Words that aren’t really words, but should be

I was having this discussion with my lovely wife the other night.  I use certain words that aren’t actually in the English language all of the time.  These words are so good, so useful, that they should be, so I’m officially adding them.

ORIENTATE:  Or – Ee- En – tate  Most regular people would just say that they oriented themselves, but I grew up in a Portagee household, so we like to stick extra letters into our words.  i.e.  I need to orientate where the hell I’m at.    EDIT:  As was just pointed out in the comments below, this is actually a real word, appearing in a real dictionary.  Ha!  I can’t wait to tell my wife that I do know what I’m talking about.

FAGGOTRY:  Fag – Ot – Tree  Use this one when you see something that is particularly gay.  i.e.  Ethanol subsidies!  What manner of faggotry is this?   Edit:  Before I get angry e-mails, I’m not even meaning this as gay bashing or anythiing of that nature.  You use this word for things that are so gay that Carson from Queer Eye would look at it and say, “damn, that is some gay stuff, right there.” 

MANGELATE:  Mane- gull - ate   Similar to mangle, but rather than saying that somebody got mangled, you can say that they got mangelated.  I like to use this one whenever I watch somebody get thier ass handed to them in an especially brutal manner.  i.e. Larry Correia mangelates the English Language. 

ASSMUPPET:  Ass – Mup – Et  Somebody who is particularly annoying, stupid, and obnoxious.  Similar to the root word of ASSCLOWN.  I first heard this from Mad Ogre like 7 years ago, and immediatly adopted it into regular conversation.  i.e. Barack Obama is an assmuppet.

It’s fun to make up your own vocabulary.   Most people of Portuguese ancestory tend to do this.  Basically everything that you need to know about Azorean-American grammar can be learned from the following actual sentence.   Throw the cow over the fence some hay.   Please, keep that in mind when you read this blog and see where I totally screwed up.  You guys are lucky that I’m even literate.   

Also, we like to use nouns as verbs.  You don’t sweep the floor.  You broom the floor.  You don’t dig, you shovel.  (also, the shovel is the Portagee martial arts weapon.  The average 300 pound Terceirian dairy-farmer can take down a 2,000 pound Holstein bull with a shovel, and not even lose any of his Copenhagen in the process) 

The remarkable thing is that, despite the fact that my grammar blows, I’m actually paid to write stuff.  Thank goodness for good editors.  I learned more rules of English by having Pax edit my first novel and yell at me for mangelating every rule of grammar, than I ever learned in school. 

So those are your vocabulary words for the day.  Use them to impress people at the appropriate times, like in job interviews. 

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