Words that aren’t really words, but should be

I was having this discussion with my lovely wife the other night.  I use certain words that aren’t actually in the English language all of the time.  These words are so good, so useful, that they should be, so I’m officially adding them.

ORIENTATE:  Or – Ee- En – tate  Most regular people would just say that they oriented themselves, but I grew up in a Portagee household, so we like to stick extra letters into our words.  i.e.  I need to orientate where the hell I’m at.    EDIT:  As was just pointed out in the comments below, this is actually a real word, appearing in a real dictionary.  Ha!  I can’t wait to tell my wife that I do know what I’m talking about.

FAGGOTRY:  Fag – Ot – Tree  Use this one when you see something that is particularly gay.  i.e.  Ethanol subsidies!  What manner of faggotry is this?   Edit:  Before I get angry e-mails, I’m not even meaning this as gay bashing or anythiing of that nature.  You use this word for things that are so gay that Carson from Queer Eye would look at it and say, “damn, that is some gay stuff, right there.” 

MANGELATE:  Mane- gull – ate   Similar to mangle, but rather than saying that somebody got mangled, you can say that they got mangelated.  I like to use this one whenever I watch somebody get thier ass handed to them in an especially brutal manner.  i.e. Larry Correia mangelates the English Language. 

ASSMUPPET:  Ass – Mup – Et  Somebody who is particularly annoying, stupid, and obnoxious.  Similar to the root word of ASSCLOWN.  I first heard this from Mad Ogre like 7 years ago, and immediatly adopted it into regular conversation.  i.e. Barack Obama is an assmuppet.

It’s fun to make up your own vocabulary.   Most people of Portuguese ancestory tend to do this.  Basically everything that you need to know about Azorean-American grammar can be learned from the following actual sentence.   Throw the cow over the fence some hay.   Please, keep that in mind when you read this blog and see where I totally screwed up.  You guys are lucky that I’m even literate.   

Also, we like to use nouns as verbs.  You don’t sweep the floor.  You broom the floor.  You don’t dig, you shovel.  (also, the shovel is the Portagee martial arts weapon.  The average 300 pound Terceirian dairy-farmer can take down a 2,000 pound Holstein bull with a shovel, and not even lose any of his Copenhagen in the process) 

The remarkable thing is that, despite the fact that my grammar blows, I’m actually paid to write stuff.  Thank goodness for good editors.  I learned more rules of English by having Pax edit my first novel and yell at me for mangelating every rule of grammar, than I ever learned in school. 

So those are your vocabulary words for the day.  Use them to impress people at the appropriate times, like in job interviews. 

11 Responses

  1. Larry, the AssMuppet is the guy that clings on and hangs around the AssClown. They are wannabe AssClowns. Beta AssClowns in training. Puppets and subjects of the AssClowns. Assmuppets are always in the lookout for something else to emulate. Like Gabe Suarez.

  2. I hate to rain on part of the parade, but orientate is a word. While it is a back formation of orientation, it’s been used enough since the 19th century to merit inclusion in a number of dictionaries.

  3. :) Faggotry is a word, too. At least, Random House thinks it is.

    It’s hard to neologize words in English, because (unlike the French), English-speakers don’t have an official government agency telling us all what is, or is not, a Real Word. So we’re pretty much on our own there, a fact that makes English teachers everywhere downright pissy when grading exams.

    The history of English is pretty much summed up by explaining that some guy said something totally cool in some other language entirely, and an English-speaker mugged him and stole it, then rifled through the poor sap’s pockets to see if he had any more cool words hidden about his person. File off the serial numbers, give it a paint job, buff and shine it up a bit, and voila! A new English word is born!

    Add to this all the deaf old guys misunderstanding and eroding old words, all the stuffy businesspeople trying to sound educated by jamming -ize on the ends of words that were already too long, all the bad spellers simply erasing entire syllables whenever the whim strikes them, and all the hip young guys trying to speak in code so their elders don’t figure out what they’ve really been up to, and the resulting polyglot is enough to make a masochist weep.

  4. English: A language created by the folks living on the Island of Britain, by stealing the most obtuse, insane, and irregular constructions, grammar, and words form that millennium’s conqueror’s language, in an attempt to look intelligent.

    When foreigners complain about how difficult English is, little do they know that we retards basically stole every stupidly irregular construction that made the mistake of wandering past.

    And we are still doing it.

  5. I like hammerize i.e. to beat on something with a hammerizer. Also, bullpussy as a reply meaning why I do believe you just spoke an untruth.

  6. You need to recordify, recordificate.

  7. I prefer a revolverator to an autoratamatatic myself. You can just throw your revolverator in your pickemup truck parked under the manganolia tree, if you have a pickemup truck. And a manganolia tree.

    Well, I have a revolverator, anyway.

  8. LOL.
    (Or lOl, which is really just 5 in base 2.)

  9. Nice one boss type guy. I especially like Assmuppet.

  10. My personal favorite: Registrate – V. action of registering for something, i.e. classes as a local college.

    “It’s add/drop week, I’m heading down to registrate for classes”

    Always made sense to me, you go to registration, at the registration office, to registrate.

  11. understandment should be a word! The understandment of the conversation was that the guy next door was an assmuppet. its basically like understanding. After many hours the group came to an understandment,

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