient Evil, Scream of the Mummy


Alternate title:  Attack of the Pudgy Mummy! 


Now this stinker on the other hand… man… I don’t even know what to say.  I did however manage to watch it in record time, because I can watch movies on 2X speed and still get sound, even though everyone sounds like Alvin and the Chipmunks.  I reserve this power for especially dull movies, because otherwise I miss plot points or good scenes.


This was not a problem however, since over half of the movie is people wandering around waiting for the extremely slow mummy to attack them.  People can’t just get killed by the mummy… Oh no.  They have to walk around for ten minutes first, shining a flashlight randomly around and being scared by the wind, before Imho-Plump gradually sneaks up and stabs them.


Then the mummy (who was apparently an Aztec with a glandular problem) stabs people with his ceremonial knife, and it comes out clean.  The Aztecs were known for their bloodless kills apparently. 


See, the plot hinges on the fact that the mummy (do these bandages make me look fat?  YES) is to be used by an Aztec high priest (who happens to be a 17 year old white kid) to sacrifice a virgin to Tulaloc the Rain God and this will bring about the end of the world. 


So if your religion’s grand scheme for the apocalypse hinges on a sluggish mummy and a teenager, it is time to check out Cthuluism or something, because at least those guys have style.  The mummy punks out after a single stab wound from our nebbish hero, demonstrating why a couple hundred of my ancestors were able to defeat several million Aztecs.   


Overall, Scream of the Pudgy Mummy pretty much sucks.


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